2022 Movies Ranked

<< 2021    2023 >>

 

14. Everything Everywhere All At Once

D: Daniels

**********

Despite some interesting ideas, the movie chases the multiverse trend and fails miserably.  In a massive disappointment from A24 it manages to be everything that sucks about MCU movies (crap for story structure and lots of forced humor), only without the CGI glut.  The movie didn't know how to end and dragged on far too long.  Particularly frustrating are the jokes which are rubbed in long after they were made, as if the movie is saying, "SEE?  SEE? REMEMBER THIS JOKE WE MADE? WASN'T THAT FUNNY?!!!"  I get it movie, there's a dimension in which everyone has wieners for fingers and it looks off-puttingly phallic, YOU DON'T NEED TO REMIND ME FOR THE NINTH-MILLIONTH TIME.  The best part of the movie was Short Round, who served as the sensitive husband type.

13. Jurassic World: Dominion

D: Colin Trevorrow

**********

Not horrible, but not that great, either.  Particularly disappointed by the character derailment of Dodgson.  

12. The Batman

D: Matt Reeves

**********

Derivative, bland strawman version of a gritty comic book movie.  Elevated only by Greig Fraser’s awesome cinematography and some good action.  At least it wasn’t boring.

11. Babylon

D: Damien Chazelle

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10. The Bad Guys

D: Pierre Perifel

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Despite some stylish animation, and well-timed kinetic slapstick, it's a formulaic Dreamworks movie.  It's a shame because I love the theme of bad people trying to be good, and I've always found it annoying that all the cool animals I identified with were always the villains in cartoons.  At least the fox character is hot.

9. Smile

D: Parker Finn

**********

A decent horror movie with a great creature effect at the end.  Still too much like a lesser version of It Follows.

8. Suzume

D: Makoto Shinkai

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7. Father Stu

D: Rosalind Ross

**********

Very good movie about a Christian's struggles and redemption.  Has a good message about God's plans' not always aligning with our logic, in that a man called to priesthood is afflicted with a fatal disease.

6. The Northman

D: Robert Eggers

**********

A good movie, but a bit slow.

6. The Whale

D: Darren Aronofsky

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5. The Banshees of Inisherin

D: Marin McDonagh

**********

Good movie, but a bit overlong.  

4. Top Gun: Maverick

D: Joseph Kosinski

**********

A legacy sequel done right by people who take the project seriously.  Could have used "Mighty Wings," though. 

3. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

D: Joel Crawford

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2. Elvis

D: Baz Luhrmann

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I usually never liked Luhrmann's movies, but it seems he finally found an editor who can work with his vision (Matt Villa).  A colorful engaging movie, with great performances.  And I usually don't like biopics. 

1. Nope

D: Jordan Peele

**********

A good, creative movie, but the twist that the UFO was just an animal trying to feed itself robbed the story of much of its conceptual horror.  

 

<< 2021    2023 >>

Best Batmobiles

Limited to theatrically-released movies.

 

 

10. FIRST LEGO VERSION

The LEGO Movie

Way too bulky, not a fan.

 

9. THE “CLASSIC”

Batman (1966)

Many nostalgic Boomers obnoxiously assert it was the last Batmobile with “class,” but it’s a lame design that only gets credit for its iconic status.  Not even a legit Batmobile design, just an uglified Lincoln Futura concept.

 

8. THE SECOND SCHUMACHER VERSION

Batman & Robin

This is a disappointedly lame design after so many good ones.  Derivative version of the classic Batmobile format without much setting it apart to look good.

7. THE SECOND LEGO VERSION

The LEGO Batman Movie

Much more svelte and aggressive than the previous model.  Looks like something out of Mad Max.

6. THE MUSCLE CAR

The Batman

A good example of an earlier Batmobile built from a stock car.  It’s also involved in an excellent chase scene and makes a frighteningly demonic screech.  The gorgeous cinematography helps a lot.  

 

 

 

5. THE ANIMATED VERSION

BTAS, Mask of the Phantasm

Like the Burton version with a little more class, but not quite as as aggressive looking.

 

4. DCEU VERSION

BvS, Justice League

Looks pretty awesome.  Sleek, but awkward from some angles.

3. THE BURTON VERSION

Batman, Batman Returns

The first true Batmobile on the big screen.  It’s a classic design, and it has a distinctly sinister face.  I think its the malicious-looking of all the Batmobiles and that edges it out over the Tumbler.  

 

2. THE TUMBLER

The Dark Knight Trilogy

The most unique, alien design of them all.  I love how they went into the logistics of why it is the way it is.

