Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Because I'm Furry Trash...



I suppose it’s come to this.  My list of the sexiest anthro girls.  First off, I’ve never understood what was wrong with finding anthropomorphic characters attractive for having the same traits we’re supposed to find attractive in real people.  Also, there’s a difference between finding something sexy and actually wanting to have sex with it, you know.  Unfortunately there aren’t that many well-developed female anthros, and there are a lot of great designs wasted on lame characters.  I’m going to try on focus on:

-Characters I actually like for their personality/role in the story.  I confess some of these could use more development.
-I actually have to like their character designs.
-They have to be anthropomorphic enough in their design for me to find attractive.  No quadrupeds or anything like that.



24. MAID MARIAN
Fox
Monica Evans, Robin Hood
Though not as active in the movie as she could be, but she’s kind-hearted and beautiful.  I guess that’s good enough. 





23. NESSIE
Dragon/Loch Ness Monster
The Ballad of Nessie
Though not active enough as a character, she seems nice enough and she certainly does look cute.






22. ELSA BASTION
Cat
Lackadaisy
Elsa Bastion, née Arbogast , is a good world-weary character with a look to match.  Also, she and her husband make for a very cute couple.







21. SAWYER
Cat
Jasmine Guy, Cats Don’t Dance
Graceful and smart, Sawyer was a former performer who had dreams until she was forced to work as a secretary.  The events of the film make her realize there’s still a chance for those dreams in spite of her pessimism.




20. MIRAGE
Cat
Bebe Neuwirth, Aladdin (The Series)
This universe’s  embodiment of evil, Mirage is so powerful that she cannot be stopped by force.  Just watch what happens every time Genie tries to take her down.  Naturally her one weakness is that she underestimates the power of virtue in foiling her plans.  She is utterly evil, and the only indication of any humanity she has is a vague past romance with Fasir.   




19. DR. SYMBICORT
Wolf
I really thought this commercial would make a bigger splash in the furry community than it did.  Not many wolves on this list, unfortunately.  That’s funny because I really like wolf anthros.  Conversely, I’m not that big a fan of cat or bunny anthros, and yet there’s two of each of them here.  There’s not much about this character.  She’s a doctor, she’s pretty, and she wears glasses.  Maybe I’m just desperate for a wolf here.   Then again, the commercial implies that that old wolf just murdered three pigs in the end; maybe Symbicort is racked by guilt because of her indirect role in that crime.    




18. JULIE-SU
Echidna
The Archie Sonic the Hedgehog Comics
When I was a Sonic fanboy, I loved this character.  She had a great design, kicked ass and was one of the few Sonic heroines who packed heat.  She was a good match for Knuckles, far better than Catwo  Rouge.  She looks very cute, but the female echidnas of the comics generally do.     




17. SPLATTER PHOENIX
Duck
Dani Staahl/Andrea Martin, Darkwing Duck
She’s a funny parody of pretentious modern artists and she rocks the punk look well.






16. LACI HARDT
Cat
Lackadaisy
Long-suffering, snarky secretary to Wick.  Once again, I’m not that big a fan of cat anthros, but for some reason there’s a lot of characters I like.  Mostly because of Lackadaisy.




15. PRINCESS SALLY
Chipmunk
Kath Soucie, Sonic the Hedgehog
She’s a natural leader (“Sonic Boom” and the comics notwithstanding, but I’ll go into the former eventually) and she has great chemistry with Sonic.  Overall, I find the female characters in the SatAM/Archie continuity more compelling than those in the Sega continuity. 



14. LOLA BUNNY
Rabbit
Kristen Wiig, The Looney Tunes Show
Many furries seem to hate this character for having appeal outside giving them boners.  Doug Walker’s slight to furries is actually justified in this context.  This show took a furry pinup masquerading as a clichéd 90’s pseudofeminist character and turned her into comedy gold.  The fact that the writers were willing to make a zany female character to compete with the male cast is a far more securely feminist act than what the original was.  I actually find the more restrained design more appealing than bunnyboobies in your face.  She’s a consistently funny part of an inconsistently funny show.  Her mom gets an honorable mention as a BBW.  Such a nutty girl would not be sexy in real life, but then again, I actually do have a few villains on this list.     
Despite my preference for voice actors over celebrities, I do prefer Wiig’s voice over Kath Soucie’s original; it’s funny, distinctive and it fits the character.  But, then again, Soucie does show up twice on this list. 




13. TINA RUSSO
Duck
Jennifer Esposito/Annie Mumolo, The LooneyTunes Show
Although she loses some points for her taste in men, she plays off the other characters in the show very well, especially with her facial expressions.  She’s a smart, sensitive tomboy who even seems to have a good moral code.




