Scorpio Bitches about Cars (My 15 Least Favorite Car Redesigns)

I’m a bit of a contrarian when it comes to car styling.  I love 70’s cars, for example.  I miss when a high length-to-height ratio was  advertised as a positive trait.  I prefer sedans and station wagons to sports cars.  I wish cars still had hood ornaments, chrome trim and whitewalls (btw, I’m 28 36, not 75).  So I get frustrated a lot when car styling changes sometimes. 

In order to trim this list, I am only including year-to-year changes, not revivals or continuations in other countries as captive imports.  As much as I’m tempted to bitch about how bland the Holden Caprice was or how ugly the 2000 Impala was, how much I dislike the new Camaro and Challenger , or how the Sable changed to look like a child's drawing of an Audi A6, after being known as something else, or how the I30 didn't look as good as the J30.  I’m not going to include them on the list.  So here comes some independent thought and opinion! 

NB: This is an old article that has awkward formatting and a couple obsolete rank numbers on a couple pictures.

28.

The Civic was a nice looking car, but it became more generic and doughy, even if still decent.  The next model after that looks even worse in both ways.
DID GET BETTER?
See below.

27.

It had a good sports sedan look and the newer proportions make it look more pathetically small.

26.

I didn't think it was that good looking, but the newer model looks bad and it even seems to have a molestache.
DID IT GET BETTER?
The styling got even more grotesque, but the Prius C looks okay.










25.

The previous Q didn’t have the best fascia, but its shape was sleek and stately with a C-Pillar that smoothly flowed into a generous trunk.  It’s what the 90’s Mercedes should have looked like.  Then it changed into the more blob-like, generic, trendy Japanese sports sedan shape.  Still, the fascia was improved greatly.  The grill is aggressive and the headlights look like rocket launchers, which is awesome. 

DID IT GET BETTER?

N/A (Discontinued)

24.

Unpopular opinion but I think 59 Cadillacs are overstyled monstrosities.
DID IT GET BETTER?
Definitely.  It got progressively more tasteful.

23.

It went from decent-looking to fat and generic.

DID IT GET BETTER?

The 2005 was a big improvement, and distinctively futuristic.  See below for what came afterwards.









22.

An under appreciated beauty turned actually bland as it continued in Australia.

DID IT GET BETTER?

No, last model.

21.

A graceful, underrated design that was "improved."  I also rented one once and wasn't a big fan.

DID IT GET BETTER?

Slightly, but not as good as as the first.

20.

Still ok, but the newer Saabs looked bland until the 2010 9-5.









19.

This is kind of low on the list, because the 2000 Seville isn’t a bad looking car.  It’s just that it looks like a 92-00 Seville that got hit by the minimalism stick.  With car styling, a little goes a long way for me.    It smoothed out the edges in a way that looked bland, made it look slightly less sleek, and robbed the model of the healthy amount of ornamentation needed on a Cadillac.  Still, it must have been worth it.  Despite the similar appearance, the 2000 Seville passed the IIHS offset crash test where the previous model failed miserably.  So it’s got it where it counts.

DID IT GET BETTER?

If you count the pointless 2005 STS, which looked like a larger, less edgy, CTS, then it got worse.

18.

This car isn’t too bad-looking either.  In fact, it’s actually much sleeker looking that the previous model.  Still, the previous model is pretty much the beautiful iconic James Bond car with different taillights.  There’s not much comparsion.  Also the loss of the signature grill hurts, too.

DID IT GET BETTER?

It kinda got worse (a lot worse).  You can see why Bond stopped using them.  Then Astons became beautiful again with the Vanquish.

17.

This "improvement" robbed the Esprit of the edge, but it looks ok.
DID IT GET BETTER?
The 2010 concept looks good, but sadly came to nothing.

16.

