2012 Movies Ranked

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I was looking forward to this movie year, but there were some disappointments like Prometheus and the The Dark Knight Rises.  Still, I think I may have overdone the movie waching.  There’s over 20 movies on this list, and these are just the ones I like.

40. Ivan the Incredible

D: Michael Hegner

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Forget Foodfight!  This is the worst animated movie I’ve ever seen.  Crude animation.  Off-putting character designs.  Uncomfortable situations.  A terrible moral (“better to just let yourself be the victim than risk being a bully”).  Not even ironically enjoyable.

39. The Odd Life of Timothy Green

D: Peter Hedges

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You’d think this would just be a cloying family movie, but it’s actually really stupid.  Two prospective parents tell an adoption agency a story about a fantastical boy that is either a tall tale made to waste their time or a testimony to how they should not be allowed to adopt a kid.

38. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2

D: Bill Condon
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I was a bit surprised to see The Bunk in this movie.

37. Dark Shadows
D: Tim Burton
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This could have been great had it been made during the 90's, but unfortunately Tim Burton's passion is waning with old age.  It also beats out Underworld for having the worst werewolf design in movie history: literally just a human with digitigrade legs.

36. Cinderella 3D

D: Pascal Herold

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Not technically as bad as Foodfight, but it was very tedious and had some off-putting character designs.

35. Underworld: Awakening

D: Mans Marlind, Bjorn Stein

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Our favorite genocidal vampiress is back in a movie that almost makes the first Underworld look good.

34. Foodfight!

D: Lawrence Kasanoff

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The infamous animated film that’s so aggressively s---ty that it actually has some ironic appeal.

33. Pokemon the Movie: Kyurem vs. the Sword of Justice

D: Kunihiko Yuyama

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I don’t know why I let my friends make me sit through all these boring Pokemon movies.  The protagonist may be cute, but he is a f---ing moron. 

32. Prometheus

D: Ridley Scott

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This movie may have great effects and cinematograpy, but it combined insufferable pretentiousness with B-movie stupidity.  David (Michael Fassbender) is the only character whose motivations and actions make sense.  He’s like the only person in the movie.  The other characters are like really dumb animals.

31. Total Recall

D: Len Wiseman

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A joyless and boring adaptation of the Paul Verhoeven classic.  I’ve been trying to be supportive of Kurt Wimmer, but this is the last time I watch something written, but not directed, by him.

30. John Carter

D: Andrew Stanton

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I know the story was the space opera that started it all, but the movie doesn’t do anything to make it seem fresh outside a few imaginative visuals and good moments of world-building.  The movie is very orange and has a generic CGI look that made me feel like I was watching the end of Episode II again.  The characters weren’t all that compelling, even if they had a few amusing moments.  The movie is also poorly paced.  John Carter is a 19^th Century Virginian, and I’m pretty sure I have more of a Southern accent than he does.  I love how he just encounters two armies of Martians fighting and simply decides to take the side of the one that seems to be losing even though he has no frame of reference.  I guess he likes lost causes. 

29. The Amazing Spider-Man

D: Marc Webb

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Though less visually gaudy than Sam Raimi’s movie, the plot was not quite as well-constructed.  I found the overall experience so bland that when I saw the sequel I had forgotten that Denis Leary’s character had died.  Still, I liked Andrew Garfield and his Spider-Man had some great one-liners.  Gwen Stacy was also a stronger character than Mary Jane was.  James Horner’s score is mostly forgettable, but it has its moments.

28. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

D: Peter Jackson

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Despite some great scenery and the ingenious casting of Martin Freeman as Bilbo, the movie drags on with unnecessary side quests and drawn out scenes.  We don’t need tedious padding to remind us that Lord of the Rings is going to happen, Peter Jackson.  Also, the gross-out gags during the troll scene were uncalled for.  Is it just me or does the theme sound familiar?

27. The Hunger Games

D: Gary Ross

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The movie is solid and has some striking visuals.  I’ve seen good shaky-cam and bad shaky-cam.  This movie has the latter, but it works to its advantage since there’s no legitimate criticism that it hypocritically revels in the violence in condemns.  Still the biggest problem with the Hunger Games is the Hunger Games themselves.  They don't make much sense, and the sequels are much better.

26. Moonrise Kingdom

D: Wes Anderson

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While very stylish, I found its characters and humor lacking.  A slight miss from Wes Anderson.

25. I Declare War

D: Jason Lapeyre, Robert Wilson

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The immature decision to make the religious kid a gullible moron was the one mistake that ruined this otherwise clever movie for me.

24. 3, 2, 1...Frankie Go Boom

D: Jordan Roberts

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A funny movie with Ron Perlman as a drag queen.

23. Looper

D: Rian Johnson

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An enjoyable, clever and truly original sci-fi movie that’s not an adaptation of anything.  In other words, a true rarity.