1. THE FIRST SCHUMACHER VERSION

Batman Forever

I know this is unpopular, but this is my favorite.  It takes the classic layout and makes it look as gothic as possible while having a nice face.  The wheel fenders and the headlights also give it a nice retro look.  It would be a perfect Batmobile for all occasions with its blue lighting and wheels blacked out, but it’s still perfect for its movie’s aesthetic as it is.  Destroying this car was one of the more annoying things Jim Carrey did in this movie, and that's saying something. 

Batmans Ranked

Limited to the theatrically-released movies.

One thing I’ve noticed is that the best Bruce Waynes are actively involved in Wayne Enterprises.

 

 

 

9. ROBERT PATTINSON

The Batman

I’d really hate to put him at the bottom, but his performance is that of a bland, emo strawman depiction of a gritty Batman.  Even gritty Batmans need to show some nuance.  It’s not that Pattinson is bad per se, it’s just how he was utilized.  I’d like to see more of a Tenet Robert Pattinson, but instead I got Twilight Robert Pattinson all over again.  Unlike many, I did not balk at his casting.  After all, we’ve had more controversial casting choices like Michael Keaton, Ben Affleck, and Heath Ledger work out okay.  I guess it’s the trailers that seem to be the most reliable indicator how good these casting choices will be.  I thought Ledger and Affleck looked good enough in the them, but the Batman trailers gave me a taste of what’s to come with Pattinson. 

 

8. GEORGE CLOONEY

Batman & Robin

I really wanted to put him at the bottom of this list, but I really had to do it.  Then again, what makes Pattinson even more disappointing is that, unlike Clooney, it was a waste of good casting.  George Clooney only works as a befuddled wannabe hero who’s not as savvy as he thinks he is, and even campy versions of Batman have to be badasses in their own right, based on the goofy rules of their universes.  The Coen Bros, for example are the few who realize this.  Still, Clooney can deliver a droll one-liner well, and his Bruce Wayne does have this moment.    

 

7. WILL ARNETT

The LEGO Movies

Arnett does a god job as a parody of Batman's raspy voice.  He was far funnier in the LEGO Movie as a supporting character as the hero's love interest's boyfriend.  No her boyfriend wasn't Bruce Wayne...it was Batman.  LEGO Batman, on the other hand, kinda sucked.  It was just a kid-friendly version of Robot Chicken.

6. CHRISTIAN BALE

The Dark Knight Trilogy

This is another example of someone whose casting wasn’t taken enough advantage of.  Considering American Psycho, one could understand why Christian Bale was cast as Bruce Wayne.  He’d be a great example of Batman-as-the-real-identity, a dark creature awkwardly pretending to be an eccentric rich fop.  In other words, a heroic version of Patrick Bateman.

Unfortunately, this angle seemed to be ignored in practice.  Bruce Wayne seems to be the perfectly natural persona, while that of Batman is comically forced.  We’ve all heard complaints about that voice, after all.  Perhaps it’s because Bale already has a deep voice.  He should have got the Kevin Conroy way with that.

 

5. BEN AFFLECK

DCEU

Like many others, I was pleasantly surprised by Ben Affleck’s Batman.  Affleck has come a long way as an actor and he now has the rugged good looks to pull off the role.  I also find it interesting that the movie shows that Batman can fall into violent corruption while still being able to find redemption afterward.  I guess we could ignore his apparently forcing himself on Harley in Suicide Squad. 

 

4. VAL KILMER

Batman Forever

Kilmer perfectly combines a credibly intimidating Batman persona with a somewhat light depiction of Bruce Wayne.  He does justice to the campy atmosphere of his movie, and is the closest thing we got to worthy Adam West successor.

3. ADAM WEST

Batman (1966)

Someone who owned the campiness with a distinctive, iconic performance.  

 

2. MICHAEL KEATON

Batman, Batman Returns

Burton described his Batman as someone who needed to wear a mask.  Indeed, Keaton manages to be intimidating enough as Batman while still maintaining a lovable quirkiness that sets his Bruce Wayne apart and makes him relatable.  He can still mope when he had to though.  Just proof that just because someone has demons, he doesn’t need to be wooden.  Keaton’s performance makes the best case for Bruce-Wayne-as-the-real-identity.

 

1. KEVIN CONROY

Batman: The Animated Series, Mask of the Phantasm

Conroy’s voice is perfect.  I like how he has a disarming voice as Wayne, but his Batman voice is unparalleled…and the latter is clearly his normal speaking voice. 

2022 Oscars

This year's nominations definitely got some buzz going due to its snubs.