     12. BUNNIE RABBOT
Rabbit
Christine Cavanaugh, Sonic the Hedgehog
A great character whose friendly, calm demeanor hides inner pain.  Half-roboticized by the villain, she endured a horror that most of the characters of the show had the luxury of avoiding.  Although we see hints of how much this torments her, she acts friendly and cheerful most of the time.  Still, one wonders what her friends were thinking giving her such a cruel nickname.  She’s a well-balanced personality.  I also love her plus-sized figure in the cartoon, but in the comics she’s unsurprisingly shaped like a Barbie doll.




11. RENAMON
Fox
Mari Devon, Digimon Tamers
Before I even knew what a furry was, I knew Renamon was sexy.  Beautiful, great figure, and a stoic demeanor. 




10. IVY PEPPER
Cat
Though not as curvy as Mitzi, Ivy makes up for that cuteness and adaptability.  Despite being a sweet girl on the outside, Ivy navigates her insane situation of being involved with a Speakeasy with cleverness and strength.  She’s charismatic enough to get people to go along with her, and she comes through when s*** hits the fan.  Also, if you haven’t read Tracy Butler’s Lackadaisy, you seriously need to. 




9. LT. FOX VIXEN
Fox
Lim Un Yeong, Squirrel and Hegehog
An unexpected perk of the Songun policy is badass anthropomorphic cartoons.  Aside from being one of the “villains” in a North Korean Propaganda cartoon, she looks great.  I thank her for fictionally serving her country as well.  I can’t tell much about her personality because it’s pretty hard to find a reliable English dub.  She still comes off as charismatic, clever and sultry.  By the way, there are too many foxes on this list.






8. SCARLET OVERKILL
Wolf
Sandra Bulloch, Minions
Though I haven’t seen the movie and I think the Minions are overrated, this villainess looks cool.  Stylish and confident, she looks even better as a wolf in a brief fantasy bit, where we actually get to see her kill those damn Minions.


7. HOLLY HOLLISTER
Mouse
She’s smart and she gets a lot of points for holding on to morality in an insane world.  I also love her romance with Wally.  Not only are they a cat and mouse couple, it’s clever how they use their predator/prey instincts to the relationship’s advantage.  She seems a little unhinged and suicidal for a time, but you can’t really blame her after what she’s been through.  She got better, though.





6. VICAR AMELIA
Wolf/Deer/Human/Wuzzle
Lucy Briggs-Owen, Bloodborne
It’s probably the Catholic in me that finds this character so attractive.  Also, Amelia gets some sympathy points as she doesn’t seem to be a truly malicious monster, but rather a woman afflicted by a disease that turns her into a monster no matter how she tries to fight it.




5. JENNY McBRIDE
Mouse
Hyndyn Walch, Secret of NIMH 2: Timmy to the Rescue
Probably not pleasing many by including this awful sequel to a classic.  But then again, I do like this character.  She’s far more active than the “hero.”  She takes the initiative to go on the journey, she saves Timmy from the villain, and even puts the annoying comic relief character in his place.  Hell, she’s the real protagonist of this movie, and Timmy is her love interest.  I also have a thing for pear-shaped figures and pink sweaters.




4. DRAGON MIM
Dragon
Martha Wentworth, The Sword in the Stone
Mim may be one of the more understandable Disney villains in her motivation.  While she is definitely evil as she is willing to murder a child, she only does so because he’s Merlin’s follower.  Heck, she even expresses momentary regret with what she “has” to do.  Seriously, Merlin is pretty shady.  His motivation is trying to groom a child to become king (against his will) so he can rule the country through him.  With this in mind, Mim almost comes off like a very immoral anti-heroine.  As for the design, it’s the classic bottom-heavy dragon look that I absolutely love.




3. PRINCESS FLAME
Dragon
Stephanie Morgenstern, Blazing Dragons
A really cute and intelligent dragon girl, Flame is the only character besides Flicker with a clue.  She wants to improve the world in ways other than violence (she actually wants to made reforms that empower citizens!), but when push comes to shove she can kick some ass.  She also seems to realize that she can’t just tell the king and queen that Loungelot is taking credit for Flicker’s accomplishments since Loungelot happens to be the queen’s favorite.  She knows how to play the game.  The show isn’t that funny, but I love this character.  I just wish she was a fat dragon.




2. DAISY DUCK
Duck
Kath Soucie, Quack Pack
This is my favorite interpretation of Daisy.  She’s smart, has a great body and I like Kath Soucie’s voice.  She also knows how to play bagpipes, and if that's not hot I don't know what is.




1. MYRA FOXWORTHY
Fox
Liz Georges, Talespin
She’s a smart person, and you can see her passion for archeology in her mannerisms.  She can also talk down a mummy.  She has a cute character design that’s restrained, and I love her glasses.  There’s another archeologist vixen in another episode, but she looks way too sultry for my tastes (although the look does serve the story). 

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