Thursday, March 7, 2013

Finally Got This One Written...



 
Ultraviolet
2006
D: Kurt Wimmer
**********
Pros: Distinctive visuals, Great Action Scenes, Some fun performances, A few good lines
Cons: Ripped-off and poorly drawn-out story, Some bad implications, Flawed editing

     I generally dislike this subgenre of sci-fi movies featuring super-powered heroines kicking a lot of ass.  Not that I don’t like the idea, but these films tend to have anemic characterization and the fight scenes usually aren’t even worth watching.  I would have naturally avoided a movie like Ultraviolet if not for the fact that it was made by Kurt Wimmer, who had previously directed one of my favorite movies. 
     The opening credits sequence features some fake covers for a fictional Ultraviolet comic book.  It’s interesting to see the variety of artistic styles used in them, but it’s far too meta for my tastes, and the opening theme sounds suspiciously similar to practically is the theme to Spider-Man.  The movie then begins with a narration that was admittedly ripped off from Resident Evil: “Hello, my name is Violet, and I was born into a world you may not understand.”
A world that looks like a big soft-serve yogurt restaurant.
Now, you can rip off crappy movies of this kind all you want for all I care.  They aren’t very good, and, if you can add some substance to the subgenre, more power to you.  That being said, Ultraviolet has a very hackneyed premise.  It’s about a race of super-powered “vampires” fighting for freedom against a futuristic dictatorship with an attractive female lead doing most of the fighting.  Also for some reason, people are using a different alphabet. 
     The source of this vampire race is a mutated virus that gives people increased speed and reflexes while giving them around a decade left to live.  The infected people are called “vampires” because theyhave sharp teeth, are sensitive to light and require frequent blood transfusions.  The movie is a bit inconsistent when it comes to the effects of this virus.  It doesn’t seem to be spread through small animals or the air, so it doesn’t seem like it would be too much of an epidemic, so the movie has one of the same problems that zombie movies have.  Also, Violet mentions that it also gives the victim stronger bones while the movie shows an X-Ray with the patient’s bones much thicker than usual, but this doesn’t make the vampires appear any bulkier for some reason.  Light sensitivity is used interchangeably to refer to sensitive skin and ability to see in the dark, the former of which doesn’t seem to have any bearing on what happens in the movie.  Also, the virus is mentioned to increase vampires’ intelligence, but absolutely no indication of this is given in the movie.
In response to this outbreak, the medical establishment took over and began to hunt down the vampires, putting them in concentration camps and killing them.  We’re introduced to the leader of the regime, Vice Cardinal Ferdinand Daxus (Nick Chinlund), while a lackey is telling him some stuff he already knows.  I actually must say that I think the idea of a medical-based police state is clever, especially in the light of current events.  However, Wimmer attempted to put some swipes at organized religion that may have been tolerable in Equilibrium, but have no place here (seriously, “Latter-Day Defense?” what the hell is that?).
     The first portion of the movie’s plot consists of Violet Song jat Shariff (Milla Jovovich) infiltrating a biological research facility disguised as a courier in order to recover a secret weapon that could cause the destruction of her kind and bring it to her superior Nerva (Sebastien Andrieu).  The security at this place is a total joke.  They run some tests on her metabolism in order to ensure that she’s human, but it isn’t until the real courier shows up that she’s found out.  When they wonder how she’s passed the tests, a random security guard exposits that she probably used blood inhibitor.  So why they didn’t they test for those, and why isn’t this guy in charge?  They’re also ignorant about a lot of vampire technology that everyone else in the movie seems well aware of.  Anyway, Violet escapes with the package and, after a few stylized action scenes, she is about to return it bring it to her boss when she decides to open it and check inside.  Now, let’s think about this for a second.  You’ve just stolen a secret package from a biological warfare plant that’s probably thinking of a way to kill you and everyone like you.  So it’s very likely that this thing contains a deadly pathogen, and your impulse it open it up and take a peek?  So it seems the whole movie’s plot is instigated by the main character’s bottomless stupidity.
