Films as Fanfiction

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

2016

D: Gareth Edwards

**********

Pros: Directing, Cinematography, Action, Effects, Tone

Cons: Unnecessary, Bland Heroine, Some Logical Flaws

     I love Star Wars so obviously I would love to see expansions of this universe.  There was hope that Disney would take advantage of this literal galaxy of potential, but unfortunately decided to rehash the Original Trilogy.  Even the standalones were very closely related to existing arcs.  Like Solo, this plot was an answer to a question already answered, but it was still rather enjoyable. 

    In this case we’re revisiting the stealing of the Death Star plans.  It’s not necessary to know this, and besides I’d rather see a movie about the liberation of the X-Wings from Incom.  What’s strange is that they felt the need to rationalize it by claiming that the Death Star’s weakness was a “plothole.”  First off, it’s not.  Designs have weaknesses and tradeoffs, and this humorous article actually explains the exhaust port better than the movie does  In fact, neither the Imperials nor the Rebels in ANH knew of a specific phantom weak spot (thus making much of this movie’s plot irrelevant); they were acting on the common sense assumption that it had something to take advantage of.  I don’t even remember this being a problem at all until people conveniently started selling it as the most ridiculous thing ever in time for this movie’s release.  It’s like the movie nitpick version of an SJW issue.  It’s not unbelievable that the Death Star had a weakness.  What’s ridiculous is that a known rogue scientist purposely sabotaged the process without anyone noticing.

      The scientist in question is Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelsen), who sent a secret message through an defecting Imperial transport driver named Bodhi (Riz Ahmed) to Rebel partisan Saw Gerrera (Forest Whitaker).  Getting wind of this, the Rebel Alliance sends agent Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) and reprogrammed Imperial Enforcer droid K2-SO (Alan Tudyk) to retrieve Galen’s daughter Jyn (Felicity Jones) due to her connection with Saw.  Along the way they pick up a blind Force monk named Chirrut Imwe (Donnie Yen) and his friend Baze Malbus (Jiang Wen). The circumstances turn Jyn into a sort of “chosen one” aesthetically, if not logistically.  This ends up adulterating the selling point of this movie: normal rebels without the benefit of Plot Armor fighting the Empire in the dirt.  While all the protagonists do die (it would have been more impactful if some of them had survived), they seem to do so right when their usefulness to the plot is fulfilled.  It doesn’t help that Jyn is a remarkably flat, weak character, constantly needing to be goaded until the climax.  For all the accusations of sexism leveled at the fanboys, people don’t give Felicity Jones nearly enough crap for her bland performance in a movie with otherwise good acting.  Credit where it’s due, though: she does a great impression of a kid looking out of a minivan window during a boring road trip when the good guys are flying from an exploding city.  

         This problem is reinforced when Galen’s message turns out to be directed toward Jyn.  Instead of simply telling the Rebels what the weakness is, he babbles on about his love for her but does little to provide her any information.  He just assumes she’ll go to the Planet of Scarif and download the plans recognizing that the file name is his pet name for her.  This speech is also interspersed with shots of the Death Star’s destruction of the city on Jedha.  This would have been a great opportunity to finally see the horror of the battle station from the POV of the people it’s killing.

        The best character is the villain, Director Orson Krennic (Ben Mendelsohn, in a bigger star-making role than Jones).  His personal obsession with Galen turns out to be his and the Death Star’s undoing.  He spends the movie attempting to repair his mistake before his superiors finally have enough of him.  I usually find plots about protagonits' owing dangerous people money to be hackneyed and tedious, but the desperate villain trope has everything appealing about this without making us sympathize with the character to much.  In the process he gets in a political struggle with Grand Moff Tarkin (Guy Henry, with CGI).  He’s my second favorite Star Wars bad guy, and the movie would have been better if they had scrapped the heroes’ arcs and simply focused on him as a villain protagonist.  After all, all we need to know about the Rebels here is that they’re normal people fighting the good fight. 

        Still, two characters the movie who could have been developed further were Bodhi and K2.  Bodhi’s arc as a defecting Imperial, along with the mistrust he faces, could have been a good story.  He might have formed a connection with K2, who would struggle as result of his own redemption being programmed rather than chosen.  Droids are an interesting case in Star Wars: they’re clearly conscious, sapient beings, but they’re also limited by their programming.  They have the awareness to appreciate their lack of genuine free will, and they develop copes.  K2-SO’s is excessive snark and defiance on minor orders.  He’s one of the more amusing characters in the film.          

