Perfect Dark
2000
Nintendo 64 + Expansion Pak
**********
Pros: Gameplay, Graphics, Music, Multiplayer
Cons: Some Wasted Weapons, Flaw in Blurred Vision Effect, No Library
After the success of GoldenEye 007, Martin Hollis’ team followed up with Perfect Dark. Operating on the same engine as the 1997 classic, it was hard to screw up. This game mostly keeps what worked while adding enough improvements to succeed as a sequel.
The controls are mostly the same, with the most notable exception of a secondary weapon function that can be conveniently activated by holding B. There’s also an option to uninvert the Y-Axis. That’s a nice separation of Church and State despite the divine morality’s demanding that Y-Axises be inverted. Graphics are a notable improvement. The visuals are more shadowy and atmospheric with some slight dynamic lighting. The lights that display glare (which actually enhances the atmosphere) can be shot out, making the area darker. Crude flakes that fly from bullet holes are replaced with sparks, which are more compatible with the graphical limitations. I usually don’t like the bullet spark cliché, but here it works. Bullet-proof glass even has its own unique non-penetrated bullet hole effect. The violence is also improved. In addition to blood stains on the character we have copious amounts of remarkably well-textured blood stains spread out on the walls behind NPC’s. Reinforcing the carnage are some small gib-polygons and a nice head jerk for headshots. Explosions now lack visible fragments; it looks less impressive, but makes more sense considering the lack of shrapnel damage anyway. The game now features full voice acting thanks to the improved memory. An Expansion Pak is required for the game unless you want to limit it to 2-player deathmatch or certain other basic side features.
The multiplayer adds options of co-op and counter-op campaign modes, but the real feature of course is in deathmatch, featured under the Combat Simulator menu. Almost everything all the strengths of GoldenEye’smultiplayer are present with a few improvements. Bots of various types and difficulty can be added or even played against alone. The most notable boon is the higher quality of the maps. In the first game the only really great ones are The Library, The Temple, and the The Complex, and maybe (I know this is an unpopular take) The Caves. Most of the others were rehashed Campaign maps. Perfect Dark features over 10 new maps, and practically all of them are worth playing on. It also includes Complex and Temple, but drops the ball on Library in favor of Facility. I’ve said this before but I’ve always found Facility to be an overrated map; it’s too linear to be a good multiplayer board. What’s worse is that I would count the Library as the best classic map.
Another good thing in the multiplayer is the ability to customize weapon sets, which is good because I was always annoyed by the weapon intersectionality GoldenEye’s multiplayer. You also get to choose which song plays during the match and save customized player files with control preferences. There was supposed to be a feature that allowed you to use the Game Boy Camera to superimpose your face onto players, but this was scrapped after Columbine. The new ability to dual wield in multiplayer is also much appreciated. Unfortunately, I don't think you can use Classic Weapons in multiplayer. In this game you can now run off edges, and it's a neat strategic twist that you can knock an opponent into an abyss and have it count against him instead of for you.
In an interesting innovation, the game allows the player to explore the Carrington Institute on foot to enjoy training features in various rooms. This allows one to familiarize oneself with devices, and a weapons range allows you to unlock a few Classic guns. Various cool cheats include Perfect Darkness as well as some classics, but many of these don’t even require time limits so they’re gimmes. Paintball Mode has been demoted to an option. There is some humor in the form of a piece of cheese hidden in every level.
The music, composed by David Clynick, Grant Kirkhope, and Graeme Norgate is one of my favorites in video game history. Whereas GoldenEye’s mostly limited itself to interpretations of the Bond theme, this score features a varied original soundtrack full of melody and ambience. It mixes techno, metal, and classical elements for a great cyberpunk feel.
