Most Overrated Movie Characters

Hopefully, this won’t microagress too many people.

 HONORABLE MENTION: BOBA FETT

Jeremy Bulloch/v. Jason Wingreen, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Return of the Jedi (1983)

Ok, so this is a relatively common choice.  Boba Fett is pretty cool in many ways, though.  He has a great costume and he was effectively built up in Empire Strikes Back.  This makes his appeal pretty understandable when you think of it.  It wasn’t until three years later when Return of the Jedi disposed of him in an undignified way.  He was arguably a good character who wasn't allowed to live up to his potential.

13. DARTH MAUL 
Ray Park, v. Peter Serafinowicz, Star Wars: Epiode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

It's not that I don't like Maul, he's a cool enough character.  It's that everybody seems to blow his potential out of proportion.  Everybody seems to think Darth Maul is the Boba Fett of the prequels.  In reality, I think he served his purpose well.  He showed up, looked and fought cool, killed a protagonist and motivated the other protagonist to finish him.  Unlike Fett he had a pretty good death, too.  Also, his death (along with Qui-Gon's) gave the movie an interesting anything-can-happen quality (not that that makes up for its flaws).  When people say that he should have lived and played a role in the following movies, it seems like they're saying, "I would have like it more if it was more predictable and formulaic."  Besides, I don't think he had much personality anyway.  There have been numerous absurd attempts to resurrect him, but thanks to The Clone Wars, that's now canon. 

 12. GROOT

Vin Diesel, Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

While I was occasionally charmed and amused by Groot, I thought he was way too overpraised by everyone who watched this movie.  He was like the movie’s equivalent to Chewbacca, and I liked Chewie better.  Rocket Raccoon was still awesome, though.

 11. SUPERMAN

Christopher Reeve, Superman (1978) and Superman II (1980)

Christopher Reeve’s performance as Superman/Clark Kent/Kal-El is excellent.  He does a great job capturing the character's multiple identities.  However, this character seemed vaguely smug and unlikable in the first movie.  It gets worse in Superman II, in which he actively toys with Lois’ suspicions and erases her memories upon her finding out his identity.  It’s also hard to relate to a hero who can turn back time any time something doesn’t go his way.  Depending on how you interpret the first movie’s time paradox, he may have selfishly erased his rescue of thousands of people to save Lois.  Despite Man of Steel’s crippling flaws, I actually found its depiction of Superman to be far more human and sympathetic.  And all those people who complained about how that Cavill-Superman “murdered” Zod seemed to forget Reeve-Superman’s cold-blooded and unnecessary execution of a powerless Zod in Superman II.   

 10. JABBA THE HUTT

Star Wars Trilogy (1977, 1980, 1983)

While iconic, Jabba the Hutt may very well be the dumbest movie villain ever conceived.  While his bottomless stupidity is obvious in Return of the Jedi, we already see indications of it in the previous movies.  In A New Hope we learn that he has put a hit out on one of his best smugglers for jettisoning contraband before an Imperial ship would catch him.  For some reason, this is enough for Jabba to hold a petty and irrational grudge against the man.  Now, a smart person would accept that such risks come with illicit trade and be happy that his minion acted quickly to avoid legal troubles that get him busted.  Instead he puts a bounty on his head, thus depriving himself of a good employee and the money he’ll need to pay whichever bounty hunter catches him.

     In Empire Strikes Back Jabba continues to waste his resources sending people after Solo, even after the latter has joined an insurgency group that has enough military-level technology to destroy his fat ass multiple times over.  Maybe he doesn’t want people to get the idea that joining the Alliance gets them off the hook, but I’d rather have Jabba on my tail than Darth Vader so that theory doesn’t work.  After all, he only got a hold of Han because Darth and Boba did all the work.  The whole thing makes you wonder if Jabba has the slightest clue how to run a criminal empire.  He’s so predictably petty and irrational that Luke takes advantage of this in his coincidence-dependent plan to free Han.  Despite his failure as a character in the movies, Jabba has some pretty awesome moments in Expanded Universe material and he was a great special effect.

