Spock Not Do Stupid **** Challenge: IMPOSSIBLE

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

1991

D: Richard Meyer

**********

Pros: Characters, Direction, Plot, Special Effects, Music

Cons: A Little Too Many Plotholes

 

 

 

        As a kid, my experience with Star Trek was limited to a few movies, and some slight scattering of TOS and TNG.  Star Trek VI was probably my most primal catalyst for being a casual fan.  It had everything: action, cool ships, special effects, music, and Klingons.  For a while it was one of my favorite movies.  I would regard this as the last true Trek movie, although I do enjoy Into Darkness.  

         The plot of Undiscovered Country begins with the destruction of the planet Praxis, the primary industrial center of the Klingons.  In a nice reference to the Spartan Fallacy (the inefficiency of a completely militarized dictatorship, see also: North Korea), the Klingons lack the budget and civilian infrastructure to survive the disaster.  With their entire society on the brink of collapse, they desperately appeal to the Federation for a treaty.  Relatively liberal Klingon Chancellor Gorkon (David Warner) draws up a treaty that oddly includes the complete demilitarization of the Neutral Zone.  One would wonder why someone as reasonable as he would come up with this, but I suppose he might have been pressured by hardliners.  It makes sense for the Klingons to take this as an opportunity to make a desperate go-for-broke attempt at expansionism to annex enough industrial centers to recover, while be willing to risk honorable destruction.  It also makes sense that they would operate under the calculus the Federation would be reluctant to go to war regardless of their advantage.  

         In a remarkably irrational move, Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) suggests that Captain Kirk (William Shatner) lead the initial diplomatic meeting.  This makes sense because I’ve always believed that Vulcans (especially Spock) are a passionate race, who merely style themselves as purely rational.  Spock recites “Only Nixon can go to China,” which he humorously calls a “Vulcan proverb.”  He’s missing the point that our 37^th presidend didn’t literally have a vendetta with the people he was trying to negotiate with.  The unfortunate drama that ensues inspires a majestic overcompensation from Spock in TNG in which he decides not to send a reluctant friend to do his diplomatic dirty work so he resigns from the Federation council, disappears without a trace so he can aid an underground Romulan liberation movement, and pops up on intelligence camera, scaring the Federation into making Picard to bum a ride on a Bird of Prey to find out what the hell he was doing.  Illogical.

        Starfleet agrees this despite how little sense this makes, largely because Admiral Cartwright (Brock Peters) is part of a conspiracy to sabotage the peace accords.  It’s an interesting idea that members of three warring nations would agree to sabotage their own alliance, but it helps that it makes sense.  Conservative Klingons would rather go down fighting than give up their ways, some corrupt Starfleet officials would want to press their advantage, and I’m sure the Romulans have some sort of angle on this ensuing conflict.  

        So the Enterprise and its crew arrives at a rendezvous point with Gorkon’s flagship, the Kronos One, whose introduction is an underrated gem.  Heralded by Cliff Eidelman’s ominous score, the sinister K’tinga-class glides menacingly toward the viewer after a dramatic scene is cut short by the intercom announcement of its arrival.  Kirk enters the bridge to and stares in awe at its demonic form lingering at close range on the viewscreen.  He’s battled these things before and knows enough to fear them.  Fight or flight impulses arise as Chekov (Walter Koenig) nervously asks to raise the shields in obliviousness to the purpose of the mission.  Then Kirk realizes that he’s never met this thing before under these circumstances, and muses, “Never been this close before.”  It’s a moment that knows how to treat the ships themselves as characters in the movie.  Later, when the K1 prepares to fire upon the Enterprise, its torpedo launcher glows red and growls.  Not in line with established lore, but a justified break from logic in order to give the ship more personality.  I would have liked to see her participate in the final battle.  Perhaps she'd try to stop the Enterprise from sabotaging the Accords until the Excelsior shows up, cornering the Bird of Prey into participating, thus making K1 realize who the bad guy really is.  Yeah, I do have a soft spot for the D7.    

        Upon meeting with Gorkon and his entourage for dinner, Kirk is introduced to General Chang (Christopher Plummer), who recognizes him as a fellow warrior.  The dinner is tense but ultimately less than disastrous, and the crew is ready to rest until the peace is broken by a sudden torpedo fire upon the Klingon shop from the Enterprise.  A couple of masked federation soldiers beam on board the stricken ship and slaughter every Klingon on their way to assassinate Gorkon.   Then the K1 demonstrates why her class was so feared: after having taken two unshielded torpedo hits in a seemingly vital area, she quickly recovers and is ready to fight.

         Kirk agrees to beam aboard with McCoy (DeForest Kelley) when they hear Klingons’ doctor has died.  McCoy fails to save the ambassador, and our two heroes are captured and sent to stand trial.  They are sentenced to the ice gulag of Rura Penthe.  They escape with the help of shapeshifter Martia (Iman/Tom Morga) and beamed back onto the Enterprise.  They then rush to stop the assassination of the Federation President (Kurtwood Smith) by a Klingon assassin.  They are intercepted by Chang in a prototypical Bird of Prey designed to fire while cloaked, the one that fired upon K1.  With help from Captain Sulu (George Takei), they figure out a way to defeat it and then double team that bitch in quite a crowd-pleasing payoff.  The assassination plot is foiled, Kirk makes an impassioned plea for peace, the conspirators are revealed, and everyone is happy, especially these guys for some reason. 

         The movie ends with the Enterprise crew's being ordered by Starfleet to report to base for decommissioning.  The officers, wanting to milk some more time on the ship, ignore them.  It’s a nice sendoff for the characters we love, but having been in the Navy, I can tell you that there are plenty of unhappy sailors right now.  Most seaman and JO’s would just want to get back home to their families, especially after having just survived a space battle.  Some of them died.  In fact, if they were to mutiny over this, they’d have the law on their side.  Oh well, just another example of how being underway is seen as a symbol for freedom for people who’ve never worked on a ship.  The credits are a nice touch, as all the cast members’ signatures are shown along with a triumphant secondary theme.  Like “All Good Things” it’s a good farewell to a group of beloved characters.  And like “All Good Things” nothing good came out of adding to it.

           Indeed, Undiscovered Country is regarded as one of the best Trek movies, and a lot of this has to do with the return of Nicolas Meyer, the director of Wrath of Khan.  Having spent the last couple of years catching up on the franchise, I decided to watch this old time favorite.  Enjoyable as it was, I was disappointed by the sheer number of plotholes and silly mistakes.  I’d hate to revert to the nitpicky style of criticism I had grown out, but I’m afraid that urge might again rear its ugly head.  Franchise works do work on their own internal logic and should be bound by it, but there’s a gray area of how much can be forgiven.  Some recent filth has provoked an unfortunate renaissance in such style of movie reviews, as a form of chemotherapy in response to cancer.  Sadly, such critics have shown themselves completely unprepared outside this comfort zone of A-Logging.  Examples such as Critical Drinker’s reviews of Midsommar, Us, etc. are like the equivalent of administering chemo to a healthy patient.  Now here’s a short list of Undiscovered Country’s flaws.

