The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal
2003, 2012 (2nd Edition)
Daniel Bukszpan
**********
Pros: Witty Writing, Basic Information
Cons: Incomplete Information, Some Bad Takes
Before the Internet provided us with a glut of information on any subject, especially on wikis, there were many books providing supplementary materials written by a few enterprising books. These entertaining junk books were highly limited by the author’s subjectivity, but they could at the time provide an introduction to obscure topics. While now obsolescent, these tomes might justify their existence provided the writer had some wit. Freelance music journalist Daniel Bukszpan’s book is a good example of this genre.
Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal suffers due to some of the writer’s biases. There are bands in the book that are dubious for inclusion among as metal. Alice in Chains is included as a relatively appealing grunge band, but we also have the tragic addition of punk bands like Joan Jett and the Heartbreakers. I also question the inclusion of various classic rock bands like Led Zeppelin, but Jimi Hendrix, who arguably pioneered the tools on which metal is based, was a mandatory choice that was included. Despite my own limited frame of reference, I perceive that the book distractingly lacks worthy acts like Lordi, Within Temptation, Tanzwut, and Subway to Sally. While Buskszpan gives due credit to some of the greats (Dio, Rainbow, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest) and occasionally makes well-deserved digs at the myopia of rock critics (has there even been a medium so ontologically defined by failure?), he has his own share of bafflingly bad takes as listed below:
- In a flirtation with lyrricceldom, he calls Loverboy's “Working for the Weekend” a lame rip-off of Thin Lizzy's “The Boys Are Back in Town” simply due to their similar subject matter.
- Once again drawing undue negative comparison between an epic song and a lame one by calling Rainbow’s “Since You’ve Been Gone” “atrocious” and alleging similarity to Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” in a way that gives me the suspicion that Buksczan is in fact literally deaf.
- Despite having generally refraining criticism of bands’ most popular songs, he makes an exception for Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” of all damn things instead of, say, KISS’s “Rock & Roll All Nite.”
Buskszpan remains neutral on the subject of Manowar outside ranking its fandom as the most rabid thus sparing himself from deserving a burning at the stake in favor of being granted the mercy of vogelfrei status. However, there is a comfort in knowing that no matter how many moral and ideological differences people have, we can always count on some primal moral common ground, and, much how Ignatius Reilly and Myrna Minkoff share their disdain for the nihilism of Professor Talc in John Kennedy Toole’s Confederacy of Dunces, Buksczan and I can at least agree on the basic universal truth that Whitesnake sucks.
However, one thing that is arguably even more blasphemous than the all-out bad takes is that the King of Heavy Metal himself Alice Cooper does not even receive a full page of text! He doesn’t even appear in any of the rankings at the end of the book. Fortunately, Razorfist has us covered on this one. The book also displays some disappointing normie biases, like particularly long entries for AC/DC (who personally hated being classified as metal), and Van Halen, with the latter hardly getting any criticism at all.
However, like another work I reviewed today whose advantage is style over substance, The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal redeems itself through Bukszpan’s sharp, dry wit; the book is funny as hell both in its text and captions. Ironically the book is a better insight to what my sense of humor is like than what my taste of music is like. It’s a fun read despite risk of stumbling upon the occasional terrible take in a way that shares the appeal of picking flowers in a country with a history of mine warfare. It’s appropriate that the author also has a book on the subject of humor that might be more worthwhile than his chosen field. Ironically, there is one moment in which he prioritized the book’s shortcomings over its strengths: understandably deeming Limp Bizkit unworthy of inclusion in the 2012 2nd Edition, he deleted what was one of the funnier captions from the 1st Edition.
The books is not terribly political, but shows the occasional liberal bias. Right-wing artists are mildy riffed while the activism of, say, Rage Against the Machine, spoken of respectfully. Frustratingly, our writer at once point mocks many metal fans’ Media Illiteracy in regards to “homoerotic fashion,” as if it’s their fault for not automatically knowing that the Supreme Court ruled that the Gay Community has exclusive rights to the skinning of cows in a 1967 landmark decision.
Despite its problems the book has a very credible blessing from one of the Metal Gods in the form of a foreword by Ronny James Dio, but since Metal is a polytheistic pantheon, this is not the most infallible decree. It was rather cool of Dio considering the book is not shy about how much of a prima donna he was. The 2nd Edition includes an addition by Dio’s widow.
In terms of information, the Encyclopedia is incomplete, although it might have been useful reference for the beginner metalhead before the internet, and may be when a solar flare destroys all electronics on earth. It includes some interesting sections which describe various aspects of metal culture, with enough description of metal drama to give you an impression of just how short This Is Spinal Tap came in replicating its absurdity. With a couple minor exceptions like Helloween and Therion, its recommendations have not been useful to me as the book’s biases run toward “harder” (ie, less melodic) fare. Still, it’s an entertaining read just for the humor.