 9. EDGAR

Vincent D’Onofrio, Men in Black (1997)

While the idea of an alien wearing a human’s skin isn’t bad, it wasn’t executed with enough subtlety to be genuinely creepy.  Instead it came off as goofy and more like an (unsuccessful) attempt at humor.  Eventually Edgar sheds the skin, revealing himself to be a giant, CGI cartoon bug.  Appearance aside, Edgar isn’t terribly interesting.  No charisma and no motivation outside simply being destructive and having an “inferiority complex.”

8. SNAKE PLISSKEN
Kurt Russell, Escape from New York (1981), Escape from LA (1996)

Escape from New York is a rare movie I like despite my not liking the protagonist.  Snake is cynical and nihilistic, but these characters are only fun when they're witty, which Snake is not.  He only cares for himself and whomever he forms a primitive bond with at the moment.  He clearly doesn't care for humanity in general, and he demonstrates that at the end of both movies (especially the second one, in which he condemns countless innocents to death by activating an EMP that destroys all technology on the planet).  I find Hauk (Lee Van Cleef), a well-meaning man who has to force Snake to fight the good fight, a more compelling character. 

 7. CAPTAIN HENRY RHODES

Joseph Pilato, Day of the Dead (1985)

Often cited by horror fans to be one of the most effectively vile villains in the genre, Rhodes comes off as too unbelievable to be taken seriously.  George A. Romero hinted noncommittally at a potentially sympathetic motivation (impatience with the researchers and concern for the well-being of his men), but mostly wrote Rhodes and his men as racist straw-military caricatures.  It’s why I didn’t find his famous death scene as satisfying as many people did.  While Romero was a pioneer in his subgenre, he wasn’t nearly as good at commentary as he and his fans apparently believe. 

 6. THE MINIONS

Pierre Coffin/Chris Renaud/Jermaine Clement, Despicable Me Series (2010, 2013, 2015)

While not outright annoying per se, they’ve become so through endless hype.  Their popularity has helped fuel sequels and a spinoff to a movie I didn’t think was that great in the first place.  They’re not nearly funny or cute enough to carry a movie.  I only remember laughing at them once. 

 5. THE SPARTANS

Gerard Butler et. al., 300 (2006)

I have to say that 300 is one of the most morally inverted movies I have ever seen.  The movie wastes no time showing the Spartans murdering their babies for “weakness” and abusing their children in order to turn them into remorseless killing machines.  In the first five minutes, the movie gives us all the reason we need to root for the Persians.  They were oddly homophobic while being homoerotic as hell, to boot.  The entire appeal is that of a misguided worship of strength for its own sake, rather than strength for the sake of defending what’s right.  The movie and its “heroes” proved popular due to some oddly insecure sense of masculinity (as well as a real life war at the time).  I find our romanticization of the Spartans to be odd considering brutal and tyrannical they were.  I wonder if 2,000 years from now people will be naming sports teams after the Nazis.   

4. JACK WILSON

Jack Palance, Shane (1953)

Jack Wilson is Boba Fett for old people.  Except Wilson’s disappointment can’t be blamed on another movie’s dropping the ball.  I’ve heard numerous times about how great a villain he is, only to be disappointed when I watched the movie.  Like Fett, he’s built up effectively and has an air of mystery.  Palance plays the role well, and Wilson also has a rather memorable Kick-the-Dog scene.  The movie hypes the eventual face-off between him and Shane, and in the end all that happens is that our hero walks into the building full of bad guys and kills them all effortlessly.  Wilson just happens to be one of the bad guys' getting shot

 3. BRICK TAMLAND

Steve Carell, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

I have to admit that sometimes I have laughed at mentally impaired characters, although I do expect the jokes about them to be funny, but this doesn’t apply to Brick Tamland.  His scenes are offensive without even the benefit of a guilty laugh.  Saying “Party in my pants” is funnier than saying “pants party” in the same way that saying “people of color” is less racist than saying “colored people.”   

