MLP Episode Reviews, Pt. 2

“Games Ponies Play”

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Episode 3:12

February 9, 2013

Below Average

Pros: Funny enough

Cons: Some inconsistent characterization, Turns good lesson on its head

     Before I begin this review I’d like to mention that I did not realize that I was posting it so close to the 5^th Anniversary of this episode’s airdate.  Had I known that I would have finished it sooner. 

     In this episode Princess Cadance (Britt McKillip) summons the Mane Six so that they could help convince the Games Inspector, Ms. Harshwhinny, to award the Empire the honor of hosting the Equestria Games.  I have a few issues with this scenario.  I’m not the first to point this out, but one would think that the Crystal Empire would automatically be selected as celebration for its reappearance earlier in the season.  Secondly, Princess Cadance would probably be wise to decline the offer, considering that hosting the Equestrian version of the Olympics would put a lot of strain on a city, especially if that city needed to catch up to 2,000 years’ worth of civilization.  You’d think Cadance has better things to worry about as a ruler instead of worrying about the Summer Games while Shining Armor (Andrew Francis) micromanages a track team. 

        The Mane Six leave Spike to babysit all their pets.  Now you’d think they would have invited Spike considering he saved the Empire, but I suppose he wouldn’t mind doing the Mane Six’s housework.  Still, he’s honored during the actual games in an episode that came out over a year later, almost as if it was an afterthought.  In a clever move the next episode focuses on Spikes adventures petsitting during the same timeframe.  However, that episode is also underwhelming, and I don’t remember seeing enough subtle clues throughout “GPP” that show what Spike is up to.

        As the Mane Six prepare for their task as the welcome party, Rainbow Dash (the episode’s protagonist) reveals how disappointed she was when Cloudsdale was not selected for the Equestria Games when she was a filly.  Therefore she has a vested interest in help the Crystal Empire on this occasion.  They meet up with Cadance, who reveals that she must wear a particularly complex ceremonial hairstyle to impress Ms. Harshwhinny, who is known for doing her homework and being well aware of local traditions.  Unfortunately a mailmare reveals that not only is Cadance’s chief hairstylist sick, but that Ms. Harshwhinny has moved up her visit to that very day.  Rarity takes on the difficult task of the hairstylist while the other five ponies rush to the train station to welcome the Games Inspector.

         Even though I know that photography exists in this universe, the only information given to them about Ms. Harshwhinny’s appearance is that she’s carrying a floral-patterned luggage bag.  They find a mare with one, and although she initially snaps at them, she turns out to be friendly enough.  This Southern accented pony, named Ms. Peachbottom (Patricia Drake), turns out to be the wrong one, since we immediately see the real Ms. Harshwhinny (Vena Sood) as she impatiently waits to be picked up after the Mane Six leave the scene.  I think this reveal happens a little too soon and thus spoils any foreshadowing leading up to the climax.

        From here the Mane-Six-minus-Rarity stall Ms. Peachbottom while Rarity attempts with difficulty to master the hairdo.  Meanwhile Ms. Harshwhinny is consistently inconvenienced by the inconsideration of the locals.  The Remaning Five are slightly nonplussed by Ms. Peachbottom’s apparent cluelessness (as well as her near-crippling claustrophobia; she’s even frightening of being inside the rotunda of the Crystal Palace, which is huge.  It does explain why she snapped at them after being on a train).  Rainbow tells them that this is an act meant to throw them off.  I will note that the episode is funnier than I remember it.  The best joke is a moment in which Rainbow is overpropelled and smacks herself against the glass wall of the boutique Rarity is working in.  A nice running gag is how Twilight uses a breathing exercise to calm herself down as prompted by Cadance.  It reinforces their history as two close friends with Cadance acting in a big-sister role.  It culminates in Twilight’s attempting to do so with the crisis comes to a head only to hyperventilate.       