        The movie is quite enjoyable for all its flaws, which illustrates the importance of a consistent tone and good directing.  There is one stretch where it drags down, largely because of two disordered scenes.  The first is the attack on Eadu, the Imperial weapons facility Galen is working on.  It seems unnecessary, and then we get to the blatant fanservice of the Mustafar scene with Darth Vader (Spencer Wilding, voiced by an incredibly exhausted-sounding James Earl Jones).  The latter is fun to watch.  Vader’s palace is cool, and he’s refreshingly in-character, expressing his lack of enthusiasm for the Death Star and frustration with Imperial power politics.  Unfortunately, he drops a terrible pun while choking Krennic (using the word “choke” as if unaware “aspirations” is already a pretty good stealth pun).  The scene would have made a lot more sense if: 

1)    It had taken place before the Battle of Eadu, with the mention of it deleted

2)    It had no mention of the meeting’s being Vader’s idea (Krennic had a point: Vader was wasting his time and endangering his counterintel op)

In this case Krennic, desperate to gain power back from Tarkin, reaches out to Vader in order to get an ally in this feud.  This backfires because Vader takes the leak just as seriously as Tarkin does.  With Vader on his butt, Krennic now takes the problem seriously and travels to Eadu to confront Galen.  This would have also made the Eadu scene seem less tediously pointless.  More importantly, the Mustafar scene wrecks an excellent reveal for Vader later in the movie.  It should have been deleted or edited so that we never actually see him.

       Eventually the Rebels mount an assault on the Planet Scarif to retrieve the Death Star plans.  The heroes sneak off using the new call sign “Rogue,” which seems a lot like an orphaned payoff.  The resultant battle is the best thing to happen in Star Wars since Return of the Jedi.  In addition to specificity and strategy that makes it one of the more well-thought-out of the space battles in the series, it’s also where the special effects shine.  It looked  100% convincing in ways most MCU battles are not. Rogue One ends up succeeding more in its goals of being a Star Warswar movie with the extras in the Battle of Scarif.   It also features the best scene in the movie…

       The Hallway Scene is one of my litmus tests to identify people who feel the need to feign sophistication and those who can actually appreciate and enjoy things.  The former apparently promote a false dichotomy between Turning Your Brain Off and Turning Your Heart Off.  Here we finally get to see how frightening Darth Vader (Daniel Naprous) is to a regular person.  Imagine fighting for the Rebellion always knowing about Vader, always hoping you never cross his path, and then one day you get unlucky.  Imagine this being your first sight of Vader as an audience member. He and the Force are effectively foreshadowed throughout the movie, and then at the finale you see this…thing.  The movie leaves with this cliffhangar knowing this the series’ prime villain.  If not for the Mustafar scene, this would supplant A New Hope as the beginner movie for the series.  But some people won’t stop dismissing this effective climax as “fanservice” or “something out of a horror movie.”  They often denounce it as too dark, not understanding the significance of a bunch of ordinary people standing up to the Galaxy’s biggest walking nightmare and holding him off just long enough to save the day.  

These guys >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>MCU superheroes

       One of the dumber takes on this scene is that it finally demonstrates how evil Vader is.  Sure, he might be playing with those guys a little too much, but it’s not like fighting enemy soldiers in a battle is as evil as murdering children, sand people, complicity with the Death Star, etc.  In fact, he probably spared some stormtroopers’ lives by doing this.  I could answer Vader’s absence in the battle at the beginning of ANH by claiming that Vader had spent enough time in the bridge conducting the chase of the Tantive IV that we wasn’t as fresh.  

       The movie should have cut to credits as Vader was looking after the fleeing ship (the music even builds up to a perfect segue to the Star Wars theme here), but instead we had an unnecessary scene in which Leia (Ingvild Deila) is given the plans.  When asked what they are, she cheesily turns her back on the guy and says “hope” to no one in particular.  The scene itself is worse than CGI on Leia’s face.  The CGI facework is a little off, but I’ve never minded that as much as when the entire battle scene looks like a Pixar movie.  Also, Leia is sufficiently hyped earlier in the movie when Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits) says “I’d trust her with my life.”

