Saturday, February 12, 2022

2022 Oscars

This year's nominations definitely got some buzz going due to its snubs.




PICTURE

NOMINEES: Belfast, Don’t Look Up, Dune, Licorice Pizza, The Power of the Dog, Coda, Drive My Car, King Richard, Nightmare Alley, West Side Story

I was actually pleasantly surprised to find Nightmare Alley on here; that was the best movie I’ve seen from the year.  I’m also thoroughly disappointed by the inclusion of apparent cringefest Don’t Look Up, especially considering some of the snubs.  I can’t believe that got nominated instead of Macbeth, but then again the Oscars is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a taletold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,signifying nothing.  Dune is another movie I felt was overrated.  On the other hand, this category look like a wealth of pontentiall worth-looking-into movies, and that’s the only thing the Academy is really good for.

SNUBS: The Tragedy of Macbeth, In the Earth

 

ACTOR

NOMINEES: Andrew Garfield (tick, tick…BOOM!), Denzel Washington (The Tragedy of Macbeth), Will Smith (King Richard), Benedict Cumberbatch (The Power of the Dog), Javier Bardem (Being the Ricardos)

I haven’t seen King Richard, but I’m rooting for Will Smith.  I like him, and he’s ovedue.  

SNUBS: Bradley Cooper (Nightmare Alley), Dev Patel (Green Knight)


ACTRESS

NOMINEES: Jessica Chastain (They Eyes of Tammy Faye), Nicole Kidman (Being the Ricardos), Penelope Cruz (Parallel Mothers), Kristen Stewart (Spencer), Olivia Colman (The Lost Daughter)

Really disappointed by Frances McDormand’s snub; she was the real start of Macbeth.  I like Nicole Kidman, but Being the Ricardos is the only movie from this category I’ve watched, so I know that she deserved it less.

SNUBS: Frances McDormand (The Tragedy of Macbeth), 

 

DIRECTOR

NOMINEES: Jane Campion (The Power of the Dog), Paul Thomas Anderson (Licorice Pizza), Kenneth Branagh (Belfast), Ryusuke Hamaguchi (Drive My Car), Steven Spielberg (West Side Story)

Green Knight would have been a classic if not for its modernist decontructions, but it as a travesty that it was not nominated for this award or for any of the visual categories.  

SNUBS: David Lowery (Green Knight), Guillermo del Toro (Nightmare Alley), Ben Wheatley (In the Earth)

 

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

NOMINEES: Sian Heder (Coda), Ryusuke Humaguchi/Takamasa Oe (Drive My Car), Jon Spaihts/Denis Villeneuve/Eric Roth (Dune), Maggie Gyllenhaal (The Lost Daughter), Jane Campion (The Power of the Dog)

Not much to say other than I’d be really grumpy if Dune won this for stripping the story of everything that made it interesting. 

 

CINEMATOGRAPHY 

NOMINEES: Greig Fraser (Dune), Dan Laustsen (Nightmare Alley), Ari Wegner (The Power of the Dog), Bruno Delbonnel (The Tragedy of Macbeth), Janusz Kaminski (West Side Story)

Greig Fraser probably deserves this for tricking everybody into thinking that Dune had good production/costume design.  Still, part of me want to see him lose in order to increase the chances of his winning for his apparently brilliant work in The Batman.  The one I’m rooting for is Macbeth.

SNUBS: Andrew Droz Palermo (Green Knight), Linus Sandgren (No Time to Die), Chung-hoon Chung (Last Night in Soho), Florian Hoffmeister (Antlers) 

 

EDITING

NOMINEES: Hank Corwin (Don’t Look Up), Joe Walker (Dune), Pamela Martin (King Richard), Peter Sciberras (The Power of the Dog), Myron Kerstein/Andrew Weisbum (tick, tick…BOOM!)

Hank Corwin’s editing in Don’t Look Up and The Big Short is beyond atrocious.  It’s like the CalArts style of film editing: basically put obviously garbage in peoples’ faces and brazenly act like it’s a good thing.  Dune’s editing is the opposite extreme; the movie was incredibly slow and plodding, and I usually like slow burns.

 

PRODUCTION DESIGN

NOMINEES: Patrice Vermette/Zsuzsanna Sipos (Dune), Tamara Deverell/Shane Vieau (Nightmare Alley), Grant Major/Amber Richards (The Power of the Dog), Stefan Dechant/Nancy Haigh (The Tragedy of Macbeth), Adam Stockhausen/Rena DeAngelo (West Side Story)

Despite having its moments, I found Dune’s design to be uninspired.  I’m rooting for Macbeth for its intriguing half-cinema-half-stage design.  Nightmare Alley is also a worthy choice.

SNUBS: Jade Healy (Green Knight)

 

COSTUME DESIGN

NOMINEES: Jenny Beavan (Cruella), Jacqueline West, Bob Morgan (Dune), Massimo Cantini Parrini/Jacqueline Durran (Cyrano), Luis Sequeira (Nightmare Alley), Paul Tazewell (West Side Story)

Once again, not terribly happy with Dune on here.

SNUBS: Malgosia Turzanska (Green Knight)

 

BEST SCORE

NOMINEES: Nicholas Britell (Don’t Look Up), Hans Zimmer (Dune), Germaine Franco (Encanto), Alberto Iglesias [NSFW image] (Parallel Mothers), Johnny Greenwood (The Power of the Dog)

Looks like it’s an apples and oranges between Hans Zimmer’s atmospheric and bapipe-blessed Dune and the admittedly off-beat and worthy score of Don’t Look Up.

SNUBS: Javier Navarrete (Antlers), Steven Price (Last Night in Soho), Daniel Hart (Green Knight), Clint Mansell (In the Earth), Nathan Johnson (Nightmare Alley)

 

BEST SONG

NOMINEES: “Down to Joy” (Van Morrison, Belfast), “Dos Oruguitas” (Lin-Manuel Miranda, Encanto), “Somehow You Do” (Diane Warren, Four Good Days), “Be Alive” (Beyance/Dixson, King Richard), “No Time to Die” (Billie Eilish)

One of the few positive trends in the Oscars that suggests that they can learn lessons is that they’re finally awarding Bond songs.  "No Time to Die" is what I'm rooting for, but “Somehow You Do” is good, too. I'd be upset if "Down to Joy" or "Be Alive" won.

