2005 Movies Ranked

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I had a much higher opinion of this year's movies then than I do now.  Many of these movies I don't like as much as I used to.

24. Thank You for Smoking

D: Jason Reitman

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I know I tend to push this issue a lot, but this movie would have been fine if not for the gun lobby straw man.  Of all the “Merchants of Death,” he’s depicted as the worst when that group contains a freaking tobacco lobbyist.  The movie also features one of the most egregious examples of this trope I have ever seen in a movie.  The lobbyist provides what seems to be an argument that, while anecdotal, is a perfectly legitimate counterpoint an anti-gun equivalent and calls it a “spin.”  Also, why is alcohol included as a designated villain?  Is alcohol considered an evil special interest now?  When did this happen?  Did we not learn our lesson in the 20’s? 

23. Cinderella Man

D: Ron Howard

**********

A competent, if typical, period movie ruined by slander.

22.The 40-Year-Old Virgin
D: Judd Apatow
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Although the characterization in this movie was better than that of most comedies, it had one fatal flaw: it wasn’t funny.  I didn’t like the banally crude humor of this movie.  I remember being in the theater with everyone laughing their butts off and I was thinking, "Wait, was that supposed to be a joke?" the whole time.  Oddly enough, I did enjoy Knocked Up.  I guess I have a fickle sense of humor.

21. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

D: Tetsuya Nomura, Takashi Nozue

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Aside from the soundtrack, I’ve never been interested in Final Fantasy.  This movie didn’t exactly help.

20. The Dukes of Hazzard

D: Jay Chandrasekhar

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I watched the show as a kid, and I can attest to how little respect this adaptation seems to have for it.  The movie tries to turn the story into a comedy with forced humor, and the characters are transformed into fools. Billy Bob Thornton and Willie Nelson are absurdly miscast as Boss Hog and Uncle Jesse.  I only remember one funny moment.

19. Chicken Little
D: Mark Dindal
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I went to this once for the sole reason of avoiding a college roommate, and I was the only person in the campus theater aside from one couple.  It had some funny moments, but it was very underwhelming.


18. Red Eye
D: Wes Craven
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A woman falls victim to a ridiculously contrived evil plan, but is saved by the villain’s third act stupidity.  Recommended only for die-hard Cillian Murphy fans.


17. The Island
D: Michael Bay

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How can you waste a cast that includes Steve Buscemi, Sean Bean, Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johanssen and Djimon Hounsou?  Well, you do if you’re Michael Bay.  Particularly bad is the movie’s team of moronic team of mercenaries who all have the collective intelligence of one domestic turkey.  The movie’s premise is also suspiciously similar to that of an MST3K movie, and the MST3K movie is better.  At least the score is very good.

16. Stealth

D: Rob Cohen

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I don’t think I ever cared less about a character dying than I did with this movie, and then there was that pointless filler scene with the shore leave.  At least the planes looked cool.

15. Æon Flux

D: Karyn Kusama

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It completely misses the point of the show, its characters aren’t that great and it uses the dreadful cloned memories as a twist.  It does have a little style a little and some great sci-fi gimmicks, but that’s not enough.  It would at least be fun if the action scenes weren’t so horrendously edited.  I still loved the excellent score by Graeme Revell.

14. Mr. and Mrs. Smith

D: Doug Liman

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I don’t like it as much as I did when it first came out, but it’s still an okay action/comedy, even if it is a bit noncommittal as both.  Still, a lot of the people who hated this movie criticized this like they didn’t even realize that it was obviously a satire.

13. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
D: Tim Burton
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An unnecessary, but solid remake of a classic.  If anyone could've pulled it off, it would be Burton.  Too bad Alice in Wonderland  (2010) sucked.

12. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

D: Garth Jennings

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Though everyone else disagrees with me, I thought it was a decent adaptation, but that dolphin song was pretty pointless and unfunny.

11. Lord of War

D: Andrew Niccol

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A pretty good movie about illegal arms trafficking and how our governments secretly encourage it.  I may be a gun enthusiast and a believer in the 2^nd Amendment, but there was nothing in this movie that really offended me, regardless of what its makers intended.

10. Serenity

D: Joss Whedon

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Even though I like it, I think Firefly is a little blown out of proportion.  It’s just another sci-fi franchise about a group of wise-cracking space pirates.  Like that’s never been done before by anyone (Star Wars, Cowboy Bebop), including Whedon himself (Titan AE, Alien Resurrection).  Still, it’s a fun movie.

9. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

D: Mike Newell

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Despite possessing one of the most absurd excuse plots ever (“We have to make Harry compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament just because his name came out of the Goblet, and the rules are clear on that!  Even though they’re also clear on not letting underage wizards compete and not letting more than one wizard from each school compete.  But why follow two rules that are designed to protect children and insure the fairness of the competition when we could follow this one arbitrary rule?  It’s not like the Goblet has clearly been illegally tampered with or anything!”), it’s a stylish fantasy, and the casting of Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort was ingenious.

8. Sin City

D: Robert Rodriguez

**********

Though I’m not a big fan of Frank Miller’s writing, it does work okay here since this camp noir isn’t supposed to be taken too seriously.  At least I hope it’s not.  Well Miller's cartoonishly exaggerated gritty themes of "everyone in authority is corrupt" get annoying.

7. Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith

D: George Lucas

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When I saw this for the first time, I thought it was one of the best movies ever.  However, I came to realize that it was a very poorly written story (Padme dies because she “lost the will to live?”  Seriously, George Lucas?).  It’s still a visual and emotional roller coaster and the best of the prequels.

6. Corpse Bride

D: Tim Burton

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Not one of Burton’s best, but it has some style, humor and some good songs.

5. Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

D: Andrew Adamson

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A surprisingly solid adaptation of a childhood favorite.

4. The Lost City

D: Andy Garcia
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Engaging story about the fall of Cuba to communism.  Andy Garcia not only directed and starred in it, he also composed the music.  Unfortunately, this did not fare well among critics, possibly because it said some less-than-complimentary things about everyone's favorite tyrannical psychopath.

 3. Batman Begins

D: Christopher Nolan

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A triumphant and stylish reboot that proved that Batman is relevant as ever. 

2. Hard Candy

D: David Slade

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The cinematography is very pleasing.  Ellen Page’s character is dark and amusingly snarky, and Patrick Wilson’s antagonist is frightening in his humanity.  One thing I like about movies that deal with pedophilia is that they can’t actually show you the smut, so they ironically end up being more tasteful than other sexploration films.

1. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

D: Shane Black

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One of the most brilliantly funny comedies I’ve seen, and a big boost to Robert Downey, Jr’s career.

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