There are some weaknesses in addition to the Library’s not making the cut. Despite the expanded options in the list-based menu, its format is not nearly as convenient as GoldenEye’s GUI. One frustration is the limitation of the blur effect, which occurs when you are punched or hit with a tranquilizer. It would have been a great feature for multiplayer, but it’s hardwired to lessen over time and endures after a respawn, which is just cheap. It also happens on the Disarm feature of Unarmed, which is too much. Also some of the weapons (MagSec-4, RC-P120) are not utilized well in campaign mode, and others are completely wasted in Mulitplayer (Laptop Gun, RC-P120, Farsight XR-20) due to ill-advised secondary functions. The Bonus Boards are mostly recycled maps. An inconsequential “flaw” is that it lacks the airtight board design that prevents out-of-bounds exploration, a detail that has both frustrated and impressed speed-runners about GoldenEye.
The plot is relatively interesting. You are Joanna Dark (Eveline Fischer), an agent in a paramilitary organization run by eccentric businessman Daniel Carrington (Chris Sutherland). He sends you to rescue a mole in the Carrington Institutes rival company dataDyne. Ultimately this unravels a plot in which dataDyne’s CEO Cassandra De Vries (Louise Tilston) is in league with a warlike race of aliens called the Skedar, who are secretly planning to destroy the earth. Carrington knows about this thanks to his contact with a benevolent species of aliens called the Maians, who have been at war with the Skedar for years. I find it odd that the Maians are Greys since that seems to go against years of real-life alien lore that makes it clear they’re kinda assholes. It’s an interesting enough plot to warn of spoilers in the campaign recap. It’s also one of the games I’d like to see an adaptation of.
Despite some flaws, Perfect Dark is exactly what a video game sequel should be, and it’s a must have for any fan of the first game. Sadly, Nintendo fans have been denied any port since Microsoft bought Rare and squandered the franchise’s potential. The less that’s said about Perfect Dark: Zero the better, but XBLA port of Perfect Dark is near flawless. Its only real difference is improved graphics with a few awkward redesigns like that of the Maians and Mr. Blonde.
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| MATT. DAMON. |
BOARD RECAP (SPOILERS)
Here is a rundown of the Campaign Mode. The story is divided into Missions, but the gameplay is divided into individual boards. An interesting oversight is that you get a different weapons/tool set in each board, and this can get annoying at times.
1. dataDyne Central: Defection
After being dropped off by a hovercraft at the datDyne’s central headquarters (which goes unnoticed despite a secretary’s seeing the flyby), you are tasked with shooting your way through the place in order to rescue the mysterious Dr. Carroll, a defector implied to be in danger of a mind wipe. At this point it’s hard to ignore that you’re basically massacring a whole bunch of guards whose only apparent crime was picking the wrong company to provide security for. Of course you’re not allowed to kill Cassandra despite her culpability. One also wonders why she doesn’t simply call the cops and have Carrington & Co. arrested. I know she’s got something to hide, but it’s not like Carrington’s explanation would fly.
The place is named the Lucerne Tower, which is what I thought of instad of milk when the Buick Lucerne came out. Then again I live in Purity country.
2. dataDyne Central: Investigation
After accessing the secret elevator at ground level, you explore the classified labs underground. More shooting and killing occurs until you find Dr. Carroll (Chris Seavor), only to discover that he is in fact a robot whose advance AI enabled him to grow a conscience.
3. dataDyne Central: Extraction
Essentially you have fight your way up the first map in the opposite direction. This time there’s a lights-out (you have NV goggles), and there are tons of barricades set up. This might be tricky considering that Dr. Carroll will often hover in front of you without cover while annoying asking you if you know what you’re doing. In harder modes you have to deal with a dataDyne attack hovercopter that shoots at you until you take cover. It’s actually pretty thrilling to play cat-and-mouse with it. You finally face Cassandra and her butch brigade (after the game forces you to stand in front of them without cover). The closing cutscene reveals her mysterious co-conspirator Mr. Blonde (Duncan Botwood).
4. Carrington Villa: Hostage One
Apparently Carrington has stupidly brought Dr. Carroll to his villa with no security and guess what. Now he’s being held hostage by dataDyne. CI’s plan involves endangering a negotiator while obviously dropping you off in a big dropship. After rescuing the negotiator from execution, you must reactivate Carrington’s wind turbine (he hates birds), and rescue him. You have the option of destroying every bottle in his absurdly large wine cellar, prompting him to quip.
