G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
2009
D: Stephen Sommers
**********
Pros: Some fun action, Earnestly cheesy
Cons: Earnestly cheesy, Some disappointing designs and
characterizations
After Michael Bay’s “Transformers”
successfully* adapted a beloved 80’s cartoon into a blockbuster, it only seemed
natural to move on to G.I. Joe, which I always liked better anyway. While everyone else seemed to hate this movie
for its over-the-top cheesiness, I found the movie slightly refreshing. Rise of Cobra is certainly not a good
film, but it does justice to a campy genre of 80’s toy tie-in cartoons. These shows had a unique charm in how
earnestly cheesy they were, and many modern homages to them sadly veer too far
into eye-winking self-awareness. In
contrast to the vulgar and contemptibly contemptuous “Transformers,” Rise of
Cobra manages to pull off that tone, even if it gets a few things wrong. Also, this is yet another 10th
anniversary review, which is not reflective at all of my lack of drive to get
anything done unless provided with some type of deadline.
Stephen
Sommers is (mostly) reliable at producing fun camp, which makes him a perfect
choice for the source material. Unlike
the blandly mundane Retaliation, the resultant movie fully embraces the
gonzo nature of the cartoon. Don’t
expect much similarity to our world outside of arms companies that share names with candy companies. The Cobras use
sonic guns as their primary weapon, which not only invoke the iconic blue
lasers but also produce satisfying spectacles of shattered glass and flying
debris/people. The superweapon the plot
revolves around are nanomites, which can do anything from healing and
regenerating tissues to eating away entire cities. In the latter role they bear an unfortunate
resemblance to cartoon fart gas. The
nanomites are eventually used to transform Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) into a
shapeshifter and, in a nice pseudotechnological nod to the cartoon, turn Destro’s
(Christopher Eccleston) head into organic
metal. The action scenes are fun, even
if the movie is full of mediocre CGI.
There are some amusing failures of physics, such as the infamous sinking
ice during the submarine dogfight and…this, but not much worse than what one
would expect from the cartoon. Alan
Silvestri’s score is a bit generic, and it would have been nice if they
included the original theme.
The movie
has some interesting set and vehicle design, including a Cobra Night Raven that
was clearly influenced by the MiG-31 Firefox.
The look of the movie is sci-fi enough to resemble the DIC era of G.I.
Joe, albeit in a more monochromatic way; the Cobras during that period made
My Little Pony look exemplary in its restrained color palette. Even the Joes have all-black uniforms and
their patriotic theme is watered-down by making G.I. Joe a Belgium-based
organization (with the FN arms to go with it).
Not like the cartoon didn’t do so in other countries. Some designs are
creative in a good way, like Storm-Shadow’s (Byung-hun Lee). Two disappointing designs are those of Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Cobra Commander (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Snake Eyes’ costume looks faithful to the
original but has a weird facial sculpt that’s a bit off-putting. Cobra Commander’s mask looks like a spider’s
butt (albeit not out-of-place in the DIC era), and his voice in the scene is a
generic low-frequency filter. The
original hood was scrapped because it reminded people of the KKK and apparently
no one thought to use another iconic design.
The voice at the end is frustrating because Gordon-Levitt went through
the effort of affect a good Cobra Commander voice, which is used while CC poses
as a Burtonian mad scientist in Destro’s employ. Too bad he didn’t feel like reprising his
role; I quite liked him in this movie.
CC and Snake Eyes’ costumes are among the few things that Retaliation
actually improved upon.
Another
thing that bothers my nostalgia for the franchise is its characterization. Channing Tatum plays Duke, although he is a
bit bland for the role. I would have
much preferred Sommers regular Brendan Fraser, but he’s relegated to an
obligatory cameo. Marlon Wayans plays
Rip-Cord, and despite interviews stating that it was for his dramatic
strengths, the character seems to be a bit of a minstrel. He’s still not without his heroism and is
even a qualified pilot despite being enlisted.
He also has some romantic tension with Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), as
Duke has his own quasi-romantic arc to worry about. Scarlett is depicted as a super-rational
genius who rebuffs his advances because she doesn’t think love is a scientifically-proven
thing (even though I’m pretty sure it is).
The rivalry between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow is developed well,
though. The movie also effectively
establishes General Hawk and Destro as good guy and bad guy by the contrast in
how well-cast Dennis Quaid is and how poorly-cast Christopher Eccleston is,
respectively. If Eccleston did not want
to renew his contract they could have righted this wrong in the sequel instead
of unceremoniously killing him off its begin-(ok, I guess I will just
have to do a review of Retaliation then). At least he looked cool. Just like in the cartoon, Zartan is rather
generic-looking, has a good working relationship with Destro, and enjoys
whistling “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.”
Other cast members include Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy Duty, Saïd
Taghmaoui as Breaker, Karolína Kurková as Cover Girl, Jonathan Pryce as the
President, and Gerald Okamura as The Hard Master.
The primary source
of characterization is from the relationship between Duke, Cobra Commander, and
the Baroness/Ana (Sienna Miller). The
movie completely throws out the canon for these characters in favor of a new
story. Here Cobra Commander is formerly
Rex Lewis, a former friend of Duke as well as the Baroness’s brother. He is in the same unit as Duke but is lost on
a mission due to a poorly-executed air strike as he examines an enemy lab. Fascinated by the technology he sees there he
allows an appropriately creepy Dr. Mindbender (Sommers regular Kevin J.
O’Connor) to mentor him, because apparently science makes you evil. Broken by the loss and abandoned by a
guilt-ridden Duke, Ana eventually disappears and returns as a Cobra
operative. She’s now the Baroness
Anastasia DeCobray, having married innocent, unsuspecting Baron/scientist (Grégory
Fitoussi) whose experiments Cobra wants to exploit. So a grieving sister, feeling betrayed by her
country, finds out that her brother is actually alive and leading a campaign to
change the world and fight the establishment that failed them…seems like a good
motivation for a villain. I’ve seen
worse in better movies. One problem
though: it’s revealed that she’s being brainwashed by the nanomites and she doesn’t
even know Cobra Commander is her brother.
This is the most frustrating part of the movie, not the violation of
franchise canon, but the violation of its own dramatic setup. Talk about a
waste of an arc, but at least they got her design right.
G.I. Joe: Rise
of Cobra is cheesy fun. While I’m
not that familiar with the comics, I’m quite nostalgic for the cartoon. I seem to be in the minority, but I greatly
prefer it over Retaliation, and I would like for Stephen Sommers to make a
comeback in the series, if it were to continue.
*Commercially.