     What Violet finds inside the package is a boy named Six (Cameron Bright), and she takes it upon herself to protect him.  When she finds out that Nerva intends to murder Six, even after finding out that he’s human, she gets in what must be the most forced, badly written abortion argument I’ve heard.  It literally consists of Violet’s saying “It’s a child” and Nerva’s saying, “It’s a choice.”  It’s pretty rough, but as someone who is pro-life, I at least find it refreshing that some movie out there seems to take a stand on this position, unlike some faux pro-life movies like Juno.  Of course, I’m not 100% sure this is what Wimmer intended, but it’s certainly hard to interpret this any other way.  She flees her former superiors with Six and the rest of the movie revolves around her protecting the child from both the vampires and the government.  In one scene, she momentarily abandons Six, and the mooks, displaying equal amounts of evil and incompetence, murder a random kid, mistaking him for the boy.  The scene is poorly done since the reaction we’re supposed to have is “Thank goodness it’s not Six,” while acknowledging how bad the bad guys are.  In other words, very bad pandering.  Also, none of the bystanders seem the least bit disturbed by this.        
      The plot if, you can call it that, consists of Violet running from place to place with this kid in tow and getting into various tacked-on fight scenes.  Like the ones in Equilibrium, these scenes are quick and self-contained, but in Equilibrium they still had significance in the plot.  John Preston had three primary fight scenes.  The first scene established him as a brutal government enforcer.  The second scene had him backed into a corner to fight, and he had to deal with the consequences of it: a government crackdown on the resistance fighters.  The third action scene was simply the third act showdown.  While many people criticize Equilibrium for having an “invincible hero,” the movie works because it found ways to show its protagonist having to choose his battles and face the consequences of his decisions.  In Ultraviolet, the only vulnerability we really get is when Violet occasionally angsts about her past.  In other words, Wimmer actually wrote Equilibrium, but here he was just cramming fight scenes into a formulaic premise.  I would have liked to see Wimmer develop his Gun Kata action style in ways that would pit equally matched multiple opponents against each other.  With a race of vampires, you think we might have gotten that, but it’s just Violet kicking everyone’s ass, human and vampire alike.  Even the humans are able to take down most of the other vampires with little effort.  Unlike Preston, who was established as the highest-ranking Cleric in his movie, Violet’s background doesn’t suggest she’d be a particularly strong vampire.  She was a nurse before she became a vampire.  In fact, I would have liked to see some of her abilities as a nurse play into the story, instead of just showing her beating people up.  Oh well, maybe that’s why Nurse Redheart was able to overpower Pinkie Pie in “Baby Cakes.”  She used her Nurse Powers.
     The third act is where the story’s biggest problems reveal themselves.  After finding out that Six has been infected with a fatal human antigen, she accepts his terminal condition and the two spend the boy’s last minutes bonding on a playground.  This would have been an effectively poignant scene…if they allowed the boy to stay dead.  Right at the moment of Six’s death, Violet cries on him and inadvertently infects him with her disease, rendering him immune to the antigen (Yes, the movie is that bad).  You’d think she would have done that as soon as she found out he had this human antigen, and you’d think it wouldn’t work when the antigen has already pretty much killed him.  She doesn’t realize this until after Daxus and his men have recovered his body with the intention of dissecting it in order to procure traces of the antigen, and she decides to go to enemy HQ to rescue him.  The implications of walking into a facility and killing almost everyone inside because you believe they’re killing someone they don’t think is alive are a bit disturbing considering the abortion issue that was brought up earlier.  No, I’m not saying the story really advocates clinic bombings, I’m just saying it wasn’t well thought out.  After killing most of the mooks, she faces Daxus only to discover, in twist suspiciously similar to that of Equilibrium, that he’s a vampire, too.  It even reveals that he’s the guy in the opening montage who cuts himself. 
...Chad Rocco?
After she defeats Daxus and rescues an already-frozen Six (seriously, what does it take to kill this kid?), the movie ends happily, even though it was strongly implied that Daxus has figured out how to manage the disease, and he’s dead.  


            
So this movie is pretty bad.  It’s full of holes, it rips off everything (including Wimmer’s own work) and…I love it.

