2005 Movies Ranked

<< 2004     2006 >> 

I had a much higher opinion of this year's movies then than I do now.  Many of these movies I don't like as much as I used to.

24. Thank You for Smoking

D: Jason Reitman

**********

I know I tend to push this issue a lot, but this movie would have been fine if not for the gun lobby straw man.  Of all the “Merchants of Death,” he’s depicted as the worst when that group contains a freaking tobacco lobbyist.  The movie also features one of the most egregious examples of this trope I have ever seen in a movie.  The lobbyist provides what seems to be an argument that, while anecdotal, is a perfectly legitimate counterpoint an anti-gun equivalent and calls it a “spin.”  Also, why is alcohol included as a designated villain?  Is alcohol considered an evil special interest now?  When did this happen?  Did we not learn our lesson in the 20’s? 

23. Cinderella Man

D: Ron Howard

**********

A competent, if typical, period movie ruined by slander.

22.The 40-Year-Old Virgin
D: Judd Apatow
**********
Although the characterization in this movie was better than that of most comedies, it had one fatal flaw: it wasn’t funny.  I didn’t like the banally crude humor of this movie.  I remember being in the theater with everyone laughing their butts off and I was thinking, "Wait, was that supposed to be a joke?" the whole time.  Oddly enough, I did enjoy Knocked Up.  I guess I have a fickle sense of humor.

21. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

D: Tetsuya Nomura, Takashi Nozue

**********

Aside from the soundtrack, I’ve never been interested in Final Fantasy.  This movie didn’t exactly help.

20. The Dukes of Hazzard

D: Jay Chandrasekhar

**********

I watched the show as a kid, and I can attest to how little respect this adaptation seems to have for it.  The movie tries to turn the story into a comedy with forced humor, and the characters are transformed into fools. Billy Bob Thornton and Willie Nelson are absurdly miscast as Boss Hog and Uncle Jesse.  I only remember one funny moment.

19. Chicken Little
D: Mark Dindal
**********
I went to this once for the sole reason of avoiding a college roommate, and I was the only person in the campus theater aside from one couple.  It had some funny moments, but it was very underwhelming.


18. Red Eye
D: Wes Craven
**********
A woman falls victim to a ridiculously contrived evil plan, but is saved by the villain’s third act stupidity.  Recommended only for die-hard Cillian Murphy fans.


17. The Island
D: Michael Bay

**********

How can you waste a cast that includes Steve Buscemi, Sean Bean, Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johanssen and Djimon Hounsou?  Well, you do if you’re Michael Bay.  Particularly bad is the movie’s team of moronic team of mercenaries who all have the collective intelligence of one domestic turkey.  The movie’s premise is also suspiciously similar to that of an MST3K movie, and the MST3K movie is better.  At least the score is very good.

16. Stealth

D: Rob Cohen

**********

I don’t think I ever cared less about a character dying than I did with this movie, and then there was that pointless filler scene with the shore leave.  At least the planes looked cool.

15. Æon Flux

D: Karyn Kusama

**********

It completely misses the point of the show, its characters aren’t that great and it uses the dreadful cloned memories as a twist.  It does have a little style a little and some great sci-fi gimmicks, but that’s not enough.  It would at least be fun if the action scenes weren’t so horrendously edited.  I still loved the excellent score by Graeme Revell.

14. Mr. and Mrs. Smith

D: Doug Liman

**********

I don’t like it as much as I did when it first came out, but it’s still an okay action/comedy, even if it is a bit noncommittal as both.  Still, a lot of the people who hated this movie criticized this like they didn’t even realize that it was obviously a satire.

13. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
D: Tim Burton
**********
An unnecessary, but solid remake of a classic.  If anyone could've pulled it off, it would be Burton.  Too bad Alice in Wonderland  (2010) sucked.

12. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

D: Garth Jennings

**********

Though everyone else disagrees with me, I thought it was a decent adaptation, but that dolphin song was pretty pointless and unfunny.

11. Lord of War

D: Andrew Niccol

**********

A pretty good movie about illegal arms trafficking and how our governments secretly encourage it.  I may be a gun enthusiast and a believer in the 2^nd Amendment, but there was nothing in this movie that really offended me, regardless of what its makers intended.

10. Serenity

D: Joss Whedon

**********

Even though I like it, I think Firefly is a little blown out of proportion.  It’s just another sci-fi franchise about a group of wise-cracking space pirates.  Like that’s never been done before by anyone (Star Wars, Cowboy Bebop), including Whedon himself (Titan AE, Alien Resurrection).  Still, it’s a fun movie.

9. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

D: Mike Newell

**********

Despite possessing one of the most absurd excuse plots ever (“We have to make Harry compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament just because his name came out of the Goblet, and the rules are clear on that!  Even though they’re also clear on not letting underage wizards compete and not letting more than one wizard from each school compete.  But why follow two rules that are designed to protect children and insure the fairness of the competition when we could follow this one arbitrary rule?  It’s not like the Goblet has clearly been illegally tampered with or anything!”), it’s a stylish fantasy, and the casting of Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort was ingenious.

8. Sin City

D: Robert Rodriguez

**********

Though I’m not a big fan of Frank Miller’s writing, it does work okay here since this camp noir isn’t supposed to be taken too seriously.  At least I hope it’s not.  Well Miller's cartoonishly exaggerated gritty themes of "everyone in authority is corrupt" get annoying.

7. Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith

D: George Lucas

**********

When I saw this for the first time, I thought it was one of the best movies ever.  However, I came to realize that it was a very poorly written story (Padme dies because she “lost the will to live?”  Seriously, George Lucas?).  It’s still a visual and emotional roller coaster and the best of the prequels.