2. RON BURGUNDY

Will Ferrell, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

In case the previous entry didn’t make it clear enough, I think Anchorman is an overrated movie.  Rob Burgundy himself is also unappealing to me since the forced jokes often come from him.  What really baffles me is when people think he’s somehow likable on top of being funny.  Honestly, Burgundy doesn’t even come off like a character, let alone a sympathetic one.  If he is a human being, he’s a shallow, stupid and misogynistic one.    

 

 1. THE JESUS

John Turturro, The Big Lebowski (1998)

The Big Lebowski is probably one of my favorite comedies, but I never understood the fascination with this character.  His defining trait is that he molests children, and that’s funny because…?  The only funny part about Jesus Quintana is how funny characters like Walter and The Dude react to him.  If anyone should be the ensemble darkhorse of this movie it should be Brandt (Philip Seymour Hoffman).  There are other better candidates such as The Dude’s landlord and even The Jesus’ bowling partner, Liam.  Hell, I even think the ponified version of The Jesus from MLP:FIM is funnier just for having a hairnet on his tail.  The role always seemed like an excuse for the Coens to insert Turturro into the movie, but apparently the character does seem to fit with the popular theory that The Big Lebowski is about insecure masculinity. 

Hyperkin RetroN 3

Hyperkin RetroN 3

2009

Pros: It Works (mostly)

Cons: Imperfect NES Playback, Limited Peripheral Compatibility, Useless Proprietary Controllers, Inefficient Use of Space, Fit and Finish

     When I attended GMX 2012, I came across this device, and it intrigued me.  The ability to play NES, SNES, and Genesis games on one well-priced system was appealing to me.  This console seemed to have what I was looking for in a retro system while not being as expensive as the complex and shady RetroN 5.  Because the technologies on these consoles have expired patents, famiclones such as this are now perfectly legal.  I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to revisit some of the nostalgic Genesis games my family owns. 

     The RetroN 3 comes in rather neat looking-box with a corner cut out, and it was surprisingly compact in size.  The fit and finish, however, could use some work.  The quality of the plastic feels cheap compared to that of the mainstream consoles, and the cartridge ports seem to have an unusually tight grip on the cartridges that makes it slightly less convenient to insert them.  It almost feels like you’ll leave some contacts in the console when you take them out.  The Power/Reset buttons and selector knob feel good, though.  The styling of the console is disappointingly bland.  The RetroN 1, RetroN 2 and RetroN 5 are all available in great color schemes that are reminiscent of those of the NES, Famicom, and SNES.  The RetroN 3 only* comes in a dark gray or candy red.  If Hyperkin was trying to recreate the sleek, black styling of the Sega Genesis, it didn’t do a very good job.  The console does have a bit of a utilitarian charm (which the RetroN 1 does better), but this is discredited by its inefficient layout.     

The box looks better than the console.

     While the console is small, it doesn’t use space well.  People complain about how the XBOX One looks like a VCR, but that’s an efficient layout for its large size.  All the ports are in the front and you could put something on top of it in a pinch.  I was once able to lie my Wii flat next to my N64 on the bottom of my entertainment center (a nice wooden dresser I bought at a thrift store for $20), but I had to turn it on its side and mount it next to the PS3 to make room for the RetroN.   The PS3 and Wii share the space well, but the 64 and RetroN don’t.  One thing you’ll notice about the RetroN 3 is that each corner has a round little pedestal for a friction pad.  These protrude needlessly from the sides of the console as do two of the controller ports.  Without these, I would be able to fit the damn thing between my N64 and the inside wall in my entertainment center. 

Hyperkin’s decision to put controller ports for each system on each side of the console was dreadful; they should all be on the front.  This means that the R3 requires free space on all sides except for the bottom.  Not only do the ports themselves take up space, the controllers use up even more precious volume when they run out the sides.  This also reduces the effective length of the controller cords (The console does come with wireless controllers, but you’ll still need to use the original controllers.  I’ll get to that eventually).  This is particularly annoying with my Genesis controller, which has a shorter cord than the NES’ and has become permanently coiled from years of storage.  In order to play Genesis games comfortably, I have to push my couch forward or pull the console out of the cabinet (it has to lie diagonally because the video cables aren’t long enough).