     No, seriously, I freakin’ love this movie.  For all its flaws, I can’t bring myself to dislike it.  I think it’s the most awesome bad movie since Transformers (1986).  For one thing, despite how derivative Violet was, I actually ended up liking her.  The opening narration did a good job actually establishing sympathy for her and her situation.  After losing her humanity, she underwent inhuman experiments in a research camp and lost her unborn child as a result.  After she gets out (how she did so the movie doesn’t specify for some reason), she joins the resistance.  She acts like she hates humans, but when she’s finally put on the spot, she has to do the right thing and protect a human child, even when the world is against her.  Another issue with the movie is she seems to be the only person in it who thinks that killing a child is wrong for some reason.  She does show some conflict, and even considers leaving Six to fend for himself.  Based on her background, I understood her motivations and internal struggle.  That’s more than I can say for most of these B-Movie heroines.  I never thought of Milla Jovovich as a particularly good actress, but she’s pretty good in this movie.  Violet’s mannerisms help keep her interesting throughout the movie, as well.  I do, however, realize that the heroine-who-loses-a-child-and-dedicates-herself-to-protecting-a-surrogate cliché has been done before much better.

     Daxus isn’t exactly the best-written villain out there.  He’s derivative and has some stupid lines (he says that without him the world would “rush toward chaos like it was an Olympic event”) as well as some good ones, but I just love him because of the actor playing him.  While most actors would just ham it up while playing a B-Movie villain, Nick Chinlund actually gives a genuinely good performance.  He comes off intimidating, and has a bit of a sense of humor as well.  He also has the coolest voice I have ever heard. 
It also doesn’t hurt that he’s a snazzy dresser; I love how his jacket has matching pinstriped gloves.  I also like his leitmotif.
     Cameron Bright is good as Six, and so is William Fichtner, who plays Garth, Violet’s only ally in the whole movie.  The rest of the cast is a different story.  Because of the lack of local talent in Shanghai, extras were generally pretty wooden.  The worst cast member, however, is Sebastien Andrieu as Nerva.  A supermodel with no actual acting career, he is hilariously bad in this movie.  He comes off more like a pothead than a real threat. 
      The main thing I like is the movie’s visual style.  Although I believe Kurt Wimmer to be a questionable writer, I think he’s a brilliant visual director.  He broke away from the Nazi-Like visuals of Equilibrium, and Ultraviolet has a distinctively bold and colorful style, even if the CGI scenery is cheap.

A Vietnam-Era bomber...OF THE FUTURE!
Even though a lot of people complained about the Gaussian blur camera effect, I actually like it.  It looks distinctive and gives the movie the sterilized look of a hospital, which is fitting for its setting.  There’s some great set design, but a lot of credit goes to the location.  Shanghai looks great for a futuristic world, although the effect is spoiled when the movie prominently features the Oriental  Pearl Tower, arguably the city’s most recognizable landmark.  Although I complained about the derivative nature of the movie’s opening theme, I like the techno/classical score that Klaus Badelt put together. 
      Ultraviolet also has some clever technology that makes it fun to watch.  A gravity leveler which causes its user to fall upwards or sideways.  A vending machine that prints disposable phones imprinted onto paper.  “Flat-space technology,” which allows people to keep weapons and supplies in Hammerspace.  Clothing and hair that changes color.  I’d like to point out one problem I have with Violet’s costume.  For the most part it looks great, but it has this tasteless bare midriff.  It not only looks too revealing, it’s ironically fan disservice.  Black catsuits are popular among heroines because they slim the character while emphasizing curves.  Violet’s belly shirt results in this flat, rectangular expanse of belly that hides her curves.  I know that it’s silly to nitpick at the quality of a movie’s fanservice, but this is the type of movie.  Also, even her jacket is short, so when she closes it, it’s a ridiculous belly jacket.   
      The movie’s fight scenes are hit-or-miss.  There are a lot of implied fights that they were apparently too lazy to shoot and some bad fights, but the good fights more than compensate for them.  A problem with these scenes is that ScreenGems decided to take final editing control from Wimmer and cut the movie for a PG-13 rating.  Considering that it usually releases R-Rated movies, this was a baffling decision.  The fight scenes are poorly edited, but not too bad.  Some laughably failed attempts to mix out people’s screaming are heard, but mostly it’s like watching decently-executed shaky-cam, which I seem to be the only person who doesn’t mind.  It wasn’t the only thing they cut.  The movie was supposed to have 30 extra minutes of character development, but Screen Gems thought it was “too emotional” and did away with it, because they apparently know what people want.  Wimmer was understandably unhappy with the result and is visibly absent from any of the DVD’s special features.  If you want a good laugh, turn on the hilariously vapid commentary featuring Milla Jovovich and her Maltese puppies. 