PICTURE

NOMINEES: Belfast, Don’t Look Up, Dune, Licorice Pizza, The Power of the Dog, Coda, Drive My Car, King Richard, Nightmare Alley, West Side Story

I was actually pleasantly surprised to find Nightmare Alley on here; that was the best movie I’ve seen from the year.  I’m also thoroughly disappointed by the inclusion of apparent cringefest Don’t Look Up, especially considering some of the snubs.  I can’t believe that got nominated instead of Macbeth, but then again the Oscars is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a taletold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,signifying nothing.  Dune is another movie I felt was overrated.  On the other hand, this category look like a wealth of pontentiall worth-looking-into movies, and that’s the only thing the Academy is really good for.

SNUBS: The Tragedy of Macbeth, In the Earth

 

ACTOR

NOMINEES: Andrew Garfield (tick, tick…BOOM!), Denzel Washington (The Tragedy of Macbeth), Will Smith (King Richard), Benedict Cumberbatch (The Power of the Dog), Javier Bardem (Being the Ricardos)

I haven’t seen King Richard, but I’m rooting for Will Smith.  I like him, and he’s ovedue.  

SNUBS: Bradley Cooper (Nightmare Alley), Dev Patel (Green Knight)

ACTRESS

NOMINEES: Jessica Chastain (They Eyes of Tammy Faye), Nicole Kidman (Being the Ricardos), Penelope Cruz (Parallel Mothers), Kristen Stewart (Spencer), Olivia Colman (The Lost Daughter)

Really disappointed by Frances McDormand’s snub; she was the real start of Macbeth.  I like Nicole Kidman, but Being the Ricardos is the only movie from this category I’ve watched, so I know that she deserved it less.

SNUBS: Frances McDormand (The Tragedy of Macbeth), 

 

DIRECTOR

NOMINEES: Jane Campion (The Power of the Dog), Paul Thomas Anderson (Licorice Pizza), Kenneth Branagh (Belfast), Ryusuke Hamaguchi (Drive My Car), Steven Spielberg (West Side Story)

Green Knight would have been a classic if not for its modernist decontructions, but it as a travesty that it was not nominated for this award or for any of the visual categories.  

SNUBS: David Lowery (Green Knight), Guillermo del Toro (Nightmare Alley), Ben Wheatley (In the Earth)

 

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

NOMINEES: Sian Heder (Coda), Ryusuke Humaguchi/Takamasa Oe (Drive My Car), Jon Spaihts/Denis Villeneuve/Eric Roth (Dune), Maggie Gyllenhaal (The Lost Daughter), Jane Campion (The Power of the Dog)

Not much to say other than I’d be really grumpy if Dune won this for stripping the story of everything that made it interesting. 

 

CINEMATOGRAPHY 

NOMINEES: Greig Fraser (Dune), Dan Laustsen (Nightmare Alley), Ari Wegner (The Power of the Dog), Bruno Delbonnel (The Tragedy of Macbeth), Janusz Kaminski (West Side Story)

Greig Fraser probably deserves this for tricking everybody into thinking that Dune had good production/costume design.  Still, part of me want to see him lose in order to increase the chances of his winning for his apparently brilliant work in The Batman.  The one I’m rooting for is Macbeth.

SNUBS: Andrew Droz Palermo (Green Knight), Linus Sandgren (No Time to Die), Chung-hoon Chung (Last Night in Soho), Florian Hoffmeister (Antlers) 

 

EDITING

NOMINEES: Hank Corwin (Don’t Look Up), Joe Walker (Dune), Pamela Martin (King Richard), Peter Sciberras (The Power of the Dog), Myron Kerstein/Andrew Weisbum (tick, tick…BOOM!)

Hank Corwin’s editing in Don’t Look Up and The Big Short is beyond atrocious.  It’s like the CalArts style of film editing: basically put obviously garbage in peoples’ faces and brazenly act like it’s a good thing.  Dune’s editing is the opposite extreme; the movie was incredibly slow and plodding, and I usually like slow burns.

 

PRODUCTION DESIGN

NOMINEES: Patrice Vermette/Zsuzsanna Sipos (Dune), Tamara Deverell/Shane Vieau (Nightmare Alley), Grant Major/Amber Richards (The Power of the Dog), Stefan Dechant/Nancy Haigh (The Tragedy of Macbeth), Adam Stockhausen/Rena DeAngelo (West Side Story)

Despite having its moments, I found Dune’s design to be uninspired.  I’m rooting for Macbeth for its intriguing half-cinema-half-stage design.  Nightmare Alley is also a worthy choice.