5. Chicago: Stealth
While Carrington is now safe, dataDyne has made off with Dr. Carroll and has now reprogrammed him. Carrington’s hunch is that they have a backup of his AI in a safe at one of their front companies. Ontologically, I would argue he’s dead, and you’re rescuing a second copy of him. You pick up a package that has been dropped off separately for some reason, contend with a pointlessly aggressive droid, and encounter a sassy pimp in a limo before you enter the G5 building.
6. G5 Building: Reconnaissance
You send a camspy into a “soundproof” (despite the open tunnel allowing the device access) room in which Cassandra, Mr. Blonde, and NSA Director Trent Easton (Sutherland) discuss their plans. Mr. Blonde harangues Cassandra for not predicting that the self-aware AI (the game get a points for correctly using the term “sapient”) would form a conscience, and Cassandra asserts “no one could have predicted that” (except maybe every sci-fi writer ever). Mr. Blonde reveals that as evil as he is he cares about his men by complaining that his team will have to take it to "the core" themselves, because Caroll apparently needed a personality to move. He calls Trent out on failing to talk the president into loaning dD the “Pelagic II,” musing that the latter overestimated his influence over the world leader. Easton responds with a blatant Distinction without Difference Fallacy after saying “no” as if his whole mouth was filled with peanut butter. You then recover Dr. Carroll’s back-up file.
7. Area 51: Infiltration
You just completed the Chicago Mission only to get an urgent message from Carrington informing you that a “friend” needs an emergency rescue. At this point Jo discovers aliens are involved. You must rescue a Grey before he is dissected. I’ve never understood the Alien Vivisection trope. Aside from its being needlessly evil, it’s also provoking an advance race into interstellar war. Once again Jo has to kill a whole bunch of people whose culpability in this is vague. This time it’s US Military personnel!
The board has a lot of long-to-mid-range shooting so it’s odd that the only available weapons are a MagSec-4 (which is worthless at long-range) and a scopeless Falcon 2. It isn’t until you get inside when you get a Dragon. It’s also the only board that features a MagSec despite its being a fun close-range weapon.
Higher difficulties make you contend with a drone fighter, which is pretty thrilling.
8. Area 51: Rescue
You finally meet the actual CI spy Jonathan (Steve Malpass) when he shoots a guard for you without alerting the ones just down the hallway. He and Jo banter and flag each other, and Jonathon quips that he could alert more guards if Jo likes (as if he didn’t just shoot a .357 right there). He then informs you of a weak spot in the wall that accesses the lab area. Of course he doesn’t just tell you where the spot is, he just puts a barely noticeable X on it while you have to search this massive area with the help of X-Ray glasses. Thanks, Jonathon, it’s not like we’re on the clock here (actually there is no time limit until you actually enter the lab room the alien is about to be operated upon). He provides you with a hovering crate bomb to blow the wall up. You will fail the mission if it goes off prematurely but if you blow up the wall with a secondary-mode Dragon you will unfail it. You then disguise yourself to enter the lab area. This board has a very good, ominous soundtrack.
9. Area 51: Escape
You rescue the alien just in the nick of time, but the doctor activates nerve gas in the room accidentally killing himself easily while giving you an extremely minor cough. After that non-threat, you contact Jonathan and wake up the alien, a jivey fellow named Elvis (Malpass). When you make it to his ship, he suddenly realizes that it can only seat two people. Apparently attempting to cram three in is out of the question, so you have to make it out on a speeder bike.
10. Air Base: Espionage
Now you have to go out and rescue the president from the plan to clone him. Before the mission, Carrington tells you not to kill the Air Force security (not like all those guys at Area 51 got that kind of benefit of the doubt) while announcing that the NSA agents are fair game under that massive assumption that they have all consented to Easton’s alien conspiracy. Entering through the front door will trigger the weapons scan, so you just enter through an unlocked side door in the same room right in front of people without arousing suspicion. You then deactivate security and sneak onto a remarkably ugly futuristic Air Force One.