And since they’re actually the most important part of the movie, let’s take a look at some of the fight scenes:


 1. THE NINJA BALL SCENE
The first scene in the movie.  There’s a beautifully framed one-shot following a group of black balls that are dropped from a helicopter and into a research building.  After crashing through the tower, the balls open up to reveal vampires in ninja gear who promptly execute some scientists in a perfectly timed sequence that reveals Wimmer’s near-autistic penchant for symmetry.  They then enter a room that looks far too large to be inside the building, and are promptly surrounded by humans and shot anticlimactically.  Has some nice visuals, but drops the ball on a potential fight scene.  I know surrounding a person on all sides and shooting him is a bad idea, but at least Equilibrium never showed the fools trying this coming out on top.

 2. THE BLUE ROOM FIGHT
After Violet is found out, she begins to fight her way out of the research facility in one of the more poorly edited fight scenes.  She somehow knocks a guy out by kicking him in the arm, then disassembles his rifle to use as a melee weapon against the others, who move like they’re wearing socks on a waxed floor.  She shatters their armor like glass, which is pretty cool.  It’s a clever fight scene that’s fun to watch, but it’s got some bad editing

 3. THE HELICOPTER CHASE
Violet continues to flee the humans on a motorcycle and resorts to using a gravity leveler to drive alongside the sides of buildings as helicopters fire upon her, no doubt murdering countless bystanders inside those buildings.  The chase is fun, and the shot placement is good, but good night that’s some bad CGI.  I’m talking N64 level graphics here.

 4. THE BLOOD CHINOIR FIGHT
As Violet flees Nerva and her former allies, she goes upstairs in the building they occupy.  For some reason, they vampires share the building with a rival gang called the Blood Chinoir.  She reaches the helipad (somehow not encountering anyone on the way), and is (guess what?) surrounded by people pointing guns at her.  I should call this a “Wimmer Ring.”  When they refuse to let her pass, she dodges their bullets, and they all accidentally shoot each other.  It’s actually a really fun, well-executed action scene with a good build-up and scoring.  The way some of it is shot continuously through multiple peoples’ shades is clever.  It’s still the most pointless, tacked-on scene in the movie.  It would be a textbook Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, except it’s not much more absurd than anything else that happens.  Then she…goes down to the bottom of the building after…going to the top of it? 


5. VIOLET FUCKS SOME PEOPLE UP WITH A BUICK
And it’s a beautiful thing when she does.

6. THE CEMETERY FIGHT
A rather crappy fight.  Two vampires confront Violet and tell her that they’re just as strong and fast as she is.  Violet promptly kills them by pulling on their hair.

 7. THE CHURCH FIGHT
An interesting and clever set-up in which Nerva threatens to drop Six down a well (which all Churches have), while Violet fights through his men.  Fun to watch, and has a clever touch in which Six drops his sandal into the well so that Violet knows how much time she has before he hits the bottom.  Nerva’s takedown is pretty cool.  When Violet disarms him, he attempts to hawk a loogie at her, which she blocks with her hand.  Then she slaps him and sticks her sword up his head from behind his jaw.

 8. THE SNOW NAZI FIGHT
I like the set design, lighting and costumes in this scene, but the fight’s pretty underwhelming.  Everybody moves too slowly and it looks like it’s been edited.  The colorless look would have complemented bloodspray well.  My Unrated DVD has a picture of blood on these guys, but unfortunately it’s the same bloodless fight as in the theatrical cut. 

 9. SOME OFFSCREEN BULLSHIT
Violet enters the Archministry and is subjected to a weapons scan which reveals that she is carrying countless weapons via flat-space technology.  The scene is funny, and some might say that it rips off The Matrix, but the trope has been done before.  Then she kills a lot of people offscreen in a way I would have liked to watch.