SNUBS: Jade Healy (Green Knight)

 

COSTUME DESIGN

NOMINEES: Jenny Beavan (Cruella), Jacqueline West, Bob Morgan (Dune), Massimo Cantini Parrini/Jacqueline Durran (Cyrano), Luis Sequeira (Nightmare Alley), Paul Tazewell (West Side Story)

Once again, not terribly happy with Dune on here.

SNUBS: Malgosia Turzanska (Green Knight)

 

BEST SCORE

NOMINEES: Nicholas Britell (Don’t Look Up), Hans Zimmer (Dune), Germaine Franco (Encanto), Alberto Iglesias [NSFW image] (Parallel Mothers), Johnny Greenwood (The Power of the Dog)

Looks like it’s an apples and oranges between Hans Zimmer’s atmospheric and bapipe-blessed Dune and the admittedly off-beat and worthy score of Don’t Look Up.

SNUBS: Javier Navarrete (Antlers), Steven Price (Last Night in Soho), Daniel Hart (Green Knight), Clint Mansell (In the Earth), Nathan Johnson (Nightmare Alley)

 

BEST SONG

NOMINEES: “Down to Joy” (Van Morrison, Belfast), “Dos Oruguitas” (Lin-Manuel Miranda, Encanto), “Somehow You Do” (Diane Warren, Four Good Days), “Be Alive” (Beyance/Dixson, King Richard), “No Time to Die” (Billie Eilish)

One of the few positive trends in the Oscars that suggests that they can learn lessons is that they’re finally awarding Bond songs.  "No Time to Die" is what I'm rooting for, but “Somehow You Do” is good, too. I'd be upset if "Down to Joy" or "Be Alive" won.

SNUBS: “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” (Lin-Manuel Miranda, Encanto)

 

ANIMATED FILM

NOMINEES: Encanto, Flee, Luca, Raya and the Last Dragon, The Mitchells vs the Machines

Surprised that Belle was not nominated, but I do think it’s ending was a bit of a copout.  I’ve heard Encantois good, but not so much Raya.  

 

HONORARY AWARDS

Elaine May, Live Ullmann, Samuel L. Jackson

Ah yes, the “Sorry, Our Bad” Awards, and Samuel L. Jackson is definitely overdue for this.  

 

Don't Buy This Car (10th Anniversary of First Blog Post)

2003 Mercury Sable LS Premium 

Silver

Nickname: Winifred 

90,000mi

MPG: 17 everyday, 22 on trips (Regular gas)

Pros: Styling, Reliability Besides Transmission

Cons: Transmission, A/C Flaw (worked around), Some Ergonomic Complaints, Disappointing Gas Mileage

 

        This marks the 10^th anniversary of my first blog post, in which I showed off my 2001 Buick LeSabre.  Unfortunately, I’ve had rather bad luck with machines.  While I’ve heard some bad things about Windows 10, I’ve never heard of anyone’s having two W10 computers brick themselves after 9 months apiece (and even when they were working they always ran like they had at least 10 years’ worth of junk data on them).  Also, my Ruger KP90, reputed to be one of the most reliable pistols one could possibly own, is a piece of junk that has never worked right.So it almost follows that my LeSabre, despite the model’s famous refusal to die, caught fire after eight years to good service.

         Unfortunately, my replacement was not a particularly wise purchase, even if I’m out of the woods on most of its problems.

          My primary pieces of advice for anyone looking into these cars.

1. If the car does not already have a fresh transmission (preferably a re-engineered one like a Jasper), know you'll need to have an extra $4,000 handy to replace it. They generally die at around 65,000 miles.

2. Before you buy the Duratec, make sure you try out the Vulcan to see if it's powerful enough for you, unless you want a mid-size sedan with the gas mileage of an SUV.

3. If you're having trouble with the A/C not blowing cold, try using the Floor/AC combination button.

 

 

STYLING

 

     I seem to be contrarian when it comes to car styling, and honestly that’s what attracted me to the car.  There are so many cars that everybody says are boring/ugly that I find beautiful, and the 4^th Gen Sable is one of them. Like the 3^rd Gen, it’s better looking than the Taurus in a way that made it seem like that’s what the latter should have looked like, especially considering how superfluous a brand Mercury was by then.  The 2000 model adapted the platform to appear more traditional, and it was surprisingly effective. The changes mostly consisted of a traditional grill and a fuller rear end with some nicely designed taillights.  It pulls off the aesthetic well while being very sleek.  One detail I love is the distinctive, perfectly-shaped C-Pillar and how it blends in with the body.  I also like the svelte, concave surface of the side panels.  One common problem attempted malaise-era nostalgia is the assumption that such cars looked good because they were boxy, but the Greatest Generation knew better.  They looked good because they were long, low, wide, and they had a healthy amount of adornment.  