SNUBS: “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” (Lin-Manuel Miranda, Encanto)

 

ANIMATED FILM

NOMINEES: Encanto, Flee, Luca, Raya and the Last Dragon, The Mitchells vs the Machines

Surprised that Belle was not nominated, but I do think it’s ending was a bit of a copout.  I’ve heard Encantois good, but not so much Raya.  

 

HONORARY AWARDS

Elaine May, Live Ullmann, Samuel L. Jackson

Ah yes, the “Sorry, Our Bad” Awards, and Samuel L. Jackson is definitely overdue for this.  

 

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Don't Buy This Car (10th Anniversary of First Blog Post)

2003 Mercury Sable LS Premium 

Silver

Nickname: Winifred 

90,000mi

MPG: 17 everyday, 22 on trips (Regular gas)


Pros: Styling, Reliability Besides Transmission

Cons: Transmission, A/C Flaw (worked around), Some Ergonomic Complaints, Disappointing Gas Mileage


 

        This marks the 10th anniversary of my first blog post, in which I showed off my 2001 Buick LeSabre.  Unfortunately, I’ve had rather bad luck with machines.  While I’ve heard some bad things about Windows 10, I’ve never heard of anyone’s having two W10 computers brick themselves after 9 months apiece (and even when they were working they always ran like they had at least 10 years’ worth of junk data on them).  Also, my Ruger KP90, reputed to be one of the most reliable pistols one could possibly own, is a piece of junk that has never worked right.So it almost follows that my LeSabre, despite the model’s famous refusal to die, caught fire after eight years to good service.

         Unfortunately, my replacement was not a particularly wise purchase, even if I’m out of the woods on most of its problems.

          My primary pieces of advice for anyone looking into these cars.


1. If the car does not already have a fresh transmission (preferably a re-engineered one like a Jasper), know you'll need to have an extra $4,000 handy to replace it. They generally die at around 65,000 miles.


2. Before you buy the Duratec, make sure you try out the Vulcan to see if it's powerful enough for you, unless you want a mid-size sedan with the gas mileage of an SUV.


3. If you're having trouble with the A/C not blowing cold, try using the Floor/AC combination button.

 

 

STYLING

 

     I seem to be contrarian when it comes to car styling, and honestly that’s what attracted me to the car.  There are so many cars that everybody says are boring/ugly that I find beautiful, and the 4th Gen Sable is one of them. Like the 3rd Gen, it’s better looking than the Taurus in a way that made it seem like that’s what the latter should have looked like, especially considering how superfluous a brand Mercury was by then.  The 2000 model adapted the platform to appear more traditional, and it was surprisingly effective. The changes mostly consisted of a traditional grill and a fuller rear end with some nicely designed taillights.  It pulls off the aesthetic well while being very sleek.  One detail I love is the distinctive, perfectly-shaped C-Pillar and how it blends in with the body.  I also like the svelte, concave surface of the side panels.  One common problem attempted malaise-era nostalgia is the assumption that such cars looked good because they were boxy, but the Greatest Generation knew better.  They looked good because they were long, low, wide, and they had a healthy amount of adornment.  

       Despite how effective the design was, they didn’t fully commit with the embellishment.  The 4th Gen Sables lack sufficient chrome trim and they came with bland wheels.  As a result, they  slightly awkward-looking the same way as a wreckovated Catholic Church.  It took some searching and some money, but I finally managed to bring out the car’s natural beauty.  First I had to replace the wheels with black steel rims that would accept some nice hubcaps, and then I got some Coker whitewalls (the only whitewalls I could find in that size), which were a bit rare/expensive due to decreased demand from the T-Bird remake they were made for.  The tires are a bit larger than the factory ones, so they give the car a spryer stance.  It’s a huge improvement and it makes a world of difference.  I also got some aftermarket chrome trim for the windows and spray-painted the grill (it took me a while to get enough internet research to feel safe about that because for some stupid reason everyone wanted to black their grills out).  I considered some chrome wheel trim, but it looked good enough without it, and they seemed to be a hassle to install.  This might have been thanks to the silver paint job, which I at first was worried would not contrast enough with the chrome.  I have a car that looks better than 95% of what’s on the road but I do sometimes miss that LeSabre booty.  


 

INTERIOR

 

       The interior is a nice traditional one, similar in personality to that of the LeSabre, but it accentuates the cold light gray with some dark gray and some fake wood trim.   It has plain black plastic door handles, but that’s fine; brightwork is for the exterior.  Unlike the Buick, it has a console and a center-mounted shifter.  I like the driver-oriented cockpit feel as much as the next person, but it is nice to be able to slide across the bench seat to exit the passenger’s door in case I’m parked on the side of the road.  Bench seats and column shifters are now all but extinct, but the only practical advantage to the console shifter I’ve heard is a vague assertion that it’s “safer.”  The only reason I can think of for that is that you’d be less tempted to place a child in the front middle seat as a human sacrifice to the car crash gods.  Also bench seating is roomier.

      The instrument panel is well-designed and is nicely integrated into the dashboard. Easily legible gauges in a nice green light that was Ford’s signature at the time, much nicer than the white that car companies prefer now for some reason.  I prefer a single color for the instrumentation lighting, but the orange needles and yellowish odometer backlight give it a surprisingly warm look.  I miss the times when interior lighting was minimal and practical, and this car is an example of that.  

      Ergonomics are overall pretty good.  The steering wheel lacks audio controls, but the volume/power dial is very well placed so that’s not a problem.  I managed to find a good place to mount a Sandisk Clipjam which is connected to the tape deck via an adapter whose wire I’ve glued flush to the dash.  Interestingly enough, the car eschewed the Three Dials for ergonomically inferior buttons because it’s the upscale trim.