      When they finally find out that Ms. Peachbottom is actually a wild mustang instead of Ms. Harshwhinny, they rush to the boutique hoping she hasn’t run into Cadance.  They find her there in the massage parlor chatting with Ms. Peachbottom.  Harshwhinny has been complaining about her experience in the Crystal Empire as well as how she’s tired of often having to deal with the artificiality of the welcoming committees in her job, while Peachbottom was talking about how nice her stay was.  Rainbow Dash, in an admirable moment of honesty, comes clean with Harshwhinny and tells her what happened.  In a baffling turn of events, Ms. Harshwhinny awards the Crystal Empire with the hosting of the Games based on Ms. Peachbottom’s treatment.  The Mane Six return to the train home, not noticing Spike and the pets hiding under the seats.

        Ms. Harshwhinny’s decision makes no sense for a few reasons.  First of all, it goes against what we know about her.  She is supposedly a stickler for detail, but she doesn’t mind the mistaken identity.  She’s supposedly cynical about the fakeness of what she has to deal with, but rewards those exact methods when used to impress Ms. Peachbottom.  She even praises the treatment of Ms. Peachbottom as the first unbiased assessment of the city’s hospitality even though she knows that they only treated the mustang so well because they thought she was the Games Inspector.  She somehow doesn’t seem to appreciate that the Crystal Empire’s inconsiderate treatment of her was the truly unbiased display.  On one hand she would admire Rainbow’s honesty in the face of humiliation, but that’s no reason to reward the Crystal Ponies for her troubles.  Besides, why would they outsource hospitality to foreigners anyway?  Despite this irrationality, Ms. Harshwhinny seems relatively popular in the fandom (she’s taken some of the WG heat off of Rainbow).  It may be because she’s one of the few mares with a distinctive design template.

        Even more importantly this turns a good, time-tested moral on its head.  The story of a powerful person mistaken for a nobody who rewards people for their kindness in spite of that has dated back to ancient times.  This setup is often used to teach the importance of altruism for its own sake.  Here Ms. Harshwhinny rewards the Crystal Empire for pragmatically trying to impress an influential person while ignoring their treatment of an apparent nobody.  Apparently, they thought they were trying to teach the lesson of true altruism by focusing on Rainbow Dash’s satisfaction from helping the Crystal Ponies, and they didn’t realize they were causing a disagreement between the story and its putative lesson.  Even the end-justify-the-means logic of using pragmatic means for altruistic ends doesn’t work here because the morality of true hospitality would outweigh the Empire’s getting a place of honor at the games.

       It’s not every show that somehow manages to screw something like this up.  Unfortunately, this would have been a good episode had Ms. Harshwhinny done the logical thing and rejected the Crystal Empire.  The ponies would have actually learned a lesson the hard way, and it would have been a much needed lesson for kids to show that not everything goes your way.  And it’s not like the stakes were that high.  I’ve noticed a problem with this show that the protagonists always come out on top no matter how little sense it makes, and this is a particularly bad example of this trend. 

    

QUOTES

TWILIGHT: Princess Cadance is counting on us to do our part to convince the Games Inspector to choose the Crystal Empire.  And we are not gonna let her down, are we?

PINKIE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  What, I was just answering Twilight’s question.

[sees to Crystal pony children playing]

APPLEJACK: Princess Cadance was right.  These ponies do look pretty excited.

RAINBOW: Yup, I remember that feeling.  But not as much as I remember the crushing wave of disappointment that came when things didn’t work out.  [child begins to tear up, and Rainbow points in her face]  That right there.  That is the face I do not want to see. 

APPLEJACK: Uh, mm-hm.

RARITY: Besides, the Games Inspector isn’t expected for several hours.  I’ll have plenty of time to figure out exactly how to… [glances at the instructions and drops smile] …do this.

CADANCE: Oh, Rarity, that’s wonderful!  [to messenger]  You said you had a second bit of news?

MESSENGER: Yes, quite.  The Games Inspector, Ms. Harshwinny, will be arriving on the…next train.

ALL: What?!

RAINBOW: What?  You couldn’t have told her that news first?

