Thursday, August 6, 2015

Most Overrated Movie Characters



Hopefully, this won’t microagress too many people.


 HONORABLE MENTION: BOBA FETT
Jeremy Bulloch/v. Jason Wingreen, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Return of the Jedi (1983)
Ok, so this is a relatively common choice.  Boba Fett is pretty cool in many ways, though.  He has a great costume and he was effectively built up in Empire Strikes Back.  This makes his appeal pretty understandable when you think of it.  It wasn’t until three years later when Return of the Jedi disposed of him in an undignified way.  He was arguably a good character who wasn't allowed to live up to his potential.





13. DARTH MAUL 
Ray Park, v. Peter Serafinowicz, Star Wars: Epiode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

It's not that I don't like Maul, he's a cool enough character.  It's that everybody seems to blow his potential out of proportion.  Everybody seems to think Darth Maul is the Boba Fett of the prequels.  In reality, I think he served his purpose well.  He showed up, looked and fought cool, killed a protagonist and motivated the other protagonist to finish him.  Unlike Fett he had a pretty good death, too.  Also, his death (along with Qui-Gon's) gave the movie an interesting anything-can-happen quality (not that that makes up for its flaws).  When people say that he should have lived and played a role in the following movies, it seems like they're saying, "I would have like it more if it was more predictable and formulaic."  Besides, I don't think he had much personality anyway.  There have been numerous absurd attempts to resurrect him, but thanks to The Clone Wars, that's now canon




 12. GROOT
Vin Diesel, Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
While I was occasionally charmed and amused by Groot, I thought he was way too overpraised by everyone who watched this movie.  He was like the movie’s equivalent to Chewbacca, and I liked Chewie better.  Rocket Raccoon was still awesome, though.

 11. SUPERMAN
Christopher Reeve, Superman (1978) and Superman II (1980)
Christopher Reeve’s performance as Superman/Clark Kent/Kal-El is excellent.  He does a great job capturing the character's multiple identities.  However, this character seemed vaguely smug and unlikable in the first movie.  It gets worse in Superman II, in which he actively toys with Lois’ suspicions and erases her memories upon her finding out his identity.  It’s also hard to relate to a hero who can turn back time any time something doesn’t go his way.  Depending on how you interpret the first movie’s time paradox, he may have selfishly erased his rescue of thousands of people to save Lois.  Despite Man of Steel’s crippling flaws, I actually found its depiction of Superman to be far more human and sympathetic.  And all those people who complained about how that Cavill-Superman “murdered” Zod seemed to forget Reeve-Superman’s cold-blooded and unnecessary execution of a powerless Zod in Superman II.   


 10. JABBA THE HUTT
Star Wars Trilogy (1977, 1980, 1983)
While iconic, Jabba the Hutt may very well be the dumbest movie villain ever conceived.  While his bottomless stupidity is obvious in Return of the Jedi, we already see indications of it in the previous movies.  In A New Hope we learn that he has put a hit out on one of his best smugglers for jettisoning contraband before an Imperial ship would catch him.  For some reason, this is enough for Jabba to hold a petty and irrational grudge against the man.  Now, a smart person would accept that such risks come with illicit trade and be happy that his minion acted quickly to avoid legal troubles that get him busted.  Instead he puts a bounty on his head, thus depriving himself of a good employee and the money he’ll need to pay whichever bounty hunter catches him.
     In Empire Strikes Back Jabba continues to waste his resources sending people after Solo, even after the latter has joined an insurgency group that has enough military-level technology to destroy his fat ass multiple times over.  Maybe he doesn’t want people to get the idea that joining the Alliance gets them off the hook, but I’d rather have Jabba on my tail than Darth Vader so that theory doesn’t work.  After all, he only got a hold of Han because Darth and Boba did all the work.  The whole thing makes you wonder if Jabba has the slightest clue how to run a criminal empire.  He’s so predictably petty and irrational that Luke takes advantage of this in his coincidence-dependent plan to free Han.  Despite his failure as a character in the movies, Jabba has some pretty awesome moments in Expanded Universe material and he was a great special effect.


 9. EDGAR
Vincent D’Onofrio, Men in Black (1997)
While the idea of an alien wearing a human’s skin isn’t bad, it wasn’t executed with enough subtlety to be genuinely creepy.  Instead it came off as goofy and more like an (unsuccessful) attempt at humor.  Eventually Edgar sheds the skin, revealing himself to be a giant, CGI cartoon bug.  Appearance aside, Edgar isn’t terribly interesting.  No charisma and no motivation outside simply being destructive and having an “inferiority complex.”