6. Corpse Bride

D: Tim Burton

**********

Not one of Burton’s best, but it has some style, humor and some good songs.

5. Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

D: Andrew Adamson

**********

A surprisingly solid adaptation of a childhood favorite.

4. The Lost City

D: Andy Garcia
**********
Engaging story about the fall of Cuba to communism.  Andy Garcia not only directed and starred in it, he also composed the music.  Unfortunately, this did not fare well among critics, possibly because it said some less-than-complimentary things about everyone's favorite tyrannical psychopath.

 3. Batman Begins

D: Christopher Nolan

**********

A triumphant and stylish reboot that proved that Batman is relevant as ever. 

2. Hard Candy

D: David Slade

**********

The cinematography is very pleasing.  Ellen Page’s character is dark and amusingly snarky, and Patrick Wilson’s antagonist is frightening in his humanity.  One thing I like about movies that deal with pedophilia is that they can’t actually show you the smut, so they ironically end up being more tasteful than other sexploration films.

1. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

D: Shane Black

**********

One of the most brilliantly funny comedies I’ve seen, and a big boost to Robert Downey, Jr’s career.

<< 2004     2006 >> 

2006 Movies Ranked

<< 2005     2007 >>

2006 was a great year for movies.  In fact, my taste in moves matured significantly during this period (the previous year I had though Revenge of the Sith was one of the best movies ever made).  I know it was a good year because the movie that won the Academy Award for Best Picture was, as usual, less deserving than many films that didn’t even get nominated, and it still a movie I actually liked.  Ironically, Pixar didn’t make a great movie this year.



32. The Da Vinci Code

D: Ron Howard

**********

Offensive, ignorant, insulting and, above all, boring.

31. Beerfest

D: Jay Chandrasekhar

**********

An extremely bad comedy with very few funny moments (eg: “The Eye of the Jew”).  I was particularly offended by the tasteless jokes about the dead character’s twin brother being a perfect replacement for him. 

30. Eragon

D: Stefen Fangmeier

**********

A bland Star Wars rip-off with the most blandly angelic horsemouthed dragon I’ve ever seen.  Why can’t Jeremy Irons ever be in a good fantasy movie?

29. Pokemon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea

D: Kunihiko Yuyama

**********

One of the more boring Pokemon movies I sat through.  It does have some nice scenery and a memorably goofy villain.  Seriously, this guy is a freakin’ cereal mascot.

28. Miami Vice

D: Michael Mann

**********

Incredibly dull movie in which the two leads have no chemistry whatsoever.  Mostly unwatchable except for some excellent gunfights (it is a Michael Mann movie) and an awesome moment from Det. Gina Calabrese.

27. X-Men: The Last Stand

D: Brett Ratner

**********

At least Kelsey Grammer was a great Beast.

26. Rescue Dawn

D: Werner Herzog

**********

This was my first experience with Werner Herzog, and it wasn’t very good.  Herzog is highly respected, but this movie is just an inaccurate, by-the-numbers war movie complete with the typical Hollywood historical slander for “dramatic effect.”

25. 300

D: Zack Snyder

**********

This tasteless movie would have been a great addition to the 2007 list if not for this film festival.  This movie was like watching one of those racist World War II propaganda cartoons, except with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck replaced by male strippers.  Ideologically wrongheaded, tacky and very poorly framed.  The protagonists are hardly well-developed, let alone worth rooting for, and whatever potential it has as a guilty pleasure is ruined by the sporadic slow-motion, which robs the action scenes of any energy or consistent tone.  At least the score is fun to listen to.  

24. Nacho Libre

D: Jared Hess

**********

It starred Jack Black. It was from the writer of School of Rock and the director of Napoleon Dynamite.  This should have been funny, but it wasn’t.  It also has the dubious distinction of having the worst fart joke I have ever seen.

23. Cars

D: John Lasseter

**********

2006 may have been a strong year for movies in general, but not for animated ones.  After all, this year gave us Pixar’s most underwhelming movie.  In fact, I’m pretty sure Happy Feet won Best Animated Picture by default.

22. Annapolis

D: Justin Lin

**********

Academy people assure me it’s wildly inaccurate.  I do know that the Academy refused to endorse the movie, so it was filmed on a completely different campus.  For most people, it would just be a generic coming-of-age movie.  I did, however, like the “You’re my Mississippi” line.

21. Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas Carol
D: Charles Visser
**********
Unfaithful and not that funny.
 

20. Underworld Evolution

D: Len Wiseman

**********

A slight improvement over the original, but that’s not saying much.

  

19. The Wicker Man

D: Neil LaBute

**********

Unintentional hilarity.

18. Apocalypto
D: Mel Gibson
**********
South Park is right.  Mel Gibson may be an Anti-Semitic psycho, but he does know how to make a movie.


17. Idiocracy

D: Mike Judge

**********

16. Borat

D: Larry Charles

**********

Sacha Baron Cohen does a good job of exposing the embarrassing ignorance of (a few cherry-picked) Americans.  I don’t think it’s aged quite so well though.  The satire is not as definitive as the makers hope, the movie has spawned some annoying memes, and the impact of the shock humor has worn a bit.  Still, it’s a very funny movie.

15. Mission: Impossible III
D: J.J. Abrams
**********

A lot of people seemed to hate this movie, but I found it to be a clever, solid addition to the series.

14. United 93

D: Paul Greengrass

**********

Though it was released questionably soon after 9/11, this movie is a visceral depiction of the attack and the brave sacrifice of those on this plane. 

13. Stranger Than Fiction

D: Marc Forster

**********

One of the few instances where Will Ferrell plays a normal person, and the results are pretty good.