MARE: I have traveled far and wide, but I have never, ever been welcomed anyplace in the fashion that y’all have done here today.

TWILIGHT: That’s fantasatic.  Princess Cadance would be so glad to hear that.

MARE: Honestly, I’m surprised she knows anything about me at all.

[Twilight and Co. are surprised by the comment, but they shrug it off]

TWILIGHT: Of course she does, but she’s been looking forward to your visit for weeks.

[Rarity pulling Cadance’s hair comically in all directions]

RARITY: Oh, I’m so sorry, it’s just all so complicated. [laughs nervously]  I can fix it!

CADANCE: Fix what?

RARITY: Well, I-I was looking for shortcuts and I though Step 12 was optional…but it’s not.

[Ms. Harshwinny is dragging her bag in the Empire, and Twilight obliviously runs by]

TWILIGHT: Hello there.

MS. HARSHWINNY: Hello yourself.  [to herself] First hello of the day.  [gets splashed by carriage]

RARITY: No, no.  Princess Cadance isn’t ready.  Something’s gone terribly wrong.

TWILIGHT: I need to speak to the princess.

RARITY: You cant!  You musn’t!  She’s in the middle of a very delicate conditioning rinse that must go perfectly if there’s to be any hope for her hair.

TWILIGHT: C’mon, how bad could it be?

RARITY: Imagine her hair turned into a porcupine.  Please, I’ll bring her back from the brink of tragedy, but you have got to buy me some time.  There’s no other way!

PINKIE: So, you see this here.  This is, um…a big, round room!  It’s known for its roundness and bigness.  And did I mention that it’s round?

MS. PEACHBOTTOM: I think they call it a rotunda.  A small…confining rotunda.

PINKIE: Pbb!  Whatever.  Round is round, am I right?

APPLEJACK: Easy, Pinkie.  Let’s play this safe.  We got her in a good mood, so let’s not do anything to ruin that.

MS. PEACHBOTTOM: You know, I love this sort of architecture.  I detect of neo-Gothic inspiration in the design, yes?

PINKIE: Hey! Look at me!  [babbles and makes faces]

[enter Twilight]

APPLEJACK: Ugh, not a moment too soon.  Where’s Cadance?  Please tell me she’s right behind you.

TWILIGHT: There is a bit of a problem with her headdress.  How’s it going here?

PINKIE: [still trying to distract the mare] Boingy, boingy, boingy…

SHINING ARMOR: What the?

RAINBOW: Turns out the Crystal Palace doesn’t have a gymnasium.

SHINING ARMOR: Make her stop!

RAINBOW: Wait, that’s the Games Inspector.  Let her do her thing.

SHINING ARMOR: Why would she do that?

RAINBOW: I have no idea, but that’s why she’s in charge of deciding who gets to host the Games and we’re not.  Heh.

[Ms. Peachbottom gets a pot over her head, panics, and runs away]

RAINBOW: Yeah, ok.  We need to stop her.

RAINBOW: We got the wrong pony?

PINKIE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  I mean, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!

[Twilight tries to deep-breathe, but hyperventilates this time]

RAINBOW: We split up the Empire into five sectors.

FLUTTERSHY: Each of us search a sector.

PINKIE: Well, except for the spa.  What’s the point of checking there?  That’s where Cadance is.  If Ms. Harshwinny is there, well, game over, right?

[everyone gasps]

RAINBOW: You it feels good to help others get something you always wanted but never had.  Almost as good as getting it yourself.  Almost.

Oscar Categories I'd Like to See

Of course, there’s a lot wrong with the Oscars.  Genre bias for Best Picture the most egregious of them. 

ABOLISH: BEST ANIMATED FEATURE, BEST ANIMATED SHORT

In addition to being a ghetto award, it really is pointless to have an award for the best movie that happens to be animated.  It seems to be an excuse to never award BP to anything from this medium, though it doesn’t stop them from getting nominated, resulting in a rather anticlimactic Best Animated category.  Also, the distinction probably should not apply to short films, either. 