       Where fanservice is concerned, the movie has its cringe moments.  The presence of contemporary ships like X-Wings, Star Destroyers, etc. are fine, but some of it is forced.  In the first scene Galen is apparently posing as a moisture farmer on Planet Seattle.  We even have a gratuitous shot of bottle of blue milk in which it is the focal point of the entire image.  Now I’m sure there’s some forced rationalization for those vaporators, but I can’t imagine any justification that can’t be simply explained as water filters.  There’s also a cringe-inducing cameo from Dr. Evazan (Michael Smiley) and Ponda Baba.  However, the movie does combine nostalgia with creativity by adding the U-Wing.  While it’s admittedly designed to sell merchandise, it’s an example of how that’s not always a bad thing.  Not only does it look good, it also serves a thoughtful, practical purpose that’s essential to the plot.  Much better than the redecos of the Sequel Trilogy.  Saw Gerrera is also an import from The Clone Wars, though I don’t see what was ever so interesting about him.  

       The movie isn’t terribly political, despite the assertions of the writers.  It’s an interesting phenomenon in which the Left is so convinced of its own righteousness, as well as the evil of its opponents, it comes full circle.  Instead of hitting you over the head with their own opinions, they simply produce a straightforward black-and-white action movie because they now can’t even tell the difference.  That’s probably why the BP for 2018 went to a blandly safe movie about the Civil Rights Era.  In fact, the only thing really divisive here is the one heroic character seemingly named after an overrated tyrannical communist, and even that’s qualified by observations that he’s an extremist who alienates the Alliance.  Still one can’t help but think upon hearing standard lines about standing up to evil that the writers are completely thinking about resisting Trump.  The irony is that, despite not being remotely enthusiastic about Trump’s nomination, I have my own bad take about the movie that’s in his favor:

1)    Krennic is Hillary.  Corrupt, megalomaniacal official whose carelessness is responsible for intelligence leaks.  The difference is that, unlike the Democratic Party, the Empire was actually willing to hold him accountable.  Also liked fancy white dresses.

2)    Battle of Eadu is Benghazi

3)    The Rogues are the Trump movement, mobilizing under someone who up to this point had no connection to the Alliance/GOP, with some help from fringe elements (Saw)

4)     The decision to invade Scarif was the nomination of Trump, after which many in the GOP sat out the election while the establishment decided to reluctantly throw in with the Trump Train.

On the other hand this ignores that the Trump movement was acting against the Republican Party during the Primary.

         Rogue One, despite nitpicks, is a very enjoyable movie with a solid cast.  Gareth Edwards succeeded in making a more down-to-earth spinoff of this space opera, with cinematographer Greig Fraser’s contributing to the grit.  Michael Giacchino’s score sounds distinctive while fitting the franchise, but one song sounds suspicious.  Action is engaging with the exception of one tacked-on adult fear moment in which a child is endangered during a gunfight on Jedha (only to be blown up offscreen afterward!).  Rogue One's greatest strength is earnestness.  It takes the franchise seriously and treats it with love, not looking down on it as a “silly space movie for kids.”  That’s why it ultimately works.       

Dirty Deeds

Helluva Boss

2019-

**********

Pros: Animation, Humor, Voice Acting, Character Design…

Cons: …With One Exception, Arguably Too Dark in Humor at Times

       Being a fan of the Hazbin Hotel pilot, I obviously checked out its spin-off.  Interestingly the short premiered on YouTube the same day as a teaser video for The Rise of Skywalker and got more views!  I know that there are confounding factors to this, like the number of people who watched the Star Wars video through other websites, but that’s not too shabby for an independent animation studio.

       This pilot focuses on a struggling small business of contract killers called the Immediate Murder Professionals.  Its members mostly consist of imps led by the goofy Blitzo (Brandon Rogers).  His employees are Moxxie (Richard Steven Horvitz), Millie, and Loona (Erica Lindbeck).  Their specialty is performing hits in the living realm using a grimoire stolen by Blitzo from wealthy demon Prince Stolas (Brock Baker).  This series focuses more on comedy than Hazbin does, and its humor is noticeably stronger, taking advantage of its premise to show differing personalities bouncing off each other.  The voice acting also enhances this with appropriately snappy line reads.  Fair warning, the show is very bawdy, and there’s brief strawman.

         As with Hazbin Hotel, I love the animation and art style.  The character designs are creative and they generally fit.  Blitzo is quirky-looking, Moxxie looks appropriately staid, Loona and Millie are punk-like, and Stolas looks creepy and elitist.  One exception is Eddie (Horvitz), who’s drawn as disproportionately grotesque for reasons I’ll go into.  I do, however, have a problem with the ancient practice of depicting inherently corrupt forms (such as demons and dragons) as too genuinely appealing.  This is more of a general pet peeve of mine in fiction.  All the IMPs have a dominant red-black-white motif, but maybe Loona's more restrained use of red could have meaning.