Although a lot of people complained that the Charger was supposed to be a coupe like its namesake (maybe they should have named it the Monaco or the Coronet, but that wouldn’t have had the mainstream nostalgic appeal), I like large sedans.  One thing I liked on the ’06 was how the body was raised up in the area between the rear wheel and the C-Pillar (I call it the car’s “hip”).  It reminds me of the pear-shaped styling on some classic Dodge sedans, and it’s a look that I absolutely love.  My (former) car had it, too.  In order to be more retro in the name of the old Charger they unfortunately got rid of that.  I also like the ‘06’s taillights better. 

DID IT GET BETTER?

N/A (Current Model)

15.

The previous Accord was kinda fat and bulbous, but it has a charm.  It was distinctive and futuristic, with lines that where smooth.  I may be old-school, but I like progressive styling when it's done well.  Oddly enough, the 2008 model looks like an attempt to make it looks more mainstream and inoffensive, and succeeds in looking hideous.  It's the automotive equivalent of bad Neo-eclectic architecture.  Not of the lines flow; it looks like it was already in an accident.  In other words, it looks like a BMW E60 (which I’ll get to).  I’ll take the opportunity to point out that I’m the only person who actually loves the look of the Accord Crosstour: it has a sleek front end, a grill that’s aggressive without sloping down too much, and it’s one of the few crossovers that actually look good to me.  Everyone else thinks it’s hideous, but since Obama got reelected, I’ve officially given up any pretense of understanding how other people think.

DID IT GET BETTER?

A little, the next Accord was not ugly, but the current one looks great, even if it looks as if its grill was stolen.

14.

The old one was generic, but the new one is fat.  The 2000's saw companies making compacts that looked like bloated, formless blobs on wheels.
DID IT GET BETTER?
New new model is still chubby, but looks better

13.

A nice smooth shape (the J30 looked better) changed to a generic car with the back end chopped off.
DID IT GET BETTER?
Yes, the 2001 model was an improvement but not too well shaped.  The 2006 model looks great, but more on that later...







12.

The 90’s Mercedes look ok, but they simply can’t hold a candle next to the stately, sublime elegance of the previous models.  The flowing lines and brightwork of the Mercedes had been replaced by an amorphous, blob-like look.   

DID IT GET BETTER?

A little.  Newer Mercedes look better (I actually like the new S-Class; its wheel wells remind me of 30’s cars), but unlike BMW, which has recovered beautifully from the Bangle Era, Mercedes has mostly failed to recapture its former elegance.

11.

This is a recent disappointment considering that the 2016 Civic is on my shortlist of next cars to buy.  It was a rare example of edgy futurism done right, and it is by far the shapeliest Civic.  I also like the distinctive taillights and instrumentation.  The new model is more "mature" and looks like a baby Accord.  It's less svelte and blander inside and out.  It's like the opposite of what happened with the 2011 Camry except both redesigns suck.  And I have to listen to all the NPC's talk about how it looks better.  On the plus side, at least the 10th gen will be cheaper when I buy a used car. 

10.

I liked this redesign at first, but now I find it tacky.  The previous model was more svelte and it looked even better pre-facelift.  Everyone rags on the old interior but it has a lot of personality and I love the red lighting; the redesign is more stilted.
DID IT GET BETTER?
(Last model) 

9.

You know what I hate about the car industry?  Every time they actually come out with a car I think looks good, everyone complains about how it looks bland or ugly, because heaven forbid we actually make cars that appeal to different tastes.  Then they “fix” the car to make it look generic, and I have to listen to everyone talk about how much better it looks.  Case in point: the stately M45 adopting the ungainly, amorphous, blob-like look of the generic trendy Japanese sports sedan that I hate.

DID IT GET BETTER?

Oh yeah.  The new model is quite lovely, with a more svelte shape, luscious curves and a good grill angle.

8.

The E38.  Trim, athletic…the very essence of understated German styling.  It's also the second best Bond car.  Then, Chris Bangle happened.  All the German style of the the car disappeared, and it looked like it spent more time in a Golden Corral than on the Autobahn.

DID IT GET BETTER?

Big Time.  The new7-Series is aggressive and athletic, and it looks like the natural evolution of the E38.

7.