ABOLISH: BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Yet another ghetto award.  Perhaps the BP nominee list should be expanded accordingly.

ADD: BEST DIRECTOR OF AN ANIMATED FEATURE

While the Best Animated Feature category has no logical reason to exist, this one does.  The logistics of making an animated film are different from those of a live-action one, and the distinction should be recognized.  It also provides the opportunity to reward animated films for great visual style or innovative technique (Book of Life and Loving Vincent) regardless of whether they’re overall superior movies. 

ADD: BEST STUNT

This has been lobbied for for many years.  These professionals sacrifice their bodies for memorable moments, and they don’t even get an Oscar for it. 

ADD: BEST ACTION CHOREOGRAPHY AND EDITING

This is one of those things that could be split into two: how good the action is vs. how well it’s shot.  There could be an accommodation for great action in CGI animation.

RENAME SOUND EDITING TO SOUND DESIGN

These are the two Oscars that always confuse everyone.  There is a difference, but it seems to have a lot to do how the filmmaking machine works: the two tasks are separated in a way that may seem counterintuitive to the layman.  The Academy itself seems confused by this as well.  It mostly shrugs and nominates the BP nominees with significant overlap that suggests they’re half-assing it.  This renaming could reduce a lot of confusion and ambiguity. 

…and just for fun…

ADD: BEST SONG COVER

This could be a pretty interesting category, even if the Oscars would probably screw it up.  Good examples of recipients would be Le Mis’ soundtrack and this.

ADD: BEST SOUNDTRACK COMPILATION

This could get a little too subjective, but it would be nice to make an award for selecting pre-existing songs and utilizing them in a movie.  Well, at least for last year.  Maybe I’m just saying this because Atomic Blonde, Baby Driver, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 made 2017 a freakishly good year for this.  However, ridiculously played-out songs like "Hallelujah," "Moonlight Sonata," and "Bad Reputation" should not count toward it.  Especially not "Bad Reputation."

ADD: BEST TRAILER

Trailers are a part of the film industry, and they can be essential for marketing.  It might be a tricky choice because it has to balance entertainment a few elements: how good it makes the movie look, how much it reveals about the movie, and how entertaining the trailer itself is.

ADD: BEST TRAILER MUSIC

Trailer music is often better than the scores of the movies themselves, so why not?

The Comedy of Life

 

The Big Lebowski

1998

D: Joel & Ethan Coen

**********

Pros: Great Characters, Funny Dialogue, Some Good Themes

Cons: Some Themes Arguably Pretentious, Arguably Too Foul-mouthed, Cinematography Could Be Better

      Today is the 20^th Anniversary of my favorite comedy.  While The Big Lebowski has often been subtly derided as a “stoner movie” for its drug-addled protagonist, it at the very least elevates this type with its sharp dialogue and self-aware deconstruction of its rather absurd premise.  Another potential problem people have with this movie is its foul language.  It has noticeably more F-bombs than the average Coen movie, and attempts to edit it for TV have been arguably funnier than the original lines.  I agree that the movie curses too much, and that tis could turn away potential fans.  I also agree that “Shut the f*** up, Donny” has become one of those annoyingly memetic lines that’s only funny in context.  Still, that doesn’t truly detract from its quality. 

       The story begins with a narration by a cowboy known as the Stranger (Sam Elliott) introducing us to Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), an aging hippie based on the Coens’ friend Jeff Dowd (who makes an uncredited appearance as a bowler).  The Stranger’s monologue is humorous as it tries to find some sort of meaning in the utterly pointless adventure he’s about to tell, as well as the bum of a protagonist it has.  He suggests that he’s happy to have seen the tale, almost as if in denial about having been robbed of a much better experience.  He continues his attempt to wax poetic about the Dude as the latter samples a carton of milk from the grocery and pays for it with a check for $0.69.