12. The Departed

D: Martin Scorsese

**********

Okay, I’m going to put this out: I’m not the biggest fan of Martin Scorsese movies.  Everyone else thinks they’re masterpieces, but I generally see them as mildly amusing films about criminals who beat each other up and say bad words.  Outside of that, they don’t do much for me.  The difference here is that this is a very amusing movie about criminals who beat each other up and say bad words.

11. Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

D: Adam McKay

**********

I thought this movie was hilarious, which is ironic because I absolutely hated Anchorman.

10. The Lives of Others

D:Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

**********

Though some argued that this movie about Communist oppression in East Germany stole the Best Foreign Language Oscar from Pan's Labyrinth, it's still a very good movie.

9. The Prestige

D: Christopher Nolan

**********

Great style and a mysterious plot, one of the many examples of why I love this director.

8. Pan’s Labyrinth

D: Guillermo del Toro

**********

A movie that combines the cruelty of the real world with a wonderful, and sometimes frightening, fantasy world.  Guillermo del Toro’s distinct visual style is very beautiful in this film.

7. V for Vendetta

D: Brian McTeigue

**********

Though hated by many conservatives and fans of the comic, I very much enjoyed it.  The only things it was really liberal on were gay rights and opposition to the Bush administration, issues I’m actually more on the liberal side of, anyway.  The acting and action were very fun, too.

6. Lucky Number Slevin

D: Paul McGuigan

**********

An extremely inventive mystery movie with a great twist.  For some reason critics thought it was some sort of Pulp Fiction rip-off, but, then again, they always seem to have a shallow definition of what a rip-off is.

5. A Scanner Darkly

D: Richard Linklater

**********

A very good thriller/dark comedy.  Robert Downey, Jr. is very funny as Barris, and the role wass arguably one of the keys to his comeback.  My only complaint is that the rotoscoping style, while smooth, looks too clean to fit the atmosphere of this movie.  A rougher style (like that found in old Ralph Bakshi movies) would have been more appropriate.

4. The Fountain

D: Darren Aronofsky

**********

A spiritual movie with jaw-dropping visual effects.  A lot of people didn’t get it, though.

3. Casino Royale

D: Martin Campbell

**********

Like many people, I was skeptical of this blond guy playing 007, but when I actually watched it, I realized that it was the best Bond movie ever made.

2. Ultraviolet

D: Kurt Wimmer

**********

Yeah, I know.  After listing all these great movies, I put this one on here.  Yes, I know it is a bad movie.  The premise is ripped off, and the plot is poorly thought out.  Still, I love this movie for its visual style and its very innovative fight scenes.  Also Nick Chinlund is very fun as the villain of this movie.  It’s my top guilty pleasure movie.


1. Children of Men

D: Alfonso Cuaron

**********

This movie was amazingly dark and poignant, yet hopeful.  The violence was executed in an extremely effective fashion, and the movie has some of the best single-take scenes ever.  I liked the vulnerability and humanity of the hero as well.

<< 2005     2007 >> 

2007 Movies Ranked

<< 2006      2008 >>



I wouldn’t say 2007 was a bad year for movies.  It was just a year in which there were a lot of overrated movies.  There was a lot of unavoidable hype surrounding movies like 300, Transformers and Juno, none of which I particularly care for.  Even though there wasn’t much hype surrounding Shoot’em Up, no one who watched that travesty seems to agree with me on it.  However, that doesn’t mean there weren’t good movies that year; it wasn’t as slow as 2011.

24. Shoot’em Up

D: Mike Davis

**********

I went into this expecting nothing more than a fun action comedy, not a rabid, sexist anti-gun diatribe.  I will say the movie has some excellent action scenes, which I find more galling than redeeming.

23. “Transformers”

D: Michael Bay

**********

I didn’t expect much from Michael Bay, but even then I was let down.  As someone who considers these characters part of my childhood, I was disappointed when, after all that build-up, they were nothing more than gag “characters.”  Aside from not allowing the Transformers to be protagonists in their own movie, Bay also sullied my childhood memories with inappropriately crude humor (Bumblebee’s urination, for instance).  What pisses me off about this movie is the lack of earnestness put into it.  It was painfully clear how little Bay cared about the source material, and his treatment of it bordered on active contempt.

 

22. The Mist

D: Frank Darabont

**********

A by-the-numbers representation of Stephen King’s weaknesses, particularly the troublemaking religious straw man.  Not to mention an ending that wasn’t just unfaithful to the book’s, but also insanely depressing.

21. Alien vs. Predator: Requiem

D: Greg & Colin Strause

**********

It's not every day you see a movie that make you think of the things that AVP got right.  Note to people who like this movie: Saying, “I genuinely think this is a good horror movie because my taste could be better” is preferable to, “I’m a disgusting, miserable, sadistic psychopath who giggles like a perverted madman when I see children and pregnant women die painful, gory deaths.”  The same sentiment applies to Drag Me to Hell.  Admittedly, some of the gore effects are well-done.  

20. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

D: Tim Story

**********

Utterly bland and forgettable. 

19. Enchanted

D: Kevin Lima

**********

Everyone else seems to like this movie for reasons completely unknown to me.  I thought it was just another one of those stupid cartoon-characters-in-the-real-world movies, nothing more, nothing less.

18. Juno

D: Jason Reitman

**********

With lines like “I’m the cautionary whale,” most of the jokes in this movie seemed so lame they were intentional anti-humor, and not even good anti-humor.  It also seems to trivialize teen pregnancy and, as I pointed out before, treats the issue of abortion immaturely.  .

17. Ghost Rider

D: Mark Steven Johnson

**********

While Nicolas Cage has some likable moments, it’s a pretty bad movie.