      The biggest ergonomic complaint I had was the moronically low placement of the rear-view mirror.  I’m 6’3,” and it was an intolerable blindspot.  Fortunately I had it removied and replaced with a higher mounted mirror that’s well-placed.  Another example of questionable design is that the high beams are activated by permanently pushing the turn signal stalk forward, necessitating a conscious decision to reach farther for the turn signal.  In an impressive feat of precision American engineering, the left driver’s side A/C vent is in just the right place for your left hand to block its ability to cool your face.  Storage is slight, but I’ve managed to find a place for all my stuff while having the interior look good.  

       In addition to a GPS mount I glued to the dashboard and an engine diagnostic display I’ve bought, I also added the option of mounting a green 7-segment digital speedometer that I can securely mount to the dashboard if I want the 80’s retro look.  It doesn’t even block any warning lights.  

 

 





PERFORMANCE

 

       Knowing better than to buy the Vulcan, I went with the Duratec DOHC.  The engine is powerful enough, but the new transmission is a bit rough.  It’s tolerable though.  Gas mileage is a bit disappointing for a car its size.  I’m generally lucky to break 20mpg daily driving in this thing, but fortunately I don’t drive very far to work.

        The performance is adequate but noticeably inferior to the Buick’s.  Despite the lack of any apparent confounding factors, the slightly heavier LeSabre got noticeably better gas mileage and smoother acceleration with a better ride.  I average 17 mpg in daily driving, and got 22 mpg on a road trip.  




RELIABILITY

 

       This is what ultimately made this a bad purchase at the time.  I tried to do my research, but apparently the Sable’s sales figures were not statically significant enough to provoke a rating on CarComplaints.  Had I thought to cross-reference it with the Taurus, I would have saved myself some trouble.  It turns out this thing (particularly the ’03 model) has a criminally bad transmission: one that generally gives out at about 65,000 miles, which was about the mileage this had when I bought it.  Even Nissan CVTs will probably give you six figures before they give up the ghost.  Funny thing was there was no indication when it happened.  No noise, no shudderr; the car just stopped accelerating when I pushed on the gas.  

       The repair was not cheap either.  I was told that if I wanted a real fix I would have to get a Jasper transmission, which ended up costing me $4,000 but comes with a 3-year, 100,000 mile warranty.  Otherwise I would just have another factory transmission put in that could break at any time.  It almost put me in the red.  I figure Winifred would be an appropriate nickname for a car that had to be brought back to life.


So yeah, don’t buy one of these cars unless it already has a Jasper or you have an extra $4,000.


       Another problem is that it took a while to get the AC figured out.  The cold air was practically nonexistent until I figured out how a small hack: you need to run the combination AC/Floor for it to blow cold.  The car was very unpleasant to drive during the summer in the middle of the day, but now it's good.  

      Strangely enough, it was three Cons that saved me with this car.  Shortly after I bought this car, I had reserved a room for FWA 2019, except the con got cancelled due to COVID.  The transmission blew out about the date; if that had happened during the road trip that would have really sucked.  Then I figured out the initial hack for the AC on the way from FFA 22, which ended up being the basis of the final hack that I stumbled upon during a weekend I had decided not to attend a con because Jim Cummings cancelled.

       Despite those two problems, the car has been remarkably problem-free, and I've never had to have it brought in for nearly as many stupid reasons I did with the Buick.  

 

 

CONCLUSION

 

       Despite this car’s initially being a headache, it should serve me well now that I’ve sorted out its serious problems.  Had I known then what I know now, I would not have made this choice, but after a lot of work I’ve got a good car that’s uniquely beautiful.  I even have a ‘sona based on it. 

 





Monday, January 10, 2022

DUNE MOVIE COMPARISON

This post was delayed due to work schedules, but I’ve finally gotten around to making this listicle comparing the three Dune movies:

THE 1984 DAVID LYNCH MOVIE

THE 2000 SCI-FI CHANNEL MINISERIES

THE 2021 and 2024 DENIS VILLENEUVE MOVIES

 

 

 

BEST WRITING

David Lynch (1984)

John Harrison (2000)

Jon Spaihts, Denis Villeneuve, Eric Roth (2021, 2024) 

Lynch’s Dune is interesting enough but cuts out a lot of story.  Its completely unnecessary expository voiceovers have a debatable appeal in adding some strange atmosphere.  The 2000 version does much better, while including various interesting subplots.  Particularly of interest are those involving the Harkonnen’s plans involving Feyd-Rautha and Irulan.  The 2021 version manages to take the longest to get through half the plot while including even less than the 1984 version.  It lacks what made the story interesting and is the most boring out of the bunch. 

 

WINNER: 2000 

Runner-Up: 1984 

 

 

 

THE BEST PAUL

Kyle MacLachlan (1984)

Alec Newman (2000)

Timothee Chalamet (2021, 2024)

Kyle MacLachlan is charismatic and he forms my general mental image of the character, but Newman’s performance is more nuanced and he has a sardonic edge that is fitting of an entitled prince turned would-be Messiah.  Chalamet is competent enough in the first movie, but really breaks out in Part 2, being credible both as a naive young idealist and then as a charismatic dictator.

 

WINNER: TIMOTHEE CHALAMET

Runner-Up: Kyle Machlachlan

 



THE BEST LETO

Jurgen Prochnow (1984)

William Hurt (2000)

Oscar Isaac (2021)

Prochnow is serviceable, but Hurt is both wooden and bafflingly miscast.  Isaac is perfect and adds a lot of humanity to the role

 

WINNER: OSCAR ISAAC 

Runner-Up: Jurgen Prochnow 

 

 


THE BEST JESSICA

Francesca Annis (1984)

Saskia Reeves (2000)

Rebecca Ferguson (2021, 2024)

Annis is good, but edged out by Reeves.  Ferguson is great in Part 2, which develops her manipulative role as a false prophetess. 