 10. THE LIBRARY FIGHT
This is actually one of my favorite gunfights in movie history.  Violet kills a bunch of guards with two submachine guns that have katanas coming out the bottom of their grips while bits of paper rain down like snow.  In the uncut version Nick Chinlund has a funny line delivery while watching this, and then Violet does something that is really uncalled for, but undeniably awesome, to the last guard.  Unsurprisingly, Violet cuts two of her fingers off with her katanaguns, and cauterizes her wounds with the gun barrel.  We get to see a little bit of a more fluit version of Gun Kata that Wimmer wanted to use in Equilibrium. 

11. SOME MORE OFFSCREEN BULLSHIT
More fights that would have been cool if we were allowed to see them.

 12. THE DAXUS FIGHT
Despite a cool setup, the fight is disappointing.  Violet walks in on Daxus doing doing a great facepalm, and Daxus attempts to kill Violet with a handheld flamethrower.  Violet throws some of her own blood at him, which drowns out the flamethrower’s igniter flame.  It harmlessly spews some flammable liquid, which she deflects with her sword.  Daxus then says, “You got Hemo blood on me.  It is on.”  Lame line, but Nick Chinlund makes it cool with one badass delivery.  He then produces his own sword and turns off the lights.  He reveals to Violet that he is a vampire too, and that it’s too bad she only converted with mild light sensitivity (and yet he’s seen running around in broad daylight).  Violet cleverly scrapes her sword against the floor, igniting the wet sword so she can see.  Clever buildup, but too bad the audience has no light sensitivity, and we cannot see a damn thing in the fight. 


     Despite all of its badness, I recommend Ultraviolet for a viewing.  The Unrated DVD has a more coherent intro and an extended fight scene.  When it’s unintentionally funny, it’s actually very entertaining.  I know a lot of people dislike this movie for good reason, but what baffles me is a lot of this hate comes from people who normally like movies like this.  If your idea of a good movie is Underworld, then you’re in no position to criticize.  What makes me upset is that after directing two movies that were both commercial and critical flops, I highly doubt that Wimmer will do another.  This is a shame because I feel that he is actually a far more talented director than he is a writer, especially considering that directors like Paul W.S. Anderson, Len Wiseman, Michael Bay and Zack Snyder are still allowed to make movies.  While his writing may be tenuous, I find him to be a very distinctive and fun filmmaker.  I would love to see him direct a movie written by a better writer.  Unfortunately, what we will probably continue to see from him are lackluster scripts to be made by lackluster directors.
 
                 

QUOTES
            
[Six is balancing on top of a railing on a tall building]
VIOLET: Hey!  What are you doing up there, huh?  Hey!  It’s a nice view, huh?  Why don’t you, uh, help me up…so I can see it too?  Here.  Give me your hand.  Give me your hand.  Help me up.  C’mon.  It’s okay.   [she grabs his hand and pulls him down] Come here!  What do you think you’re doing, huh?  You’re trying to get yourself killed?

DAXUS: Easy, Violet.  Do you know who I am?
VIOLET: How could I not?  Tyrant.  Egomaniac.  Narcissist.  That about sums it up, doesn’t it?
DAXUS: Yes, it may be true.  I may have my…quirks, but it doesn’t mean I’m stupid and it certainly doesn’t mean you make a single move without me knowing about it.

DAXUS: He’s not what you think.
VIOLET: No?  What is he, then?
DAXUS: …He’s my son.
VIOLET: [wearily] Hey, Daxus…
DAXUS: What?
VIOLET: You’re full of shit.

GARTH: Unbelievable, V.  You jeopardize everything by coming here.
VIOLET: The Humans want me.  Nerva wants me.  I don’t have anywhere else to go, Garth.  Besides, you have all my guns. 

[Six shows Violet a picture of children playing in a playground in a magazine]
SIX: Where is this?
VIOLET: When I was a kid, when I was just a little girl, I used to dream about this old dusty road, and this road would go on as far as the eye could see.  And there was [sic] all these little white flowers growing along the edges, and it was such a peaceful place.  It was a happy place.  But then you realize, when life settles in around you, places like this don’t exist.

