300
2006
D: Zack Snyder
**********
Pros: Some Witty Moments of Dialogue, Some Good Fight
Choreography
Cons: Poorly Thought Out Moral Themes, Protagonists,
Action Style
Today is the
10th anniversary of one of my least favorite films, so I might as
well review it. With Zack Snyder’s
helming the consistently mediocre DC Cinematic Universe, everybody refers to
this and his remake of Dawn of the Dead
as a promising start to a disappointing career.
I, however, believe his movies have improved since these two, even if
they’re still not particularly good. In
addition to being a very tacky movie, 300
was rather popular among many Republicans because of its supposed relevance to
the war in Iraq.
The battle
of Thermopylae is a difficult event to adapt into a modern story. On one hand it was a valiant stand against a
superior force that influenced the direction of Western Civilization. On the other, Sparta was an inhuman
totalitarian state. Even World War II
movies about Germans, who weren’t all corrupted by Nazi ideology, are easier to
write sympathetically. A more complex
attempt to humanize this conflict could be seen in Steven Pressfield’s Gates of Fire, but that ends up being
rather awkward (particularly the story arc of Rooster, a helot who has every
reason not to fight alongside the Spartans but does anyway). Unfortunately, many people don’t seem too
concerned over this. Frank Miller’s does
not see conflicted in his celebration of their strength, probably due to his
being influenced by Objectivism.
And the first five minutes give us all the
reason we need to root against the
Spartans. The introduction covers the
childhood of a young Leonidas (Tyler Neitzel) as he faces his brutal childhood
training. In addition to the brutal
combat conditioning of the Spartans throughout their whole lives, the movie
makes no effort to hide one of the society’s most inhuman customs, the murder
of “imperfect” infants. This moment made
the movie’s popularity among conservatives even more confusing, because I was
always under the impression we were against this kind of thing. This all occurs while the narrator, Dilios
(David Wenham), romantically pontificates on how awesome the Spartans are for
their dedication to martial skills. The
problem with this is that a society that values militarism above all else
without much to fight for sets itself up for weakness. It’s important to have a strong military as
we do, but we don’t want to be North Korea, which actually is weaker than the
more cosmopolitan South Korea. Also,
Athens had comparable might without having to depend on intimidation of a
volatile slave class to provide basic needs.
A balanced, free society is a strong society.
As king,
Leonidas (Gerard Butler) is accosted by a Persian messenger (Peter Mensah), who
requests that he give King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) tribute. Leonidas turns him down and then panders to
some in the audience by saying that the “boy-loving” Athenians did so too
(institutionalized pederasty was a tool of unit cohesion in real life
Sparta). With the permission of his wife
Gorgo (Lena Headey), he murders the messenger and his bodyguards by dumping
them down a well. The corrupt Ephor who
manages the Oracle (Kelly Craig) advises against war because he’s under the
Persians. This is probably a reflection
of Miller’s more secularist hang-ups.
The same applies to corrupt politician Theron (Dominic Green). Without official support, Leonidas departs to
the eponymous Hot Gates with a small force of 300 soldiers, plus a few
Arcadians. Before he leaves he makes
love to Gorgo. While it is one of the
more justified sex scenes in a movie, there was a moment that got laughs.
In an early
skirmish Stelios (Michael Fassbender) dispatches a small group of
Persians. When Canadian politician
Tyrone Benskin tells him “Our arrows will blot out the sun,” he replies with
the iconic “Then we will fight in the shade.”
An expatriate Spartan hunchback Ephialtes (Andrew Tiernan) offers his
help. Leonidas, sympathetic to his
request now that he’s too old to be fair game for eugenic slaughter, tells him
that he would only be a burden on the battlefield. He gives him a reasonable offer to be useful
in other ways, which is counterintuitive considering Sparta’s culture. The heartbroken Ephialtes offers his services
to Xerxes in the middle of the latter’s lesbian/furry orgy. This seems to be consistent with Miller’s
Randian attitude that physical weakness is somehow a sign of corruption.
After some
projected fighting, Leonidas goes alone to parlay with Xerxes. In one of his smarter and funnier moments, he
points out that if he gets assassinated the council will certainly approve the
needed war. He rejects Xerxes’ demands
by invoking empty platitudes of freedom (yeah, tell that to the Helots, who are
never mentioned in this movie). Still,
his suspicion of Xerxes’ megalomania is healthy.
Meanwhile,
Theron tells Gorgo that he will convince the council to support Leonidas if she
submits to sex with him. When she
submits, he brutally does so, telling her “This will not be over quickly. You
will not enjoy this.” When he ends up
backstabbing her after she delivers the most phoned-in, generic freedom speech
I’ve ever heard at the council hearing, she stabs him while saying that same
line to him. Luckily, his bribe money
just spills out, and the council is convinced that the war is just. So the lesson is that if some politician
objects to war, he must be on the enemy’s payroll, and you can murder him on
the floor. That’s how republics work,
after all.
While the
Spartans can be judged by their actions, the Persians are mostly otherized by
their appearance. Xerxes is flamboyantly
effeminate, and soldiers are dressed in exaggerated Middle Eastern trappings
(though they actually look pretty cool).
In classic form, the villains are much better dressed than the Spartans,
who are simply dressed in diapers and capes.