       One warning is that this show is not above very dark humor.  There’s a line I draw on these things, but I’ve recently realized it has its place.  I’ve always presumed that enjoyment of it was the result of a twisted lack of earnest mistaken for sophistication, but I’ve heard about how it can be cope for haunted individuals.  At one point Loona vents her frustrations by punting a baby (granted, it’s a hellbaby), and Eddie is a child that’s brutally murdered by the I.M.P.’s.  Still, he is purposely written to be vaguely unlikable for the purpose of mitigating the impact of his death.  It also helps that the scene is rife with well-executed humor involving inappropriate juxtapositions.  I tend not to like things that go this far, but it helps that pure humor is the motivation.  What’s really offensive is when this is done under dubious pretext of moralism.  Such deceits can corrupt one’s mind to the point one believes that any thought criminal deserves suffering and death, but I'm not naming any namesDrag Me to Hell.  It’s also fortunate that the scene doesn’t emphasize suffering. It’s impressive that something can make me laugh and feel bad about it, because I often have a low tolerance for it.  Also, added context of a confirmed afterlife as seriously mitigates the tragedy.  As many puerile attempts at theodicy fail to realize, the IMPs might be forgivien for killing innocents.  It's dark humor done right.

       And now here's an update in light of having seen the first two episodes, which involved deleting some rather embarrassing headcanons I got from the pilot.  While Hazbin focused more on drama, I believed Helluva was going to be the pure comedy.  This was reflected by the latter's stronger, more confident humor.  In fact, I was afraid they were going to Plot a Perfectly Good Comedy.  It's usually a pet peeve when a comedy works by showing the characters' being their ridiculous selves and then derails that with a tedious, formulaic sentiment, but Helluva Boss manages to do it well.  A lot of that success come from the nature of the characters, which are far more balanced and developed this time around.

      Blitzo is a lower-class imp who wants respect and a better life for himself and those whom he identifies as his family.  His past, involving a rocky relationship with his family and an embarrassing stint as a circus clown, influence his motivation.  In fact, he insists on the "o" in his name being silent, since that's much like a clown's name.  His background is also reflected by his apparent lack of formal education; his functional illiteracy often comes to light despite his better efforts.  However, he seems to have a good heart, having adopted a troubled hellhound (Loona) and doting on her as a father would.  He even goes so far as to endure sexual abuse from Stolas in order to procure the grimoire for the well-being of his "family."

      Loona, despite coming off as apathetic and lazy, is far more balanced.  While still a bit surly, she actually does help around the workplace.  She gives Moxxie (now established to be the conscience of the group), encouragement in performing his murderous deeds, although she betrays misgivings with a quick facial expression.  She's also reliable enough to be entrusted with the grimoire, I.M.P.'s most crucial asset.  Perhaps she displays more loyalty to Blitzo in the context of dealing with Stolas because she appreciates what he goes though for her.   Millie is now voiced by Vivian Nixon, and quite frankly I don't care for the new voice; the Southern accent is a bit over-the-top.

      Even Stolas (now voiced by Bryce Pinkham) is given some sympathetic character development (and even a great leitmotif).  He is shown to deeply love his teenage daughter Octavia (very well voiced by Barrett Wilbert Weed, with Juliana Sada as a small child), but his sexual appetite and desire for Blitzo has threatened the stability of his marriage with Stella (Georgina Leahy).  While Octavia acts stoically bitter, her trauma is eventually revealed to Stolas in a raw, poignant scene.  In spite of a rather disturbing pedophilic/incestuous ship going around in the fandom, Octavia is still a frightened, confused child.  Stolas realizes that he not only traumatized his daughter, but he triggered her core fear: being abandoned by her parents.  It's not everyday you see a show about a demon who learns the importance of unchosen family obligations.  Between this and the suggested redemption arc of an exploited and tragically nymphomaniacal sex worker, no wonder the Woke want to cannibalize Viv. 

       While the seductive depiction of Hell is theologically troubling, it can be interpreted as an effective allegory for any struggling underclass.  Hell itself is never romanticized, and even Blitzo's attempt at social respectability is done through it's rules (murder).  As many puerile attempts at theodicy conveniently ignore, homicide has completely different implications from the point of view of a perpetrator who literally lives in the afterlife. As far as the characters are concerned, they are merely balancing those born luckier than they are (the imps are hellborn).  Blitzo even expresses a lack of sympathy when Miss Mayberry (Mara Wilson) complains about her own damnation.  The more sympathetic treatment of the characters in the show proper makes this theme more apparent.  Unfortunately, the humor isn't quite as strong as it was in the pilot.  A few good songs also help.