DAXUS: Monster? Ha!  And what are you?  And more importantly, what does that make him to you?  Some sort of bizarre maternal surrogate?  A vampire and a dying human child.  What a pathetic picture.  I’ll make you another, Violet.  One that’s not broken.  You won’t even be able to tell the difference.  I promise. 

GARTH: Why won’t you let anyone in, Violet?
VIOLET: Because these moments, beautiful as they are, they’re evil when they’re gone.

COMPUTER: Searching for concealed weapons.
COMPUTER: Number of weapons found…many!

[from the Unrated Cut]
DAXUS: How much weaponry does she have in there?
LACKEY: According to the scans taken at the security portal…plenty.
DAXUS: ….Oh-kee…

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

2013 Academy Awards - My Reactions



     Every year I tell myself the same thing: “I’m not even going to look at the Oscar nominations.  I don’t care about the Academy Awards.”  Now, I never waste my time watching the inane ceremony (especially with Seth McFarlane hosting it, and with Michelle Obama making a surprise appearance), but I always end up checking the Wikipedia listings afterward to see who won.  We all have a bile fascination with who is nominated, who wins and what our take on that is.  The Academy may be completely irrelevant, having repeated failed to recognize truly groundbreaking cinema since the late 70’s, but maybe that’s why we’re so fascinated by it.  It just lives in its own little world.  We can go anywhere else to see a more definitive assessment of a year’s movies, but the Oscars is different. 
     Also, the 2013 Oscars wasn’t so bad.  Usually the quality of the Best Picture Oscars is decided by one factor: the quality of the type of movies that the Academy will not consider giving an award to, and 2012 seemed to be defined by highly anticipated genre movies that were either disappointing (Dark Knight Rises, Prometheus, The Hobbit) or merely adequate (Avengers).  Now my favorite movie of the year so far was Skyfall, but I thought that its story had too many flaws to be a Best Picture; I was rooting for it to win some other awards, though.
     I will note that I haven’t seen all of the movies I’m about to mention here, so this article is subject to some change.  I’m only commenting on the awards I actually have an opinion on.


BEST PICTURE
Argo
     I was a bit surprised that this won the award.  I’ve heard Lincoln was a very good period movie, and it was no doubt written as an absurd parable in honor of Obama.  That combination of cinematic traditionalism and political progressivism made it seem like a shoe-in for Best Picture.    
     Now I haven’t seen Amour, Les Miserables, or Silver Linings Playbook, but of the nominees I did see this year, Beasts of the Southern Wild was the most deserving.  I also would have rooted for the very fun and original Django Unchained.  Zero Dark Thirty no doubt suffered from the manufactured controversy concerning its alleged endorsement of torture, and I think awarding Argo was like a poor man’s version of awarding 0D30 without the heat.  In other words, typical Oscar politics.  Though I enjoyed Argo well enough, it was a one-and-done.  A very by-the-numbers film about a spectacular historical event with some moments brightened by Alan Arkin and John Goodman.  An example of how sometimes just because an event is amazing, it doesn’t make it translate too well to film.  Zero Dark Thirty managed to make real-life espionage and a foregone conclusion genuinely exciting to watch.  Kathryn Bigelow made her opposition to torture clear and she deserves some credit for not whitewashing history.  Also, Looper deserved a nod for being a smart, above-average sci-fi movie that wasn’t based on pre-existing material. 
     Could have been worse.  The movie I was rooting against was Life of Pi.  It wasn’t technically a bad movie; it was just really boring.  A plodding film that had an attention-getting gimmick without actually being a genre movie, it was just the type that the Oscars would nominate.

BEST DIRECTOR
Ang Lee – Life of Pi
     Seems fair enough, although for all the problems I had with Django, I thought that Quentin Tarantino deserved it more, if not Christpher Nolan for Dark Knight Rises.  Also Wes Anderson for Moonrise Kingdom and Kathryn Bigelow for Zero Dark Thirty.