 

- The Captain agrees to Valeris’ suggestion to serve Romulan ale at the meeting, despite this being a terrible idea in such a delicate situation.

 

-Spock rather conspicuously places a very visible homing device on Kirk’s shoulder before he leaves for the K1, allowing him to be tracked and picked up from Rura Penthe.  The Klingons somehow don’t notice this throughout the trial and imprisonment.  They don’t even relieve Kirk of his uniform, but they do confiscate his universal translator.

 

-The losers stationed at the Klingon listening outpost don’t bat an eye at an identified ship communicating in horribly broken Klingon.  Their technology apparently isn’t designed to recognized a Connie when it wanders into Klingon space.

 

-Valeris (Kim Cattrall) apparently needs to explain to the Enterprise’s own command personnel that using a vaporizer will set off an alarm.  Instead of just telling them like a normal person, she shoots at something with the vaporizer to make the alarm go off.

 

-The alarm is not triggered by a phaser’s going off at all.  Just when when it’s set to vaporize.

 

-There are apparently only two pairs of gravity boots on the whole ship.

 

-Martia presumably leads Kirk and McCoy away long enough to give Chang a “Killed While Trying to Escape” loophole, but they’re allowed to go too far before they’re tracked down and they get beamed off the planet.

 

-Even if they lost the blueprints for the Bird of Prey prototype, everybody knows that this is possible, but no one gets around to making one by the TNG era.  

 

-Azetbur is the new chancellor, but it’s later revealed that Klingon women do enjoy such hight rank.

 

         What makes these nitpicks excusable is the story itself.  First of all, it seems that some minor tweaking could fix these holes, which are not truly inherent to the plot and therefore allow the movie to pass the TLJ Test.  Also, unlike many newer movies, the passion is there.  Star Trek VI does not seek to “fix,” subvert, or deconstruct.  It explains how the peace between the Federation and Klingons, as established in TNG, happens, while making it an opportunity for the characters to reflect upon a new world they’re not necessary trained for.  Its heart is with the characters and the world they live in.  It takes advantage of the political implications of this universe.  It’s a gateway into the new world of TNG that uses the TOS characters as its segue (another reason why Generations was a bad idea).  For all its flaws, it reinforces, rather denigrates, the franchise. The characters act according to their established roots.  It focuses on them and interstellar politics, the strengths of the franchise.  Even the dialogue is memorably witty.  It could be called the first successful prequel. 

         A possible explanation for these script problems is the troubled pre-production planning.  There were conflicts between Gene Roddenberry and Nicholas Meyer, of course.  This production was also an example of how the franchise was always at its best when in strayed further from Roddenberry’s utopian vision.  He did not like having the Enterprise crew display any bigotry, even though the arc was an inspiring example of their overcoming it.  Roddenberry did, however, get it right on Saavik.  Meyer wanted to turn her into a traitor, but Gene called him out on sullying a beloved character in a way that made no sense, so they changed it to Valeris.  Various cast members submitted scripts of varying degrees of questionable quality.

 

WTF, WALTER KOENIG

         The movie's characters are strong.  All our beloved characters are here, including Scotty (James Doohan), Uhuru (Nichelle Nichols).  Kirk is the depicted as stubbornly skeptical of the peace accords, and harbors a vendetta against the Klingons for the death of his son.  He even shows a dark side when he says "Let them die!", but he learns to overcome his hatred.  Spock is, to the point of buffoonery, the starry eyed idealist in spite of his stoic demeanor.  This is consistent with his history, and I generally like this type of character (see also: Kosh from Babylon 5).  McCoy tags along with Kirk as his lovably sarcastic self, but he doesn't develop much.  It would have been nice too have more of the Kirk/Spock/McCoy triumvirate dynamic in this movie. 

         The Klingons are brutal, but human.  Gorkon’s daughter Azetbur (Rosanna DeSoto) is an honorable person who wants Kirk to pay for her father’s murder, but is hesitant to instigate war.  Brigadier Kerla (Paul Rossilli) is a loyal member of the Klingon military who advises retaliation but follows orders not to.  Rossilli has a great scene of Good Bad Acting in which he reluctantly orders the Excelsior to stay away from the Praxis incident under the pretense that they need no help.  You can tell he has a gun to his head with that fake attempt at calm.  The Klingon Judge (Robert Easton) shows some fairness in the apparent show trial, at least for a Klingon; he rescinds the death penalty based on lack of truly conclusive evidence (much to Chang’s disappointment).  Worf’s grandfather (Michael Dorn) appears as Kirk’s defense attorney.  

         Chang himself is a great foil to Kirk.  He sees himself as an honorable foe to the Captain, and recognizes him as a fellow warrior of old.  This does not stop him from using subterfuge to destroy him in an attempt to further his goals.  Klingons clearly see an honorable fight differently.  He gleefully attacks Kirk on the battlefield of the courtroom, a consummate Klingon.  He relates the Terran’s description of the sapient condition by quoting Shakespeare, and these allusions serve as a spiritual successor to the Wrath of Khan’s use of Moby Dick. 

        Valeris is a subtle enough twist villain, and the movie does a good job making her vaguely unlikable.  Well, maybe not so vaguely when she goes on a know-it-all spiel about the etymology of the word "sabotage."

         Other cast members include Rene Auberjonois and Christian Slater (whose mother was the casting director), and Darryl Henriques.  The special effects are perfect, still using models at the time when they were perfected.  Cliff Eidelman’s ominous score completes the intrigue, and is even used as a common temping track in Hollywood. 

        One moment that annoyed me was the insertion of some post-religious nonsense, presumably to appease Roddenberry, in which Spock refers to Adam and Eve as “ancient earth mythology.”  It seems odd to call a belief that persisted at least into the 21^st Century “Ancient,” when the term generally refers to pre-Medieval periods, and Vulcans generally don’t do tongue-in-cheek hyperbole.  It’s like the trend of calling 80’s music “Oldies.”  

        I’ve always been a bit confused by the president before I realized he wasn’t Klingon.  I wonder if Efrosians suffered hate crimes during the Klingon War to the point where they were the in-universe equivalent of Sikhs.  This movie also led my childhood self to believe that Cinderella was a Russian story simply because Chekov said so.  I was not yet familiar with that running joke.  Always thought that went against the central theme of the franchise.

          Anyway, Star Trek VI is an extremely enjoyable movie, a true Trek entry despite its relative amount of action.  Oddly enough, I don’t think its writing is as tight as that of Star Trek V, but its execution is better than the direction of its often unjustifiably campy predecessor.   

