I don’t follow sports that much. I mean I like the occasional football game, but it generally bores me when people argue over it. I do, however, have opinions on sports uniforms. A lot of this is due to my...hobbies and color biases. Bright Cerulean, for example, is my favorite color, and I’m very picky about shades of blue.
-One trend football uniforms I hate is how jerseys currently look like they’re shrink-wrapped over the pads. I assumed there was a justifiable safety-related reason for this, but it seems to be another symptom of the “Stupidly Tight = Fashionable” trend.
-For safety reasons, the NFL has these new helmets. That’s good, but the holes in them are probably motivating many teams to switch to dark helmets without adapting the logos.
-Also, this is a revision of my last version, in which I ranked the teams by their best available uniforms. Instead, I’m going to go closer to the NHL list’s criteria by prioritizing primary uniforms.
32. LOS ANGELES RAMS
A lot of people rag on their color rush uniforms, but I like them. Navy and yellow are a good combination for sports unis, even if yellow is the dominant color. The retro white unforms with the tastefully restrained gold trim look good, too. What triggers uncontrollable OCD rage in me is the uniform with the jerseys that CLEARLY DON’T MATCH THE BLUE OF THE FUCKING HELMET. DON’T TELL ME NOBODY FUCKING NOTICES THIS. The older Yellow and blue uniforms at least looked good because the blues matched and they stuck to Navy Blue instead of Royal Blue, which does not contrast effectively with the yellow.
31. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
I’ve never been the biggest fan of plain red uniforms, but, in almost literal manifestation of the Golden Mean Fallacy, the yellow trim kills the appeal. It’s enough to ruin an effective two-tone red/white scheme while being too slight to complement the red. It looks like the spilled some mustard all over themselves as opposed to a purposeful design. The uninspired logo doesn’t help, either.
30. MINNESOTA VIKINGS
The Vikings’ uniforms looked good when they used a darker shade of purple. Also, is it just me or does the finish on their current helmets look atrocious? I was never the biggest fan of this set. I don’t see how purple is related to Vikings, and this set is reminiscent of a time in which flying monkey’s would carry you off to the Dungeon of Despair if you dared design a purple sports uniform without yellow. I’ve never liked the horns on the helmets. The illusion works better for the Rams because rams’ horns don’t stick out to the sides. Maybe if they put some effort into shading in order to pull off foreshortening or used this nice logo, it would look better. To be fair, these uniforms would be presentable if not for that helmet finish.
29. NEW YORK JETS
I miss the logo on the pre-1998 Jets uniforms. It effectively conveyed the speed and futurism suggested by the team’s name. The new logo effectively conveys the fact that this football team is, in fact, a football team. You’d think if we can agree on one thing, it’s that sports logos that are just pictures of the ball with which the sport is played are lame and unimaginative. I like the forest green shade and the two-toned sleeves of the 1998-2018 uniforms, but the new set combines the worst of both worlds. At least the black alternative uniform looks cool.
28. NEW YORK GIANTS
The one thing I like about this uniform is the distinctive wordmark, but it still looked better when it was in Navy Blue. Ugh, when are people going to realize that royal blue is a garbage color?
27. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS
I was never too fond of these uniforms (seriously, just lightning bolts is your logo?), but in retrospect they actually looked good when they were Navy up until 2006. The powder blue doesn’t contrast effectively, and it just seems like a weak, nondescript uniform set. It looks like a store brand football team.
26. TENNESSEE TITANS
This one is kinda personal with my rooting for the Titans and all. They started out with a great uniform. The light blue stripe on the shoulders was an effective minimalistic representation of armor and it gave the uniform an attractive, distinctive look. Unfortunately, that stripe got thinner, and eventually turned into...swords. On the shoulders. Those stupid shoulder swords have no precedent I can think of outside that dude who got crushed by his sword armor from Goblins. Worse still, those things are practically invisible on white jerseys, making the set look like a generic Navy Blue/White uniform while the attractive Navy/Light blue scheme is being downplayed. The helmet (presumably as an adaptation to the new safety design) is now dark, but the logo (which I love btw) doesn’t contrast effectively against it. Not only does this look bland, it also makes the Titans hard to recognize as a team from a distance is therefore objectively bad design. However, it does look good when they wear light blue jerseys or pants, but not both because then they look like they’re wearing onesies. The light blue jerseys with white pants have a nice progressive scheme. It's like the opposite of what happened to the Preds, who went from the worst uniform in the NHL to one of the best.
25. DENVER BRONCOS
An improvement that got a predictable reaction from Boomers. I’ve never really agreed with the idea that blue goes well with orange, unless it’s a very dark blue like that of the new uniforms. The new logo is a simple white design with an orange flair, which makes it contrast effectively against a dark helmet. I would rank these higher if they prioritized the dark blue jerseys over the orange ones.