      Overall, Helluva Boss is one of most promising works out today, and it makes me eager to see more of these characters in their world.  Of course when C.H.E.R.U.B turns out to be a bunch of hypocritical strawmen, that would be sadly predictable.  Other voices include Jayden Libran, Vivienne Medrano, Maxwell Atoms, Jinkx Monsoon, Don Darryl Rivera, and Alex Brightman.

      

2020 Oscars

I've grown to care so little about this that it was completely off my radar screen until at least the night before.

BEST PICTURE

WINNER: Parasite

NOMINEES: Ford vs Ferarri, The Irishman, Jojo Rabbit, Joker, Little Women, Marriage Story, 1917, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

This was a refreshing win.  While it’s significant that this is the first BP that’s a foreign film, that’s not as significant as that it’s the third BP since the 70’s that actually deserved it.  Some of the other nominees were less worthy.  By the way if you're upset that it a foreign language film won this, you're not doing conservativism right.  Besides, multiple foreign English-language movies have won this award.  Ford vs Ferarri looked good, but not great, and don’t tell Scorsese fans Irishman was a mess.  Also most people may be rasing eyebrows at Marriage Story’s many nominations based on this hammy clip.

SNUBS: Us, A Hidden Life, Honey Boy, Velvet Buzzsaw, TheLighthouse, Midsommar

DIRECTOR

WINNER: Bong Joon-Ho (Parasite)

NOMINEES: Martin Scorsese (The Irishman), Todd Phillips (Joker), Sam Mendes (1917), Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood)

Another deserving win from a great director.  Tarantino may have been traditionally snubbed for this Oscar, but not so much for this one, and I don’t believe in consolation awards (that’s what Lifetime Achievent’s are for).  Scorsese didn’t deserve the nomination.

SNUBS: Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit), Robert Eggers (The Lighthouse), Jordan Peele (Us) Ari Aster (Midsommar)

ACTOR

WINNER: Joaquin Phoenix (Joker)

NOMINEES: Antonio Banderas (Pain and Glory), Leonardo DiCaprio (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood), Adam Driver (Marriage Story), Jonathan Pryce (The Two Popes) 

A very well deserved one.  Phoenix was brilliant. 

BEST ACTRESS

WINNER: Renee Zellwegger (Judy)

NOMINEES: Cynthia Erivo (Harriet), Scarlett Johansson (Marriage Story), Saoirse Ronan (Little Women), Charlize Theron (Bombshell)

Didn’t watch any of these, but Bombshell looks interesting.

SNUBS: Lupita Nyong’o (Us)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

WINNER: Brad Pitt (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood)

NOMINEES: Tom Hanks (A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood), Al Pacino (The Irishman), Anthony Hopkins (The Two Popes), Poe Pesci (The Irishman)

Am I the only person who thinks that Tom Hanks' casting as Mr. Rogers was a shrug?  Also, maybe Al Pacino's would have been more believable in Irishman if he wasn't constantly dissing on Italians in it.

SNUBS: Shia LaBeouf (Honey Boy) 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
WINNER: Laura Dern (Marriage Story)

NOMINEES: Kathy Bates (Richard Jewell), Scarlett Johansson (Jojo Rabbit), Florence Pugh (Little Women), Margot Robbie (Bombshell)

Once again, I should check out Bombshell.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

WINNER: Bong Joon-ho and Han Jin-won (Parasite)

NOMINEES: Rian Johnson (Knives Out), Noah Baumbach (Marriage Story), Sam Mendes and Kristy Wilson-Cairns (1917), Quentin Tarantino (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood)

Well deserved win.  I don’t see how 1917 warranted this.  Aside from one surprise, it’s a pretty minimalistic story.  I've also heard that Knives Out's writing mostly consisted of puerile straw men. 

SNUBS: Shia LaBeouf (Honey Boy), Dan Gilroy (Velvet Buzzsaw), Jordan Peele (Us)

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

WINNER: Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit)

NOMINEES: Martin Scorsese (The Irishman), Todd Phillips and Scott Silver (Joker), Greta Gerwig (Little Women), Anthony McCarten (The Two Popes)

I haven’t seen Jojo Rabbit, but it looks worthwhile.