"If It Wasn't for Derek Zoolander, Male Modeling Wouldn't Be What It Is Today"

Zoolander

2001

D: Ben Stiller

*********

Pros: Funny, Creative, Well-Acted

Cons: Some Bad Jokes, TIME Servility, Bland Heroine, Not Much of a Message

 

 

           I’ve observed that the funniness of a comedy is often inversely proportional to that it’s trailer.  Zoolander is no exception here.  Based on a sketch character, this has stood the test of time as one of the funniest movies of the Naughts.  Unfortunately, it was criminally underrated when it came out.  It was certainly ahead of the time, since a few years after Arrested Development, this brand of humor became accepted to the point of cliché.  

         This type of quirky comedy, based on absurd contrivances, is very high-risk-high-reward.  It requires genuine creativity, but the price is that when the jokes are bad, they are really bad.  Really bad levels of cringe.  On the other hand, more down-to-earth comedies are rarely annoying because they’re at least grounded in human reality.  Zoolander certainly has its share of cringe: the protagonists name is a lame pun, there’s a terrible boner gag (a cliché I hate) involving Andy Dick, and there’s the break dance fighting (“They’re break-dance fighting! one character helpfully points out).  

           The plot revolves around a politically significant conspiracy run by the fashion industry using male models as a weapon.  When the Prime Minister of Malaysia (Woodrow Asai) commits to a child labor ban, the Industry desperately fast-tracks an assassination scheme coordinated by designer Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell) in which moronic male model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is brainwashed into assassinating the politician.  The plot is monitered by femme fatale model Katinka Ingabogovinana (Milla Jovovich, in arguably her best movie), and the brainwashing is done through an amusing video in which Derek is fed propaganda by Mugatu in the guise of a Buster Brownesque character named Little Cletus.  With the help of TIME Magazine reporter Matilda Jeffries (Christine Taylor) and former rival model Hansel (Owen Wilson), Derek bumbles his way into escaping the plot.  The conspiracy theorist who exposits the plan is former hand model JP Prewitt (David Duchovny), and it is very creative one.  It turns out that the Fashion Industry's greed for cheap labor has been behind every major political assassination, including that of Abraham Lincoln by John Wilkes Booth (James Marsden in a short non-speaking cameo that is oddly enough his best movie role).  Male models are the perfect assassins due to their physical fitness, access to secure areas, and susceptibility to suggestion, and they’re groomed by modeling agents like Derek’s boss Maury Ballstein (Jerry Stiller).  An absurd premise based on its own internal logic.  If you don’t see the humor in that, I don’t know what to do for you.  Apparently, this plot is suspiciously similar to that of a novel titled Glamorama, which I should probably check out sometime.  There are lot of typical jokes about how stupid models are, but they are often cleverly done.  They seemed to go out of their way to list Fabio as an exception, almost as if that was the price for having his cameo in the movie.  Another strong point in comedy is the promo videos for Zoolander and Hansel.  

           I have to point out that Mugatu, despite being a comedy antagonist, is one of my favorite movie villains.  Memorable character design, a charismatic performance, a good organizer of villainous plots, and a malicious motive: he’s got everything you need.  He’s got a particularly funny backstory that actually puts a comedic entry on my list of greatest movie twists.  It’s eventually discovered that he was originally Jacob Moogberg, a synth-guitarist for Frankie Goes to Hollywood until they fired him before they hit big.  He became a fashion mogul when he invented the piano-key necktie in 1985.  It’s of special significance that Mugatu chose “Relax” as the Pavlovian trigger for Zoolander’s sleeper agent programming.  Will Ferrell is also brilliant in the role.  I tend to believe that timing and delivery is at least as important to comedy as ideas.  In one scene we have possibly the most lowbrow, terrible joke one can imagine: Mugatu spills latte on his assistant Todd (Nathan Lee Graham) and gets turned on because it looks like he’s covered in semen. The way the two actors sell this turns it into gold.               

            The movie serves its purpose as a comedy by being very funny, but the risk of eliciting a sideye from the ghost of Tom Wolfe, I’m not sure if I can credit it for any theory.  In contrast, Stiller's also-criminally-underrated Cable Guy has many insightful and prescient themes about the influence of entertainment media and the desperation of the socially awkward people in produces.  Zoolander’s only serious messages are that models are dumb, and maybe it’s a statement about how absurd conspiracy theories are.  The latter doesn’t work (or perhaps it does), though, because the Fashion Industry's plot makes far more sense than most actual conspiracy theories.  Even one silliest of premises of such theories, that the secret villains can’t help but put self-incriminating clues in plain sight, is more logical in this comedy; Mugatu has a very obvious petty reason to sully “Relax” in the eye of the public.  

            Funny thing is that comedies like this actually explain how comedians are so terrible at political satire; they are only capable of coming up with blatantly disingenuous strawmen when serious issues are addressed.  These comedians excel in absurdism, things that are funny because they’re not true.  This works when combined with the agreement between creator and audience that this is the case.  However, these comedians abuse this exact same method to comment on politics, while removing that honest acknowledgement between themselves and the viewer, passing it off as “insight” or “truth-telling.”  Saturday Night Live’s cowbell sketch is a perfect example of this, an example of a benign strawman.

         Another problem related to this complaint is that that the movie displays a pathetically servile attitude toward the news media, let alone TIME Magazine.  Their reporter is depicted as a heroine who solves all the problems, and Derek is even implied to be an idiot just for not reading that publication in particular.  He even, rather realistically, calls out “investigatory reporters” for not caring whom they hurt as long as they can make a juicy scoop.  Matilda responds by blatantly gaslighting him about her smear article by blaming her editor for the headline (she later admits she smeared him tue to a personal vendetta against models for driving her to Bulimia).  Sounds pretty familiar nowadays, huh?  If anything the movie is an accidental indictment of an institution that apparently has nothing better to do than write articles about a male model’s embarrassing faux pas at an awards show.                                 

           Matilda herself is a typical blandly idealized female comedy protagonist.  She’s always the sane person in the room, only without the witty quips.  Despite her supposed talent as a reporter, her primary method of journalism involves running up to Mugatui in public, asking him antagonistic loaded questions, and acting surprised that he’s “harder to get to than the president.”  She loses points by impulsively participating in an uncalled-for model orgy with Derek and Hansel.  Most of her work is done by her intern Archie (Matt Levin), but she does end up making the connection that “Relax” is the trigger song. 

           Even the aforementioned issues with this movie could still be interpreted as ironic statements, enhancing it as a classic comedy.  The cast also includes Jon Voight, Vince Vaughn, and Juda Friedlander as Derek’s family, Alexander Skarsgard, Justin Theroux, Patton Oswalt, Billy Zane, Donald Trump, and a rather large number of celebrities as themselves.  The soundtrack features a few 80’s classics.   

Heavy on Style...