 

WINNER: REBECCA FERGUSON 

Runner-Up: Saskia Reeves 

 


 

THE BEST GURNEY

Patrick Stewart (1984)

PH Moriarty (2000)

Josh Brolin (2021, 2024)

Gurney Halleck is naturally cast by far more handsome men than his homely description suggests.  Stewart is miscast (aside from being born to say this line), but we got this amusing story of his meeting Sting and not having the slightest clue who he was.  Moriarty is far more fitting as the grizzled old warrior.  Brolin, despite the most handsome of the bunch (the buzz cut helps alleviate that), works the best for his gruff, rugged presence.

 

WINNER: JOSH BROLIN 

Runner-Up: PH Moriarty

 

 

 

THE BEST THUFIR

Freddie Jones (1984)

Jan Vlasak (2000)

Stephen McKinley (2021)

Freddie Jones is memorably quirky.  Vlasak is barely in the movie and is mostly forgettable.  MicKinley is a surprise breakout in the new movie, having a very nuanced performance.

 

WINNER: STEPHEN MICKINLEY

Runner-Up: Freddie Jones

 

 

 

BEST YUEH 

Dean Stockwell (1984)

Robert Russell (2000)

Chang Chen (2021)

Russell is decent, but Stockwell nails the vulnerable, poignant, and conflicted characterization.  Yueh is barely in the 2021 movie.

 

WINNER: DEAN STOCKWELL

Runner-Up: Robert Russell

 

 

 

THE BEST DUNCAN

Richard Jordan (1984)

James Watson (2000)

Jason Momoa (2021)

Richard Jordan is remarkably miscast, seeming a bit out of shape for the greatest warrior in the story. Watson is more believable in the role, but Momoa is a perfect choice.  He’s tough while being jovial enough to be believable as Paul’s friend.  Most importantly, he’s charismatic enough to carry a franchise, since Duncan is the main character of the series.

 

WINNER: JASON MOMOA

Runner-Up: James Watson

 



THE BEST BARON

Kenneth McMillan (1984)

Ian McNeice (2000)

Stellan Skarsgard (2021, 2024)

Kenneth McMillan is amusingly hammy, and he works as an utterly insane, depraved interpretation of the Baron, but he’s not terribly clever.  McNeice is the perfect Baron, being believable as chessmaster who’s charming enough for politics.  Skarsgard is disappointing as his character has practically no development.  I mean, how do you make Baron Harkonnen boring?  At least he has one amusing moment in which he’s stuffing his fat face after raiding Leto’s fridge.  It’s unfortunate that we never got to see Orson Welles in the Jodorowsky version.  

 

WINNER: IAN McNEICE

Runner-Up: Kenneth McMillan

 

 

 

THE BEST PITER

Brad Dourif (1984)

Jan Unger (2000)

David Dastmalchian (2021)

Brad Dourif is wonderfully creepy while coming off as the only sane member of the Harkonnen leadership. You really get the impression he’s the real brains behind the operation in this version.  Jan Unger, on the other hand, is bland, even though he does momentarily pull it out when the character sadistically stabs Yueh.  Dastmalchian is well-cast, but barely in the movie.

 

WINNER: BRAD DOURIF

Runner-Up: David Dastmalchian

 

 

 

THE BEST RABBAN

Paul Smith (1984)

Laszlo Kish (2000)

Dave Bautista (2021, 2024)

Kish is competent as this character, and Bautista adds an element of fanatical passion to his hatred and anger, almost as if he thinks he’s the good guy in some twisted way.  Smith, on the other hand, is perfect as the slovenly, savage character with no such pretension.  It’s really an apples and oranges between Bautista and Smith.  Bautista’s Rabban seems to be angry at the Atreides’ gift on principle.

 

WINNER: PAUL SMITH

Runner-Up: Dave Bautista

 

 

 

THE LOVELIEST FEYD

Gordon Sumner (1984)

Matt Keeslar (2000)

Austin Butler (2024)

Sting has that celebrity charisma that works most of the time when all that’s demanded of him is a smug, sadistic smirk.  There is one moment, however, in which he’s expected to show some other emotion and he fails miserably.  He’s like a Ewan McGregor who can’t act.  Keeslar has far more story to deal with and he acts decently, even if he’s not quite as fun to watch.  The Jodorowsky version apparently considered Mick Jagger.  Austin Butler is amusing as a raving psychopath, but his talent is wasted on an oversimplified version of the character.

 

WINNER: MATT KEESLAR

Runner-Up: Gordon Sumner 

 

 

THE BEST DOCTOR KYNES

Max Von Sydow (1984)

Karel Dobry (2000)

Sharon Duncan-Brewster (2021)

Karel Dobry is decent, but Max Von Sydow is the most believable as the experienced scientist.  Duncan-Brewster is a controversial choice, but she has the most fleshed-out version of the character.

 

WINNER: SHARON DUNCAN-BREWSTER

Runner-Up: Max Von Sydow

 

 

 

THE BEST CHANI

Sean Young (1984)

Barbora Kodetova (2000)

Zendaya (2021)

Sean Young is awkwardly miscast and wooden and wooden, while Kodetova is more competent.  Zendaya is believable as a young, but hardened, tribeswoman, and shows more nuance in part to where she is more developed.

 

WINNER: ZENDAYA

Runner-Up: Barbora Kodetova

 

 

 

THE BEST STILGAR

Everitt McGill (1984)

Uwe Ochsenknecht (2000)

Javier Bardem (2021)

Ochsenknecht is far better cast than Big Ed, but it’s hard to beat Bardem.

 

WINNER: JAVIER BARDEM

Runner-Up: Uwe Ochsenknecht

 

 

 

BEST EMPEROR

Jose Ferrer (1984)

Giancarlo Giannini (2000)

Christopher Walken (2024)

Jose Ferrer’s emperor comes off as uncertain and vulnerable, which is great if you interpret this as intentional; a weak dynastic heir who’s in over his head.  Giannini is great as a more ruthless and calculating interpretation.  Another apples/oranges.  Christopher Walken's emperor is not developed enough to be anything more than Christopher Walken

 

WINNER: GIANCARLO GIANNINI

Runner-Up: Jose Ferrer 

 

 

BEST IRULAN 

Virginia Madsen (1984)

Laura Burton (2000)

Florence Pugh (2024)

Laura Burton has an unfair advantage of actually having a plot, but she’s still better in the role anyway.  Pugh's Irulan also needed more love, though.  