The ninja-like Immortals are my favorite design. It gets particularly amusing when the narration exposits
that the Persians then “used their magic,” and it cuts to these guys' throwing
bombs.
 |
| It was the best coordination of narration for comic effect I've seen outside Arrested Development. |
In addition to this, some of their soldiers are depicted
as almost non-human. There’s a large,
mindless, ghoul called the Über Immortal (Robert Maillet), and a deformed fatman
who executes failed Persian generals with his severed arm axes. Despite this, the Persians seem more like
America than Iraq in context: a large cosmopolitan nation invading a small,
tyrannical one. Seems some fans got this
backwards. At one point, the movie
attempts to pass judgment on Persia for having a draft, because that’s so much
worse than training boys to be killing machines from birth.
In contrast,
the Spartans are depicted as physically perfect male specimens in a state of
near undress (period accurate armor would be more interesting). Critics on the Left have accused the movie of
a sort of homoeroticism that contrasts with its apparent homophobia. Fans on the Right have defended this as
idealization. This is an interesting
reversal of roles in regards to depictions of the human form in other
comics. Usually, the Left cries
objectification of female characters, while dismissing male equivalents as
idealization, whereas the Right disagrees.
Funny and convenient how the rules change with this movie/comic. Doesn’t matter who’s right, the movie sucks
anyway.
“But,
Scorpio,” you say, “maybe you’re taking this too seriously. It’s just a movie.” Ok, fine, I guess if you like this for
subjective, fun-based reasons, that’s ok.
Can’t argue with that. Still,
this movie does not appeal to my tastes
enough to even grant it the status of a guilty pleasure. The biggest stylistic problem this movie has
is how the action is edited. While some
of the fights are well choreographed, they suffer mainly as a result of
Snyder’s affinity for fight scenes that slow down and speed up for no good
reason. Usually you can slow down at
dramatic points in the fight that make sense, but when this is done wrong, it
ruins the immersive effect of the action.
In 300 this is done in a way
that makes it look like every hack movie that came out a year after The Matrix. Fortunately, only Snyder and Timur Bekmambetov insist on doing fight scenes that make you feel like you’re trying
to get up to highway speeds with a bad transmission. Oddly enough, the trailer used the slow
motion more consistently for better effect (and was set to a good song). I feel the same way about this trope that
most people seem to feel about shaky-cam.
In fact, I was one of the few people who was relieved by the action scenes in Man of Steel. The
cartoonishly exaggerated CG blood didn’t help, either. Also, the cheesy performances are a waste of a good cast.
Not to say that the movie doesn’t
have it strengths. The blue screen look,
inspired by Sin City, is interesting
and it foreshadowed one of Snyder’s visual strengths. Despite how inept a director he is, his
movies tend to be quite pretty to look at.
Tyler Bates’ energetic score may not fit the setting, but it’s
definitely fun to listen to. The movie
is also not without its good lines; the Spartans are very witty, even their
real-life counterparts inspired the word “laconic” for a reason.
It was
interesting how this movie marked a turning point in how bad movies could be;
bad movies before 2007 just don’t seem to compare to the ones made
afterward. 300 could be a watershed moment.
My main problem, however, is that it is one of the most morally inverted
movies I have seen. It invites one to
ignore principle and root for its protagonists primarily based on their ability
to fight, as opposed to what they fight for.
It’s might makes right. One of
the reasons I love Gladiator, in
addition to being a much better movie than this, is its prevailing theme is one
of might for right (not to say it’s
without its own flaws). This, along with
the movie’s gauche nature and supposed conservative appeal made it like the
Donald Trump of movies. Having the integrity
to stand up for your beliefs and fight for them is great, but the ability to
fight means nothing if we forget what we’re fighting for.
THERON: It is the law, my lord. The Spartan army must not
go to war.
LEONIDAS: Nor
shall it. I've issued no such orders. I'm here, just taking a stroll,
stretching my legs. These, uh, 300 men are my personal bodyguard.
PERSIAN: A thousand nations of the Persian empire will
descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun!
STELIOS: Then we will fight in the shade.
XERXES: You Greeks take pride in your logic. I suggest
you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously defend. Picture it
reduced to ash at my whim! Consider the fate of your women!
LEONIDAS: Clearly you don't know our women! I might as
well have marched them up here, judging by what I've seen.
LEONIDAS: Captain, I leave you in charge.
CAPTAIN: But, sire…
LEONIDAS: Relax, old friend. If they assassinate me, all
of Sparta goes to war. Pray they're that stupid. Pray we're that lucky. [bites apple and talks with his mouth full]
Besides, there's no reason we can't be civil, is there?
The Persians have demanded that Lenidas gives in now that
the battle is lost.
DILIOS: His helmet is stifling. [Leonidas takes off helmet and
drops it] His shield is heavy. [He drops his shield]
PERSIAN GENERAL: Your spear.
LEONIDAS: [To Ephialtes] You are Ephialtes. May you live forever.
PERSIAN GENERAL: Leonidas, your spear.
[Leonidas drops
spear and bows, then signals to Stelios to make one final attack]
DILIOS: His helmet was stifling, it narrowed his vision.
And he must see far. His shield was heavy. It threw him off balance. And his
target is far away. [Leonidas throws
spear at Xerxes, grazing his face]
DILIOS: [before
leaving] Sire, any message?
LEONIDAS: For the queen?
[gives him his wolf fang pendant] None that need to be spoken.
DILIOS: Just there the barbarians huddle, sheer terror
gripping tight their hearts with icy fingers... knowing full well what
merciless horrors they suffered at the swords and spears of three hundred. Yet
they stare now across the plain at *ten thousand* Spartans commanding thirty
thousand free Greeks!