“Truth Seekers”

Helluva Boss

Episode 1:6

August 21, 2021

AVERAGE

Pros: Animation, Action, Some Brief Character Moments

Cons: Rushed Plot, Missed Character Opportunities, Crude Humor

 

 

           The new episode of Helluva Boss certainly took things to the next level with its animation and action.  Unfortunately, its story is rather rushed and it doesn’t quite have its narrative priorities right.  It has the makings of a great climax, but it would be nice if it was built up more.  It was, however, better the second time I watched it.

           It begins with two government agents, One (Michael Romeo Ruocco) and Two (Erica Luttrell) reviewing footage of I.M.P.’s shenanigans on Earth.  They ask how they could possibly know where the imps could strike next, only to immediately hear them making noise in the alley right outside.  It’s a predictable enough joke, and it arguably negates the possibility of Loona and Millie’s finding out their location through patient detective work after Moxxie and Blitzo are captured.

           Many fans stated anticipation for a plot in which the guys are kidnapped and the girls have to team up and rescue them, but the episode drops the ball on the character potential.  Loona and Millie hardly ever talk to each other in the series, and I think the closest they come is when Millie unwittingly unpersons Loona in “Harvest Moon Festival.”  While Loona is annoyed by the dismissive treatment she gets as a hellhound, Millie could point out her bitchiness toward Moxxie.  That, combined with a more well-developed detective story, could have made the episode more interesting. 

          Not that there’s nothing there.  Their personalities briefly clash when Millie orders Loona to reopen the portal so they can rescue the guys, and Loona points out that Blitzo ordered her to do so without any of his brand of facetiousness.  This underscores Loona’s loyalty and cautiousness while revealing that she’s also sensitive to Blitzo’s cues; she even uses his preferred name pronunciation.  Millie’s passion convinces her to go in, but not before donning her human disguise (which turns out to be unnecessary) and packing some weapons.  It’s also notable that Loona empathizes with Millie for the first time when she sees the latter’s crying over her lost husband.  Still, this interaction is way too brief and noncommittal.

        For some reason, the episode sees fit to sort out the less compelling differences between Blitzo and Moxxie.  I say this because, in spite of their butting heads, they’re still clearly comrades.  Blitzo is rude to Moxxie, but it’s obvious he values his aid and is also fiercely protective of him.  Meanwhile, the episode paradoxically espouses that Moxxie holds back on his true opinions out of fear, even though he’s frequently critical of Blitzo’s decisions.  The two end up coming clean with each other after they trip on some truth gas exposed to them by the antagonists.  Unfortunately, Blitzo still humorously abuses Moxxie physically at times during the final fight scene.

       One rather serious issue between these two that is not addressed is Blitzo’s stalking of Moxxie and Millie.  It could have been pointed out that Blitzo’s acting on fascination/jealousy of something that Moxxie, for all his nebbishness can pull off: a stable relationship.  Moxxie could tell him all he needs to do is be a better person to women rather than try to impress them, segueing into his devotion as a father.  Then Blitzo could call Moxxie out on he and his wife’s dismissive attitude toward Loona,.

         An inordinate amount of time is devoted to our heroe’s hallucinations from the gas.  Moxxie’s is appropriately a Disney-style musical, while Blitzo’s is Fleischer style mixed with 60’s psychedelics.  Moxxie butts heads with a fictionalized Blitzo (singing voice Michael Romeo Ruocco) even though Striker and Millie’s family are far more appropriate foils for his insecurities.  Blitzo faces Moxxie as well as multiple other antagonists from his life, including Striker, Verosika, and Robo-Fizz (who looks great in Fleischer style).  Blitzo faces a fact most of us know about him: his unstable and unfaithful personality drives people away.  A subtle positive point: Loona is not included among his accusatory demons.  The animation of both sequences is beautiful, but I can't help but think it was an excuse for stylization.

        Despite the skimpy narrative, this episode reinforces my affinity for Loona.  It can’t be stressed enough that I believe she’s a distinct character than what we see in the Pilot.  Moxxie’s practicality in that episode was transferred to her resulting in a more amusing and balanced dynamic in which Loona secretly turns out to be the sensible one while Moxxie is a classic stupid smart person.  I tend to relate to stoical-but-occasionally temperamental introverts, and Loona is also the most cautious of the bunch as well; she usually doesn’t act without planning.  

        I also wanted to see Loona’s finally letting loose and kicking some ass while directly protecting Bltzo, and I got that.  It’s always been implied that hellhounds are a force to be reckoned with.  In the last episode the mere presence of one, despite costing the good guys a drop on him, was enough to make Striker flee, and they’re in demand as bodyguards.  Loona’s background is an intriguing mystery that leaves the possibility of fight training open, but, like most things in this episode, it would be a lot more satisfactory if this were patiently held off.

        And boy, oh boy, is this action scene glorious.  It’s beautifully animated and a great example of cathartic action.  It helps that it’s set to a passably effective guitar riff.  It also draws attention to an advantage of animation: the “camera” follows the action in a physically impossible fashion that would be a cringe cheat in live-action.  The animation team more than redeems itself for Ploona’s blatant force kick.  

        Despite the heroes’ triumphant performance, they run out of ammo and are trapped by the Agents, but are saved by a Deus Diabolus Ex Machina.  Stolas appears out of nowhere to intimidate the Agents and rescue IMP.  His only explanation for knowing their location is that “has his ways.”  He then paternally chastises IMP for their carelessness only to leave Agents One and Two alive as loose ends, assuming no one will believe them.  You’d think if he somehow knew where Blitzo & Co. were he’d also realized that this Government HQ was a branch, which it is clearly is when the the Agents decide to use evidence of his apparition as the proof they need to send up to their superiors.

        Still, it’s amazing how well-executed the scene is.  We finally see Stolas in all his demonic glory.  Every little thing in this scene is great.  The mysterious buildup.  Agent Two’s getting possessed, zombified Agents drawing a summoning circle,  the epic cover of Stolas’ theme, the look of wonder and horror on Blitzo’s face, the contemptuous glare Stolas gives the agents after reverting to his normal form, the swish of his cape when he turns his back on them.  The “not worth killing” effect could have been maintained by Stolas’ simply picking up a handgun and unceremoniously shooting them without making him look like a fool.

         These two unearned climaxes may be justified by being catalysts for further plot development.  I have a hunch that Stolas’ apparition, while being horrifying from a human/imp/hellhound point of view, may have been considered straight-up clown behavior by demon royalty.  He let himself be recorded by mortals, with evidence of his lending out his Grimoire to some losers and even said in the video that Blitzo was his “plaything.”  I have a feeling that the resultant scandal is the reason why we see his sadly eating cereal in deserted mansion in the Season 1 trailer.  It's heavily implied, after all, that Stolas is seen as a walking joke in hell already.   