       Despite how effective the design was, they didn’t fully commit with the embellishment.  The 4^th Gen Sables lack sufficient chrome trim and they came with bland wheels.  As a result, they  slightly awkward-looking the same way as a wreckovated Catholic Church.  It took some searching and some money, but I finally managed to bring out the car’s natural beauty.  First I had to replace the wheels with black steel rims that would accept some nice hubcaps, and then I got some Coker whitewalls (the only whitewalls I could find in that size), which were a bit rare/expensive due to decreased demand from the T-Bird remake they were made for.  The tires are a bit larger than the factory ones, so they give the car a spryer stance.  It’s a huge improvement and it makes a world of difference.  I also got some aftermarket chrome trim for the windows and spray-painted the grill (it took me a while to get enough internet research to feel safe about that because for some stupid reason everyone wanted to black their grills out).  I considered some chrome wheel trim, but it looked good enough without it, and they seemed to be a hassle to install.  This might have been thanks to the silver paint job, which I at first was worried would not contrast enough with the chrome.  I have a car that looks better than 95% of what’s on the road but I do sometimes miss that LeSabre booty.  

 

INTERIOR

 

       The interior is a nice traditional one, similar in personality to that of the LeSabre, but it accentuates the cold light gray with some dark gray and some fake wood trim.   It has plain black plastic door handles, but that’s fine; brightwork is for the exterior.  Unlike the Buick, it has a console and a center-mounted shifter.  I like the driver-oriented cockpit feel as much as the next person, but it is nice to be able to slide across the bench seat to exit the passenger’s door in case I’m parked on the side of the road.  Bench seats and column shifters are now all but extinct, but the only practical advantage to the console shifter I’ve heard is a vague assertion that it’s “safer.”  The only reason I can think of for that is that you’d be less tempted to place a child in the front middle seat as a human sacrifice to the car crash gods.  Also bench seating is roomier.

      The instrument panel is well-designed and is nicely integrated into the dashboard. Easily legible gauges in a nice green light that was Ford’s signature at the time, much nicer than the white that car companies prefer now for some reason.  I prefer a single color for the instrumentation lighting, but the orange needles and yellowish odometer backlight give it a surprisingly warm look.  I miss the times when interior lighting was minimal and practical, and this car is an example of that.  

      Ergonomics are overall pretty good.  The steering wheel lacks audio controls, but the volume/power dial is very well placed so that’s not a problem.  I managed to find a good place to mount a Sandisk Clipjam which is connected to the tape deck via an adapter whose wire I’ve glued flush to the dash.  Interestingly enough, the car eschewed the Three Dials for ergonomically inferior buttons because it’s the upscale trim.

      The biggest ergonomic complaint I had was the moronically low placement of the rear-view mirror.  I’m 6’3,” and it was an intolerable blindspot.  Fortunately I had it removied and replaced with a higher mounted mirror that’s well-placed.  Another example of questionable design is that the high beams are activated by permanently pushing the turn signal stalk forward, necessitating a conscious decision to reach farther for the turn signal.  In an impressive feat of precision American engineering, the left driver’s side A/C vent is in just the right place for your left hand to block its ability to cool your face.  Storage is slight, but I’ve managed to find a place for all my stuff while having the interior look good.  

       In addition to a GPS mount I glued to the dashboard and an engine diagnostic display I’ve bought, I also added the option of mounting a green 7-segment digital speedometer that I can securely mount to the dashboard if I want the 80’s retro look.  It doesn’t even block any warning lights.  

 

 

PERFORMANCE

 

       Knowing better than to buy the Vulcan, I went with the Duratec DOHC.  The engine is powerful enough, but the new transmission is a bit rough.  It’s tolerable though.  Gas mileage is a bit disappointing for a car its size.  I’m generally lucky to break 20mpg daily driving in this thing, but fortunately I don’t drive very far to work.

        The performance is adequate but noticeably inferior to the Buick’s.  Despite the lack of any apparent confounding factors, the slightly heavier LeSabre got noticeably better gas mileage and smoother acceleration with a better ride.  I average 17 mpg in daily driving, and got 22 mpg on a road trip.  

