Not Much to Say

Underworld: Blood Wars

2016

D: Anna Foerster

**********

Pros: Charles Dance, Not much technically wrong with it

Cons: Bland Characters, Uninteresting Plot

      Perhaps I should reconsider my standing order to do a review of every Underworld movie out of tradition, as it’s the only reason I feel compelled to even address this movie.  I never particularly cared for these movies, but they always had some interesting elements.  This one, however, is so bland it’s even making me see redeeming features in Awakening. 

      At this point in the saga, the Lycans are winning a war of extermination against the vampires.  It might be nice to acknowledge how the oppressed can become the oppressor, but don’t expect any Babylon 5-like complexity to make it interesting.  This time they are led by Marius (Tobias Menzies), who, in spite of some character shilling, is nothing more than a bland version of Lucian (Michael Sheen), the closest thing the first movie had to a likeable character.  While he’s winning the war, he still needs a plan to break into the Eastern Coven with the help of his vampire lover Alexia (Daisy Head).  He also uses the blood of Michael Corvinus (Trent Garrett, replacing Scott Speedman), whom he apparently killed, to attain Super-Lycan status.

      Meanwhile, the Eastern Coven, led by Cassius (James Faulkner) is convinced by Semira (Lara Pulver) and Thomas (Charles Dance) to grant Selene (Kate Beckinsale) clemency so that she can train the younger Death Dealers.  Selene agrees and she brings David (Theo James) to the coven.  Unfortunately, Semira and her lover Varga (Bradley James) are planning a coup.  They frame Selene for their murder of a group of Death Dealers, and Semira reveals that she was Viktor’s favorite before Selene was turned, motivating her spite.  She then puts her in a device designed to drain her blood, which she intends to consume in order to attain her powers.  Selene and David escape with the help of Thomas, who dies by Semira’s hand.

     They escape to the Nordic Coven, meeting Vidar (Peter Andersson) and Lena (Clementine Nicholson).  There a whole lot of world-building occurs in little time.  They discover that the Nordic vampires have perfected a method that involves embalming and resurrection in order to obtain super-speed powers.  David finds out that he’s actually the child of of Vampire Elder Amelia (Sveta Driga, replacing Zita Görög) and is given a special sword held by his father.  I can’t help but think that all this subterfuge, fantasy, and medievalism (as well as Dances’s presence) may be a bad attempt to imitate Game of Thrones.  The Coven is attacked by Lycans, since our heroes just drag trouble with them wherever they go, and Selene is killed by Marius.  This might be a respectably daring move from this franchise, since they already angered fans by apparently killing of Michael, but she gets better.

      At the Eastern Coven, Alexia deactivates the security measures so that the Lycans can invade and reports to Semira, who reveals that she knew of her treachery all along and that it was part of her own plan before killing her.  Semira then uses the desperation as an opportunity to overthrow the council as a stronger leader, but this is thwarted when David shows up with proof of his heritage.  The vampires imprison Semira, but she escapes while the battle ensues.  During the battle Selene shows up, having been cocooned and granted new powers.  She faces off against Marius and kills him after finding out that he probably murdered Michael for his blood.  Marius’ death is one of the movies’ better moments of gore.  David fights Semira who is killed anticlimactically when she is stupidly distracted by her own newfound immunity against sunlight.  The battle is a hard-won victory for the vampires.  The new leadership of the Coven by David and Selene’s new powers could have been an intriguing game-changer for a more reliable franchise.  The movie ends with Selene’s being reunited with Eve, whom she had sent away from her for her own safety.

          Visually the movie is mostly the same as the previous ones, although there are a couple nice snowscapes.  Action is competent, but underwhelming, like in most of its predecessors.  Unfortunately, they also apparently gave up on any decent design for the Lycans, instead reverting solely to the terrible designs in the original.  At 91 minutes, the movie is not mercifully short enough and it drags noticeably more the than the comparable runtimes of the preceding two movies.

           Underworld: Blood Wars may be the worst movie in the series, despite arguably being its least flawed entry.  The first movie might have been more enjoyable if the characters were more likeable and their actions more understandable.  No protagonist does anything particularly stupid or repugnant in Blood Wars, but that doesn’t make it any more watchable.  Despite their flaws the previous movies were at least interesting on some level.  I mean, at least I was able to glean some interesting quotes from the other movies.  In fact, there is so little to say about this movie that this is actually my shortest stand-alone review at 876 words.  Apparently insecure with the established lore, the movie introduces new things out of nowhere, and further alienates fans by elevating newcomer David to Chosen One status while seemingly confirming Michael’s death.  It just goes to show that technical competence isn’t always everything.