However, if you want some witty writing combined with better metal takes, my friend has you covered.
QUOTES
[from the 1st Edition]
Fred Durst yells into a microphone about the difficulties he faces as the Vice President of Interscope Records. No wonder so many teenagers relate to him.
[from the Introduction to the 2nd Edition]
Then there were the fans. According to most of them, I had betrayed them and their favorite bands by leaving out artist X or artist Y, and the fact that I had included artist Z was conclusive proof that I had zero credibility whatsoever. One such person e-mailed me a list of problems he had with the book, and then mailed a hard copy of the e-mail to my house, just to make sure I’d gotten it. So say what you will about heavy metal fans, you can’t accuse them of failing to exercise due diligence.
Alice in Chains embodies the spirit of mirth and frivolity for which heavy metal is renowned.
In interviews [David Lee Roth] went to great pains to mention that he found it amusing that Sammy Hagar would have to sing “Jump” every night while Roth himself would never have to perform “I Can’t Drive 55” on his own solo tour. It turns out he was half right. Roth never did perform any of his replacement’s material, but Hagar never sang “Jump” on the 5150 tour, either. Rather, when it came time to perform the hit song, the singer would yank some lucky, starry-eyed rube from the audience and give him the microphone, no doubt making his whole year.
While contemporaries were blowing their money on drugs, Cheap Trick guitarist Rick Nielsen wisely invested in practical purchases.
[photo of Nielsen’s playing a guitar with five necks]
While they [Deep Purple] have the dubious distinction of launching the career of David Coverdale, thereby making Whitesnake, circa 1987, a reality from which humankind is still collectively recovering, they are also noteworthy for appearing in Guinness World Records as 1972’s loudest band on earth.
One hopes , however, that Deicide will not one day run out of satanic activities to champion, thereby reducing to writing lyrics about such diabolism as the nonpayment of parking tickets or the rebroadcasting of the World Series without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
These [metal fashion tropes] were later supplemented with tattoos and piercings, many of which are on parts of the body that cannot be discussed in a family publication such as this.
On the set of Fear Factory’s “Launch Pin” video shoot in 2001, guitarist Dino Cazares hopes that the director gets it right on the first take.
[Cazares is jamming while covered in mud]
[Grand Funk Railroad lying in coffins for a photo shoot]
This is where most rock critics wanted to see Grand Funk Railroad end up.
The band was first and foremost about spectacle, an attribute probably best personified by bassist and singer Gene Simmons, who took KISS’ image to its furthest extreme. While the rest of the band was content to wear makeup that recalled either a domesticated house pet or an entity of ambiguous celestial origin, Simmons sported demonic kabuki face paint, a bat cape with a six-foot wingspan, eight-inch platform boots, and an extremely long tongue.
Jimmy Page enjoys some refreshments backstage, in a happier, more innocent time before he discovered drugs, while Robert Plant eyes the fruit basket.
[Jimmy Page is chugging a Jack Daniels]
But Sixx was not one to be cowed by a little thing like his own death, so against medical advice, he checked himself out of the hospital the next day.
Sixx went home and proceeded to cook himself up a fix that was his personal record holder for the Most Heroin I Have Ever Injected.
[The Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson sex video] did go on to become the biggest-selling pornographic videotape of all time up to that point, so Lee must have been happy to be a winner again. However, the glory with which his gargantuan rhinoceros penis was regaled and short-lived. Possibly mistaking her face for a snare drum, Lee pounded on Anderson, prompting his arrest for spousal abuse.
Mr. Bungle vocalist Mike Patton eliminates all peripheral distractions that would detract from his vocal performance.
[he is singing in a gimp mask with blinders]
Ted Nugent proves that doing drugs is not a necessary precursor to playing interminably long and self-indulgent guitar solos.
Ted Nugent performs as his favorite member of the Village People.
[Ted Nugent is wearing a Native American headdress]
[Ozzy Osbourne is mugging on the ground with a cross is he is oft to do]
Weakened by years of drug and alcohol abuse, Ozzy Osbourne buckles under the tremendous weight of a balsa wood cross.
[Ozzy poses in an ornate cape]
Ozzy Osbourn cites alcholic blackouts as the cause for several of his questionable decisions, those fashion-related and owtherwise.
Till Lindemann gives the audience at a Rammstein show a lesson in proper stop-drop-and-roll techniques.
[from the “Heavy Metal Timeline”]
1979: KISS goes disco with “I Was Made for Loving You.” A wounded nation grieves.
[NB: I actually like this song]
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