RELIABILITY

 

       This is what ultimately made this a bad purchase at the time.  I tried to do my research, but apparently the Sable’s sales figures were not statically significant enough to provoke a rating on CarComplaints.  Had I thought to cross-reference it with the Taurus, I would have saved myself some trouble.  It turns out this thing (particularly the ’03 model) has a criminally bad transmission: one that generally gives out at about 65,000 miles, which was about the mileage this had when I bought it.  Even Nissan CVTs will probably give you six figures before they give up the ghost.  Funny thing was there was no indication when it happened.  No noise, no shudderr; the car just stopped accelerating when I pushed on the gas.  

       The repair was not cheap either.  I was told that if I wanted a real fix I would have to get a Jasper transmission, which ended up costing me $4,000 but comes with a 3-year, 100,000 mile warranty.  Otherwise I would just have another factory transmission put in that could break at any time.  It almost put me in the red.  I figure Winifred would be an appropriate nickname for a car that had to be brought back to life.

So yeah, don’t buy one of these cars unless it already has a Jasper or you have an extra $4,000.

       Another problem is that it took a while to get the AC figured out.  The cold air was practically nonexistent until I figured out how a small hack: you need to run the combination AC/Floor for it to blow cold.  The car was very unpleasant to drive during the summer in the middle of the day, but now it's good.  

      Strangely enough, it was three Cons that saved me with this car.  Shortly after I bought this car, I had reserved a room for FWA 2019, except the con got cancelled due to COVID.  The transmission blew out about the date; if that had happened during the road trip that would have really sucked.  Then I figured out the initial hack for the AC on the way from FFA 22, which ended up being the basis of the final hack that I stumbled upon during a weekend I had decided not to attend a con because Jim Cummings cancelled.

       Despite those two problems, the car has been remarkably problem-free, and I've never had to have it brought in for nearly as many stupid reasons I did with the Buick.  

 

 

CONCLUSION

 

       Despite this car’s initially being a headache, it should serve me well now that I’ve sorted out its serious problems.  Had I known then what I know now, I would not have made this choice, but after a lot of work I’ve got a good car that’s uniquely beautiful.  I even have a ‘sona based on it. 

 

DUNE MOVIE COMPARISON

This post was delayed due to work schedules, but I’ve finally gotten around to making this listicle comparing the three Dune movies:

THE 1984 DAVID LYNCH MOVIE

THE 2000 SCI-FI CHANNEL MINISERIES

THE 2021 and 2024 DENIS VILLENEUVE MOVIES

 

 

 

BEST WRITING

David Lynch (1984)

John Harrison (2000)

Jon Spaihts, Denis Villeneuve, Eric Roth (2021, 2024) 

Lynch’s Dune is interesting enough but cuts out a lot of story.  Its completely unnecessary expository voiceovers have a debatable appeal in adding some strange atmosphere.  The 2000 version does much better, while including various interesting subplots.  Particularly of interest are those involving the Harkonnen’s plans involving Feyd-Rautha and Irulan.  The 2021 version manages to take the longest to get through half the plot while including even less than the 1984 version.  It lacks what made the story interesting and is the most boring out of the bunch. 

 

WINNER: 2000 

Runner-Up: 1984 

 

 

 

THE BEST PAUL

Kyle MacLachlan (1984)

Alec Newman (2000)

Timothee Chalamet (2021, 2024)

Kyle MacLachlan is charismatic and he forms my general mental image of the character, but Newman’s performance is more nuanced and he has a sardonic edge that is fitting of an entitled prince turned would-be Messiah.  Chalamet is competent enough in the first movie, but really breaks out in Part 2, being credible both as a naive young idealist and then as a charismatic dictator.

 

WINNER: TIMOTHEE CHALAMET

Runner-Up: Kyle Machlachlan

 

THE BEST LETO

Jurgen Prochnow (1984)

William Hurt (2000)

Oscar Isaac (2021)

Prochnow is serviceable, but Hurt is both wooden and bafflingly miscast.  Isaac is perfect and adds a lot of humanity to the role

 

WINNER: OSCAR ISAAC 

Runner-Up: Jurgen Prochnow 

 

 

THE BEST JESSICA

Francesca Annis (1984)

Saskia Reeves (2000)

Rebecca Ferguson (2021, 2024)

Annis is good, but edged out by Reeves.  Ferguson is great in Part 2, which develops her manipulative role as a false prophetess. 

 

WINNER: REBECCA FERGUSON 

Runner-Up: Saskia Reeves 

 

 

THE BEST GURNEY

Patrick Stewart (1984)

PH Moriarty (2000)

Josh Brolin (2021, 2024)

Gurney Halleck is naturally cast by far more handsome men than his homely description suggests.  Stewart is miscast (aside from being born to say this line), but we got this amusing story of his meeting Sting and not having the slightest clue who he was.  Moriarty is far more fitting as the grizzled old warrior.  Brolin, despite the most handsome of the bunch (the buzz cut helps alleviate that), works the best for his gruff, rugged presence.