It interesting to note that this Air Force base has got to be the most luxurious military base I’ve ever seen. The entire place is built in high-polished granite and designed in an attractively monolithic style. Apparently this is a problem with the Air Force. Your tax money at work, people.
11. Air Force One: Antiterrorism
After the plane takes off, Trent gives the President (Botwood) a last chance before he orders his men to take over. You fight your way to the President’s office and show him the G5 recording of the conspiracy, which is apparently enough for him to entrust his safety to you. Unfortunately, an unknown alien ship docks with Air Force One and you can’t blow up the umbilical. Elvis, in his own ship, can’t shoot it because his lasers jam, so, being the proficient problem-solver he is, decides to crash his ship into the other ship, sending everyone tumbling into the Arctic mountains.
12. Crash Site: Confrontation
Despite Air Force One’s being smashed into giant chunks spread miles apart, every important character somehow survives. Jo even wakes up after apparently having been flung from the plane. By the time she does, the bad guys have already regrouped and captured the president. Jo must fight various Mr. Blondes, kill the clone president (who was foolishly positioned over an opening in a cave) and rescue the real one. Afterwards Mr. Blonde reveals himself to be a Skedar in disguise before killing Easton.
13. Pelagic II: Exploration
It’s revealed that the Pelagic II is a unique deep-sea research vessel that is necessary for some sort of plan dataDyne has. Unable to get permission from the president the bad guys essentially decide they’re going take it over, since that’s how it work in this game. Well, Jo and Elvis take it back over. Before embarking in the submersible, they scuttle the ship. Elvis second-guesses the decision to demolish this expensive government property, but Jo brushes it off because she just likes to blow shit up.
14. Deep Sea: Nullify Threat
In a surprisingly alien setting for the Goldeneye engine, we find ourselves on a crashed ancient alien ship at the bottom of the ocean. Apparently the bad guys have used Dr. Carroll to activate its superweapon and destroy earth. Jo reinserts the unaltered AI into him and Carroll tells her to leave before he sacrifices himself to destroy the craft. The opening cutscene is wonderfully ominous and makes good use of Dutch angles.
15. Carrington Institute: Defense
Jo and Carrington prepare to celebrate by introducing the President officially to the Maians, but dataDyne and the Skedar invade the Institute. Jo must rescue various hostages and blow up a Skedar ship. She succeeds in getting everyone to safety, but is captured by the Skedar. This is a frustrating board for reasons I go into under RC-P120.
16. Attack Ship: Covert Assault
Jo wakes up in a holding cell on a Skedar warship with Cassandra, who reveals that she was used by these aliens. She sacrifices herself as a diversion, allowing Jo to commandeer the vessel with the help of Elvis and a few Maian soldiers.
17. Skedar Ruins: Battle Shrine
Elvis drops off Jo on the Skedar homeworld to finish it. The final boss battle involves killing the chief Skedar, who looks like a big hash monster, by blowing up a big marijuana leaf behind him. So far the only board I have yet to beat on Agent.
Elvis drops off Jo on the Skedar homeworld to finish it. The final boss battle involves killing the chief Skedar, who looks like a big hash monster, by blowing up a big marijuana leaf behind him. So far the only board I have yet to beat on Agent.
BONUS: Mr. Blonde’s Revenge
You get to play as Mr. Blonde as he infiltrates The Lucerne Tower and kidnaps Cassandra
BONUS: Maian SOS
You play as Elvis as he makes a last ditch effort to temporarily escape capture long enough to destroy your ship and send an SOS to the Carrington Institute. Apparently a highly unliked and unsatisfactory board.
BONUS: WAR!
You play as a Maian soldier mopping up Skedar after Jo’s final mission. You must kill three Skedar king clones.
UNARMED
Secondary Function: Disarm
Lacks the humorous quality of the slap, but adds a twist in that punching someone blurs his vision until he’s punched enough to die. Unfortunately this feature is transferred onto the disarm function (which steals his weapon), which makes it a little too cheap.