          I’ll probably take the opportunity to point out that I hate Stolitz, even though it seems to be encouraged by the creators and popular among the fandom.  Stolas is a pathetic simp who’s too horny to resist banging Blitzo even though it’s destroyed his marriage and traumatized his daughter, while Blitzo uses the Prince for transactional purposes.  Despite a kiss at the end and an indication that Blitzo enjoys some of the sex play, I don’t think episode does much to justifiy this as a good ship.

          The humor in this episode is a mixed bag.  There are a lot of moments that got a chuckle out of me, but there are some moments of extreme cringe.  It’s unfortunate that they had mess with one of the show’s more wholesome aspects by making a crude joke about Millie’s pegging Moxxie.  Agents One and Two are not terribly interesting characters.  They’re just basic G-Man spoofs who sport obnoxiously exaggerated accents, and were probably better left dead by Stolas.  At least we were spared the cringe of the common fan speculation that the people who tied Stolas and Moxxie up were Catholic cardinals (for now).   

           The movie has a few great payoffs and opens up intriguing possibilities for the future, but could have used a lot more buildup in order to make these climaxes less unearned.  It should have been a two-parter.  

              

          

 

QUOTES

 

 

MILLIE: SHIT.  Shit, shit, shit…agghh…

LOONA: You, uh, you okay, there?

MILLIE: What’re you doin’ sittin’ there?  The boys are in trouble!  Open it again.

LOONA: Blitzo was using a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears.  That means it was serious, which means I don’t open it until-

MILLIE: OPEN THE FUCKIN’ PORTAL NOW!

 

AGENT ONE: What do you mean by that?

BLITZO: Oh, you’re stupid, huh?  I can work with stupid.  Daddy likey dummy.

[Moxxie can’t help but laugh]

 

BLITZO: Hey, aren’t we gonna get our phone call, bitch?

AGENT ONE: Well, that entirely depends, who you gonna call, hmm?

BLITZO: Your fat mom, thanking her for a fat time!

AGENT TWO: Nice try, demon, his fat mom is dead!

[Agent One cries]

 

[next scene with Blitzo, Moxxie, and the Agents]

AGENT ONE: Stop insulting my mother, she’s dead!

[Blitzo sticks his tongue out him]

 

[Loona and Millie come up to a keyboard with a the “1” worn out.  Millie examines it carefully]

MILLIE: Try one.

[Loona presses one repeatedly and the door opens]

Pony Hype

“The Super Cider Squeezy 6000”

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

Episode 215

January 28, 2012

Below Average

Pros: One Good Running Joke in First Act

Cons: Poorly Thought-Out Plot, Dull

 

 

           It’s been a while since I’ve done an episode of MLP:FIM because it’s been a while since I’ve been all that into MLP:FIM.  Still, it’s fun to deconstruct these things, and this is an episode I’ve always wanted to get to since it always struck me as a decidedly mediocre entry as well as an overrated one.  So now it’s long overdue for me to dissent on the artistic prestige of “Super Cider Squeezy 6000.” 

           It begins with the Apples’ selling their once-in-a-year homemade apple cider, which brings lines like that of a communist country.  People have questioned why the Apples can only produce cider for this one short period, when they can produce the stuff as long as they have apples.  Personally, I think it’s to create a false scarcity that increases demand and price.  It’s explained that the profits from the cider period are what they need to get through the winter, so it makes sense to do something like this.  However, there’s clearly a problem because the Apples cannot produce enough cider to satisfy the trumped-up demand.  One wonders why no one simply decides to produce their own cider, but maybe IP laws are different in Equestria (contrary to what happens in “Rarity Takes Manehattan”).  Perhaps the Apples can also take up some other work to support themselves during the winter?

           The only part of the episode I found particularly amusing is a running joke in which Rainbow Dash cannot get any cider.  The humor is reinforced by an element of anti-karma.  Despite her extreme anticipation for this, she takes the time to wake up Fluttershy so the latter can get some too and even lets her friend go in line in front of her.  This, along with Pinkie Pie’s shameless greed, narrowly prevents her from getting her sample.  You’d think the Apples would ration this stuff for everyone, but that’s not their problem.  Unfortunately, this arc ends immediately when Rainbow gets a taste of cider thanks to the Flim-Flam Brothers’ (Sam Vincent and Scott McNeil) cider-making machine.  Practically near the beginning of the episode.  

          While the Flim-Flams are depicted as villains, they actually present a solution to Ponyville’s problem.  They can provide an efficient way to provide people with cider while the Apples can sell them the raw material.  This may not cover the needed expenses for the winter, but perhaps the Apples can insist on royalties in some kind of deal.  Meanwhile they can still make organic cider for the niche market.  The episode misses an opportunity for conflict by having Rainbow automatically side with the Mane Six despite having reason to see Flim-Flams’ point.  I’m not a particularly hard-core fiscon, but it seems like a pretty obvious free market solution that could everyone if done right.    

          In a contrivance that many have called out, they agree to an absurd contest in which winner takes control of Sweet Apple Acres.  Of course, the Apples have every right to tell them them to bugger off and everything to lose by agreeing to this, but it happens anyway.  In order to keep up with the cider production, our protagonists resort to running themselves ragged (this includes Apple Bloom and Granny Smith) while enlisting the temporary help of the Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity.  They’re barely able to keep pace over the SCS6000, so the Flim-Flams decide to gain an edge by deactivating the machine’s automatic quality control, allowing spoiled apples to enter the mixture.  They seemingly win the contest until people taste the fruits of their labor and spit it out in disgust.  The Apples win.  In what would be a cute twist on the show’s formula if it was earned, Applejack’s letter to Celestria proudly proclaims that she didn’t learn anything because she was right all along.  Surely, a less-than-amused Celestia would write back with a lesson:

 

        Applejack,

 

       It seems that there was indeed much for you to learn.  Your business model is flawed to the point of failing to account for the town’s demand for a certain product.  As long as this situation persists, there will be multiple competitors like the Brothers Flim-Flam who will offer the solution that you currently will not provide.  You barely survived the fallout of your own logistical shortcomings, and you only did so by resorting unsustainable means: enlisting the temporary, free help of your friends as well as that of your elderly grandmother and your school-age sister.  You should have taken this as the warning it was.  Because as long as you do not address this, there will more Flim-Flams.  And you will not always be so lucky.

 

                                                                             Do not waste my time like this again,

                                                                                                                                    Princess Celestia

 

       It seems to be a popular fallacy (especially in politics) that people will mistake their barely surviving the consequences of their mistakes as proof they were right all along.  Now, Scorpio, you say, this is just a children’s cartoon, your being too critical.  Well, I’d say you’re partially right, I shouldn’t expect too much narrative quality, but this is a show for small children with the purpose of teaching them lessons, and this episode’s lack thereof is unearned.