 

WINNER: JOSH BROLIN 

Runner-Up: PH Moriarty

 

 

 

THE BEST THUFIR

Freddie Jones (1984)

Jan Vlasak (2000)

Stephen McKinley (2021)

Freddie Jones is memorably quirky.  Vlasak is barely in the movie and is mostly forgettable.  MicKinley is a surprise breakout in the new movie, having a very nuanced performance.

 

WINNER: STEPHEN MICKINLEY

Runner-Up: Freddie Jones

 

 

 

BEST YUEH 

Dean Stockwell (1984)

Robert Russell (2000)

Chang Chen (2021)

Russell is decent, but Stockwell nails the vulnerable, poignant, and conflicted characterization.  Yueh is barely in the 2021 movie.

 

WINNER: DEAN STOCKWELL

Runner-Up: Robert Russell

 

 

 

THE BEST DUNCAN

Richard Jordan (1984)

James Watson (2000)

Jason Momoa (2021)

Richard Jordan is remarkably miscast, seeming a bit out of shape for the greatest warrior in the story. Watson is more believable in the role, but Momoa is a perfect choice.  He’s tough while being jovial enough to be believable as Paul’s friend.  Most importantly, he’s charismatic enough to carry a franchise, since Duncan is the main character of the series.

 

WINNER: JASON MOMOA

Runner-Up: James Watson

 

THE BEST BARON

Kenneth McMillan (1984)

Ian McNeice (2000)

Stellan Skarsgard (2021, 2024)

Kenneth McMillan is amusingly hammy, and he works as an utterly insane, depraved interpretation of the Baron, but he’s not terribly clever.  McNeice is the perfect Baron, being believable as chessmaster who’s charming enough for politics.  Skarsgard is disappointing as his character has practically no development.  I mean, how do you make Baron Harkonnen boring?  At least he has one amusing moment in which he’s stuffing his fat face after raiding Leto’s fridge.  It’s unfortunate that we never got to see Orson Welles in the Jodorowsky version.  

 

WINNER: IAN McNEICE

Runner-Up: Kenneth McMillan

 

 

 

THE BEST PITER

Brad Dourif (1984)

Jan Unger (2000)

David Dastmalchian (2021)

Brad Dourif is wonderfully creepy while coming off as the only sane member of the Harkonnen leadership. You really get the impression he’s the real brains behind the operation in this version.  Jan Unger, on the other hand, is bland, even though he does momentarily pull it out when the character sadistically stabs Yueh.  Dastmalchian is well-cast, but barely in the movie.

 

WINNER: BRAD DOURIF

Runner-Up: David Dastmalchian

 

 

 

THE BEST RABBAN

Paul Smith (1984)

Laszlo Kish (2000)

Dave Bautista (2021, 2024)

Kish is competent as this character, and Bautista adds an element of fanatical passion to his hatred and anger, almost as if he thinks he’s the good guy in some twisted way.  Smith, on the other hand, is perfect as the slovenly, savage character with no such pretension.  It’s really an apples and oranges between Bautista and Smith.  Bautista’s Rabban seems to be angry at the Atreides’ gift on principle.

 

WINNER: PAUL SMITH

Runner-Up: Dave Bautista

 

 

 

THE LOVELIEST FEYD

Gordon Sumner (1984)

Matt Keeslar (2000)

Austin Butler (2024)

Sting has that celebrity charisma that works most of the time when all that’s demanded of him is a smug, sadistic smirk.  There is one moment, however, in which he’s expected to show some other emotion and he fails miserably.  He’s like a Ewan McGregor who can’t act.  Keeslar has far more story to deal with and he acts decently, even if he’s not quite as fun to watch.  The Jodorowsky version apparently considered Mick Jagger.  Austin Butler is amusing as a raving psychopath, but his talent is wasted on an oversimplified version of the character.

 

WINNER: MATT KEESLAR

Runner-Up: Gordon Sumner 

 

 

THE BEST DOCTOR KYNES

Max Von Sydow (1984)

Karel Dobry (2000)

Sharon Duncan-Brewster (2021)

Karel Dobry is decent, but Max Von Sydow is the most believable as the experienced scientist.  Duncan-Brewster is a controversial choice, but she has the most fleshed-out version of the character.

