So, 1997 seemed to be a bad year for movies. In fact, the bad movies I’ve seen outnumber
the good ones. People say today's movies are bad, but...
11. The Fifth Element
D: Luc Besson
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I think this movie was just another example of the Sci-fi
Slump of the 90’s. They wasted Gary Oldman on a villain who was annoying
and had baffling motivation, and I found the visual style tacky. I see
the appeal, though. It’s got some funny moments, but it’s a
style-over-substance movie whose style I don’t like.
10. Anastasia
D: Don Bluth, Gary Goldman
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It’s funny how Don Bluth left Disney because he thought
they were making the same films over and over and then eventually makes the
same movie Disney was making over and over.
It’s also funny how this was a far bigger critical and commercial success
than Cats Don’t Dance, and that movie
is now far more respected among animation fans.
The formulaic story is bad enough, but the implication that Russian
citizens revolted against the czar because they were brainwashed by a wizard as
opposed to having actual problems is extremely offensive. At least the movie has good animation and
some really good songs.
9. The Postman
D: Kevin Costner
**********
A bland movie with some brief moments.
8. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
D: Steven Spielberg
**********
Insulting and stupid sequel to a nostalgic classic. Has little to do with the book. But then again, the book was the result of
Crichton being pressured into a sequel by Spielberg and fans and features
Dodgson and two random guys trying to follow up their clever plan in the
original by personally stealing dinosaur eggs.
7. Batman & Robin
D: Joel Schumacher
**********
While I do prefer the darker Batman, I would have
appreciated the campy interpretation more if the jokes were actually funny like
they were in the 1966 movie. It’s funny
how we were fine with Batman Forever
despite its obvious mediocrity, and then suddenly turned on this movie. Kinda like when people who liked “Transformers” acted surprised that Revenge of the Fallen was so bad.
6. Spawn
D: Mark A.Z. Dippe
**********
A foolish movie with some terrible CGI.
5. The Relic
D: Peter Hyams
**********
Late 90’s monster movie.
Bafflingly, the movie was actually #1 at the box office, and critics
like Siskel, Ebert and Maltin gave it a pass for some reason. At least Stan Winston made some good creature
effects for it.
4. Anaconda
D: Luis Llosa
**********
Infamously cheesy movie with some bad CGI.
3. Con Air
D: Simon West
**********
While having some fun, cheesy moments of Nicolas Cage
being himself, it was a pretty awful movie.
The hero’s sentence would never have happened except maybe in Oregon,
and then there was Steve Buscemi’s character arc. A serial child murderer, he’s arguably the
most evil person on that plane and yet we’re supposed to have some connection
with him just because he’s not involved with the plot and he’s Steve Buscemi
(which granted granted, makes him hard to hate). He gets a happy ending thanks to a redemption
that’s even more forced and nonsensical than Princess Luna’s.
2. Alien: Resurrection
D: Jean-Pierre Jeunet
**********
A pretentious mess that lacks even Alien3’s
virtues. A waste of a good cast which
includes Michael Wincott, Ron Perlman and Brad Dourif. I’m not even sure if we’re supposed to
sympathize with that disgusting newborn alien, but I would be insulting if we
were. Jeunet is an amusingly quirky director, but he was a poor choice for this franchise.
1. Titanic
D: James Cameron
**********
This is why I hate the Academy Awards. Because James Cameron showed ingenuity and
skill in making Terminator, Terminator 2
and Aliens and this…this is what he gets an Oscar for! Stupid, shallow bulls—t genre bias at its
finest. It’s one of those instances
where my feelings on a movie are exasperated by other people’s reaction toward
it. It has everything wrong with a
Disney princess cartoon without the style or fun. This is an insulting, offensive and formulaic
“historical” love triangle film, and yet its fans act like its Citizen f—king Kane. It may not be the worst movie, but it’s
certainly not good, and the only things going for it are evolutionary CGI and
great set design. It’s unsurprising that
Avatar wasn’t very good, but it was
still better than this.
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