BEST ANIMATED PICTURE

WINNER: Toy Story 4

NOMINEES: How to Train Your Dragon 3, I Lost My Body, Klaus, Missing Link

It seems that the Academy has given another thoughtless win to Pixar, though tbf I haven’t seen that movie yet.  How to Train Your Dragon 3 was disappointing.  I should really check out I Lost My Body, but Missing Link is the best of the movies I’ve seen here.  I personally think that a Best Director of Animation award would make more sense than Best Movie That Happens to be Animated, then Klaus would be the obvious choice for its refreshingly updated 2D animation.  It also doesn't help that leaked documents have revealed just how little respect the Academy has for this medium.

BEST SCORE

WINNER: Hildur Guonadottir (Joker)

NOMINEES: Alexandre DeSplat (Little Women), Randy Newman (Marriage Story), Thomas Newman (1917), John Williams (TROS)

Joker’s haunting score is the clear right choice, but can someone explain why the hell they keep nominating the Star Wars sequels for this?  They never did this for the prequels, which had great scores.  Does anyone actually remember anything from the TROS score that wasn’t already in the older movie?

SNUBS: Christophe Beck (Frozen II) 

BEST SONG

WINNER: “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again” (Elton John& Bernie Taupin, Rocket Man)

NOMINEES: “I Can’t Let You Throw Yourself Away” (Randy Newman, Toy Story 4), “I’m Standing with You” (Diane Warren, Breakthrough), “Into the Unknown” (Kristen Anderson-Lopez & Robert Lopez, Frozen II), “Stand Up” (Cynthia Erivo, Harriet)

“Stand Up” is the most deserving out of the nominees, and it’s neat that Erivo was nominated for both acting and music Oscars.  “I’m Standing with You” was bland, and Toy Story 4’s song is a repetitive mocker of Motown.  The Elton John is fun, but it pretty much channels the Four Tops pretty heavily at the beginning.

SNUBS: “The Next Right Thing” and “All is Found” from the Frozen II sountrack  

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
WINNER: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

NOMINEES: Jojo Rabbit, The Irishman, 1917, Parasite

I wish the creative design of Jojo Rabbit won this.  Parasite was also more deserving.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

WINNER: Roger Deakins (1917)

NOMINEES: Rodrigo Prieto (The Irishman), Lawrence Sher (Joker), Jarin Blaschke (The Lighthouse), Robert Richardson (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood) 

I love Roger Deakins, and his award for BR2049 was richly deserved.  Still, I think this win was overcompensation for how criminally overdue he was for an Oscar as well as the Academy’s giving the movie’s pseudo-one-shot gimmick more credit than it deserved.  The other nominees were more deserving.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

WINNER: 1917

NOMINEES: Avengers: Endgame, The Irishman, The Lion King, TROS

I like 1917’s emphasis on practical effects, so it deserved the win more than any of these other nominees. Endgame as typical CGI overindulgence, the Irishman’s de-aging got a lot of snark for its seams, the Lion King characters were soulless, and TROS’s CG looked cartoonish.  In fact I think the reason those Star Destroyers were based on Imperial I class is because they simply recycled the models from Rogue One.

SNUBS: Ad Astra, Godzilla: King of Monsters

Raimi's Hidden Gem

The Quick and the Dead

1995

D: Sam Raimi

**********

Pros: Camp Style, Great Cast, Some Good Lines

Cons: Some Writing Flaws, No Bruce Campbell

       This is the 25^th anniversary of Sam Raimi’s most criminally overlooked movie.  While it has some story flaws, all you need to know about this movie to want go see The Quick and the Dead is that it’s a camp spaghetti Wester directed by Sam Raimi.  I repeat: a camp Spaghetti Western directed by Sam Raimi.  Mid-90’s Sam Raimi.  I’ve heard assertions that Raimi was an inappropriate director such a movie, but that’s like saying that Don Bluth wouldn’t be the right choice to adapt Jack.  This film also features a smorgasborg of recognizable character actors that include Goliath, Bishop, Commissioner Gordon, and the Snow Shoveler from Home Alone.

       It's 1881 and The Lady (Sharon Stone) comes to a town and participates in a pistol dueling tournament set up by dictatorial mayor John Herod (Gene Hackman).  Other competitors include the flamboyant sharpshooter Ace Hanlon (Lance Henrikson), Sgt. Cantrell (Keith Davd), the Swede Gutzon (Sven Ole-Thorsen), Dog Kelly (Tobin Bell), Eugene Dred (Kevin Conway), and Spotted Horse (Jonothon Gill), a Native American who boasts that he “cannot be killed by a bullet” (he almost lives up to it).  Two more significant participants are Cort (Russell Crowe) and The Kid (Leonardo DiCaprio).  Cort is a former member of Herod’s gang turned preacher who is being forced to join the match; he eventually kills despite his protests that he is now a pacifist.  The Kid runs the local gun store, and is determined to prove that he is Herod’s son by matching his marksmanship. Various confrontations occur during this game, including a few villains and the revelation that Hanlon is nothing more than a stylish charlatan.  Other cast members include Raynor Scheine, Olivia Burnette, Scott Spiegel, Woody Strode, Mark, Boone Junior, and Pat Hingle as Horace the saloon owner, and Roberts Blossom as Doc Wallace. 

