Great Character Designs Wasted on Awful Characters.

It’s frustrating when you see this awesome-looking character turn out to be totally lame.  Here’s my list of great designs wasted on bad characters.  I generally do not include characters that are just in bad movies, but rather the characters who I think are disappointing themselves.

 

18. Squat

The Terrible Thunderlizards

I wouldn't say Squat is a lame character, but I love his cute, bottom-heavy looks so much to see it wasted on a buffoonish gag character.  Besides, I generally find well-developed, witty protagonists more amusing anyway.

 17. G3 Spike

My Little Pony

I really don’t know much about this character outside his being a little annoyingly pompous, but this is what G4 Spike should look like.

16. Meg Griffin/Toot Braunstein

Family Guy/Drawn Together

They’re both in one item for the same reason.  I think they look cuter than most characters (I like a little chub), but they’re framed as hideous beasts by the shows’ hack writers for being ever so slightly overweight.  They’re also not written as actual people, demonstrating how bad these two shows are.

 15. Prince Nuada

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Nuada looks the way the elves should’ve looked in Lord of the Rings, but he’s one of those increasingly evident Bland “Understandable” Villains: villains that have no charisma or charm but have a half-hearted attempt at a tragic backstory/understandable motivation.  Nuada’s understandable frustration toward his kind being ousted from the world is outweighed by his genocidal goals.  Even his motivation is discredited in one scene which outs him as a cynical hypocrite.  He unleashes a plant elemental on a city, forcing Hellboy to destroy it, and then shamelessly guilts him by telling him that it was the last of its species.  Hellboy didn’t know that but you did when you used it as a weapon, asshole.  Bland acting and lack of good dialogue from this character also don’t help.

 14. Anakin Skywalker

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

I like Anakin’s costume and his metal hair in Episode III.  It’s a little dark and fits the character perfectly.  I may be in the minority, but I also admire Hayden Christensen’s performance.  However, this is one of the worst-written movie characters ever.  His fall from grace is meaningless because he was already a whiny, unlikable murderer and because it was a direct result of his own bottomless stupidity.

 13. Selene

Underworld

Kate Beckinsale is beautiful, and even more so when she’s wearing a fancy Gothic leather outfit with a trenchcoat and nice hair.  I’ve already talked at length about this character, but she is thoroughly unlikable.  She spends 600 years committing werewolf genocide based on dubious evidence, and her “redemption” is meaningless.  She stops not because what she was doing something wrong, but because she was lied to about the death of her family.  As if revenge is a justification for genocide.  As a result, she never feels never feels any remorse, making her one of the worst heel-face turns I’ve ever seen.

 12. Pearl Krabbs

Spongebob Squarepants

They literally gave the best design in the show to the worst character.

 11. Minerva Mink

Animaniacs

She always tops the sexy furry lists, but she is one shallow bitch.  I think I'll make my own sexy furry list that prioritizes personality.

10. Lord Voldemort
Harry Potter
Despite the rather narmful descriptions of what his voice sounds like in the book, Tom Marvolo Riddle is a great-looking villain made more intimidating by the ingenious casting of Ralph Fiennes in the movies.  However, it's no secret that Voldemort is one of the dumbest villains in the history of fiction.  He allows pride and bigotry to cloud his judgement, and he's too much of a dick to inspire any loyalty in his men (case in point: his treatment of Wormtail).

 9. Kroenen

Hellboy

 Now I don’t know that much about the source material, but in this movie Kroenen’s not much more than a generic mute henchman.  I know that the filmmakers conceived a backstory for him, but that doesn’t matter much when it doesn’t translate into an interesting character onscreen.  He does wear the coolest Nazi costume I’ve seen in a long time, though.

 8. The Witch King of Angmar

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

While the Witch King and Co. had a great, intimidating presence in Fellowship, the leader of the Nazgul doesn’t do or say anything interesting despite wearing some awesome armor.  He has a great speech in the book, but it wasn’t kept in the movie.  His battle strategy is nothing more than telling his lieutenant to attack Minas Tirith directly.   

7. William Corvinus

Underworld: Evolution

William Corvinus is what the "Lycans" should have looked like in the first movie.  Too bad the only werewolf with a good design isn’t even a character.

 6. The Shark

Help! I’m a Fish

I just love the look of this shark from this surprisingly good animated film.  Unfortunately, he’s nothing more than a dim-witted henchman with a stereotypical cockney accent.  Shame, because this is probably the best cartoon shark design I’ve ever seen. 

 5. Two-Face

The Dark Knight

Even though I love this movie, they truly dropped the ball on this character.  Two-Face is supposed to be split between two opposing sides of his personality.  That’s the whole point of his character.  He flips a coin because he honestly can’t make a decision without it.  In this movie there’s no conflict; he flips a coin because he’s just cynical and thinks things might as well be up to chance.  That’s more like Anton Chigurh than Two-Face.  I like the gritty design, though: burned-off face, as opposed to mutated, but still looks accurate. 

 4. Bane

The Dark Knight Rises

I love this design of Bane.  It dispenses with the silly luchador look for something that is distinctive and menacing while still being reminiscent of the original character.  I don’t even mind how the venom was replaced with anesthetic gas.  I was excited about a Bane that was going to have more in common with the comics’ version because all the animated adaptations made him into a henchman of average intelligence at best.  Instead, it turned out that he was just executing a plan given to him by the Big Bad.  It’s disappointing when your expectations of a character are used against you for the sake of a twist.  That voice didn’t help either.  It’s hard to take a villain seriously when it sounds like he’s constantly doing an impression of Pops from The Regular Show.  Oddly enough, I still think he would have been a good villain if he wasn’t supposed to be based on something. 

 3. The Penguin

Batman Returns

I like the idea that the Penguin is a physical freak since it would provide him with good motivation.  I also love his suits (when he’s not running around in his underwear, that is).  But the Penguin is supposed to be an affluent and intelligent villain, not a crazed animal person.

 2. Nelly the Dragon

Quack Pack – “The Leader of the Quack”

In case you haven’t noticed, I love the bottom heavy cartoon dragon design.  Too bad it’s wasted on this character.  Nelly is shallow, dim, self-centered and easily manipulated.  Though not genuinely malicious, she wouldn’t hesitate to murder innocent people if one were to offer her some bauble.  Despite not truly learning any lesson, she ends up becoming the queen when Donald offers her the crown to save his skin in a gift-giving competition between him and the villain.  Daisy, despite her experience with the character, makes the baffling assertion that she thinks she’ll be a great queen.  What are you basing that on Daisy?!  I don’t exactly have high hopes for that kingdom, not that I wouldn’t take her over our current president, mind you.  

 1. Alucard

Hellsing

He’s a bland, sadistic, smug and unlikable Gary Stu, but that it’s hard to argue with that pimp suit.  It's funny that when I did some research to find out what the appeal of the character, it's just that he's a sadist...which isn't a good character trait?