     Of course, I’d be perfectly willing to forgive this if I found the episode entertaining, which I do not.  The only particularly funny part was the aforementioned Rainbow joke, and I’m not particularly fond of the song.  I know it’s purely subjective, but I just don’t like this type of music and found this number to be a bore.  Also, it’s “sophisticated” reference to The Music Man is less impressive when most of us are more familiar to The Simpson’s classic reference to that movie, arguably making this episode guilty of committing a cardinal sin of comedy: making a parody of a parody.  

 

 

QUOTES

 

[Pinkie has just cheated Rainbow out of cider]

PINKIE PIE: She’s right, you know!  You can’t rush perfection, and this year’s batch was perfection!

FLUTTERSHY: Erm, Pinkie Pie…

PINKIE PIE: I’ll never forget the cider I just drank.  It was a moment in time that will never exist again.  

 

APPLE BLOOM: That’s it, the last cup!

[crowd groans revealing Rainbow’s hovering in line in the distance]

RAINBOW: Oh, for Pete’s sake!

Maybe I Am Being Nostalgic.

Independence Day

1996

D: Roland Emmerich

**********

Pros: Special Effects, Characters, Plot Structure, Comic Relief Score

Cons: Clumsy Pandering, Fridge Logic

 

 

      I feel bad about missing the exact date of the 25^th anniversary of one of my biggest nostalgic movies, but I had to do something, even if it is a bit late.  1996 was the year my childhood peaked, right before it all went downhill with the onset of pubescent cynicism.  And Indedpendence Day was the movie of that summer.  It was an event, and it was years before I finally found out…some people hate this movie.  I was baffled, but soon came to understand why.  For a while, like many, a was apologetic over it, citing it as a guilty pleasure.  But after time, like many, I became more secure and I currently maintain that, for all its cheesiness, Independence Day is a solid popcorn movie.  The backlash triggered its own backlash.  And without much further ado, I’ll get started on the best space movie starring Bill Pullman or Brent Spiner.

       The movie begins with a massive alien spaceship’s parking over the moon (without causing much effect on earth’s tides despite being a quarter as heavy as our satellite), and everyone’s reaction to the phenomenon.  At first, they don’t know for sure what’s going on as giant fireballs hover close over the land.  As it turns out, those fireballs were exhaust for giant 15-mile-wide ships that stop over major cities.  Panic ensues as people flee L.A., New York City, and D.C.  This first act is very well executed in the way that it builds up tension slowly while introducing characters and their arcs.  It was tolerably dull for me as a kid.  So we have an effective buildup that leads up to an epic spectacle of action involving an alien invasion.  This is one of the myriad reasons I was not impressed by “Transformers.”  Because I already saw this done better 11 years prior.  Amazingly, in defiance of both nostalgia and logic, many reviewers who hated this movie liked “Transformers!”

       Like X2, this movie actually does an impressive job of weaving a seemingly ridiculous number of character arcs together; even genuinely better movies have trouble with that.  There isn’t a clear protagonist, but the closest one would be David Levinson (a Jewish Jeff Goldblum), a cable repairman who figures out the aliens’ attack code and warns President Whitmore (Bill Pullman) and Co. to escape DC in the nick of time.  He’s assisted by his father Julius  (an even more Jewish Judd Hirsch).  The President’s staff includes Stephen’s ex-wife Constance (Margaret Colin).  

       Also important is Captain Stephen Hiller (Will Smith), an F/A-18 pilot who fights in an initial counterattack and later pilots an alien fighter in the finale after convincing the president and his staff that he’s qualified to do so simply because he saw them flying (get used to the criticisms, there’s going to be a lot of them).  His girlfriend Jasmine (Vivica A. Fox) is a stripper working to support her son Dylan (Ross Bagley) and eventually bands together a bunch of LA survivors after ducking in corner of a tunnel while giant fireball had the courtousy to pass by (that corner would still have been a pressure cooker).  Luckily, her dog Boomer (Dakota) also survives.  Stephen and David eventually infiltrate the alien mothership so that the latter can upload a virus of his own devising to do nothing more than disable the aliens’ deflector shields, giving the Earthlings a fighting chance in an air battle.  After having been cornered by Windows 10 into buying a Mac by default, I can find assurance in the knowledge that I can use it to hack alien spaceships even if I can't do VRChat.  Reflecting they’re linked fates, David makes up with his ex-wife and silently un-divorces her during Stephen and Jasmine’s impromptu wedding.   

       Before this plan is hatched, the president reluctantly orders a nuclear strike to destroy a ship, but its shields successfully repel the nuke.  This scene probably features the most unbelievable deceit of this movie: the idea that Houston can actually be evacuated in a timely manner.  Then again, maybe they only claimed to evacuate it.  Then again, why did they wait until the ship was already over another city?  I’m not sure what they mean by “visual confirmation” or how that fakeout even worked.  Despite this clear failure, the Secretary of Defense (James Rebhorn) insists on trying again for some reason, and this is rejected.  David passes undue judgment on the president for using nukes over American soil, but this did seem like a reasonable response considering the situation.

         The other primary arc involves Russell Casse (Randy Quaid), a half-crazed Vietman pilot turned crop-duster who was once abducted by the aliens.  His failures as a functional adult put him at odds with his lock-key oldest son (James Duval), who plays the role of responsible adult in the family, but he’s eventually vindicated by his crazy stories’ being confirmed and his eventual heroic kamikaze into an alien ship.  In contrast to those of most actors, Quaid's roles seem to accurately reflect how nutty he is in real life.  He probably even believes he can hypnotize yodeling.  One apparent sign of White Privilege is how everyone pretended that Will Smith said "Welcome to Erf" when he clearly said "Earth" while ignoring how unintelligible Randy Quaid was when you yelled at the aliens ship.  I always thought he said, "In the words of my dinner runneth." 

            In addition to the more serious arcs, the movie actually has good comic relief characters.  First is David’s father, who has an amusing chemistry with his son, and then there’s Dr. Okun (Brent Spiner), as the United States Assistant Secretary for Health an eccentric Area 51 scientist.  A little divisive is David's boss, Marty (Harvey Fierstein).  He's a such a campy gay role that we're almost supposed to be amused when he meets his end.  This ignores the fact that he's an actually pretty likable person.  He treats his employees his respect, and is a pretty nice guy, well, aside from his apparent apathy toward his lawyer's life.

         As for Area 51, it’s one of the most absurd deceits of the movie.  You see, the movie makes the claim that the existence of Area 51 itself is a rumor.  I mean, there have always been rumors about what goes on in Area 51, but there is little controversy that there is Top Secret Air Force base in the middle of Nevada that you’re not allowed to go to.  Even the president claims “there is no Area 51” until until the SecDef corrects him.  When Russell and his RV caravan are crossing the salt flats, they observe that “it ain’t on a map” when prompted to go there.  You mean the map doesn’t have drawn out zone that says, “Don’t Go Here?”  Still, much like Crispin Glover and this incident, the US Government never officially acknowledged it until 2013.  The mere mention of Area 51 was the military's reason that they revoked their aid for the movie.  I suppose this is why the Air Force's primary air superiority fighter is apparently the McDonnell Douglas F/A-18.  