      The Lady, in spite of her posturing as a tough character, turns out to be rather ambivalent about killing and demonstrates weakness at times in the plot.  This vulnerability could be easily forgiven, but her reluctance to kill contradicts one moment when she physically assaults Horace for a casually misogynistic comment in a classic example of writers' being able to tell the difference between a strong female character and a dangerously unstable crazy woman.  Also, this twist is subtly foreshadowed in the first scene, in which a bum tries to shoot her.  It initially appears as though he hit her but it turns out he only shot her through her hat.  The gunshot was enough to startle off her horse (which didn’t rear).  It’s ultimately revealed that she is the daughter of the town’s former sheriff (Gary Senise), whom Herod murdered when he took over.  She eventually alies with Cort to come up with a clever plan to defeat the villain.

      One nagging flaw in this movie is the stupidity often displayed by Herod.  First, despite ruling the town with an iron fist, he apparently has a gun shop and dares people to participate in a dueling competition.  This is an odd choice when everyone in town hates you and wants you dead.  Most dictators, including Hackman’s character from Unforgiven, realize this.  Of course, this could be excused as villainous arrogance, but it’s still a stretch.  

      Less logical is his relationship with The Kid, which is his only human trait.  While he emphatically denies that he’s the father, he cares enough about The Kid's safety to discourage him from joining the tournament.  Then again, he could just simply ban him and get away with it.  One could say that that robs him of plausible deniability, but he’s still openly telling the Kid to walk away, and it’s not like people in authority have an unlimited ability to gaslight.  Worse still, he changes the rules of the tournament to mandate duels to the death in order to spite a participant who was hired by the townspeople to kill him.  Not only is this redundant since the lack of required homicide didn’t stop him, he has now put himself in a position where he might have to obliged to kill the only person in town he doesn’t want to.  Eventually, he ends up doing just that.  Admittedly the scene is very well directed, which a palpable sense of doom that contrasts with the Kid’s oblivious optimism.        

       There’s a difference in tone between the earnest script and the playful direction, as Raimi was hired late in the game at the behest of Sharon Stone.  This isn’t usually an issue since I actually love the juxtaposition of serious narrative and over-the-top style.  However, that usually works best when the serious narrative is good.  Actual flaws are not justified in a story that takes itself seriously, and the script is serious with the exception of Spotted Horse, whose politically incorrect nature can only be justified as camp.  Quick and the Dead has some flaws which bring it down, but it’s an effective enough story and the director made elevated it with a unique, fun style.

       And the style is Sam Raimi at his best in a genre that lends itself to his strengths.  The cinematography by Dante Spinotti is exceptional, especially with all the Raimi camerawork that adds to the movie’s distinctiveness.  Patrizia von Brandenstein (production design), Pietro Scalia (editing), Steve Skalad (art direction), Hilton Rosemarin (set decoration), Judianna Makovsky (costume design) all help make this movie a feast for the eyes.  It's amazing this movie didn't get nominated for any visual Oscars, because it's as stylish as Fury Road.  The Spaghetti Western element is also enhanced by the hiring of Italian talent.  Alan Silvestri’s score is decent.  The guns are detailed and period specific thanks to the help of Thell Reed, and are lovingly filmed.  The gunplay is hilariously over-the-top, with backflips from gun impacts and inventively cartoonish stylizations that only Raimi could work in real life.  Yes, this movie is a live-action cartoon and it is glorious.  Other elements of camp include a blind kid (Jerry Swindall) who manages the ammunition, and rumor has it The Classic is hidden somewhere in the movie.  One glaring omission is Bruce Campbell, which is particularly absurd.  It seems Raimi continued his tradition of tormenting the actor by having Pat Hingle beat the shit out of him and adding insult by not even including the scene in the movie.  One hopes this scene comes to light eventually.