       The Dude then arrives at his apartment only to be assaulted by a two thugs (Philip Moon and Mark Pellegrino) who have mistaken him for the title character (David Huddleston), a millionaire of the same name.  They reveal that The Big Lebowski’s trophy wife Bunny (Tara Reid) owes porn mogul Jackie Treehorn (Ben Gazzara) money, and one of them urinates on his rug to make a point.  When the two dimwitted henchmen realize their mistake, they leave the Dude unharmed but sadly bereft of a rug that “really held the room together.”

       In the next scene the Dude is venting to his friends Walter Sobchak (John Goodman), a paranoid right-winger based on Coen acquaintance John Milius, and Donny (Steve Buscemi).  Walter suggests that the Dude demand compensation from the Big Lebowski for the soiled rug.  The Dude then visits the rich man, meeting Bunny as well as The Big Lebowski’s amusingly sycophantic aide Brandt (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and a nihilistic porn star/techno musician “Karl Hungus” (Peter Stormare).  The Big Lebowski refuses to compensate the Dude, far too proud to admit his wife’s problems and too self-righteous to compensate a bum.  The Dude still convinces Brandt to give him a rug.

        Unfortunately, the Dude’s new rug ends up being stolen back by the Big Lebowski’s daughter Maude (Julianne Moore), a coldly pretentious feminist artist who eventually acts as one of his guides.  She eventually lures him into sex with the prospect of having a child (which she has no intention of letting him help her raise) and conspires with Treehorn to drug him and cast him in an experimentally artistic porno.  This line from Superbad is a little less funny when you realize that the Coens themselves pretty much already made the joke.  I’m not too big a fan of how casual-sex without consequence is depicted as a win-win scenario for the typical man.  Not being a part of one’s child’s life is something that would hurt most men with a sense of responsibility.  For some reason Maude Lebowski is featured on the heroes wiki.

        Even more unfortunately, Bunny has allegedly kidnapped by Hungus and his gang, and the Dude is dragged into the situation simply because he asked for compensation for a rug.  When he muses that Bunny probably kidnapped herself, Walter is so convinced of the theory the moronically sabotages the Dude’s efforts to ameliorate the situation under this assumption.  Meanwhile the Dude is very concerned about Bunny’s safety, and wants to see the situation through.  Still, he only seems to do anything when goaded into it, and he mostly wants to put the situation behind him so that he can continue with his normal, self-involved life.  His sloth and snark makes him one of the most lovably amusing reluctant heroes in movie history. 

       During his adventure the Dude encounters colorful figures including Smokey (Jimmie Dale Gimore), Knox Harrignton (David Thewlis), and Da Fino (Jon Polito), and the Stranger himself.  The cast is very good, and I usually think that the quality of the movie is proportional to its realization that Steve Buscemi is not intimidating.  Charlize Theron was considered for the role of Bunny, which is not so disappointing when you consider that Bunny herself had inconsequential screen time.  Almost everyone the Dude encounters is delusional in some way.  The Big Lebowski is revealed to be a charlatan.  Brandt fancies himself a friendly, but dignified aide but only turns out to be pompous.  Jesus “The Jesus” Quintana (John Turturro) talks tough but is nothing more than a pathetic degenerate.  Maude Lebowski believes herself to be a wise person, but her extreme feminism causes her to think less of men to the point where she believes they’re all afraid of the word “vagina” and once mistakes a blatantly sarcastic remark from the Dude for obliviousness.         Possibly the most delusional character is Walter.  He constantly believes himself to be a righteous angel, but his insane outbursts cause more harm than help.  He impulsively pulls a gun on a fellow bowler for an alleged foul, and he actively thwarts the Dude’s plan to deliver the ransom money to the Nihilists.  This almost makes him an antagonist, which is interesting considering his proximity to and friendship with the Dude. 