16 Blades of Glory

D: Will Speck, Josh Gordon

**********

Another overrated mainstream comedy.

15. Nobel Son

D: Randall Miller

**********

While Alan Rickman is fun whenever he’s on screen, I found this movie to be contrived and dull.  

14. Shooter

D: Antoine Fuqua

**********

A bland actioner made poor by the incredibly wooden Danny Glover’s pathetic attempt (or rather, lack of attempt) to play a villain.

9. Spider-Man 3

D: Sam Raimi

**********

The first indication of Sam Raimi’s status as a fallen creator.

13. 28 Weeks Later

D: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo

**********

Though it has some good violence and all the style of the original, it’s an idiot plot with a depressing ending.

10. Beowulf

D: Robert Zemeckis

**********

A tacky and gimmicky movie with a misguided attempt to the make the story more complex by changing Beowulf from being unrelatably  heroic to unrelatably corrupt.  At least it had some interesting visuals and music.

12. Eagle vs Shark
D: Taika Waititi
**********
Has some stylish and amusing moments, but it's not very funny and some the characters's actions (such as Lily's infatuation with Jarrod) don't make sense.  There is some poignancy with Jarrod's father. 

11. Knocked Up

D: Judd Apatow

**********

I was surprised by how much I liked this movie because I hated The 40-Year-Old Virgin.  Still, the movie has some good jokes, and a surprisingly good story for a comedy.

14. The Bourne Ultimatum

D: Paul Greengrass

**********

I like Greengrass’ action style, and this was a good conclusion to the series.

13. There Will Be Blood

D: Paul Thomas Anderson

 **********

12. Smokin’ Aces

D: Joe Carnahan

**********

Although this movie wasn’t what I expected, it was original and has a lot of entertaining moments.  I just wish that Jason Bateman’s furry character had more screentime.  This movie also features some of Clint Mansell’s best work.

11. Ratatouille

D: Brad Bird

**********

This movie has some logical flaws, but its animation, originality and well-executed whimsy more than make up for it.

10. 30 Days of Night

D: David Slade

**********

With its atmosphere and well-done violence, this is a modern vampire movie done right.

9. Live Free or Die Hard

D: Len Wiseman

**********

I hate the Underworld series, so I had low expectations for this movie.  When I ended up watching this movie, it turned out to be surprisingly fun.  This, not Transformers, was the fun movie of the summer (that car/helicopter crash is one of the best stunts out there).  I turns out Len Wiseman actually can be a good action director.  My only major complaint is  a scene in which John McClane apparently shoots an unarmed man (and yet everyone else was bitching about how he didn’t say the F-word).

8. Charlie Wilson's War

D: Aaron Sorkin

**********

Surprisingly, this films witty banter made it one of the most genuinely fun movies of the year.

7. The Kingdom

D: Peter Berg
**********

Very thrilling, engaging movie, and one of the few times I felt genuinely sad when a character died.

6. 3:10 to Yuma

D: James Mangold

**********

A very thrilling Western and one of the best remakes I’ve seen.  I particularly liked Ben Foster’s performance as Charlie Prince.

5. No Country for Old Men

D: The Coen Bros.

**********

A fun, stylish movie with some good insights.  My only complaint is that it didn’t engage me on a level where I actually felt bad for what happened to the characters.

4. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

D: David Yates

**********

This was the first Harry Potter movie I watched after having read the book, so it was a tad disappointing to me what they left out.  Still, it’s a pretty good movie.

3. Hot Fuzz

D: Edgar Wright

**********

One of the funniest spoof movies ever made.

2. Persepolis

**********

D: Marjane Satrapi, Vincent Paronnaud

An example of how animated movies can deal with serious subject matter.  The way in which the style of the comic was adapted onto the screen was beautiful and creative.

1. Grindhouse
D: Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez
**********
A great loveletter to B-Movies.







<< 2006      2008 >> 

2008 Movies Ranked

<< 2007       2009 >>

2008 was a strong year for movies in my opinion.

28. Wanted

D: Timur Bekmambetov

**********

“Curving the bullet” could have been the best action idea since Gun Kata, but they had to ruin it with generic racking and bullet time.  Some of the action is good, but most of it is given away in the trailer.  The movie tries too hard to make it the movie fantasy fulfillment, and it comes off as obnoxious.  The best part was a really good precision F-Bomb from Morgan Freeman.

 

27. The Happening

D: M. Night Shyamalan

**********

Despite some funny moments, it wasn’t nearly as funny as I thought it would be.

26. Pokemon: Giratina and the Sky Warrior

D: Kunihiko Yuyama

**********

It’s boring, but it has some decent scenery.

25. Twilight

D: Catherine Hardwicke

**********

A bad movie, but at least it has some good scenery.  Still take it over Underworld, though.

24. The Spirit

D: Frank Miller

**********

While it has some style and funny moments, it’s a confused movie whose humor doesn’t work most of the time.  I found The Octopus’ simpering clone sidekicks particularly annoying.

23. Eagle Eye

D: D. J. Caruso

**********

Well-paced and watchable, but it has an absurd premise and nothing else special.

22. Be Kind Rewind

D: Michel Gondry

**********

At first the movie is funny and visually creative.  It’s interesting to see how the protagonists recreate movies’ special effects with no budget in a hurry, and I agree with the stance against copyright fascism.  However, the movie becomes dull and pretentious when it starts to take itself seriously.  It’s painful when a character straight-facedly asserts that their recreations have “more heart and originality than those formulaic Hollywood blockbusters.”  That might be one thing if the films in question weren’t classics like Ghostbusters, Lord of the Rings, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Lion King (which they “improve” by adding foul language) and RoboCop.