This is particularly frustrating because in 2009, and people should know better than to design a console with such a poor layout.  Just because the system replaces three consoles doesn’t mean it should take up as much space as three consoles.

 

Not that you're completely off the hook, fatty.

Aside from its terrible use of space, the R3’s design also has a few more ergonomic problems.  Thanks to the NES/Genesis controller ports’ being on the sides, you have to lift the console and turn it around to see where you plug the controller in (and, yes, those are the two functions I intend to use the most on this console).  Being unable to mount the console flat makes it a bit awkward to insert and remove cartridges.  The cartridge ports are ordered from the NES in the back to the Genesis to the SNES.  I think it would make more sense to put the SNES in the middle since those cartridges are larger than the Genesis carts.  That would also put the two Nintendo ports next to each other.  The R3 has a knob in front of the cartridge ports that switches its function.  It would be better if the labels for this knob where on the front instead of behind it, but that’s a minor gripe.  I would also prefer the indicator lights on the front of the console instead of next to each cartridge port.      

      As for plugging the system in, I found out that I had run out of plugs in my surge protector so I had to buy a basic extension cord to run through the passageway to my bedroom along with my broadband cable.  It was surprisingly unobtrusive since there’s no door there. 

Unfortunately, the plug comes with an AC adapter at the end of the cord.  This limits where you can plug the console in.  The game comes with composite video plugs and an S-Video plug.  At first I could just use the S-Video and not have a third set of composites competing for one TV input, but apparently you need to plug in both or else the games will either not work or work incompletely.

      Well, enough about setting the console up.  The truly important question is, “Does it work?”  Well, after some brief testing, I’d say yes.  All of my Genesis games work, and the one SNES game I bought (Star Fox) works.  The instructions clearly state that one should not insert the SNES cartridge backwards.  This is common sense, and the singling out of one port suggests that something horrible will happen if I disobey.  The processing speed doesn’t seem at all wrong when playing the Genesis games, except for one lag when I faced multiple enemies in Asterix and the Great Rescue.  Every NES game I’ve tried works, but the graphics seem slightly glitched. 

 It’s slightly annoying when playing Mario 3 and it makes me wish SuperMario All-Stars didn’t “improve” its graphics and sound effects.  The color, though, is attractively bright and vibrant.  For all the flaws, it’s still an improvement over the dark days of coaxial.  There may be some issues with the sound mixing.  Sonic 2 in particular has sound effects that are annoyingly louder than everything else, and I’m not sure if that’s just the game.  I really don’t know whether or not Famicom or Mega Drive games work on this (I don’t really care to be honest), and the info I’ve found online is scattered and varied.  There are a few games like Virtua Racer and Castlevania III which I’ve heard don’t work on this console, and I’m not sure if there’s an updated version of it that will play them.  I’ve heard that some peripherals don’t work.   For example, I’ve heard that the NES Zapper does, but (sadly) the Four Score does not.  Unless you are looking for these games and peripherals, the R3 seems to be a good substitute for all the consoles. I’ve noticed that sometimes I had to double-check to see if the controller was plugged in firmly enough before I started playing, but nothing serious.

 

The RetroN 3's useless proprietary controller.

        The RetroN 3 comes with two wireless proprietary controllers.  They are clearly based off the fine six-button Genesis controller, albeit with cheaper plastic.  They look clean, but they are complete garbage.  One thing you’ll notice when you put the AA batteries in your controller (besides the redundant use of a screw in addition to a latch for the battery panel) is a legend that helpfully educates you its unhelpful button layout.  The NES button layout makes enough sense.  The B and A are thoughtfully switched as they are on the original with appropriate positions for turbo buttons, which makes it so surprising that the SNES and Genesis layouts make no sense.  Because the R3 controller is based on the Genesis Controller, it has no index finger buttons, so the extra to buttons on the right take their place.  Fair enough, but the L and R positions are backwards!  Even worse, they switched the Genesis button layout even though the controller is modeled on a Genesis controller.