 

WINNER: SHARON DUNCAN-BREWSTER

Runner-Up: Max Von Sydow

 

 

 

THE BEST CHANI

Sean Young (1984)

Barbora Kodetova (2000)

Zendaya (2021)

Sean Young is awkwardly miscast and wooden and wooden, while Kodetova is more competent.  Zendaya is believable as a young, but hardened, tribeswoman, and shows more nuance in part to where she is more developed.

 

WINNER: ZENDAYA

Runner-Up: Barbora Kodetova

 

 

 

THE BEST STILGAR

Everitt McGill (1984)

Uwe Ochsenknecht (2000)

Javier Bardem (2021)

Ochsenknecht is far better cast than Big Ed, but it’s hard to beat Bardem.

 

WINNER: JAVIER BARDEM

Runner-Up: Uwe Ochsenknecht

 

 

 

BEST EMPEROR

Jose Ferrer (1984)

Giancarlo Giannini (2000)

Christopher Walken (2024)

Jose Ferrer’s emperor comes off as uncertain and vulnerable, which is great if you interpret this as intentional; a weak dynastic heir who’s in over his head.  Giannini is great as a more ruthless and calculating interpretation.  Another apples/oranges.  Christopher Walken's emperor is not developed enough to be anything more than Christopher Walken

 

WINNER: GIANCARLO GIANNINI

Runner-Up: Jose Ferrer 

 

 

BEST IRULAN 

Virginia Madsen (1984)

Laura Burton (2000)

Florence Pugh (2024)

Laura Burton has an unfair advantage of actually having a plot, but she’s still better in the role anyway.  Pugh's Irulan also needed more love, though.  

 

WINNER: LAURA BURTON

Runner-Up: Florence Pugh

 

 

BEST PRODUCTION/COSTUME DESIGN

Moebius, Chris Foss, HR Giger (Jodorowsky)

Anthony Masters, Bob Ringwood (1984)

Miljen Kreka Kljakovic, Theodore Pistek (2000)

Patrice Vermette, Bob Morgan, Jacqueline West (2021) 

The 1984 had a distinctively industrial look that still had enough classicism to maintain an otherworldly feel.  The 2000’s version had some creative designs, but a few goofy moments (Irulan’s butterfly dress, for one).  The 2021 movie had a far more minimalist design that seems lazy even though it does have its moments.  Particularly bland are the Harkonnens’ character designs.  One wonders why they couldn’t go with the phenomonally over-the-top look of the rejected Jodorowsky movie.  Apparently, it was all up to Greig Fraser to make the movie look good.

 

WINNER: JODOROWSKY

Runner-Up: 1984

Third Place : 2000

 

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

Freddie Francis (1984)

Vittorio Stiraro (2000)

Greig Fraser (2021)

The 1984 version had the distinctive camerawork one would expect from a Lynch movie.  The 2000’s cinematography, with the exception of the unsettling Dutch angles in the Harkonnen scenes, ranged from lackluster to bad.  Fraser seemed like a downgrade from Roger Deakins, but his cinematography is phenomenal.  

 

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 1984

 

BEST MUSIC

Brian Eno/TOTO (1984)

Graeme Revell (2000)

Hans Zimmer (2021)

The 1984’s Theme song is epic and memorable.  I usually like Revell, but the miniseries’ score is underwhelming with the exception of the Harkonnen theme.  Zimmer’s music is atmospheric with the added plus of bagpipes!

 

WINNER 1984

Runner-Up: 2021

 

BEST EFFECTS

The 1984’s are dated but charming.  One of the fatal flaws of the miniseries is that so much of it looks like an early 90’s CD-Rom game.  Proof that bad practical effects are preferable to bad CGI.  The 2021’s effects are perfect.

 

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 1984 

 

 

BEST ACTION

The 1984 version foolishly used a goofy gimmick for the Weirding Way because Lynch thought that fight scenes would look too “cheesy.”  The 2000 version is more faithful.  The best part of the 2021’s action is how the shields of the Atreides ships contained their own explosions until the shields themselves were destroyed.

 

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 2000

 

 

BEST CASTING

This is interesting because both the 1984 and 2000 versions have great casting outside two bafflingly bad roles (Stilgar and Leto, respectively).  The 2021’s casting is mostly solid while having a surprisingly dull Baron.

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 1984

 

 

BEST OVERALL

The 2021 was questionable in its lack of story.  A perfect Dune movie would be one with the 2000’s plot and the 1984’s visuals.  Still, the 1984 movie is competent enough, and one can only love a movie so much if it looks like an early 90’s CD-Rom game.  

 

WINNER: 1984

Runner-Up: 2000