24. BUFFALO BILLS
The Bills haven’t yet fully decided if they want their helmets to be red or white. Still, the current one is a minimalist scheme so effectively it actually makes Royal Blue tolerable. Patriotic while still maintaining the white part of red, white, and blue.
23. BALTIMORE RAVENS
The Ravens commit the classic “Navy Blue with Black” faux pas except with purple. Meanwhile, he gold trim is in keeping with that stringent rule about purple and yellow, even if it's not so bad.. I also like the old logo better.
22. TAMPA BAY BUCCUNEERS
The gunmetal/crimson combination isn’t the best contrast, but it gets credit for being unique. I’d like to see pewter more in uniforms, myself. More problematic is the logo, which is not only objectively too big for the helmet but also inferior to this well-drawn portrait of a lovably smarmy pirate. I’m not the biggest fan of orange, but the old uniforms were bold and unique (to the NFL), even if a little too similar to UT’s color schemes. Another problem with the logo is the superfluous football in it, which prompted them to add some awkward orange trim to a two-tone scheme.
I was going to downlink these for looking like a poor man's Cowboy Uniform, but they did predate the Cowboys so...
20. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
A decent Navy and White uniform.
19. ARIZONA CARDINALS
I usually don’t like plain red uniforms, but I like how the Cardinals' white jerseys have a shoulder stripe, giving their away uniforms a nice Famicom look. This would be higher in the ranking if they just apllied this more balanced pattern to their home jerseys. Also, their black jerseys look great.
18. CINCINNATI BENGALS
With its outside-the-box design of asymmetrical tiger stripes on the helmet in 1981, these uniforms were definitely ahead of their time. Also, has an effective color scheme.
17. HOUSTON TEXANS
I almost can’t root against this team when the Titans play them. I don’t know how much of a sore spot it is for Houston that we took the Oilers from them. The Bills have a nice light patriotic color scheme, and this team has a nice dark patriotic scheme.
16. CLEVELAND BROWNS
The brown and orange combination is good, and the Browns have always had a nicely simple uniform set. I have mixed feelings about the orange numbers on the jersey, though. I like the font and two tone look, but it bleeds a bit and clashes with the white stripe on the helmet. Fortunately, I hear they're going back to the old ones soon.
15. MIAMI DOLPHINS
I like the turquoise color even if it doesn’t go well with the orange. The new logo is graceful and pretty. It effectively conveys that the orange circle is supposed to represent the sun, not a hoop through which the dolphin is jumping. It also doesn’t have a helmet that looks stupid because it clearly doesn’t fit over the dolphin’s head. The new logo is a vast objective improvement over the original one, so it got a predictable reaction from the Boomers.
14. GREEN BAY PACKERS
A classic and effective uniform, but I like the blue and yellow retro one better. I usually don’t consider alternates in the ranking, but the fact that they have one of the best ones in addition to a solid primary set helps a lot.
13. CHICAGO BEARS
A good high contrast color scheme with a simple, effective logo.
12. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
A simple and good use of red and gold. Like the Packers,’ if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it. Badass alternate, too.
11. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
A solid patriotic color scheme with a logo that is yet another obvious improvement that got a predictable reaction from Boomers. Then again, considering how most of us feel about the Patriots, maybe it would make sense to revert to the most punchable logo in NFL history.
10. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
The wing design is distinctive, but I would prefer if they used this logo. I love the shade of green.
9. WASHINGTON REDSKINS
The yellow and maroon color scheme is distinctive, and the logo is something we need more in sports branding …no, I don't mean racism, I mean well-drawn portraiture. You know if showed a foreigner the Redskins logo and…this one and asked him which one team was called the Redskins and which one was called the Indians, he’s probably get it wrong.
8. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
These uniforms looked much better with the gold helmets. For some reason, they decided to use an odd transitionary helmet before settling on black. Still, I love the black and turquoise color scheme.
7. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
I like the Steel Blue/Turquoise uniforms better, but both are a vast improvement over the old ones. The logo contrasts effectively against the helmet, and the lime green (points for a unique color) is relegated as trim to highlight a dark monochromatic color palette. Even the lime green color rush unis get points for boldness.
6. DALLAS COWBOYS
I always like this one. Great shade of Navy Blue that goes well with the white and silver. Simple and effective logo.
5. ATLANTA FALCONS
I think the uniform would work better with a black
jersey, but I love the dark, red-and-black scheme. The team also has the best logo in theleague, a falcon that’s also a stylized F.
4. PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Great black-and-yellow scheme with a unique one-sided
logo. Old-school and effective. I even like the jailbird alternate uniforms.
3. OAKLAND RAIDERS
You can’t go wrong with plain black. The logo is pretty good, too.
2. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Black and gold, classic layout, with a fleur-de-lis logo
1. CAROLINA PANTHERS
In the end, my color bias wins out. The bright blue strips
stand out perfectly against the black jerseys.