FALCON 2
IRL: Colt Double Eagle
8/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Pistol Whip
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: Yes
A simple workhorse handgun: accurate and effective. It can also be equipped with a Hollywood Silencer or scope. The latter is quite effective for long range. It features an integral laser sight despite Jo’s HUD sights; you’d think all that would do is give away one’s position. I’m not sure why a video game about the future would feature an unsuccessful 90’s handgun design that was discontinued by the time said game was in production. Perfect Dark Zero features the Falcon 1, based on the Glock 17. It’s one of the few guns in that game without an oddly truncated magazine, but in-universe it seems like a baffling downgrade.
MAGSEC 4
IRL: Beretta Auto 9 (allegedly)
9/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: 3-Round Burst
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: Yes
It looks great and makes an awesome sound, but its bark is worse than its bite. Unlike its real-life counterpart, which holds 20 rounds, it only holds 9 rounds (this team has apparently never heard of high-capacity pistol mags), which is especially short for 3-round bursts. Even though it’s suggested to have a magnetic acceleration system for the bullets, which would suggest greater penetration and accuracy, it doesn’t shoot through anything and you can’t hit anything at more than ten feet. And to add insult to injury, it’s got a scope! It’s sometimes described as the Klobb of the game for its blatant inaccuracy, but even that’s unfair. It’s an effective and fun close-range weapon in multiplayer (especially dual-wielded), and it’s fun to watch people occasionally fly back 20 ft when you shoot them in single-player. It would be nice if it had high penetration. Unfortunately, it’s only available in one campaign board. It’s one that emphasizes long-range sniping, and the only guns available to you are this and a scopeless Falcon 2 until you get a Dragon indoors.
DY357
IRL: Colt Python
6/200 Magnum Rounds
Secondary Function: Pistol Whip
Penetration: High
Dual Wield: Yes
A solid magnum revolver. Good stopping power and penetration. Trent Easton owns a gold-plated one with a tiger-striped grip (DY357-LX) that’s the game’s equivalent to the Golden Gun.
PHOENIX
8/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Explosive Shells
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: Yes
A Maian handgun. Despite the oddly alien method of loading ammunition orbs into a membrane, it has a very Terran 8-round magazine. Typical pistol in primary mode, but the secondary mode is a neat high-explosive feature, like miniature grenades with the trajectories of bullets. This takes up the same amount of ammo as the primary mode, which strikes me as wasteful and impractical. Then again, the Maians are an older race than we are and they probably understand some things we don’t.
MAULER
20/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Charge-Up Shot
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: Yes
A Skedar gun. Despite its alien appearance, it has a slide and a ribbed magazine. The instruction manual claims that it will fire as fast as you can pull the trigger, but it has a set firing rate when you hold the Z button, and you can’t bump-fire it like the other pistols. Dual-wielded, it makes a nice sound while firing alternately, but the game always wants the two guns to fire simultaneously. Secondary mode makes the gun charge up while eating a few extra rounds. Holding the trigger will make the gun fire normally afterwards. It’s a surprisingly effective feature in multiplayer, since a single charged shot will kill an unshielded opponent.
CMP150
IRL: Steyr TMP
32/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Follow Lock-On
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: Yes
dataDyne’s primary submachine gun. The bad news is that it’s the weakest SMG in the game, at least until you unlock the DMC, ZZG and the KLO1313. The good news is that it’s still a pretty good gun. Has a high rate of fire. The game designers must have mistaken the TMP’s thick barrel for some kind of integral suppressor, so the gun makes a distinctive silenced sound. The secondary mode basically has the gun aim for you. When you hold down the aim button and rollover your targets, the gun will assign a number for each and then shoot at them in order. It shoots each target with perfect accuracy and automatically moves on to the next the instant he dies. It looks cool, but it requires no skill.
CYCLONE
50/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Magazine Discharge
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: Yes
A futuristic SMG with a cool report and a nice blue muzzle flash. The instruction manual describes it as inaccurate, but this only really applies to the secondary mode, which sprays the whole magazine automatically. It’s an effective submachine gun, but is unfortunately only available on one single player level. The bulbous shape of the gun would make it hard to conceal and handle in real life, but Secret Service Agents seem to be able to hide it in their form-fitting suits seamlessly.