 Maybe Hyperkin wanted to encourage people to use the original controllers for an authentic experience so they purposefully half-assed these things.  The worst the part of these devices is not the layout, however.  The RetroN 3 controller’s wireless system uses infrared signals.  Like a TV remote.  This means you have to keep the controller pointed directly at the receiver in the front of the console.  Any slight deviation results in a loss of control.  And even when it works there’s a noticeable lag.  This makes these controllers thoroughly useless for their intended purpose.  This wouldn’t be quite as annoying if it weren’t for the console layout I complained about earlier.  Anyone considering buying this console had better invest in the original controllers.  I have, however, found that the RetroN 3’s controllers are useful as target practice for my .357.

Okay, I actually used .38 Special rounds.

The first hit was a bullseye.  Right through the D-Pad, which either flew off to parts unknown or shattered into a million pieces.

The exit wound.

Overall, the RetroN 3 is cheap and functional, but it takes up space and has its limits.  If I hadn’t already bought this console, I would have probably gotten something better.  But I already have it, and it works.  That’s what’s important.

Also, I can still close the cabinet neatly when it's not in use.

* Apparently, now there's a blue one that looks pretty good.

Carpet Sucks.

Disney’s Aladdin

1993

Sega Genesis

**********

Pros: Fluid Graphics, Good Controls

Cons: A Little Too Straightfoward, Some Repetitive Levels, Stringent Gameplay in Some Areas

     When Disney’s Aladdin was adapted for gaming, the license ended up going to two companies who produced two completely different games.  Capcom produced a game for the Super Nintendo, while Virgin Interactive made this one for the Sega Genesis.  There seems to be some dispute over which is better, but I’ve never played the former.  Having owned the Genesis version from my childhood, I can tell you what I think of it.

     The gameplay is pretty straightforward, and the controls are well-executed and responsive.  The A, B, and C buttons make you throw apples (explosion is the natural reaction of the human body to having apples thrown at it), slash with a scimitar (a rather nice one for a homeless person, it also causes people to explode), and jump (forward or straight up).  Holding up while using the sword causes him to swing it upwards on both sides to fend off enemies, and he stabs it forward while ducking.

      Like most sidescrollers, Aladdin features many items.  You’ll need to make sure you collect plenty of apples, as you’ll need them in many areas of the game.  The maximum is 99, and it’s funny that a man who has to steal to eat has no problem hoarding apples to throw at people.  Unfortunately, your supply defaults to zero when you die.  This is very detrimental during the final two boss fights, in which they are essential.  A blue heart restores some of your health, which is measured as smoke coming from a lamp in the corner.  Extra lives are represented by Aladdin’s face.  Abu’s face will result in a bonus level in which you play as Abu and collect more items.  A Genie face (which makes a surprised shout when you collect it) gives you a slot machine bonus level, and more Genie faces means more tries.  A black lamp destroys all the onscreen enemies.  A Genie vase is the checkpoint.  Gems can be collected to buy extra lives (5 gems) or continues (10 gems, a much better deal) from The Peddler.

     The sound effects are crisp and enjoyable.  The soundtrack consists mostly of relatively crude 16-bit versions of the movie’s musical numbers, with a few original tracks thrown in.  It’s been said that the Genesis’ capacity for music mostly lent itself to cyberpunk/techno scores, and its cover of an Alan Menken soundtrack demonstrates this (“A Whole New World” sounds a bit goofy).  I do, however, like its somber version of “Arabian Nights,” which fits level 4’s dark atmosphere.  Overall, the soundtrack isn’t much to write home about. 