       If the synopsis sounds a bit incoherent, it’s supposed to be.  The overall plot isn’t much of a concern other than to provide opportunities for humor and characterization.  In fact the only part I would be concerned about spoiling is Donny’s death.  It is one of the more genuinely tragic deaths I’ve seen in a movie because it is so pointless.  Most death scenes have meaning, but Donny, an unwitting, buffoonish innocent who had no pretensions or stake in the conflict, is dragged along in so much of this by Walter, who simultaneously keeps him in the dark.  Not only is Walter indirectly responsible for his demise, he also robs him of any dignity in death by insisting his ashes be carried in a coffee can to cut costs and derailing his private eulogy with yet another one of his tangents about ‘Nam.  The Stranger tries to justify this tragedy by some sort Taoistic theme, but it could be interpreted as deconstructing such absurd attempts to find meaning and comfort in how pointless and cruel reality is.

      Another popular interpretation of this movie is that it is about insecure masculinity.  For example, in one of the less funny jokes of the movie, The Dude is afraid of having his penis cut off by the Nihilists.  Walter is implied in this theory to be in thrall to his ex-wife, as he’s willing to babysit her dog while she and her new boyfriend travel and continues to observe the Judaism she converted him into.  I would probably argue that this are, in fact, signs of maturity as one should not hold a petty grudge against an ex, and divorce is not a valid reason for apostasy in any religion.  From Walter’s point of view, her leading him to the truth is a good reason not to stay angry.  While the movie seems to consistently support this interpretation, I don’t think it’s a good thing.  For one thing, Freud’s theories on sex have been largely discredited, and this theme doesn’t add anything positive to the movie.  In fact the only good thing about this interpretation is that it makes the Jesus’ presence less random.

       I’ve said this before, but Jesus Quintana is possibly the most overrated character I’ve seen in a movie.  His defining trait is that he molests children, and that’s funny because…?  The only funny part about the Jesus is how funny characters like Walter and The Dude react to him.  If anyone should be the ensemble darkhorse of this movie it should be Brandt.  There are other better candidates such as The Dude’s landlord (Jack Kehler) and even The Jesus’ bowling partner, Liam (James G. Hoosier).  Hell, I even think the ponified version of him from MLP:FIM is funnier just for having a hairnet on his tail.  Unfortunately but unsurprisingly, there seems to be a spin-off movie about him in the making; apparently the Coens are not involved.  Another character I dislike is Hungus, who is a rare example of an unlikeable villain (like Stormare’s character in Fargo), and also doesn’t contribute any actual humor to the movie.

      A more compelling interpretation is how The Big Lebowski was an oddly prophetic depiction of the War in Iraq.  While taking place during the first Iraq War, the movie apparently depicts Walter as a neocon who rushes into disaster while the Dude is the liberal who is helpless to stop him.  The Dude’s check, which is dated exactly ten years before 9/11, is being written while George H.W. Bush is on TV talking about how Iraq’s aggression will not stand, is eerily in line with this theme.

       The movie’s artistic pedigree also includes cinematography by the great Roger Deakins, a frequent Coen collaborator, but the results are disappointing.  While Deakins has been known for beautiful work, his work in this movie seems nothing more than to inform this viewer that this is an art movie of some type.  This is most apparent in the scene at Jackie Treehorn’s house, dubbed “The Big Lebowski House.”  The introduction to the scene is an awkwardly unearned attempt at atmosphere, and the house itself, though very striking in its architecture, is not shot in a way that brings out its beauty.  In retrospect the most disappointing thing about this movie is the lackluster result of Roger Deakins and this buidling.  Even its owner commented on how disappointing the scene is in that respect.

       Because this is made by the Coen Bros, people generally try to find all kinds of hidden meanings in it.  Hell, I write about how this is  about Man’s isolation from his primal roots leads to confusion and insecurity, as evidenced by the characters misidentification of certain animals (a Yorkie is called a Pomeranian, and a ferret is referred to as a marmot).  Still, the real truth is that The Big Lebowski is great because it’s simply a great comedy.  I don’t know of anyone who loves this movie for any other reason than its unforgettable characters and snappy dialogue.  Everything else is icing on the cake.  We can add whatever thematic frills to justify our love for movies, but ultimately a good movie is one that succeeds in being entertaining.