Sunday, March 13, 2022

Batmans Ranked

Limited to the theatrically-released movies.

One thing I’ve noticed is that the best Bruce Waynes are actively involved in Wayne Enterprises.

 

 

 


9. ROBERT PATTINSON

The Batman

I’d really hate to put him at the bottom, but his performance is that of a bland, emo strawman depiction of a gritty Batman.  Even gritty Batmans need to show some nuance.  It’s not that Pattinson is bad per se, it’s just how he was utilized.  I’d like to see more of a Tenet Robert Pattinson, but instead I got Twilight Robert Pattinson all over again.  Unlike many, I did not balk at his casting.  After all, we’ve had more controversial casting choices like Michael Keaton, Ben Affleck, and Heath Ledger work out okay.  I guess it’s the trailers that seem to be the most reliable indicator how good these casting choices will be.  I thought Ledger and Affleck looked good enough in the them, but the Batman trailers gave me a taste of what’s to come with Pattinson. 




 

8. GEORGE CLOONEY

Batman & Robin

I really wanted to put him at the bottom of this list, but I really had to do it.  Then again, what makes Pattinson even more disappointing is that, unlike Clooney, it was a waste of good casting.  George Clooney only works as a befuddled wannabe hero who’s not as savvy as he thinks he is, and even campy versions of Batman have to be badasses in their own right, based on the goofy rules of their universes.  The Coen Bros, for example are the few who realize this.  Still, Clooney can deliver a droll one-liner well, and his Bruce Wayne does have this moment.    

 






7. WILL ARNETT

The LEGO Movies

Arnett does a god job as a parody of Batman's raspy voice.  He was far funnier in the LEGO Movie as a supporting character as the hero's love interest's boyfriend.  No her boyfriend wasn't Bruce Wayne...it was Batman.  LEGO Batman, on the other hand, kinda sucked.  It was just a kid-friendly version of Robot Chicken.





6. CHRISTIAN BALE

The Dark Knight Trilogy

This is another example of someone whose casting wasn’t taken enough advantage of.  Considering American Psycho, one could understand why Christian Bale was cast as Bruce Wayne.  He’d be a great example of Batman-as-the-real-identity, a dark creature awkwardly pretending to be an eccentric rich fop.  In other words, a heroic version of Patrick Bateman.

Unfortunately, this angle seemed to be ignored in practice.  Bruce Wayne seems to be the perfectly natural persona, while that of Batman is comically forced.  We’ve all heard complaints about that voice, after all.  Perhaps it’s because Bale already has a deep voice.  He should have got the Kevin Conroy way with that.

 




5. BEN AFFLECK

DCEU

Like many others, I was pleasantly surprised by Ben Affleck’s Batman.  Affleck has come a long way as an actor and he now has the rugged good looks to pull off the role.  I also find it interesting that the movie shows that Batman can fall into violent corruption while still being able to find redemption afterward.  I guess we could ignore his apparently forcing himself on Harley in Suicide Squad




 

4. VAL KILMER

Batman Forever

Kilmer perfectly combines a credibly intimidating Batman persona with a somewhat light depiction of Bruce Wayne.  He does justice to the campy atmosphere of his movie, and is the closest thing we got to worthy Adam West successor.





3. ADAM WEST

Batman (1966)

Someone who owned the campiness with a distinctive, iconic performance.  




 

2. MICHAEL KEATON

Batman, Batman Returns

Burton described his Batman as someone who needed to wear a mask.  Indeed, Keaton manages to be intimidating enough as Batman while still maintaining a lovable quirkiness that sets his Bruce Wayne apart and makes him relatable.  He can still mope when he had to though.  Just proof that just because someone has demons, he doesn’t need to be wooden.  Keaton’s performance makes the best case for Bruce-Wayne-as-the-real-identity.


 



1. KEVIN CONROY

Batman: The Animated Series, Mask of the Phantasm

Conroy’s voice is perfect.  I like how he has a disarming voice as Wayne, but his Batman voice is unparalleled…and the latter is clearly his normal speaking voice. 

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