BEST ACTOR
Daniel Day-Lewis as Lincoln
     This seems right, even though I didn’t see any of the films nominated for this award.  Day-Lewis looked great in commercials, though.  Of course, Robert Downey, Jr. got snubbed again for his performance as Tony Stark.  Andrew Garfiled also deserved a nod for outdoing Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man.  Still, I’m glad Joaquin Phoenix is acting again.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christolph Waltz as Dr. King Schultz – Django Unchained
      Personally,I think this is the most egregious snub that occurred this year.  Christolph Waltz was very fun, but why the hell wasn’t Javier Bardem nominated for his performance as Raoul Silva in Skyfall?! 
He was absolutely spellbinding in that film.  While Bardem already won an award for No Country for Old Men, he really broke out into a new acting style with Skyfall.  Waltz also already won a well-deserved award for Inglourious Basterds.   Another snub was against Leonardo DiCaprio, whose performance as Calvin Candie was arguably the best of his career.  And hasn’t John Goodman won an Oscar yet?   
     As for the other nominees, Tommy Lee Jones is always fun (well, except in Batman Forever), and Philip Seymor Hoffman deserves an Oscar nod every time he leaves the house (although that statement may apply more to Joaquin Phoenix).     

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway – Les Miserables
     Haven’t seen any of these movies, but kudos to Hathaway, and I mean that.  She looked great in commercials for this movie.  Way to stop sucking in the course of a year.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Quentin Tarantino - Django Unchained
     I'm happy this one won.  Also, I don’t think Moonrise Kingdom was Anderson’s best work.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
Brave
     Well, unless Cars are involved, I guess this shows that the Academy has a knee-jerk reaction to give this award to Pixar every year.  Brave was okay but utterly lackluster, and most everyone seems to agree with me.  Pirates! Band of Misfits was a funny and well-animated movie that was far more deserving.  The decent Rise of the Guardians was not nominated for some reason and it was better than Brave.  I have yet to see Wreck-It Ralph (I’m reluctant to as a result of the uncalled-for presence of Sarah Fucking Silverman), but everyone says it’s really good, and possibly the first deserving 3D movie from non-Pixar Disney.  I haven’t seen ParaNorman or Frankenweenie.  A very disappointing award.

BEST DOCUMENTARY
Waiting for Sugar Man
     Probably the most ridiculous of all the Academy Awards since they awarded the work of fabrication that was Bowling for Columbine.  Still, the winner did seem to have an impressive story behind it, and I’m glad they didn’t just indulge their liberalism this year. 

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
Adele – “Skyfall”
      Now this was the biggest triumph of this ceremony.  Usually, this is one of the more irrelevant awards.  All these years the Academy has ignored memorable songs to give the award to some forgettable pop song and occasionally the most saccharine song in a Disney movie.  But here, they actually came through and not only nominated a good Bond song but also awarded it!  Thank you Best Original Song Oscar, for not sucking for once!  None of the other songs were as good as this one, and I’m particularly glad that Seth McFarlane didn’t win for his bland entry.  At least the other songs deserved the nomination.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Claudio Miranda - Life of Pi
     Life of Pi was a gorgeous movie and also another example of Hollywood’s love affair with the color cyan.  However, I was disappointed since I was rooting for Roger Deakins’ Skyfall.  I think Dark Knight Rises deserved a nod, too.    

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Jacqueline Durran – Anna Karenina
     I would like to see genre movies dominate this category more often.  This year I would have liked to see The Hunger Games for its attention-grabbing costume designs, Dark Knight Rises for Bane’s costume, Cloud Atlas or Looper.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Life of Pi
     I guess this is fair enough. Avengers was nominated even though visually it didn’t have anything over Transformers.  Dark Knight Rises looked good overall, but I think would have been disqualified for that awful, cartoony football field bombing.  Prometheus and Cloud Atlas were more deserving.    

Thursday, February 21, 2013

My Favorite Bond Intros



Bond Intros are a classic staple of movie music. Because Bond movies are a popular action franchise, artists are under pressure to make something identifiable and serious, which is why it's not unusual for a Bond theme to be the best work from a certain artist. 






Nancy Sinatra
Forgettable.

Shirley Bassey
Somewhat bland and monotonous. A half-hearted late effort from Bassey

25. Octopussy ("All Time High")
Rita Coolidge
A bit of a snoozer, but then again so was the movie.

Sheena Easton
Decent song, I suppose.