21. Star Wars: The Clone Wars

D: Dave Filoni

**********

An answer to a question that was already answered. But it did spawn a surprisingly good series.

20. Hancock

D: Peter Berg

**********

A confused mess of a movie.

19. Tropic Thunder

D: Ben Stiller

**********

While everyone else seemed to like this movie, I didn’t particularly enjoy it.  I liked the “Don’t go full retard” scene, but that’s about it. 

18. Bolt

D: Chris Williams, Byron Howard

***********

This movie does have its strengths.  It was a step in the right direction for Non-Pixar 3D Disney films.  I liked Mittens (Susie Essman) and the movie had a lot of good poignant and heartwarming moments.  Let’s not forget the oddly autobiographical nature of Miley Cyrus’ character.  Still, the movie was mostly a rehash of Buzz Lightyear’s arc from Toy Story.  It gets worse when you find out the much better idea Disney scrapped in favor of this.

17. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

D: Steven Spielberg

**********

I’ve been waiting years to watch Indy kill some commies, and this was just a big disappointment.

16. Step Brothers

D: Adam McKay

**********

Occasionally funny, but stupid, humor.  I know that it’s parody, but I found Kathryn Hahn’s character among the most irritating desperate housewives I’ve ever seen.

15. Hellboy II: The Golden Army

D: Guillermo del Toro

**********

The movie is worth a look for its beautiful and creative visuals, but it has a confused story and a bland villain.

14. The Wrestler

D: Darren Aronofsky

**********

I expect something more visually interesting from Aronofsky, but this is a solid movie nonetheless.

13. The Hurt Locker

D: Kathryn Bigelow

**********

Though some may criticize its cowboy cop antics at the beginning, I like how it subverts the trope and brings its characters into the real world halfway through.  It's also nice how it shows the quiet ennui of civilian life after war.  The movie was a actually released in 2008, but it came out in the US in 2009, and that was the year for which it was awarded an Oscar.  I hate the Oscars and there were much better movies, but I am happy that this movie beat out the blue beast for Best Picture.  The fact that Bigelow is James Cameron’s ex-wife made the defeat even sweeter. 

12. Slumdog Millionaire

D: Danny Boyle

**********

A stylish mix of over-the-top Bollywood style with gritty storytelling.  My big problem was the passive damsel character who just sat on her ass watching reality TV and waited to be saved by the protagonist.  Probably why I ranked this movie below…

11. Horton Hears a Who!

D: Jimmy Hayward, Steve Martino, Chris Wedge

**********

I know a lot of people hate this movie, and Jim Carrey’s Horton gets pretty annoying with his spastic pop-cultural references, but I found it amusing.  I particularly love Will Arnett’s vulture character, and the Mayor’s visit to the dentist is one of the best slapstick sequences I’ve seen.

10. Death Race

D: Paul W.S. Anderson

**********

I normally hate the WonderShit’s movies, but still I actually found this one enjoyable.  It had a lackluster story and bland characters, but it was still fun for its art direction and action scenes with cool weaponized cars.  I liked the Buick Riviera most of all, and that 7 Series was cool too.  A lot of people dismissed this as a bastardization of the satirical tone of the original, but then again I thought the original’s humor was a bit forced.

9. Burn After Reading

D: The Coen Bros.

**********

A lot of people didn’t get this movie, but I found it to be a funny satire of confusing, and ultimately uninteresting, spy thrillers.

8. Kung Fu Panda

D: John Wayne Stevenson, Mark Osborne

**********

Jack Black’s grandstanding as Po is a bit annoying, but the members of the supporting cast and their stories make this a compelling movie.  The action is top-notch, too. 

7. Iron Man

D: Jon Favreau

**********

A fun movie with a lovable, snarky hero.  I doubted Favreau’s ability to make an action movie, but he ended up turning Iron Man, who was at the time a walking joke about alcoholism, into the best modern superhero.

6. Gran Torino

D: Clint Eastwood

**********

One of Eastwood’s better movies.  I like the car it revolves around, and Eastwood’s character is one of the best badass curmudgeons out there.

5. Quantum of Solace

D: Marc Forster

**********

A lot of people dismissed it as a Bourne wannabe for its excellent car chase at the beginning (it was the same choreographer, so I say it's fair play), but it did a great job continuing Daniel Craig’s story as Bond from Casino Royale.  I count it in the Top 3 Bond movies.

4. WALL-E

D: Andrew Stanton

**********

Leave it to Pixar to make us feel for to mute robots falling in love.  I also liked the role of the humans in the movie.  It would have been easy for the movie to turn them into strawmen, but they were treated with respect and sympathy, and they even helped save the day.

3. Doubt

D: John Patrick Shanley

**********

A movie which skillfully uses the changes undergone by the Catholic Church during Vatican II reforms as the setting for a pedophilia scandal involving one priest.  A sense complexity is provided by the fact that there is no evidence that the act happened in the first place.  Great performances by Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams reinforce this movie.

2. Speed Racer

D: The Wachowski Bros.

**********

As I already said, this is one of the most criminally underrated movies ever made.


1. The Dark Knight

D: Christopher Nolan

**********

The movie has its flaws, but Nolan deserves credit for reimagining Batman in a thrilling, gritty universe.  It also goes without saying that it has one of the best villains in movie history.  2007 was a frustrating year because I had to listen to people talk about how awesome Transformers and 300 were, so I found it refreshing that this time around all the hype was given to a movie that actually deserved it.

<< 2007       2009 >>

2009 Movies Ranked

<< 2008       2010 >>

A year of superlatives.  Some these movies I really loved, and some of them I really hated.  Rob Zombie's El Superbeasto was so bad I couldn't make it through 20 minutes, and I generally don't rank movies I don't make it through.