     The graphics are excellent.  While the occasional background has a pixelated gradient look, most of the scenery is good.  Virgin made this game with the assistance of Disney animation, and it shows.  They took advantage of the Genesis’ faster processing speed to produce fluid movement and cartoon expressiveness.  If you pause at the right moment, you’ll even see some amusing smears (Aladdin momentarily grows three extra arms when throwing an apple).  When you throw an apple at a knife juggler, you might be treated to a beautifully animated cutting of the apple complete with juice.  Another neat little thing I noticed is that the spikes in Level 4 slightly go back when they reach their apex.  I haven’t played the SNES version, but if I were making obnoxious Sega commercials, I would have definitely edited clips from the two games together to sell the Genesis’ “Blast Processing.”  The graphics are definitely the best part of this game, but that usually isn’t a promising thing to say about a video game. 

     The first level is Agrabah Street, a fairly straightforward level.  Just like in the movie, the entire town has declared war on one homeless guy.  You’ll encounter the two most common enemies in the game: the generic Agrabah guards and the fat knife-throwers.  The fat guys are amusing to watch.  When they don’t see you, they endlessly stuff their faces at an alarming rate.  When they do see you, the waddle pathetically toward you and throw swords.  Throwing an apple at them can loosen their pants, and they forget they’re in a fight to the death and freak out at their own underwear.  Also look out for people rhythmically dumping their chamber pots on you.  For some reason, this level is set to “Prince Ali” instead of “One Jump,” which is on the third board.  This makes no chronological sense.  After this, Jafar will accost you disguised as an old man and task you with finding the two halves of the scarab which will open the Cave of Wonders. 

     You will find the first half in the The Desert.  You will find the typical guards and some face fez-wearing snakes.  For some reason, Iago shows up as a minor adversary even though you’re currently working for Jafar now.  You need to touch collect the scarab half twice for some reason.  Because Aladdin has butterfingers.

     Next comes Agrabah Rooftops.  The level looks remarkably similar to Agrabah streets (which seems a bit repetitive), but has more rope-climbing and pole-sliding.  You will need to collect flutes that activate flying ropes to make progress in the level, but this is fairly straightforward.  Jafar has tasked you with getting the second half of the scarab from Gazeem.  The instruction manual states that you must “make him give up something you’re looking for.”  Okay.  This is rather easy since Gazeem is one of those bosses that you just get into the corner and stab repeatedly.  After having killed a midget, you face off against Razoul and you “defeat” him only to be rewarded by his capturing you in the story and putting you in the Dungeon.  On the plus side, there is never any shame in getting beaten by Jim Cummings.

     In Sultan’s Dungeon, you will face off against guards, spikes that come out the wall, wrecking balls (a must have in any prison), and relatively easy appearing blocks.  Reanimated skeletons who accidentally reassemble themselves with bombs will explode sending harmful, wall-piercing bones flying in every direction.  The level also introduces swarms of bats, which are never a good thing in video games.

Above: Case in point.

Still, this is one of the better boards.  The layout is decent, the graphics are atmospheric and detailed, and it’s well-scored.  A foreground graphic of chains surprisingly doesn’t block the gameplay too much, and there are many nicely macabre details.  I like its dark tone because I’m Goth garbage.

       In the Cave of Wonders, you’ll face more bats, some animated Shiva statues that do this and a Shiva Monkey miniboss.  You’ll then be picked up by Carpet and quickly find out why he’s awful.  When you’re flying on him, you have no control over where you go.  He just flies around in a chaotic, circuitous pattern and dumps you in some random spot to complete the level yourself.  Carpet sucks.  F--- Carpet.  You then collect the Lamp and proceed to the next level because Abu’s dumb ass had to try and take a cursed gem.

      During the Escape, you’ll jump over precarious platforms to avoid lava and run through tunnels from giant rolling boulders.  It’s a pretty stressful board and it’s by far the most difficult one in the game.  It doesn’t give you any time for enjoyment.  The scenery is well done, not that you can enjoy it.  There is one extra life midway through the level.  It makes you risk falling into lava, but it’s fairly easy to get to.  Even if you die right afterward, it’s no net loss.  As long as can make it to this 1-up, you effectively have unlimited tries on this board.  There’s no real strategy in this board, just timing.  The level ends with your being forced into a Leap of Faith by a giant boulder, and carpet catches you.