22. Brave

D: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman

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A decent movie, but a bit subpar by Pixar standards.  

21. The Dark Knight Rises

D: Christopher Nolan

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A huge disappointment considering how great the previous two movies were.  While the cinematography was great, the story left a lot to be desired, and Bane was poorly handled in the adaptation.  I love how Batman’s bad leg and back are brushed off and forgotten about halfway through the movie.  That’s how you handle vulnerability.  Still, overall a well-executed movie despite its adaptational failure.

20. Cloud Atlas

D: The Wachowskis, Tom Tykwer

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An interesting movie.  I found “The Ghastly Ordeal of Timothy Cavendish” the most amusing.  I didn’t like Ben Winshaw’s character for committing suicide while practically teasing his poor lover about it, just because he was confident in his belief in reincarnation.

19. Argo

D: Ben Affleck

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A good movie, but nothing too distinctive.  Don't think it deserved the Best Picture Oscar.  Really liked John Goodman in it.

18. Rise of the Guardians

D: Peter Ramsey

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Don’t have much to say about it other than it has good visuals.

17. The Avengers

D: Joss Whedon

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I liked this movie, but I wasn’t as amazed by it as others were.  I loved the banter, and the character interactions were great.  Loki comes into his own as a good villain in this movie.  Still, I found it visually bland.  That final battle was just generic CGI glut.

16. ParaNorman

D: Sam Fell, Chris Butler

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Good stop-motion animation, some good twists and a good sense of humor.  A good affectionate homage to horror conventions.

15. Wreck-It Ralph

D: Rich Moore

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A colorful, clever and fun movie with likable characters.  My one complaint is the casting of Sarah Silverman.  “Let’s make a charming kid’s cartoon…and cast the offensive and divisive comedienne for no reason!”  I mean Janeane Garofalo’s not much better, but at least she would have been understandable as she actually has a pretty respectable voice acting career.

14. MIB3

D: Barry Sonnenfield

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Considering how bad MIIB was, it was surprising that this movie was actually pretty good.

13. Lincoln

D: Steven Spielberg

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Although I can’t help but think of it as an absurd parable for Obama, it’s still a good movie.  Daniel Day-Lewis is perfect as Lincoln.

12. Les Miserables

D: Tom Hooper

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I’m not the biggest fan of musicals, but I did like some of the songs.  I think the live singing helped make it seem a little more organic, but I was checking my watch during some of the song numbers.  Unlike most people, I didn’t mind Russell Crowe’s performance.

11. Zero Dark Thirty

D: Kathryn Bigelow

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Kathryn Bigelow can make a recent news story whose outcome we already know seem thrilling and suspenseful.  As, for the controversy surrounding it, there’s a difference between depicting torture and endorsing it.  Bigelow deserves credit for not whitewashing history.

10. Holy Motors

D: Leos Carax

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An interesting movie with a clever premise, but it had major pacing issues.

9. The Pirates!  In an Adventure with Scientists!

D: Peter Lord, Jeff Newitt

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One of the funniest movies of the year.  The stop-motion animation is mixed well with computer effects.

8. Beasts of the Southern Wild

D: Benh Zeitlin

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Very original and one of the best movies I’ve seen from this year.

7. Skyfall

D: Sam Mendes

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It’s a bit of an idiot plot, and it has a few Bond clichés, but it’s very fun thanks to good action, funny banter, beautiful cinematography and one of the best Bond villains as played by Javier Bardem.  I'm also glad the theme song won the Best Song Oscar.

6. Dredd

D: Pete Travis

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Much better than the campy Judge Dredd.  It does have some of my visual pet peeves in the form of CGI bloodspray and oversaturated green/yellow scenes.  Karl Urban and Lena Headey are good as Dredd and Ma-Ma.  The down-to-earth vision of the future is bland, but it does work by making you believe how depressing the world is.


5. The Dark Knight Returns

D: Jay Oliva

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A faithful, well-executed adaptation to the classic. 


4. Django Unchained

D: Quentin Tarantino

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It’s original, witty, stylish and by far the most fun movie of the year.  The plot is full of surprises, and unlike some Tarantino films it doesn’t have an interminable scene in a restaurant.

3. The Act of Killing
D: Joshua Oppenheimer
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This Werner Herzog/Errol Morris produced documentary provides a chilling insight into the banality of evil dealing with the Indonesian Killings of 1965-6.  It's particularly disturbing to see how making a staged reenactment of their own murders disturbed the killers more than the real thing.

2. Seven Psychopaths

D: Martin McDonagh

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A tragic dark comedy that does meta right.

1. The Cabin in the Woods
D: Drew Goddard
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An extremely funny and creative satire on horror movies, but it has a few flaws, particularly the ending.

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