28. Drag Me to Hell

D: Sam Raimi

**********

Sam Raimi used to be a master of camp and dark humor, but this is like watching a supernatural snuff film.  Laughing at Devastator's balls would have been lowbrow.  Laughing at this movie means either one is in denial about Raimi’s continued comic talent or needs to have his/her basement checked by the FBI.  Unfortunately, most people seemed to think this movie is just that, which makes me worry for humanity.  This probably has to do with my religious beliefs.  As someone who believes in Heaven and Hell, I also believe that the judgment of where people go has to have some logic and fairness.  The idea that there is no mercy or logic in something that is far more serious than any earthly issue is offensive and disgusting to me.

27. “Transformers:” Revenge of the Fallen

D: Michael Bay

**********

While the more improved action sequences make this movie marginally more fun than its predecessor, that doesn’t help much.  It’s very much like the first “Transformers” on crack: the action is given a boost, but unfortunately so is the racist and juvenile comic relief.

26. Knowing

D: Alex Proyas

**********

This actually could have been an okay movie if not for the ending.  Seriously, these aliens could have done anything to save humanity all these years, and what was their plan?  Scare children, give them cryptic messages, gather a few of them up and dump them on some random planet.  No adults.  No remnant of the millennia of culture and knowledge our race has developed.  Just a bunch of kids trying to figure out all by themselves how to rebuild civilization.  But that’s okay, children are angels, right?  We’ll be better without our cultural baggage and it won’t be anything like Lord of the Flies or anything.  It’s at best poorly though-out and at worst its motivated by the idiotic “children are wiser than we are” garbage that Hollywood loves to dole out.

25. Crank: High Voltage

D: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

**********

While I think the first movie was a good action-comedy ruined by a rape scene, this movie repeats the scene (albeit a little more consensual) while adding even more poorly-executed attempts at humor.  Much of the humor is ruined by no one reacting like a real person to events.  There are some funny moments, though.

24. New Moon

D: Chris Weitz

**********

The most unwatchable of all the Twilight movies.  Bella’s self-destructive behavior is at its worst here.

23. Avatar

D: James Cameron

**********

While the special effects are very good, they are more evolutionary than revolutionary.  When you’ve grown up with things like FernGully and Pocahontas, you’re confused by people’s acting like this movie is something special.  Only those movies weren't nearly as boring and had a couple good songs to show for it.  Sure, Cameron could have made the premise complex and intelligent but he didn’t, and that was already done the same year he was hacking out Titanic.

22. A Christmas Carol
D: Robert Zemeckis
**********
A mixed bag of stylistic choices with some awkward motion capture animation.  The uncalled-for anti-religious "men of the cloth" line brings it down as we..

21. Extract

D: Mike Judge

**********

A disappointing follow-up to Office Space which is hardly ever funny.  Also, if you hate Karma Houdinis you’ll be frustrated by this film.  Most of the protagonists are scum, and the one person who dies ignominiously was actually a pretty nice guy even though I think we were supposed to be annoyed by him, I’m not sure.  And those two racist (they suspect the Hispanic guy of stealing one of their belongings even after their boss returns it to her and tells her it wasn’t him) old women who are responsible for the factory accident get no comeuppance.  A big waste of Jason Bateman and Mike Judge’s talents.

20. Surrogates

D: Jonathan Mostow

**********

A forgettable movie with terrible worldbuilding and bland visuals.  The device this movie revolves around should revolutionize the way the world looks (eg: cars would not have to be designed with safety in mind), but it looks exactly the same as our world.  They couldn’t even be bothered to put on some half-assed add-ons onto cars to make them look slightly futuristic like most sci-fi movies do.  At least the trailer, which gives away the twist, is set to a good Celldweller song, and the closing theme is good (though it only lasts a minute).

19. Star Trek

D: J. J. Abrams

**********

While visually pretty and well-cast, this movie misses the point of the series and its characters.  It’s formulaic and has an incredibly bland villain.  At least it was the first Trek movie with decent CGI.  Unlike most people, I thought the sequel was a vast improvement.

18. Law Abiding Citizen

D: F. Gary Gray

**********

Another absurd and contrived movie written, but sadly not directed, by Kurt Wimmer

17. District 9

D: Neill Blomkamp

**********

This movie uses the immigration of worker-class space aliens who can get high of a mundane food item as a metaphor for racism.  The movie’s story style awkwardly switches from faux documentary to full-blown action movie.  I think the guy who turns into an alien after being exposed to the fuel in one of their devices is like aliens’ blending in with us by dousing themselves in gasoline.  Had some good action and violence going for it.    

16. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

D: Patrick Tatopoulos

**********

A dull and unnecessary prequel that raises more questions than it answers.

15. The Hangover

D: Todd Phillips

**********

I’m not normally the biggest fan of popular comedies, but this is a very well-executed one.  Although the main characters aren’t all that witty, it works because it’s like watching normal people react to an abnormal situation.

14. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
D: Stephen Sommers
**********
Cheesy but fun.  Appropriate for the source material.

13. Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day

D: Mike Clattenburg

**********

It’s Trailer Park Boys, so it’s very funny, but it is still nothing more than just an extended episode.

12. Terminator Salvation

D: McG

**********

Though it’s not on the level of the first two movies, it’s still an entertaining film and a surprisingly good effort from McG.  I was annoyed by the lack of lasers in the future though.  Seriously, what’s wrong with lasers?  We never see them in Sci-fi movies any more.