 

A victim of crushing trends in gas prices, the C3 Corvette gets a lot of heat for its relative lack of performance in the series.  Shame, because it was a great looking car.  Extremely aggressive, and beautifully svelte and edgy, it was a work of art like the previous generations.  The blandly styled C4 is iconic, but only as a symbol of 80’s decadence, rather than for any actual aesthetic value.

DID IT GET BETTER?

Yes, then No.  I’ll get to that.   

6.

The C5 Corvette looked like a beautiful version of the C4.  Its lines were smooth, and its svelte figure ended with a noticeably large hind end.  In other words, it was shaped like a beautiful woman.  It's also the only car I know of that looks better as a convertible than a hardtop.  The C6 corvette muted those luscious curves and added some ugly Ferrari-wannabe headlights, killing the flip-up lights that had been a trademark of the model since the C2.  It was like the beautiful woman lost weight and you had to pretend she didn't look better when she had some meat on her.  Yeah, I know flip-up headlights are impractical, but it’s a bloody Corvette.  It’s not supposed to be practical.  This redesign screams, "We didn't have any ideas, we just thought it was due." 

DID IT GET BETTER?

N/A (Current model)

5.

This is a rare example (in contrast with the 2011 Camry) in which I prefer a sporty look to a conservative look.  The previous Altima had clean lines that flowed nicely into distinctive taillights.  The new one went safe but ended up being bland and generic.  It's like the opposite of what happened with the Camry.  Also the older model had a Pontiac-like interior that had personality that changed to a generic semi-luxury look, albeit with a distinctive steering wheel. (On a side note the earlier generation of Altima is on the top of my list of what to buy when it's time to replace the LeSabre.)
DID IT GET BETTER?
Yes, the 2019 model has a block-like shape that's slightly improved with a more aggressive front end and Nissan's distinctive C-Pillar design. Unfortunately the steering wheel was lost and the interior is even more generic.

4.

Once again another alleged “improvement.”  Everyone says the previous model Avalon was “bland,” but it actually had very distinct styling, especially the classy roofline.  The new version is not only shaped like every other car that’s coming out now, the grill is a fucking disaster area.  I just don’t know what they were thinking with it.  Wait, I think I can guess: “We can’t decide which grill to put on the car, so we put BOTH on them on the car.”  If they kept one grill or the other, it wouldn’t look so bad.

DID IT GET BETTER?

I'm not too fond of the new one which looks tacky

3.

I actually love the 2006 Camry.  It had a good looking grill at a good angle with nicely integrated badge.  It kept the graceful C-Pillar from the previous generation (the only thing on it that looked good).  I like it because, unlike a lot of modern cars, it didn’t look like someone took a picture of a car and used the “Skew” effect on MS Paint.  Some nice chrome trim, hubcaps and whitewalls actually wouldn’t look out of place on it.  My heart sank when I saw the new Camry.  Now it just looks like another modern car that looks like everything else.

DID IT GET BETTER?

Barely.  

2.

I thought the E65 was bad.  The previous 5-Series was a great-looking sports sedan, and I love how the hood gently bent down to become the grill.  Then there’s the Bangle version.  I think the term “makeup on a pig” applies, albeit more as a simile than a metaphor.  It’s not someone trying to distract from substantial weakness; it literally looks like swine with too much mascara.  The good thing about the styling is that fender-benders aren’t so bad when the whole car is shaped like it’s already been in an accident.  I don't know how it gets out of showing up on Ugly Cars list.

DID IT GET BETTER?

Oh yeah.  The new version looks aggressive and attractive.

1.

The previous deVille is beautiful and, in my opinion, the last true Cadillac, even if I do like the new CTS.  But this thing…It’s like they literally got together and said, “All right, let’s identify everything that makes this a pretty car and get rid of it.”  It's like it was redesigned by Richard Vosko.  Of course, it was probably because they didn’t want to make it look like an “old man’s car.”  I’ve never understood how this was a bad thing.  DID IT GET BETTER?

A little bit.  The new DTS (I hate Cadillac and Lincoln’s obnoxious alphanumeric foolishness.  What’s wrong with actually naming cars?) has a little more edge and the taillights certainly look better.