Thursday, December 17, 2020

Star Wars Movies Ranked

Here is my ranking of the (canon) Star Wars movies.  In retrospect the prequels deserve a lot of praise for their daring nature.  In some ways they prove Lucas was a misunderstood visionary, especially in regards to things that apparently made no sense prior to 2008 politics.  I always wondered how people could look to the likes of Dooku and Nute Gunray as saviors from a corrupt system, but then again that’s how Trump got nominated as a populist.  Sometimes when the status quo is so broken, you’ll turn to anyone just for the chance to break the cycle.  Still, George could have used some advisors to tone down his more questionable decisions.  I for one would love to see a remake of the prequels with improved cinematography/effects and fixes for the flaws I will describe below:

 



12. Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker

2019

D: J.J. Abrams

**********

This movie is so bad it makes me angrier than any other on this list.  It’s not even a movie, it’s a cancer, a mass of undifferentiated cinematic tissue.  While easily the worst canon Star War, it’s not the least watchable one.  That honor goes to…

 


11. The Clone Wars

2008

D: Dave Filoni

**********

When this movie came out, it forced even the most vicious critic of the prequel trilogy acknowledge its baseline entertainment value.  At least it introduced Rex and spawned a surprisingly good series.



10. Episode VII – The Force Awakens

2015

D: J.J. Abrams

**********

Passably intertaining, but a shameless rehash of A New Hope.

 

9. Episode VIII – The Last Jedi

2017

D: Rian Johnson

**********

As Johnson’s stans love to keep reminding us, this is literally a Star Wars movie for people who hate Star Wars.  It not only fails at basic narrative competence, it’s riddled with contemptuous parody.  Johnson’s own childishness makes matters worse, but it does have some daring elements that put it over TFA.  


 

8. Episode I – The Phantom Menace

1999

D: George Lucas

**********

While the previous two entries are more watchable, I have to give this movie credit for its creativity and vision.  However, while the scenario is interesting, the characters are mere ciphers for plot convenience.  A big mistake is leaving Obi-Wan on the ship instead of having him be Anakin’s first contact.  Instead, we have Qui-Gon fool doing things that make no sense in order to contrive a big action set piece and pick up Anakin.  Jar Jar didn’t help, either.

 


7. Solo: A Star Wars Story

2018

D: Ron Howard

**********

A fun movie, but a lot of the plot doesn’t make sense, especially in the context of the series.

 


6. Episode II: Attack of the Clones

2002

D: George Lucas

**********

An intriguing and original plot, and far more character-driven than the Phantom Menace.  Obi-Wan is very likable in it.  However, it’s visually the ugliest movie in the series.  I would also improve the romance between Anakin and Padme while toning down the sand people massacre.  Anakin’s fall from grace doesn’t mean much if he was already terrible to begin with.

 


5. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

2016

D: Gareth Edwards

**********

An absurd contrivance meant to fix a “plot hole” with an even bigger one.  The heroes are flat, but the villain is one of the most compelling in the franchise.  All is forgiven, however, because of the Battle of Scarif and the Hallway Scene.

 


4. Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith

2005

D: George Lucas

**********

A very original and compelling plot brought down by a few embarrassing mistakes.  First, Anakin’s slaughter of the younglings is a forced attempt at a dog kick that trivializes and dehumanizes Anakin’s fall, as does the fact that Padme is full-term pregnant when he attempts to kill her for an alleged betrayal.  Other mistakes include the stupid “lost the will to live” rationalization for her death.

 


3. Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

1983

D: Richard Marquand

**********

Has some flaws, especially in regards to the absurd tactics of the space battle, but the arc with Luke and Vader is cinema at its finest.

 


2. Episode IV – A New Hope

1977

D: George Lucas

**********

Revolutionized film by legitimizing genre fiction.  It also has a unique 70’s mystique that none of the other works in the franchise have succeeded at recreating.  

 


1. Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

1980

D: Irvin Kershner

**********

What can I say? It’s the movie that truly made this a franchise.  A masterpiece and my favorite movie.

 

 





AVERAGE FRANCHINSE RATING: 5.7





BONUS SECTIONS

 

COMPLETE RANKING INCLUDING TV SHOWS 

16. The Rise Of Skywalker

15. The Clone Wars

14. The Force Awakens

13. The Last Jedi

12. The Phantom Menace

11. Rebels

10. Solo

9. The Mandalorian

8. Attack of the Clones

7. Rogue One

6. Revenge of the Sith

5. TCW Series

4. Genndy Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars

3. Return of the Jedi

2. A New Hope

1. Empire Strikes Back

 

Star Wars Directors Ranked

8. J.J. Abrams - 3

7. Dave Filoni – 3

6. Rian Johnson – 4

5. Ron Howard - 5

4. Gareth Edwards - 6

3. George Lucas – 6.25

2. Richard Marquand – 9

1. Irvin Kershner – 10

 

 

Updated Ranking of US Presidents by Star Wars.

6. Donald Trump 

5. Bill Clinton 

4. Barack Obama

3. George W. Bush

2. Ronald Reagan 

1. Jimmy Carter 

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