 

WINNER: LAURA BURTON

Runner-Up: Florence Pugh

 


 

BEST PRODUCTION/COSTUME DESIGN

Moebius, Chris Foss, HR Giger (Jodorowsky)

Anthony Masters, Bob Ringwood (1984)

Miljen Kreka Kljakovic, Theodore Pistek (2000)

Patrice Vermette, Bob Morgan, Jacqueline West (2021) 

The 1984 had a distinctively industrial look that still had enough classicism to maintain an otherworldly feel.  The 2000’s version had some creative designs, but a few goofy moments (Irulan’s butterfly dress, for one).  The 2021 movie had a far more minimalist design that seems lazy even though it does have its moments.  Particularly bland are the Harkonnens’ character designs.  One wonders why they couldn’t go with the phenomonally over-the-top look of the rejected Jodorowsky movie.  Apparently, it was all up to Greig Fraser to make the movie look good.

 

WINNER: JODOROWSKY

Runner-Up: 1984

Third Place : 2000



 

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

Freddie Francis (1984)

Vittorio Stiraro (2000)

Greig Fraser (2021)

The 1984 version had the distinctive camerawork one would expect from a Lynch movie.  The 2000’s cinematography, with the exception of the unsettling Dutch angles in the Harkonnen scenes, ranged from lackluster to bad.  Fraser seemed like a downgrade from Roger Deakins, but his cinematography is phenomenal.  

 

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 1984

 



BEST MUSIC

Brian Eno/TOTO (1984)

Graeme Revell (2000)

Hans Zimmer (2021)

The 1984’s Theme song is epic and memorable.  I usually like Revell, but the miniseries’ score is underwhelming with the exception of the Harkonnen theme.  Zimmer’s music is atmospheric with the added plus of bagpipes!

 

WINNER 1984

Runner-Up: 2021



 

BEST EFFECTS

The 1984’s are dated but charming.  One of the fatal flaws of the miniseries is that so much of it looks like an early 90’s CD-Rom game.  Proof that bad practical effects are preferable to bad CGI.  The 2021’s effects are perfect.

 

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 1984 

 


 

BEST ACTION

The 1984 version foolishly used a goofy gimmick for the Weirding Way because Lynch thought that fight scenes would look too “cheesy.”  The 2000 version is more faithful.  The best part of the 2021’s action is how the shields of the Atreides ships contained their own explosions until the shields themselves were destroyed.

 

WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 2000

 


 

BEST CASTING

This is interesting because both the 1984 and 2000 versions have great casting outside two bafflingly bad roles (Stilgar and Leto, respectively).  The 2021’s casting is mostly solid while having a surprisingly dull Baron.


WINNER: 2021

Runner-Up: 1984


 

 

BEST OVERALL

The 2021 was questionable in its lack of story.  A perfect Dune movie would be one with the 2000’s plot and the 1984’s visuals.  Still, the 1984 movie is competent enough, and one can only love a movie so much if it looks like an early 90’s CD-Rom game.  

 

WINNER: 1984

Runner-Up: 2000

Friday, December 3, 2021

Spock Not Do Stupid **** Challenge: IMPOSSIBLE

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

1991

D: Richard Meyer

**********

Pros: Characters, Direction, Plot, Special Effects, Music

Cons: A Little Too Many Plotholes

 

 

 

        As a kid, my experience with Star Trek was limited to a few movies, and some slight scattering of TOS and TNG.  Star Trek VI was probably my most primal catalyst for being a casual fan.  It had everything: action, cool ships, special effects, music, and Klingons.  For a while it was one of my favorite movies.  I would regard this as the last true Trek movie, although I do enjoy Into Darkness.  

         The plot of Undiscovered Country begins with the destruction of the planet Praxis, the primary industrial center of the Klingons.  In a nice reference to the Spartan Fallacy (the inefficiency of a completely militarized dictatorship, see also: North Korea), the Klingons lack the budget and civilian infrastructure to survive the disaster.  With their entire society on the brink of collapse, they desperately appeal to the Federation for a treaty.  Relatively liberal Klingon Chancellor Gorkon (David Warner) draws up a treaty that oddly includes the complete demilitarization of the Neutral Zone.  One would wonder why someone as reasonable as he would come up with this, but I suppose he might have been pressured by hardliners.  It makes sense for the Klingons to take this as an opportunity to make a desperate go-for-broke attempt at expansionism to annex enough industrial centers to recover, while be willing to risk honorable destruction.  It also makes sense that they would operate under the calculus the Federation would be reluctant to go to war regardless of their advantage.  

         In a remarkably irrational move, Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) suggests that Captain Kirk (William Shatner) lead the initial diplomatic meeting.  This makes sense because I’ve always believed that Vulcans (especially Spock) are a passionate race, who merely style themselves as purely rational.  Spock recites “Only Nixon can go to China,” which he humorously calls a “Vulcan proverb.”  He’s missing the point that our 37th presidend didn’t literally have a vendetta with the people he was trying to negotiate with.  The unfortunate drama that ensues inspires a majestic overcompensation from Spock in TNG in which he decides not to send a reluctant friend to do his diplomatic dirty work so he resigns from the Federation council, disappears without a trace so he can aid an underground Romulan liberation movement, and pops up on intelligence camera, scaring the Federation into making Picard to bum a ride on a Bird of Prey to find out what the hell he was doing.  Illogical.

        Starfleet agrees this despite how little sense this makes, largely because Admiral Cartwright (Brock Peters) is part of a conspiracy to sabotage the peace accords.  It’s an interesting idea that members of three warring nations would agree to sabotage their own alliance, but it helps that it makes sense.  Conservative Klingons would rather go down fighting than give up their ways, some corrupt Starfleet officials would want to press their advantage, and I’m sure the Romulans have some sort of angle on this ensuing conflict.  