          One of the flaws of this movie (unless you want to see it as crazy awesome), is the patriotic pandering that is almost insulting.  However, the only time it gets really bad is a montage that heavily implies that everyone else in the world has been literally waiting for America to come up with a plan.  It’s like movie version of all the semi-ironic Murrica memes you see on the internet.

         President Whitmore’s speech does unwittingly(?) subvert this.  It’s a rousing one that many pretend not to be moved by, but some might have a problem with the suggestion that the ideals of freedom on which the country would be founded on would be supplanted by a desperate act for survival.  In recent years I’ve become more upper-right quadrant, so suppose it doesn’t bother me as much now.  Love it or hate it, it’s vanity to think America is some divinely ordained thousand-year nation, anyway.  Bill Pullman is a bit wooden but he comes through in scenes like this.  One of the few improvements of the sequel is that he’s genuinely much better in it.  

          Other cast members include Robert Loggia as General William Grey, Mary McDonnell as the First Lady, Adam Baldwin as Major Mitchell, and a you Mae Whitman as the First Daughter.  She has cute scene with Dylan in which the bond over their fear that actually nicely foreshadows their friendship/professional partnership in the sequel.  Harry Connick, Jr. plays clownish fighter pilot who ends up ignoring proper flight-handling and dies.

          The special effects are wonderful, and this movie shows what you could do with practical models.  It’s every bit as ambitious in scale as a modern CGI blockbuster, but it looks better and has aged beautifully, aside from some tolerably noticeable bluescreen effects.  It has some wonky moments, like when the US Capitol literally explodes from the inside when engulfed by a larger explosion.  Even when I was a kid I was bothered by the crooked perspective of that one helicopter in front of the White House; it was apparently added later for some reason.  One of the main reasons I don’t care for the sequel is its more generic CGI.

          David Arnold’s score is both foreboding and triumphant.  The design of the aliens and their ships (Oliver Scholl and Patrick Tatopoulos) is great, and their technology has a pretty blue glow to boot.  Their tactics, however are questionable.  They hijack our satellites to communicate with each other instead of dispatching their own, which is how David decodes their intentions, and they don’t close the doors on their superweapon (the only weak spot) until all the F-18’s are taken out.  Instead of glassing entire areas from orbit, starting with all of earth’s military centers, they go right down to the atmosphere, the only space their barely-space-age quarry could possibly fight back.  

          The earthlings also make questionable decisions.  Unable to communicate with the aliens at first, they’ve decided to send a helicopter up to flash bright lights in their faces (this is when the aliens show their cards by blowing the chopper up).  When an Area 51 guard attempt to turn away, Stephen convinces him otherwise by simply showing him the body of an unconscious alien, and rhetorically asks if he should just leave it there (which should have backfired on him).  There’s also an assumption that Area 51 is deep enough underground that it would be out of reach for a superweapon that was able to take out NORAD (the first time I heard about the place).  The president insists on flying in the final battle.  And everybody uses up their missiles even though they need them to take out the ship (doesn’t Area 51 have SAM’s?).  This necessitates Russell’s sacrifice.     

          Independence Day is corny and heavily flawed in many ways.  It also has a dubious legacy of inspiring multiple mindless disaster movies, some of the more tiresome ones made by Emmerich himself.  The underwhelming sequel could have taken it to the next level with a full-blown space conflict, but it instead chose to set the reset button and tease that better idea for a threequel that will probably never come.  The first movie certainly won’t stand up to logistical-style reviewing, but it’s fun, well-paced, has good plot structure, likable characters with effective arcs, good comic relief, and arguably the most based line in action movie history. What more do you want from a popcorn movie?                      

"Put the Belt on Her, Then She'll Be Belt Woman"

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

1991

D: James Cameron

**********

Pros: Direction, Action, Score, Characters

Cons: Not as Tight as the First Movie, Some Tone Problems

 

 

       This is the 30^th anniversary of Terminator 2, a movie many people site as their favorite blockbuster and (wrongly) assert to be the quintessential example of an improved sequel.  In fact, this is a movie that many people will forgive for its alleged flaws.  In recent years, I’ve learned of the error of logistical nitpick film criticism, and yet even those reviewers always give this movie a pass.  I suppose that might betray a sort of hypocrisy.

        Now before I discuss this movie’s synopsis, I want to make a little speech concerning spoilers.  It really annoys me when people argue that there’s some kind of statute of limitations for them, that if enough time has passed, they can say whatever they want.  It’s an example of one's annoyingly trying to defend a lack of consideration as if they’re standing up for some principle of etiquette.  It’s like the people who complain about babies on airplanes; there must be a term for this.  I say, if someone is lucky enough to watch a classic movie blind, then don’t ruin it for them; that person is a rare, beautiful flower and I envy them.  That being said, the first act of the movie has a decidedly effective twist with well-executed misdirection.

         Taking place years after the events of the first movie, T2 focuses on protection of a young John Connor (Edward Furlong) when a second T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is sent back in time.  The twist is that this one has been reprogrammed by the resistance to protect him from the T-1000 (Jason Patrick), a more advanced Terminator made of liquid metal that can imitate any person it touches.  This model is even more impervious to gunfire and can form itself into any shape at its convenience.

        The movie does a great job of hiding this fact from the viewer until a great reveal in which both converge on John.  I wish I could have appreciated this, but the movie’s toy commercials made no effort to cover things up for my childhood self.  Robert Patrick is unassuming enough to work decoy protagonist while consistently coming off as the cold-blooded killer he is (he still shows a slight sardonic demeanor and kills at least twice out of annoyance).  He’s a more sophisticated model in contrast to the 800’s being a tank.  Arnold is enjoyable as always in the role while being allowed to show some personality after he is reprogrammed to adapt to learning experiences by the heroes.  One scene I have a problem with is Arnold’s introduction in the biker bar.  First, I find it odd that he doesn’t murder anyone in there despite having no reason not to.  Later in the movie John has to stop him from killing a random person, and has to tell him not to kill without reason (It makes sense for a Terminator to act within its nature while pursuing a different primary objective, but not so such programming it to obey your childhood self.).  This softer approach not only lessens the tone, but somewhat spoils the otherwise good misdirection.  The absurdly unserious use of George Thorogood’s “Bad to the Bone,” while synced well with the movements onscreen, doesn’t help, either.  Terminator's use of "Burnin' in the Third Degree" made sense while being more tense.