       Unfortunately, the movie's lack of success might have been what killed Sam Raimi’s visual style.  The director blamed his creativity for the failure, and that probably explains why most of his subsequent films have lacked his campy edge, and those that didn’t have been adulterated with CGI.  While imperfect, Quick and the Dead is a fun movie whose style makes it mandatory viewing for Sam Raimi fans.  It’s certainly more worth their time than Drag Me to Hell.    

QUOTES

HEROD: [to The Lady] Do you have some particular problem with me?

HEROD: [having just defeated Cantrell] I'm confused.  All I hear from you, you spineless cowards, is how poor you are; how you can't afford my taxes.  Yet somehow you managed to find the money to hire a gunfighter to kill me.  If you got so much money, I'm just gonna have to take some more, because clearly some of you haven't got the message.  THIS IS MY.  TOWN.  I RUN EVERYTHING.  IF YOU LIVE TO SEE THE DAWN IT'S BECAUSE I ALLOW IT.  I decide who lives and dies.  [Cantrell attempts to make a move, but Herod delivers put a Looney Tunes-sized hole in his head]  Your gunfighter is dead.  Old news.

XFL Uniforms Ranked

I’m not gonna lie, I’m excited about the new XFL.  It’s going to be a relief having a sport to watch during basketball season, after all.  Also, it seems this will not be the same type of snark bait that the original one was.  Instead of edgy gimmicks, it will focus on streamlining the game: reducing game length and penalties.  Even more laudably, it’s apparently getting rid of the de facto college requirement.  So here’s my uniform ranking of all the teams, including the old ones.  Overall, I think the new leagues' uniforms are better than the NFL's.

16. BIRMINGHAM THUNDERBOLTS

The helmet layout is distinctive, but that’s about it.  Generic purple/yellow combination watered down with white.  You'd think with the stormy theme they'd get alliterative and call it the Birmingham Blitz.

15. LOS ANGELESE XTREME

The blue/yellow/white scheme is okay, but you’d think a team with such an edgy 90’s name would have a bolder uniform.

14. DC DEFENDERS

Meh, just a typical red uniform.  Uninspired, but tasteful.

11. ST. LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS

A typical royal blue uniform, but at least there’s a subtle two-tone look with another shade of blue, and I like the distinctive way the wings dominate the helmets.

13. SEATTLE DRAGONS

While they picked the best creature as their mascot, their uniforms aren’t that impressive, but they look ok and unique.

12. ORLANDO RAGE

The colors are okay, but maybe with too much white space.  The warm palette matches the brand.  However, it does have one of the funniest sports logos out there: its name is RAGE, and its logo is a picture of this dude who just looks mildly annoyed.

10. SAN FRANCISCO DEMONS

A decent red-and-black uniform with one of the more genuinely sinister logos out there.

9. CHICAGO ENFORCERS

A good logo, and it does the black and purple scheme better than the Baltimore Ravens.

8. NEW YORK/NEW JERSEY HITMEN

The logo is nice and the uniform is solid, but there seems to be an ambiguity.  In many pictures and descriptions the uniforms have a royal blue that borders on purple, but some photos show a more attractive teal color.

7. MEMPHIS MANIAX

I love the two colors and they go very well together, but something tells me they’re too soft to match the team’s brand.  I also love how they were so proud of the 90’s spelling stylization on “maniacs” that they literally made it their helmet logo.  Not the whole name, just the “AX” portion.  It’s also funny that the name would presumable represent something as intimidating as a psychotic killer, but the logo is just a picture of some dude tripping balls. 

6. NEW YORK GUARDIANS

A good color scheme, but it’s watered down by too much white.  I absolutely love the sinister logo, and how its stripes wrap around the back of the helmet.

5. LAS VEGAS OUTLAWS

A solid warm motif with the colors, but I wish they’d put this logo on the helmet.  The monogram still looks good though.

4. HOUSTON ROUGHNECKS

A great balance of colors with an effective accent of silver.  One of the best patriotic uniforms out there.  It's a good name, but easily turned into "rednecks" by detractors.

3. LOS ANGELES WILDCATS

A dark and edgy theme with flawless color coordination as a result of the highlight colors’ being red and orange.  The logo looks good as well.

2. TAMPA BAY VIPERS

The bright green fits the brand and it’s underused in sports.  It complements the yellow well, and the uniform maintains a consistent color theme.

1. DALLAS RENEGADES

I’m definitely biased towards bright blue, especially when contrasted with a dark color.  The red also complements it well without going overboard.  The shoulder stripes work well.  Overall, it looks like a better version of the Titans’ old uniform (which I sorely miss), except it maintains a consistent palette with the bright blue helmet.