        So the Enterprise and its crew arrives at a rendezvous point with Gorkon’s flagship, the Kronos One, whose introduction is an underrated gem.  Heralded by Cliff Eidelman’s ominous score, the sinister K’tinga-class glides menacingly toward the viewer after a dramatic scene is cut short by the intercom announcement of its arrival.  Kirk enters the bridge to and stares in awe at its demonic form lingering at close range on the viewscreen.  He’s battled these things before and knows enough to fear them.  Fight or flight impulses arise as Chekov (Walter Koenig) nervously asks to raise the shields in obliviousness to the purpose of the mission.  Then Kirk realizes that he’s never met this thing before under these circumstances, and muses, “Never been this close before.”  It’s a moment that knows how to treat the ships themselves as characters in the movie.  Later, when the K1 prepares to fire upon the Enterprise, its torpedo launcher glows red and growls.  Not in line with established lore, but a justified break from logic in order to give the ship more personality.  I would have liked to see her participate in the final battle.  Perhaps she'd try to stop the Enterprise from sabotaging the Accords until the Excelsior shows up, cornering the Bird of Prey into participating, thus making K1 realize who the bad guy really is.  Yeah, I do have a soft spot for the D7.    

        Upon meeting with Gorkon and his entourage for dinner, Kirk is introduced to General Chang (Christopher Plummer), who recognizes him as a fellow warrior.  The dinner is tense but ultimately less than disastrous, and the crew is ready to rest until the peace is broken by a sudden torpedo fire upon the Klingon shop from the Enterprise.  A couple of masked federation soldiers beam on board the stricken ship and slaughter every Klingon on their way to assassinate Gorkon.   Then the K1 demonstrates why her class was so feared: after having taken two unshielded torpedo hits in a seemingly vital area, she quickly recovers and is ready to fight.

         Kirk agrees to beam aboard with McCoy (DeForest Kelley) when they hear Klingons’ doctor has died.  McCoy fails to save the ambassador, and our two heroes are captured and sent to stand trial.  They are sentenced to the ice gulag of Rura Penthe.  They escape with the help of shapeshifter Martia (Iman/Tom Morga) and beamed back onto the Enterprise.  They then rush to stop the assassination of the Federation President (Kurtwood Smith) by a Klingon assassin.  They are intercepted by Chang in a prototypical Bird of Prey designed to fire while cloaked, the one that fired upon K1.  With help from Captain Sulu (George Takei), they figure out a way to defeat it and then double team that bitch in quite a crowd-pleasing payoff.  The assassination plot is foiled, Kirk makes an impassioned plea for peace, the conspirators are revealed, and everyone is happy, especially these guys for some reason. 

         The movie ends with the Enterprise crew's being ordered by Starfleet to report to base for decommissioning.  The officers, wanting to milk some more time on the ship, ignore them.  It’s a nice sendoff for the characters we love, but having been in the Navy, I can tell you that there are plenty of unhappy sailors right now.  Most seaman and JO’s would just want to get back home to their families, especially after having just survived a space battle.  Some of them died.  In fact, if they were to mutiny over this, they’d have the law on their side.  Oh well, just another example of how being underway is seen as a symbol for freedom for people who’ve never worked on a ship.  The credits are a nice touch, as all the cast members’ signatures are shown along with a triumphant secondary theme.  Like “All Good Things” it’s a good farewell to a group of beloved characters.  And like “All Good Things” nothing good came out of adding to it.

           Indeed, Undiscovered Country is regarded as one of the best Trek movies, and a lot of this has to do with the return of Nicolas Meyer, the director of Wrath of Khan.  Having spent the last couple of years catching up on the franchise, I decided to watch this old time favorite.  Enjoyable as it was, I was disappointed by the sheer number of plotholes and silly mistakes.  I’d hate to revert to the nitpicky style of criticism I had grown out, but I’m afraid that urge might again rear its ugly head.  Franchise works do work on their own internal logic and should be bound by it, but there’s a gray area of how much can be forgiven.  Some recent filth has provoked an unfortunate renaissance in such style of movie reviews, as a form of chemotherapy in response to cancer.  Sadly, such critics have shown themselves completely unprepared outside this comfort zone of A-Logging.  Examples such as Critical Drinker’s reviews of Midsommar, Us, etc. are like the equivalent of administering chemo to a healthy patient.  Now here’s a short list of Undiscovered Country’s flaws.

 

- The Captain agrees to Valeris’ suggestion to serve Romulan ale at the meeting, despite this being a terrible idea in such a delicate situation.

 

-Spock rather conspicuously places a very visible homing device on Kirk’s shoulder before he leaves for the K1, allowing him to be tracked and picked up from Rura Penthe.  The Klingons somehow don’t notice this throughout the trial and imprisonment.  They don’t even relieve Kirk of his uniform, but they do confiscate his universal translator.

 

-The losers stationed at the Klingon listening outpost don’t bat an eye at an identified ship communicating in horribly broken Klingon.  Their technology apparently isn’t designed to recognized a Connie when it wanders into Klingon space.

 

-Valeris (Kim Cattrall) apparently needs to explain to the Enterprise’s own command personnel that using a vaporizer will set off an alarm.  Instead of just telling them like a normal person, she shoots at something with the vaporizer to make the alarm go off.

 

-The alarm is not triggered by a phaser’s going off at all.  Just when when it’s set to vaporize.

 

-There are apparently only two pairs of gravity boots on the whole ship.

 

-Martia presumably leads Kirk and McCoy away long enough to give Chang a “Killed While Trying to Escape” loophole, but they’re allowed to go too far before they’re tracked down and they get beamed off the planet.

 

-Even if they lost the blueprints for the Bird of Prey prototype, everybody knows that this is possible, but no one gets around to making one by the TNG era.  

