Hmm, a startling number of these are animated, and most
of those are Direct-to-Video.
11. The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride
D: Darrell Rooney
**********
While the movie did have a good villain song, it was
mostly underwhelming. I think Kovu was
supposed to be Scar’s son until someone realized that he’s related to his love
interest. That’s why the movie seems
determined to convince us that he’s not Scar’s son even though he has his exact color pattern.
10. Soldier
D: Paul W.S. Anderson
**********
A dull movie with the occasional good effects shot and
emotional moment. Not exactly an
appropriate spin-off of Blade Runner. Paul W.S. Anderson is just like a bad fanfic
writer.
9. The Secret of NIMH 2: Timmy to the Rescue
D: Dick Sebast
**********
A watered-down direct-to-video bastardization of my
favorite animated movie. I still like Jenny, though.
8. The Swan Princess: Escape from Castle Mountain
D: Richard Rich
**********
Just another underwhelming direct-to-video sequel, except
this one is actually no worse than the original. The villain song is particularly absurd.
7. Armageddon
D: Michael Bay
**********
Awesome score. Bad
movie.
6. Elizabeth
D: Shekhar Kapur
**********
For some reason, my high school constantly showed this
movie to me. While cinematically
well-made, it’s highly inaccurate and way too biased toward Elizabeth and the
Protestants. When you’re dealing with
such a sensitive subject, you should make sure that you’re getting the material
correct.
5. Lost in Space
D: Stephen Hopkins
**********
Bad story and atrocious CGI, but at least it had a goodcover of the theme song.
4. Star Trek: Insurrection
D: Jonathan Frakes
**********
Probably the worst in the series. Our heroes prevent the spread of lifesaving
material on behalf of a group of people who are hoarding it for themselves by
pretending that they’re a primitive native culture in order to cheat the Prime
Directive.
3. The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars
D: Robert C. Ramirez
**********
An utterly insane animated film and an ignominious final
role for DeForest Kelley.
2. Antz
D: Eric Darnell, Tim Johnson
**********
This overrated movie is every weak point in CGI cartoons
in one place. Attention-starved casting of celebrities in voice roles,
lazy metahumor and off-putting character designs. I guess this type of
movie was a novelty back then, but I thought everyone would eventually realize
the movie was stupid with time.
1. Buffalo ‘66
D: Vincent Gallo
**********
Another boring, art film passed off as a comedy despite
not actually being one. What passes for “jokes”
are pointless filler and a flashback where the protagonist’s father brutally
breaks a puppy’s neck in front of a child.
Said protagonist is unlikable, the pacing is awful and the female lead
succumbs to Stockholm Syndrome. I’d
compare to Lost in Translation,
except that was actually a technically good movie. It doesn’t help knowing that Gallo reportedly
mocked Christina Ricci mercilessly for an alleged weight problem.
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