CALLISTO NTG
32/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: High-Impact Shells
Penetration: Low (Primary Fire)/High (Secondary Fire)
Dual Wield: No
A Maian submachine gun. In primary fire, its cyclic rate is highly inconsistent, and game engine’s rate of fire/distance to object lag is even worse in this gun than any other. The secondary mode greatly reduces the rate of fire while allowing the bullets to fire through objects. Disappointingly, it’s the only automatic weapon in the game with penetration. Dual Wield would have been appreciated.
LAPTOP GUN
50/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Deploy as Sentry Gun
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
The Carrington Institute’s covert SMG which folds into a laptop. It’s modeled after one of CI’s popular laptop models, making it more effective as a covert weapon than its real-life counterparts. Unlike most SMG’s in the game it has burst fire (tapping the trigger automatically lets off three rounds rather than one). It makes a cool sci-fi sound effect when fired. Its secondary function is to magically turn into a Gatling gun turret which shoots at enemies with 100% accuracy. This would be a fun multiplayer feature if it didn’t know the difference between friend and foe. As it is, it’s a bit of a gamebreaker for multiplayer.
RC-P120
120/800 Pistol Rounds
Secondary Function: Cloaking Device
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
The most frustrating gun in the game. As a follow-up to the RC-P90, it’s disappointing. It doesn’t look as cool, it doesn’t make that awesome sound, and it has no penetration. It has an excellent magazine, but that’s all its got going for it. It’s hard to ruin a decent SMG with a 120 round mag, but they manage to do it.
This gun is wasted in a way that’s hard to do by accident. It’s like they decided to just f--k with gamers. It’s only in one level and that level is set up so that you can’t possibly have any fun with it. You don’t get it until well into the level, and the enemies have a strong shield which offsets the advantages of this gun. As soon as you get the damn thing, you’re immediately summoned to defuse a bomb, and the quick run from point A to point B shooting whomever you happen to come across along the way is the only time you get to use it in campaign mode.
Oh, well. At least we get to have fun with it in multiplayer, right? Well, not unless you want to complicate the match with a cloaking device, because for some asinine reason that’s the secondary function. Not that you’d want to use it. The controls for the CD are awkward and it eats up bullets like crazy (it’s powered by the bullets, which makes no sense).
DRAGON
30/400 Rifle Rounds
Secondary Function: Proximity Self-Destruct
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
This big, fat ugly gun is a solid assault rifle, although it fires in Rapid Fire instead of Burst Fire. Secondary Fire is turning it into a proximity mine and throwing it away. This has potential for fun surprises in multiplayer.
K7 AVENGER
IRL: Steyr ACR (?)
25/400 Rifle Rounds
Penetration: Low
Secondary Function: Threat Detector
Dual Wield: No
An effective assault rifle with a satisfying report and a neat look. The instruction manual makes a gross understatement by saying that its 25-round magazine is “perhaps” too small. It’s also not divisible by three, which makes little sense for a burst-fire gun. Still, the gun is good for mid-range sniping if you use controlled bursts, and full automatic is useful for point-blank confrontations. If not for the short magazine, I might call it the best standalone AR in the game. The secondary fire is a threat detector for mines and other hazards, which is useful but almost defeats the purpose of hiding mines in multiplayer.
AR34
IRL: FAMAS
30/400 Rifle Rounds
Secondary Function: Run while Zoomed
Dual Wield: No
A solid, accurate AR from the Carrington Institute. As a follow-up to the AR33, it’s disappointing because of its lack of penetration (it also doesn’t make the intimidating noise and muzzle flash of its predecessor).
SUPERDRAGON
30/400 Rifle Rounds, 6/40 Grenade Rounds
Secondary Function: Grenade Launcher
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
Arguably the best gun in the game. Primary mode is the same as the Dragon’s and the transition to secondary is easy and quick. The grenade launcher shoots medium-sized grenades (out of the same barrel as the rifle somehow) at an impressive rate. Great for both campaign and multiplayer, but not in enough of the former.