 

-Azetbur is the new chancellor, but it’s later revealed that Klingon women do enjoy such hight rank.

 

         What makes these nitpicks excusable is the story itself.  First of all, it seems that some minor tweaking could fix these holes, which are not truly inherent to the plot and therefore allow the movie to pass the TLJ Test.  Also, unlike many newer movies, the passion is there.  Star Trek VI does not seek to “fix,” subvert, or deconstruct.  It explains how the peace between the Federation and Klingons, as established in TNG, happens, while making it an opportunity for the characters to reflect upon a new world they’re not necessary trained for.  Its heart is with the characters and the world they live in.  It takes advantage of the political implications of this universe.  It’s a gateway into the new world of TNG that uses the TOS characters as its segue (another reason why Generations was a bad idea).  For all its flaws, it reinforces, rather denigrates, the franchise. The characters act according to their established roots.  It focuses on them and interstellar politics, the strengths of the franchise.  Even the dialogue is memorably witty.  It could be called the first successful prequel. 

         A possible explanation for these script problems is the troubled pre-production planning.  There were conflicts between Gene Roddenberry and Nicholas Meyer, of course.  This production was also an example of how the franchise was always at its best when in strayed further from Roddenberry’s utopian vision.  He did not like having the Enterprise crew display any bigotry, even though the arc was an inspiring example of their overcoming it.  Roddenberry did, however, get it right on Saavik.  Meyer wanted to turn her into a traitor, but Gene called him out on sullying a beloved character in a way that made no sense, so they changed it to Valeris.  Various cast members submitted scripts of varying degrees of questionable quality.

 

WTF, WALTER KOENIG

         The movie's characters are strong.  All our beloved characters are here, including Scotty (James Doohan), Uhuru (Nichelle Nichols).  Kirk is the depicted as stubbornly skeptical of the peace accords, and harbors a vendetta against the Klingons for the death of his son.  He even shows a dark side when he says "Let them die!", but he learns to overcome his hatred.  Spock is, to the point of buffoonery, the starry eyed idealist in spite of his stoic demeanor.  This is consistent with his history, and I generally like this type of character (see also: Kosh from Babylon 5).  McCoy tags along with Kirk as his lovably sarcastic self, but he doesn't develop much.  It would have been nice too have more of the Kirk/Spock/McCoy triumvirate dynamic in this movie. 

         The Klingons are brutal, but human.  Gorkon’s daughter Azetbur (Rosanna DeSoto) is an honorable person who wants Kirk to pay for her father’s murder, but is hesitant to instigate war.  Brigadier Kerla (Paul Rossilli) is a loyal member of the Klingon military who advises retaliation but follows orders not to.  Rossilli has a great scene of Good Bad Acting in which he reluctantly orders the Excelsior to stay away from the Praxis incident under the pretense that they need no help.  You can tell he has a gun to his head with that fake attempt at calm.  The Klingon Judge (Robert Easton) shows some fairness in the apparent show trial, at least for a Klingon; he rescinds the death penalty based on lack of truly conclusive evidence (much to Chang’s disappointment).  Worf’s grandfather (Michael Dorn) appears as Kirk’s defense attorney.  

         Chang himself is a great foil to Kirk.  He sees himself as an honorable foe to the Captain, and recognizes him as a fellow warrior of old.  This does not stop him from using subterfuge to destroy him in an attempt to further his goals.  Klingons clearly see an honorable fight differently.  He gleefully attacks Kirk on the battlefield of the courtroom, a consummate Klingon.  He relates the Terran’s description of the sapient condition by quoting Shakespeare, and these allusions serve as a spiritual successor to the Wrath of Khan’s use of Moby Dick. 

        Valeris is a subtle enough twist villain, and the movie does a good job making her vaguely unlikable.  Well, maybe not so vaguely when she goes on a know-it-all spiel about the etymology of the word "sabotage."

         Other cast members include Rene Auberjonois and Christian Slater (whose mother was the casting director), and Darryl Henriques.  The special effects are perfect, still using models at the time when they were perfected.  Cliff Eidelman’s ominous score completes the intrigue, and is even used as a common temping track in Hollywood. 

        One moment that annoyed me was the insertion of some post-religious nonsense, presumably to appease Roddenberry, in which Spock refers to Adam and Eve as “ancient earth mythology.”  It seems odd to call a belief that persisted at least into the 21st Century “Ancient,” when the term generally refers to pre-Medieval periods, and Vulcans generally don’t do tongue-in-cheek hyperbole.  It’s like the trend of calling 80’s music “Oldies.”  

        I’ve always been a bit confused by the president before I realized he wasn’t Klingon.  I wonder if Efrosians suffered hate crimes during the Klingon War to the point where they were the in-universe equivalent of Sikhs.  This movie also led my childhood self to believe that Cinderella was a Russian story simply because Chekov said so.  I was not yet familiar with that running joke.  Always thought that went against the central theme of the franchise.

          Anyway, Star Trek VI is an extremely enjoyable movie, a true Trek entry despite its relative amount of action.  Oddly enough, I don’t think its writing is as tight as that of Star Trek V, but its execution is better than the direction of its often unjustifiably campy predecessor.   





Tuesday, September 28, 2021

"If It Wasn't for Derek Zoolander, Male Modeling Wouldn't Be What It Is Today"

Zoolander

2001

D: Ben Stiller

*********

Pros: Funny, Creative, Well-Acted

Cons: Some Bad Jokes, TIME Servility, Bland Heroine, Not Much of a Message

 

 

           I’ve observed that the funniness of a comedy is often inversely proportional to that it’s trailer.  Zoolander is no exception here.  Based on a sketch character, this has stood the test of time as one of the funniest movies of the Naughts.  Unfortunately, it was criminally underrated when it came out.  It was certainly ahead of the time, since a few years after Arrested Development, this brand of humor became accepted to the point of cliché.  

