My Birthmovie

 

Teachers

1984

D: Arthur Hiller

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Pros: Good Cast, Funny for the First Few Scenes

Cons: Hackish Plot Devices, Melodrama

         I only heard of this movie because of an internet meme that asked people what the number one movie at the box office was the day they were born.  If my brief research is correct it’s this film.  It seemed to have a clever sell: a school whose teachers were just as amusingly irresponsible as the students.  This had to the potential to be to public education what M*A*S*H was to the military but, as Roger Ebert lamented, it was more like General Hospital.

          Sadly, the movie actually does start like the former.  It establishes the chaotic nature of its inner-city Columbus, Ohio high school with wit and humor.  For about twenty minutes I was thinking that I had stumbled on a hidden gem, and then its soapy plot proceeded in earnest.  In fact, this seems to be problem for many movies: Plotting a Perfect Good Comedy.  I’ve seen multiple comedies that were really funny when they were just sticking to their strength of showing their characters’ bouncing off each other, only to turn dull when felt that obligated to have formulaic and saccharine story. 

          In addition to the usual bedlam, the school is dealing with a lawsuit from a student named John Calvin, who is suing the school for allowing him to graduate without actually teaching him how to read.  There is an interesting element here in which the school faculty cynically agrees to stonewall the deposition, reflecting the folly of interpersonal loyalty when it takes precedence over morality and duty.  This could have been executed well and with good comedy, but the movie ends up going down an idealistic route it’s too campy to handle properly. 

           The movie’s protagonist, a lazy but earnest and hip-with-the-students teacher named Alex Jurel (Nick Nolte), at first appears to be a company man, reassuring his close friend Vice Principal Roger Rubell (Judd Hirsch) that he will not betray the school.  This changes when he falls in love with his former student Lisa Hammond (JoBeth Williams), who is now a lawyer for the prosecution in this case.  The romance is predictably lazy and rushed for a blockbuster, and after some tension over the case, Jurel begins to see her point of view.  And because this movie wouldn’t be hackneyed enough without a kid who needs to be reached, Jurel also forms a connection with delinquent student Eddie Pilikian (Ralph Macchio, most known for his starring role in Secret of NIMH 2: Timmy to the Rescue).  Eventually the school catches on to his status as a potential liability and forces him to resign.  As a pretext for this punishment they use his “compassionate” decision drive a student (Laura Dern) to an abortion clinic, a tangent which in itself is underdeveloped and trivialized as it only serves the purpose of Jurel’s persecution as well as ideological manipulation.  Meanwhile, Lisa is disillusioned when her firm is satisfied with a settlement (which should render the Jurel’s forced resignation moot), and browbeats Jurel into not giving up.  She does so by ranting about how she’s not afraid to “run naked down the hallways” (a proposition which I did not realize was on the table) and drives the point about both integrity and the movie’s quality by literally stripping naked and running down the halls.  Inspired, Jurel defies the school at the risk of a lawsuit, pontificating in front of an admiring crowd of students that the school is for the kids, not the teachers.  Even Eddie is inspired to make something of his life now.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of a Tumblr anecdote in which everybody cheers.

           There are multiple tangents in the movie, but they have little significance except as background noise.  It’s almost like the movie tried to cram a miniseries’ worth of material into its runtime, albeit not very hard.  There is one neurotic but honest teacher named Rosenberg (Allen Garfield) whose hand is bitten by a crazed student named Danny Reese (Crispin Glover).  Danny mostly serves as a dim-witted foil for Eddie until he’s tragically shot when he steals a gun in the school.  Richard Mulligan plays a mental outpatient to wanders into a substitute teacher’s apartment when the latter is in the shower and accepts a call from the school to teach there.  His classes end up being fun and engaging because he cosplays during them.  Royal Dano plays Kenneth “Ditto” Stiles, a teacher who simply passes out handouts to the students and sleeps through his classes.  It’s never made clear how the normally unruly children act so civilized under these conditions.  He dies in his sleep, and that’s the arc.  Other cast members include Lee Grant, William Schallert, Art Metrano, Madeleine Sherwood, Anthony Heald, and Morgan Freeman as the school’s corrupt attorney.

                The music is generic 80’s pop with some good selections.  Overall, the movie was disappointing, just idealistic melodrama that provides no real solution to a complex problem, even though it momentarily contains a justified swipe at unions.  I didn’t exactly gain much by watching just for the sake of a gimmick related to my birthday, and the sad thing is…

I was one day away from The Terminator.