CI 2010 SNIPER RIFLE
IRL: Walther WA 2000
8/400 Rifle Rounds
Secondary Function: Crouch
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
Same functionality as the sniper rifle from the last game except you have the option of improving accuracy by crouching while zoomed.
FARSIGHT XR-20
8/100 Energy Orbs
Secondary Function: Target Locator
Penetration: Very High
Dual Wield: No
A rail gun with an adjustable X-Ray scope that allows you to reach out and touch someone anywhere on the map. What ruins the gun is the Target Locator, which automatically adjusts aim and zoom so that your target is always in your sight. This makes a gun that would otherwise be great in multiplayer become absurd and unfair.
REAPER
200/800 Reaper Rounds
Secondary Function: Grinder
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
An alien machine gun that spins bladed barrels while spraying a lot of rounds in a general direction. Fun to use. The Grinder is simply spinning the barrels without firing, which can cut enemies. The rate of fire takes a second or two to get up to speed unless you try a trick. Switch to Grinder mode, get grinding and hold down on the B button to switch back to “Reapage” without taking your finger off the trigger. The Reaper will continue to spin at top speed without firing. Then, simply release the trigger and press it again quickly.
SHOTGUN
9/100 Shotgun Shells
Secondary Function: Double Blast
Penetration: Low
Dual Wield: No
A big, ugly shotgun with the same functionality as the one from GoldenEye except with a pumping animation and a nonsensical double shot function.
K12 DEVASTATOR
8/40 Grenade Rounds
Secondary Function: Wall Hugger
Dual Wield: No
A grenade launcher with a slower rate of fire than the SuperDragon, but fires larger grenades at a greater range and with a straighter trajectory. The secondary mode causes the grenades to stick to a wall momentarily before falling to the ground and detonating.
ROCKET LAUNCHER
1/3 Rockets
Secondary Function: Heat-Seeker
Dual Wield: No
Same functionality as the classic rocket launcher except with a heat-seeking secondary function. The heat-seeker moves more slowly and has a black smoke trail; it’s surprisingly fun to try to evade it.
SLAYER
1/3 Rockets
Secondary Function: Fly-by-Wire
A neat-looking Skedar rocket launcher. Secondary mode is a remote-controlled camera function. The in-game manual speculates this was only done for shits and giggles while ironically musing that the player would be above that.
LASER
Infinite
Secondary Function: Short-Range Stream
Dual Wield: No
Combines the functions of the laser gun and watch laser from GoldenEye
CROSSBOW
5/69
Secondary Function: Instant Kill
Dual Wield: No
A stun weapon used for stealth on the Air Force base level.
GRENADE
12
Secondary Function: Proximity Pinball
Dual Wield: No
Typical grenade in primary mode, but the secondary mode has a lot of fun possibilities in multiplayer and actually makes the weapon relevant.
N-BOMB
12
Secondary Function: Proximity Detonation
Dual Wield: No
Primary Mode is Impact Detonation. Lets out a black sphere that kills anyone in the radius (or blurs a player’s vision if not in it long enough). Considering the color of the sphere, I don’t think the name is an accidental joke.
MINES
1/10
Secondary: Threat Detector (Timed and Proximity) Detonator (Remote)
Dual Wield: No
Pretty much the same from GoldenEye, except their conspicuous design lacks the insidious quality of the original.
COMBAT KNIFE
12
Secondary Function: Poison Throw
Dual Wield: Yes
Combines the functions of both knives in GoldenEye with the secondary function needlessly adding a poison/stun effect.
TRANQUILIZER
8/200
Secondary Function: Lethal Injection
Dual Wield: No
A neat little ranged weapon that blurs your opponents vision (causing wandering in NPCs). The Lethal Injection only works in contact range.
PSYCHOSIS GUN
Basically the tranquilizer except it causes NPCs to attack each other. Only available in one bonus level.
CAMSPY
8
A remote controlled drone that acts as a camera/tranquilizer/bomb depending on the variant.