         This type of quirky comedy, based on absurd contrivances, is very high-risk-high-reward.  It requires genuine creativity, but the price is that when the jokes are bad, they are really bad.  Really bad levels of cringe.  On the other hand, more down-to-earth comedies are rarely annoying because they’re at least grounded in human reality.  Zoolander certainly has its share of cringe: the protagonists name is a lame pun, there’s a terrible boner gag (a cliché I hate) involving Andy Dick, and there’s the break dance fighting (“They’re break-dance fighting! one character helpfully points out).  

           The plot revolves around a politically significant conspiracy run by the fashion industry using male models as a weapon.  When the Prime Minister of Malaysia (Woodrow Asai) commits to a child labor ban, the Industry desperately fast-tracks an assassination scheme coordinated by designer Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell) in which moronic male model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is brainwashed into assassinating the politician.  The plot is monitered by femme fatale model Katinka Ingabogovinana (Milla Jovovich, in arguably her best movie), and the brainwashing is done through an amusing video in which Derek is fed propaganda by Mugatu in the guise of a Buster Brownesque character named Little Cletus.  With the help of TIME Magazine reporter Matilda Jeffries (Christine Taylor) and former rival model Hansel (Owen Wilson), Derek bumbles his way into escaping the plot.  The conspiracy theorist who exposits the plan is former hand model JP Prewitt (David Duchovny), and it is very creative one.  It turns out that the Fashion Industry's greed for cheap labor has been behind every major political assassination, including that of Abraham Lincoln by John Wilkes Booth (James Marsden in a short non-speaking cameo that is oddly enough his best movie role).  Male models are the perfect assassins due to their physical fitness, access to secure areas, and susceptibility to suggestion, and they’re groomed by modeling agents like Derek’s boss Maury Ballstein (Jerry Stiller).  An absurd premise based on its own internal logic.  If you don’t see the humor in that, I don’t know what to do for you.  Apparently, this plot is suspiciously similar to that of a novel titled Glamorama, which I should probably check out sometime.  There are lot of typical jokes about how stupid models are, but they are often cleverly done.  They seemed to go out of their way to list Fabio as an exception, almost as if that was the price for having his cameo in the movie.  Another strong point in comedy is the promo videos for Zoolander and Hansel.  

           I have to point out that Mugatu, despite being a comedy antagonist, is one of my favorite movie villains.  Memorable character design, a charismatic performance, a good organizer of villainous plots, and a malicious motive: he’s got everything you need.  He’s got a particularly funny backstory that actually puts a comedic entry on my list of greatest movie twists.  It’s eventually discovered that he was originally Jacob Moogberg, a synth-guitarist for Frankie Goes to Hollywood until they fired him before they hit big.  He became a fashion mogul when he invented the piano-key necktie in 1985.  It’s of special significance that Mugatu chose “Relax” as the Pavlovian trigger for Zoolander’s sleeper agent programming.  Will Ferrell is also brilliant in the role.  I tend to believe that timing and delivery is at least as important to comedy as ideas.  In one scene we have possibly the most lowbrow, terrible joke one can imagine: Mugatu spills latte on his assistant Todd (Nathan Lee Graham) and gets turned on because it looks like he’s covered in semen. The way the two actors sell this turns it into gold.               

            The movie serves its purpose as a comedy by being very funny, but the risk of eliciting a sideye from the ghost of Tom Wolfe, I’m not sure if I can credit it for any theory.  In contrast, Stiller's also-criminally-underrated Cable Guy has many insightful and prescient themes about the influence of entertainment media and the desperation of the socially awkward people in produces.  Zoolander’s only serious messages are that models are dumb, and maybe it’s a statement about how absurd conspiracy theories are.  The latter doesn’t work (or perhaps it does), though, because the Fashion Industry's plot makes far more sense than most actual conspiracy theories.  Even one silliest of premises of such theories, that the secret villains can’t help but put self-incriminating clues in plain sight, is more logical in this comedy; Mugatu has a very obvious petty reason to sully “Relax” in the eye of the public.  

            Funny thing is that comedies like this actually explain how comedians are so terrible at political satire; they are only capable of coming up with blatantly disingenuous strawmen when serious issues are addressed.  These comedians excel in absurdism, things that are funny because they’re not true.  This works when combined with the agreement between creator and audience that this is the case.  However, these comedians abuse this exact same method to comment on politics, while removing that honest acknowledgement between themselves and the viewer, passing it off as “insight” or “truth-telling.”  Saturday Night Live’s cowbell sketch is a perfect example of this, an example of a benign strawman.

         Another problem related to this complaint is that that the movie displays a pathetically servile attitude toward the news media, let alone TIME Magazine.  Their reporter is depicted as a heroine who solves all the problems, and Derek is even implied to be an idiot just for not reading that publication in particular.  He even, rather realistically, calls out “investigatory reporters” for not caring whom they hurt as long as they can make a juicy scoop.  Matilda responds by blatantly gaslighting him about her smear article by blaming her editor for the headline (she later admits she smeared him tue to a personal vendetta against models for driving her to Bulimia).  Sounds pretty familiar nowadays, huh?  If anything the movie is an accidental indictment of an institution that apparently has nothing better to do than write articles about a male model’s embarrassing faux pas at an awards show.                                 

           Matilda herself is a typical blandly idealized female comedy protagonist.  She’s always the sane person in the room, only without the witty quips.  Despite her supposed talent as a reporter, her primary method of journalism involves running up to Mugatui in public, asking him antagonistic loaded questions, and acting surprised that he’s “harder to get to than the president.”  She loses points by impulsively participating in an uncalled-for model orgy with Derek and Hansel.  Most of her work is done by her intern Archie (Matt Levin), but she does end up making the connection that “Relax” is the trigger song. 

           Even the aforementioned issues with this movie could still be interpreted as ironic statements, enhancing it as a classic comedy.  The cast also includes Jon Voight, Vince Vaughn, and Juda Friedlander as Derek’s family, Alexander Skarsgard, Justin Theroux, Patton Oswalt, Billy Zane, Donald Trump, and a rather large number of celebrities as themselves.  The soundtrack features a few 80’s classics.