       This scene also solidified a meme that would plague all subsequent Terminator movies: the Terminator must wear leather and sunglasses.  It made sense in the setting, but it has a certain artificiality to it that underscores how the first movie is still the best in the series.  In that movie the T-800 began its mission in a bulky punk jacket.  Being seen and injured in public during the first shootout compelled it to cut its hair, hide its damaged eye with shades, and don a slimming leather jacket, all which was surprisingly effective as a disguise.  The plot is what drove the stylistic choice.  Little things like that make the first movie work better as a self-contained film of its own.  Another example of this is a decidedly cringe forced slang that feels like a unsuccessful attempt to start another meme.  John attempts to train the Terminator to talk more organically by sayings things like ”Hasta la vista, baby,” and the Terminator, of course, mimics it.  The phrase never really caught on outside its association with the movie.  It’s one of those examples in which the work was so popular it even made like a bad part of it.  Not exactly the naturally great line that was “I’ll be back.”    

      Still, Terminator 2 adds a lot with its seemingly gimmicky twist.  The Terminator develops as a character.  It’s a rare movie which gives us the scenario of a heroic version of a cool villain while making it work.   After the T-800 rescues John, he reluctantly assists the boy in rescuing Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) from a mental hospital before she is acquired by the T-1000.  Connor has also evolved from the normal young woman in the first movie to a tough, lean fighter.  Her attempts to raise John as a future savior of mankind have branded her a crazy woman, while turning John into a bitter delinquent until he finds out the truth.  Her initial distrust of the T-800 (who eventually learns the value of human life) lends to the movie’s drama, and her nightmares about the coming nuclear apocalypse in 1997 are truly frightening in execution.  Hamilton is great in the role, and I’d love to see grizzled, bad-ass grandma Hamilton in a movie that’s not an atrocious sequel. 

      Despite his delinquent-like demeanor, John turns out to be the conscience of the movie.  It makes him a stronger and more likable protagonist while sacrificing his believability as a child.  Perhaps I could go more in depth on this quandary if I ever get to DuckTales (2017)

      As for some of the apparent fridge logic, I have some defenses and some concessions.  While some would question why the Machines would not send a Terminator back earlier to take Sarah out before the events of The Terminator, the decision makes sense.   Said events were part of a deterministic timeline.  Skynet would obviously not prevent its own existence by going back further, any more than the AI in Roko's Basilisk would counterintuitively act against its own existence and punish people out of irrational spite, but I digress. 

      I think there’s an unwritten rule that makes movies like Terminator and Back to the Future Part II possible.  Instead of the assumed effect of the original timeline’s being erased the instant the first person goes back in time, there’s a period during which both timelines coexist until a significant act is made.  For example, if Person A goes back in time and it takes him five minutes after arriving in the past to kill Person B, then Person B has five minutes to go back in time and stop him before he’s erased from existence.  Of course, there are insignificant changes happening in the time line gradually from the moment person A infects it with his presence.  The past and future are combined while the former is constantly modifying the latter.   I don’t know if anyone else has codified this: The Timeline Permutation Rule.       

      Also, I suspect the T-1000 doesn’t break the in-universe rule of time-traveling because as an energized, fluid material, it’s not “dead” like a metal endoskeleton.  I still question its ability to mimic the complexity of a human body while not being able to form even simple mechanical moving parts.       

      This sequel takes a different direction than the heroes’ simply protecting John so the machine war can be won.  They decide to go directly to Cyberdyne Systems in order to destroy all its research and thus prevent Judgment Day (the nuclear war leading to the Machine War) from happening.

  

       Meanwhile, the T-1000 is seriously considering giving up and starting a family.

       John’s youthful optimism contrasts with Sarah’s cynicism in that he stops her from murdering Cyberdyne researcher Miles Dyson (Joe Morton) before his work unwittingly causes disaster.  After convincing him of the reality of the situation, they recruit him to destroy the company’s headquarters while minimizing casualties.  The epic final action scene summons the T-1000 and leads to a great chase scene followed by the T-800's poignant self-sacrifice.  With hope that Judgment Day has been averted, T2 justifies its existence as a sequel further by changing the stakes and giving us a more optimistic ending.  Unfortunately, T3, while being fun, ruined this with a more fatalistic retcon; at least Alien³ respected our subjectivity enough not to act fun right after tearing our hearts out.  One almost wishes that the vaguely cringe epilogue was included so as to prevent people from getting ideas.  I find the part about kids’ playing with toy guns as a microcosm for what’s wrong with humanity (not to mention a bit hypocritical) a bit pretentious, but other than that the movie checks out.

 

       T2 is also bolstered by phenomenal direction by James Cameron.  The action scenes are brilliant, and the film earns its R-Rating more than Terminator does.  It feels modern with its sleek atmosphere (I still prefer the grungy 80’s feel of the first movie, though), and Adam Greenberg deserves respect for the cinematography.  There are also memorably creative moments that add to the appeal.  One decision that slightly annoys me is Cameron’s baffling choice of replacing the awesome roar of a minigun with a more generic and slower machine gun sound effect.  Like that of the Gargoyle shades (?) in the first movie, the Harley-Davidson Fatboy gets a subtle product placement.  A Winchester 1887 is also used to cool effect.  The movie also foreshadows Cameron’s increasingly antiseptic dependence on digital picture and CGI.  His last hurrah as a writer would be Kathryn Bigelow’s Strange Days while his directorial swan song would be the well-executed bad idea that was Titanic.  The special effects were truly praiseworthy and revolutionary; the T-1000 does a great job showing detailed reflections while remaining within limits of the time.  Like Jurassic Park, however, the revolutionary CGI still pales in comparison to the great practical set pieces. Boomer directors like Spielberg and Cameron understandably thought there were gradually making practical effects obsolete, but they would soon start using it as a crutch.  Thank goodness for Christopher Nolan.

        Brad Fiedel enhances the already great score of the first movie with a more traditional sounding score with its own atmospheric cyberpunk touches.  The introductory scene, which features the dark future with improved special effects, allows the viewer to watch this movie without having to see the first one.  Sarah Connor’s narration adds depth and exposition without being too frequent or intrusive.  

        Other cast members include Earl Boen as Dr. Silberman, S. Epatha Merkerson as Mrs. Dyson, Castulo Guerra as Sarah’s arms dealer friend from her survivalist days, Danny Cooksey as John’s mulleted friend, Michael Edwards as adult John Connor, DeVaughn Nixon as Dyson’s son, and Michael Biehn as Kyle Reese.  John’s foster parents, Todd (Xander Berkeley) and Janelle (Jennette Goldstein), are an interesting case as they seem a bit abrasive while apparently trying their best to raise a clearly troubled youth, but TVTropes doesn’t hesitate to assume they’re abusive people without conclusive evidence.  Linda Hamilton’s identical twin sister Leslie Hamilton Gearrean (RIP) doubled for Hamilton as T-1000’s mimicking her as well as at least one effects trick.  Uziel Gal (inventor of the Uzi) trained Hamilton in weapons handling.

        Terminator 2 is one of the best sequels out there and a must see.  It’s a truly great film while still being qualified as a “popcorn movie.”  

And now something more light-hearted.