11. Inglourious Basterds

D: Quentin Tarantino

**********

Filmbrain may have stirred up some controversy by doing a terrible review of one of my favorite movies, but I ended up agreeing with much of what he said in his review of this movie.  However, its gleeful violence is equally dealt out to hapless Wehrmacht soldiers as well as actual Nazis.  Conversely, Django Unchained’s saving grace is that the karmic violence was limited to individuals who actually deserved it.  The mindset that all Germans were equally responsible for the atrocities of the Third Reich might have been a necessary evil in the day, but there’s no reason to think like that 70 years later.  If we want to avoid becoming like them again, the last thing to do is to depict them as cartoon villains.  Still, the movie is stylish, witty and fun, and Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) is a classic villain. 

10. 9

D: Shane Acker

**********

Very well-animated and dark cartoon with great visuals and atmosphere.

9. Coraline

D: Henry Selick

**********

A very imaginative stop-motion fantasy.

8. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

D: David Yates

**********

At first I was disappointed by what they left out, but I got used to it.  The visual style does a good job translating the book into a movie with the appropriate tone.

7. Moon

D: Duncan Jones

**********

An interesting sci-fi story that seamlessly uses motion control to have an actor playing opposite himself (Sam Rockwell does a great job doing that, by the way).  The director is good at setting an ominous tone, and the Clint Mansell score helps, too.  The homages to 2001: A Space Odyssey get a bit heavy-handed, though.

6. Zombieland

D: Ruben Fleischer

**********

Despite being one of about a million Zomcoms out there, this movie is still funny and surprisingly fresh.  There’s also an effectively poignant moment involving Tallahassee.

5. Fantastic Mr. Fox

D: Wes Anderson

**********

Actually broke my personal boycott of George Clooney to see this.  With its distinctive stop motion, this movie was an example of how quirky adult humor and good animation are not mutually exclusive.  However, George Clooney’s casting as Mr. Fox is distracting and unnecessary, and the movie is sometimes too weighed down by its disingenuous hipsterisms to be taken seriously as a family movie. 

4. The Princess and the Frog

D: Ron Clements, John Musker

**********

It was so refreshing to see such a beautiful traditionally animated cartoon in theaters again.  It was a little smarter than the Disney Renaissance movies I grew up with, and Keith David’s villain song was amazing.  Bruce W. Smith’s animation of the character is a joy to watch.

3. Redline
D: Takeshi Koike

**********

Doesn't have much of a story, but it's among the best anime acid trips out there.

2. Up

D: Pete Docter

**********

An amazingly original story fueled by a child-like sense of wonder.  I love the risky idea of making an old man the protagonist.

1. Where the Wild Things Are

D: Spike Jonze

**********

An insightful, funny and poignant look at the confused, and sometimes vicious, nature of childhood with amazing visuals on the monsters and their environments.









<< 2008       2010 >>

What Would the Ponies Drive?

BIG ADVENTURE...

 Rainbow Dash - Infiniti G-Series

At first I thought that a Mustang would be appropriate, but then I thought about how Rainbow seems to be a mid to upper-level manager, so she'd probably opt for a trendy luxury car.  Also, the G is a fast car, so it's perfect for Rainbow.

...TONS OF FUN...

Pinkie Pie - A Pink Cadillac

Pinkie would drive the biggest, pinkest Caddy she could get her hooves on.  Preferably a 50's through 70's model.

...A BEAUTIFUL HEART...

Rarity - Citroen SM

The SM is a classic exoticar known for its beautiful, avant-garde styling, and therefore perfect for our favorite fashionista.  She would add some brightwork and maybe some whitewalls.  Hoity Toity, on the other hand, would get a Hyundai Equus.

...FAITHFUL AND STRONG...

 Applejack - Older model Ford F-Series

A dependable pickup for Applejack...'nuff said.

...SHARING KINDNESS (IS AN EASY FEAT)...

 Fluttershy - 1994-6 Buick Roadmaster Estate

The Roadmaster wagon is the perfect car for Fluttershy.  It's matronly appearance suits her well, and it has plenty of cargo room for her animal friends.  Also, with its Corvette-derived LT1 engine, the Roadmaster is a surprisingly badass sleeper, just like Fluttershy herself.

...AND MAGIC MAKES IT ALL COMPLETE!

Twilight Sparkle - Toyota Camry

Twilight is a Camry girl, no doubt about it.

2011 Movies Ranked

<< 2010        2012 >>

Well, as I said before, last year was a very slow year for movies, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like any of them.  Anyway, here’s my Top 10 of 2011.  Of course, this is not necessarily the best of 2011, just my personal favorites.

29. The Tree of Life

D: Terrence Malick

**********

I know it was my fault for wandering into this movie not knowing what to expect and, for some reason, choosing to sit all the way through it.  I’m guessing this is not the right Terrence Malick movie to start out with.  You see literally a feature length blob of random footage before the movie decides to have things that resemble scenes. The random, non-narrative fashion in which the movie is cut is not just tedious, it’s unimpressive.  It requires work to make a coherent movie.   Mashing random shots together and pretending that’s artistic expression does not.  I will credit the movie with some beautiful cinematography and deep symbolism though.

28. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

D: Bill Condon

**********

Probably the most foolish and troubling of the Twilight movies aside from New Moon.

27. Almighty Thor

D: Christopher Ray

**********

A terribly dull Asylum rip-off redeemed only by the funniness of watching Thor shoot a submachine gun.  I also found it hilarious that the heroine was played by Marta from Arrested Development.

26. The Thing

D: Matthijs van Heijningen, Jr.

**********

While the CGI isn’t as good as the practical effects of the original (really infuriating how they scrapped great practical effects), what truly makes this movie an insult to the original is the stupidity of the whole cast including the Thing itself.  The intelligent and logical decision-making of the characters was what made the original a true classic.


25. Super Shark

D: Fred Olen Ray

**********

A terrible shark movie in which they fight the shark with a hilarious CGI World War II tank with legs!