Michel Legrend, Lani Hall
Aside from the 80's feel, it's generic.

Tom Jones
Not one of the more famous songs from the Connery era, but it’s my favorite. The visuals mix it up by making the imagery black in contrast with psychedelic colored backgrounds.

Paul McCartney
Not a bad song, but easily the most overrated Bond theme. In keeping with their proud tradition of only playing middling music, music stations have all made the universal agreement that this would be the only Bond theme to ever be aired.

20. The Spy Who Loved Me ("Nobody Does It Better")
Marvin Hamlisch, Carole Bayer Sager
A nice song, but the movie deserved better.

Madonna
The purposefully glitched editing is annoying as is Madonna's nasally voice, which is a shame because there's actually a good melody in there. The notes are a too abrupt for vocals so it's practically begging for an instrumental cover. Apparently must of what I can find simply removes that entire portion of the song.

18. Dr. No
Monty Norman and John Barry
It’s the first appearance of the Bond theme and the gun barrel, and I like the 60’s aesthetic.  Still, it’s not a true Bond intro yet, and it trails off with the “Three Blind Mice” thing. I'm not sure I shouldn't rank it higher for being the first appearance of the Bond theme. 

John Barry, Matt Monro
Another step toward a full-fledged Bond intro, but it doesn’t have a dedicated song with vocals until later in the movie.  The visuals of the credits being shown on women’s bodies is tacky even by today’s standards. The absurdly bold cheesecake is hilarious.

Duran Duran
It’s just pure 80’s cheese, especially with the video.  I love it. Still sticks to the black background, though.

15. Diamonds are Forever
Shirley Bassey
A pretty good song.

Jack White and Alica Keys
Even though this was song was widely panned, I like it.  Nice video portion with the retro 60’s touches mixed with modern imagery.

Gladys Knight
I love 80’s music, and this sounds pretty 80’s

12. Spectre
Sam Smith
It has a good melody, but it suffers from Smith's annoying falsetto, and the lyrics are a little too obviously inane. The rejected Radiohead song is not only superior, but it syncs up with the video far better.

Chris Cornell
I love the song.  It really brings out what the character of Bond means to us.

Mya
It sounds a bit tacky, but I like it.  The best part of the video is that it has TANKS WITH SPINNERS.

Shirley Bassey
The first full-fledged Bond intro, with the women and the dedicated theme.  The visuals are not much to talk about after From Russia with Love, but the song is great.

John Barry
It breaks from tradition with an instrumental with some synth boosts.  It’s a good tune and it was used well in Goldeneye 64, so it has some nostalgic value for me.  The visual portion is a little more distinctive than the generic videos of the time, but at least the blank backgrounds are not always black, so there's that.

A-ha
Another great 80’s tune, and even has a good tune. 

Lulu
I think it’s a pretty groovy song.  Energetic with a good progression. In one of my more heretical opinions, I seem to be the only person on the planet who actually prefers this over the rejected Alice Cooper song, despite my being a big fan of him. Then again it's a little softer than what I'm used to from our king. Despite its dabbling in genres of varying repute, the Bond franchise has scandalously avoided metal, as if there are no great metal bands with a history of British patriotic imagery.

Sheryl Crow
The visuals for this entry are very interesting and really go for the computer theme (it was the 90’s).  I like the heavy piano notes in the beginning.

Billie Eilish
An appropriately heavy and morose song for movie, 

Garbage
Actually a very melodic song.  I like the clever visual of the oil being poured on invisible women.

Adele
The song is great and so is the video portion.  I like how it foreshadows the plot without really giving it away. Apparently it took fifty years for the Academy to realize that Bond songs are good, popular, and stand the test of time and give out the first deserving Best Song in over three decades.

Tina Turner
Apparently EON woke up and had the bright idea to make a Bond into whose visual were something other than "stuff against black background." My favorite song and favorite video from my favorite Bond movie.  Kicked off the modern era of Bond Intros that Don't Literally Look Just Like Each Other.


Me after being tried by jury of my peers for
preferring the Lulu version of "Man With the Golden Gun"