      Next comes Rug Ride (that’s the actual name of the level).  Because Carpet disappeared when you really needed him, you had to deal with the previous level.  When he finally remembered to pick you up, it got to the point where a giant high-speed tidal wave of lava had formed.  Good work, Carpet.  Here you have to avoid floating boulders which are indicated by Genie’s hands pointing you to safety.  It’s an on-rails board with no flexibility and it’s dependent solely on reflexes.  It’s like the Turbo Tunnel from Battletoads, although much easier.  I know everyone talks about how memorable challenging boards like this are, but does anyone actually like them?  I’m going to take the position that these boards are bad.  The Turbo Tunnel wasn’t fun; it was frustrating and it prevented you from getting the parts of the game that were fun.  At least this level is doable and allowed me to collect some much needed items.

      You finally get a rest Inside the Lamp.  Along with the Dungeon, it’s one of the better boards.  It has clever gimmicks and the graphics are amusingly surreal.  It’s a relatively fun board, and I remember my older brother saying years ago it was the only part of the game he liked.  While there are no enemies, there’s always the danger of falling.  Whose side are you on, Genie?

          The Sultan’ Palace features some delightfully decadent architecture, but it’s also Carpet at his most annoying.  He sends you careening into enemies throughout the whole board, and you need him to progress to certain areas.  He consistently flies you directly into Iago, who respawns/teleports at an absurd rate.  Iago is spread out on the board that he appears in almost every screen during the Carpet phase.  I’m pretty sure I saw two Iagos on one screen at one point.  You need to make sure you have plenty of apples, because you’re almost certainly screwed without them when you reach the boss, which is Iago operating the lightning machine.  His machine produces lightning bolts as well as Turban-clad ghosts that will follow you throughout the screen.  Climb a flight of stairs to a platform and pelt Iago with apples until he goes down.  If you make the platform with enough apples, this is fairly easy.  Just push Up/B to fend off ghosts and then throw apples when you can.  Unfortunately, the stairway is one of those that are hard to mount in video games.  I died the first time because of this and somehow miraculously got through the battle even though you don’t come back to life with any apples.  The boss level makes you go back and forth across the screen to collect four respawned apples bit by bit while everything tries to kill you.

      The final board is Jafar’s Palace.  I can’t help but notice that this game commits the same sin that the otherwise perfect Batman (NES) does by recycling an earlier music track for the final level.  The level itself isn’t too hard, and I would like to say I beat this game, but Jafar turned into a cobra and broke me.  This may be the hardest boss battle I’ve ever played.  In the first sequence, carpet carries you around a bit then dumps you into Jafar’s inner sanctum to fend for yourself.  Jafar will use his wand to suck you toward him and you take damage if you touch him.  It’s hard to avoid his staff long enough the throw apples at him, and if you die once, you have to rely on the four spare apples on each side of the room, which I find to be insufficient.  Once you defeat him in this phase, he turns into a cobra and things get really f---ed up.  The platforms in the room now erupt in flames when you land on them.  You have to run across them to avoid taking damage.  The floor has waves of fire emanating from Jafar himself.  There is literally no safe place to stand.  You know whom I could use right now?  MOTHERF---ING CARPET.  Anyway, I died and I didn’t have the heart to continue.  Whoever said turning into a snake “never helps?”

     Because I’m a garbage gamer, I’ll say that this is a relatively easy game (with two very disproportionately difficult final boss levels) simply because actually made it to its last leg.  The game is competently executed, but if anything it’s a little too straightforward, even during the hard parts.  Though I kinda liked two levels, the game’s layout lacks true creativity and flexibility.  There’s very little of that happy medium between levels being too difficult and too easy that’s commonly referred to as “fun.”  The hard parts are more stressful than challenging, relying more on reflexes than cleverness.  The easy parts, for all their visual cleverness and humor, are mostly bland.  Those two boss battles are just plain unfair.  This game does have some mild nostalgic value for me, but as an adult I found it a bit disappointing.  I’ve never played the Capcom version, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the better game.