24. The Iron Lady

D: Phyllida Lloyd

**********

Who wants to watch a movie about Margaret Thatcher’s career when we could just show her going senile and hallucinating about her dead husband?

23. The Lion of Judah

D: Deryck Broom, Roger Hawkins

**********

An promising premise that was ruined by too much inappropriate humor and an off-putting art style.

22. Pokemon the Movie: White – Victini and Zekrom

D: Kunihiko Yuyama

**********

Like most Pokemon movies I managed to sit through, it was pretty boring.  Apparently it’s also two movies for some reason.

21. “Transformers:” Dark of the Moon

D: Michael Bay

**********

Sam Witwicky and Jeong’s character where thankfully the only truly irritating aspects of this movie.  The action had its moments, but it was really long and tedious toward the end.  The movie is mediocre, but it’s the first of Bay’s “Transformers” movies I did not actively despise.

20. The Green Hornet

D: Michel Gondry

**********

At first I was excited about this movie because Michel Gondry is a visually distinctive director and Christoph Waltz was playing the villain.  Seth Rogen seemed questionable, but maybe this would be a Michael Keaton as Batman surprise.  Unfortunately, it was clear that they did not take this project seriously enough.  Some good action, though.

19. Source Code

D: Duncan Jones

**********

A great movie ruined by a terrible ending.

18. Battle: Los Angeles

D: Jonathan Liebesman

**********

Alien invasion + Shakycam.  Pretty much all this movie is.  I don’t mind shakycam that much, but there’s a problem when the camera is spazzing like crazy when the main character is just sitting in an office talking with someone.

17. Thor

D: Kenneth Branagh

**********

Despite having some funny moments, it was mostly bland.  Loki would eventually come into his own as a great villain, but here his motivation is baffling.  He became a villain because…he found out he was adopted?

16. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 2

D: David Yates

**********

While most everyone else complained about Part 1 being boring, I found this movie to be disappointing.  Needlessly drawn-out action is a pet peeve of mine, and this movie took virtually every moment of spontaneous badassery from the book and made it tedious in execution.

15. The Green Lantern

D: Martin Campbell

**********

A lackluster and forgettable superhero movie, but far from the worst.  While Ryan Reynolds can be an annoying comedy star, he’s a serviceable leading man.  I will say the movie has some good alien scenery, but a few moments of bad CGI.

14. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

D: Rupert Wyatt

**********

A surprisingly decent prequel to a cheesy classic.  Andy Serkis’ motion capture acting is great as always, but the “damn dirty ape” line doesn’t sound as good from Draco Malfoy as it did from Charlton Heston.  Also, antagonist was like a one-dimensional parody of a greedy corporate villain who only cares about money.

13. Cars 2
D: John Lasseter
**********

I actually avoided this in theaters, but there are some things I like about it, and it's actually far more genuinely fun than the first Cars.  It sucks that they made Mater the main character and the choice of villains is questionable, but it actually has some great action.  Car chases are a big part of action movies, and this is the first time I've seen a movie that takes advantage of anthopomorphic cars and how they'd go about action scenes.

12. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

D: Tomas Alfredson

**********

A decent spy thriller with a solid cast, but it’s a bit hard to follow and not nearly as engaging as it thinks it is.  I think Mark Strong is an underrated actor, and this is the first time I’ve seen him given a good role in a decent movie.

11. The Adventures of Tintin

D: Steven Spielberg

**********

Overall, very fun and whimsical action, but the hero is bland and lacks any personality or vulnerability.  Also, the characters are practically indestructible.  After Tintin survived what should have been a fatal plane crash, I was sure that the prospect of getting hit by a propeller blade wasn’t too bad. 

10. X-Men: First Class

D: Matthew Vaughn

**********

Honestly this and X2 are the only movies from this series I like.  Between this and Rise of the Planet of the Apes, this year has at least shown us that prequels don’t have to suck.  I was going to say more about this, but that will have to wait until I do a full review of it.  I also enjoy the score.

9. Warrior
D: Gavin O'Connor
**********
A solid drama about MMA that showcases Tom Hardy's talent.

8. Captain America

D: Joe Johnston

**********

Solid superhero movie with a good visual style.  Though the movie’s not really that great, it was impressive that they actually made it work.  It’s a dated concept, but they managed to make it a good modern movie.  The best part of the movie, however, was Red Skull’s car.

7. The Raid
D: Gareth Evans
**********
Eastern stunt-work and fight choreography at its finest. 

6. Rango

D: Gore Verbinski

**********

Absolutely fun, offbeat and zany take on the Wild West. 

5. The Sunset Limited
D: Tommy Lee Jones
**********
Jones and Jackson have good chemistry as the discuss matters of morals and religion.  Yeah, I know it's two guys talking, but it is engaging enough.

4. Kung Fu Panda 2

D: Jennifer Yu Nelson

**********

I didn’t think the plot or the action was as strong in this as it was in the first movie, but I love Lord Shen for being such a stylish and evil, yet human, villain.

3. Winnie the Pooh

D: Stephen J. Anderson, Don Hall

**********

This is a classicly charming and funny cartoon done refreshing in 2-D animation.  It disheartens me that this movie bombed at the box office.  Seriously, what is wrong with parents that they can’t let their kids drag them to good cartoons?  I also thought the Nessie short was cute.

2. Cabin in the Woods.

D: Drew Goddard

**********

A hilariously droll satire of horror cliches that's far more funny that the generic spoof its trailers suggest.

1. Drive

D: Nicolas Winding Refn

**********

I don't have much to say about this movie, but it’s an effective serious crime thriller, and very well executed.

<< 2010         2012 >>