8. SNAKE PLISSKEN
Kurt Russell, Escape from New York (1981), Escape from LA (1996)
Escape from New York is a rare movie I like despite my not liking the protagonist.  Snake is cynical and nihilistic, but these characters are only fun when they're witty, which Snake is not.  He only cares for himself and whomever he forms a primitive bond with at the moment.  He clearly doesn't care for humanity in general, and he demonstrates that at the end of both movies (especially the second one, in which he condemns countless innocents to death by activating an EMP that destroys all technology on the planet).  I find Hauk (Lee Van Cleef), a well-meaning man who has to force Snake to fight the good fight, a more compelling character. 



 7. CAPTAIN HENRY RHODES
Joseph Pilato, Day of the Dead (1985)
Often cited by horror fans to be one of the most effectively vile villains in the genre, Rhodes comes off as too unbelievable to be taken seriously.  George A. Romero hinted noncommittally at a potentially sympathetic motivation (impatience with the researchers and concern for the well-being of his men), but mostly wrote Rhodes and his men as racist straw-military caricatures.  It’s why I didn’t find his famous death scene as satisfying as many people did.  While Romero was a pioneer in his subgenre, he wasn’t nearly as good at commentary as he and his fans apparently believe. 



 6. THE MINIONS
Pierre Coffin/Chris Renaud/Jermaine Clement, Despicable Me Series (2010, 2013, 2015)
While not outright annoying per se, they’ve become so through endless hype.  Their popularity has helped fuel sequels and a spinoff to a movie I didn’t think was that great in the first place.  They’re not nearly funny or cute enough to carry a movie.  I only remember laughing at them once. 



 5. THE SPARTANS
Gerard Butler et. al., 300 (2006)
I have to say that 300 is one of the most morally inverted movies I have ever seen.  The movie wastes no time showing the Spartans murdering their babies for “weakness” and abusing their children in order to turn them into remorseless killing machines.  In the first five minutes, the movie gives us all the reason we need to root for the Persians.  They were oddly homophobic while being homoerotic as hell, to boot.  The entire appeal is that of a misguided worship of strength for its own sake, rather than strength for the sake of defending what’s right.  The movie and its “heroes” proved popular due to some oddly insecure sense of masculinity (as well as a real life war at the time).  I find our romanticization of the Spartans to be odd considering brutal and tyrannical they were.  I wonder if 2,000 years from now people will be naming sports teams after the Nazis.   



4. JACK WILSON
Jack Palance, Shane (1953)
Jack Wilson is Boba Fett for old people.  Except Wilson’s disappointment can’t be blamed on another movie’s dropping the ball.  I’ve heard numerous times about how great a villain he is, only to be disappointed when I watched the movie.  Like Fett, he’s built up effectively and has an air of mystery.  Palance plays the role well, and Wilson also has a rather memorable Kick-the-Dog scene.  The movie hypes the eventual face-off between him and Shane, and in the end all that happens is that our hero walks into the building full of bad guys and kills them all effortlessly.  Wilson just happens to be one of the bad guys' getting shot



 3. BRICK TAMLAND
Steve Carell, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
I have to admit that sometimes I have laughed at mentally impaired characters, although I do expect the jokes about them to be funny, but this doesn’t apply to Brick Tamland.  His scenes are offensive without even the benefit of a guilty laugh.  Saying “Party in my pants” is funnier than saying “pants party” in the same way that saying “people of color” is less racist than saying “colored people.”   


2. RON BURGUNDY
Will Ferrell, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
In case the previous entry didn’t make it clear enough, I think Anchorman is an overrated movie.  Rob Burgundy himself is also unappealing to me since the forced jokes often come from him.  What really baffles me is when people think he’s somehow likable on top of being funny.  Honestly, Burgundy doesn’t even come off like a character, let alone a sympathetic one.  If he is a human being, he’s a shallow, stupid and misogynistic one.    

 
 1. THE JESUS
John Turturro, The Big Lebowski (1998)
The Big Lebowski is probably one of my favorite comedies, but I never understood the fascination with this character.  His defining trait is that he molests children, and that’s funny because…?  The only funny part about Jesus Quintana is how funny characters like Walter and The Dude react to him.  If anyone should be the ensemble darkhorse of this movie it should be Brandt (Philip Seymour Hoffman).  There are other better candidates such as The Dude’s landlord and even The Jesus’ bowling partner, Liam.  Hell, I even think the ponified version of The Jesus from MLP:FIM is funnier just for having a hairnet on his tail.  The role always seemed like an excuse for the Coens to insert Turturro into the movie, but apparently the character does seem to fit with the popular theory that The Big Lebowski is about insecure masculinity.