CLASSIC WEAPON: PP9i
GoldenEye: PP7
IRL: Walther PPK
7/800 Pistol Rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: CC13
GoldenEye: DD44 Dostovei
IRL: TT33 Tokarev (with Tokagypt grips)
8/800 Pistol Rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: KLO1313
GoldenEye: Klobb
IRL: Sa vz. 61 Skorpion
20/800 Pistol Rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: DMC
Goldeneye: D5K Deutsche
IRL: Heckler & Koch MP5K
30/800 Pistol Rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: ZZT (9mm)
GoldenEye: ZMG (9mm)
IRL: IMI Micro Uzi
32/800 Pistol Rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: RC-P45
GoldenEye: RC-P90
IRL: FN P90
80/800 Pistol rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: KF7 SPECIAL
GoldenEye: KF7 Soviet
IRL: AKS-74
30/400 Rifle Rounds
CLASSIC WEAPON: AR53
GoldenEye: AR33 Assault Rifle
IRL: M16
30/400 Rifle Rounds
QUOTES
CASSANDRA: You won't shoot me, you foolish child.
[Jo knocks her out]
NPC: [getting killed by Jo] Ah, you bitch!
CARRINGTON: [after Jo shoots every last bottle in his wine cellar] Act your age, Joanna.
EASTON: We have a contingency plan ready to go, and we will move as soon as the presidential entourage arrives at the air base. All I need from the president is a tissue sample.
CASSANDRA: Hah! Assuming you don't get any interference. If Carrington has pieced together enough of this, he will have called for reinforcements.
EASTON: There will be no outside help from Mr. Carrington. The technology you gave us is installed in Nevada and fully operational. We can intercept any craft they use.
MR. BLONDE: Then the devices we gave you are working correctly? Good. Because we believe that anything which does not work correctly should be destroyed. Consider that as you follow your backup plans.
[Spy footage reveals alien captured in Area 51]
JO: Oh my G-d.
CARRINGTON: Here is our friend. He appears to be physically unhurt, though he hasn't regained consciousness yet. By the look of it, the surgeons are almost done with their preliminary tests and will begin dissection soon.
JO: But who was-?
CARRINGTON: Any questions? No? Good. Away you go to the hangar.
JO: Agent Dark: Mission Log: 1028 Hours. Against my better judgment, I'm about to enter Area 51.
JONATHAN: Agent Dark, over here.
JO: There you are. I was beginning to wonder if...
[Jonathan shoots guard she mistook for him]
JONATHAN: If what?
JO: If you'd been discovered yet. And frankly if this is how you work, I'm amazed you lasted more than five minutes.
JONATHAN: I was tidying up one of your loose ends.
JO: My loose ends?
JONATHAN: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you wanted him to shoot you. I can call in some more guards if you like.
JO: Okay, okay, forget about it. I'm going to let the Institute know we've made contact.
JONATHAN: The problem you have is that there is not way to sneak into the research section. The only way available to you is a weak section in the on the wall I've marked on the room beyondthe stores. It can be destroyed with explosives.
JO: Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Where are these explosives?
JONATHAN: In that crate: [activates a hover feature on the crate]
JO: Cute. Very cute.
JONATHAN: By they way, stores are crawling with guards. It may go against your nature, but try sneaking through rather than blasting everything.
JO: Certainly. Any other pearls of wisdom?
JONATHAN: That crate...
JO: Yes?
JONATHAN: It really doesn't like being shot.
JO: Great. Now if I can just fight the urge to report him to base security...
MR. BLONDE: You have failed, Easton. You are a flawed device, and we need you no longer.
EASTON: [pulling gun] Just try it, you Scandinavian freak!
JO: Dr. Caroll, are you in control again? Can you stop the program?
DR. CAROLL: Yes, I'm back again, my dear. But the program has run far too long for me to prevent it from completing. There is only one way out now.
JO: What do you mean?
DR. CAROLL: When the program has run, I will have control of a vastly powerful weapon. It cannot be allowed to exist. So I must destroy the Cetan and, unfortunately, myself along with it. I'm sorry Joanna. There is not other way and no time to discuss this. Go now. Avoid the Skedar and you will have time to escape. It has been an honor to work with you. Goodbye, Joanna Dark.
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