Thursday, January 1, 2015

2014 Movies Ranked.






Unfortunately, I have not gotten around to seeing all the movies that came out this year.  I have little intention of seeing My Little Pony: Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks, but it actually does have some pretty good songs.  I’ll update when I get around to seeing Birdman, Whiplash, Princess Kaguya and Unbroken.  Also we lost a lot of talent this year.  Rest in Peace, Robin Williams, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Christine Cavanaugh, H.R. Giger, Harold Ramis, Bob Hoskins, Mickey Rooney, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., Joe Viscocil, Lauren Bacall and Richard Kiel. 


31. Maleficent
D: Robert Stromberg
**********
While I was excited to see Angelina Jolies’ performance, she only really gets to act the part in one scene (the one in the trailer).  I also didn’t like how the three good fairies (whom I liked in the original) were turned into complete idiots with off-putting character designs.   It’s like a bad fanfic where someone wanted to romanticize a favored character while ridiculing the less favored ones.  Also, what the hell was up with Maleficent’s delegating Dragon duty to her sidekick?  Being a dragon was one of the things that made her awesome!  Maleficent is a witty, charismatic villain and she’s ALSO A FREAKING DRAGON.  HOW DO YOU F--- THAT UP, DISNEY.


30. Noah
D: Darren Aronofsky
**********
An atheist director makes a Biblical movie, and the results are as good as one would expect.  A big disappointment from Aronofsky.  At least it had a great score.


29. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
D: Peter Jackson
**********
The only reason I even went to see this movie was because Smaug wasn’t killed in the previous one.   And he’s killed off in the first ten minutes.  I confess to being successfully hustled.  For all the padded out action between crowds of anonymous CGI people that makes up most of the movie (it's like Return of the King without the good bits), you’d think Peter Jackson would dedicate more than ten minutes to a dragon attacking a city.  It had its moments, but it was mostly a bloated, cynical cash grab. 


28. The Rover
D: David Michôd
**********
An utterly dull movie that’s of a strain of “highbrow” postapocalyptic works that are nothing more than Mad Max without anything that made that movie interesting. The protagonist was bland and unlikable, and all you need to watch of this movie is this video up to 1:14.


27. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
D: Robert Rodriguez, Frank Miller
**********
I’m guessing that this sequel was sat on for almost a decade for a reason.  It’s like the first Sin City cherry-picked the best stories, because this movie feels like its deleted scenes.  Whereas the pseudo-noirish narration was actually witty in the first movie, DKF’s seemed like the typical schlock I expect from this trope.  While visually stylish, it was surprisingly dull.  


D: Bryan Singer
**********
The return of Bryan Singer looked promising, but the movie mostly seemed like a rehash of elements that worked better in the previous movies.


25. Mom's Night Out
D: The Erwin Bros.
**********
Many feminists were motivated to tell you how offensive this faith-based comedy was, but it really was just not that good.


24. The Giver
D: Phillip Noyce
**********
While I find the movie’s stance against cold Utilitarianism to be sadly necessary, the movie was aesthetically lackluster.  There’s something wrong when Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges give incredibly bland performances.  Like Interstellar it’s waste of a good message.  Equilibrium was a better adaptation of The Giver than The Giver is.  However, I might say that the movie’s visual blandness serves the story.  Unlike most dystopian movies, the soulless oppression here has not produced an improvement in architecture.   


23. RoboCop
D: Jose Padilha
**********
A competent but bland remake that lacks the edge of the 1987 classic.


22. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
D: Marc Webb
**********
I found it a lot more fun than its predecessor.  However, like many Kurtzman/Orci movies, the plot is convoluted and poorly thought-out.  It’s like it was written by a committee with one guy tasked to do Peter and Gwen’s chemistry, and that guy was the only one there who knew what he was doing.  While Gwen Stacy’s obligatory death is predictable, the movie succeeds at making us like her enough to be sad when it happens.  They upgraded from James Horner to Hans Zimmer, and the results are pretty good.


21. Godzilla
D: Gareth Edwards
**********
The movie that united the world in saying, “Well, at least it was better than the 1998 movie.”  While competently directed and boasting great visuals, it’s still too slowly paced and unimaginative in its story to make an impression.  Also, Bryan Cranston dies too soon.  I liked the teaser, though.  I found it hard to root against the MUTO's after this scene.  It may be a problem that I couldn't care for the human characters as much.


20. Big Eyes
D: Tim Burton
**********
A solid biopic, but a Tim Burton movie in name only.  I think it could be argued that a Fallen Creator can still make competent movies, although not very distinctive ones.


19. Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie
D: James Rolfe, Kevin Finn
**********
A clever plot with some good jokes, but Rolfe’s style works better in an internet series than in a feature film.  Despite the heavy use of practical effects, the movie’s digitally-filmed look and cheap greenscreening makes it look more like a typical internet review than the B-Movies that Rolfe has so much passion for.  It gets points for the daring nature of its production, though. 


18. American Sniper
D: Clint Eastwood
**********
I didn't think this movie was as great as many thought, mostly for hipster reasons rather than hippie reasons.  It's no Gran Torino.  It's just that I've seen enough War on Terror movies.  It's not because I count myself among garbage people like Seth Rogen and Michael Moore.  Also, the Sheepdog Speech is cliched, and Team America explored that with more nuance 10 years earlier.


17. John Wick
D: Chad Stahelski, David Leitch
**********
An incredibly clichéd revenge movie with average action, but it does have some style.  I like what they did with the subtitles.  Keanu Reeves gets a lot of flak, but he emotes well when he needs to; he’s just not that versatile.  The CG blood is annoying, especially in a movie that's hyped up as the second coming of Hong Kong action cinema.  The one scene that delivers is the club scene, especially for its musical accompaniment.


16. Gone Girl
D: David Fincher
**********
Well-made and clever, but a bit on the contrived side.  There may be something to the criticism that this is like an MRA fantasy.  Amazing Amy’s impressive genius seems more appropriate for cartoon and genre villains than Oscar-bait drama.


15. Edge of Tomorrow
D: Doug Liman
**********
A competent and entertaining popcorn movie with good comic relief.  There is absolutely no reason for Tom Cruise’s being dumped onto the front lines, though.  I thought the time-shifting power might have something to do with explaining that, but it didn’t.  I had no plans to see it until I heard the positive buzz. 


14. The Book of Life
D: Jorge Guitierrez
**********
It has a beautifully ornate style, but the story is relatively lackluster.  I didn’t appreciate the unnecessary framing device, which didn’t even feature the same style.


13. How to Train Your Dragon 2
D: Dean DuBlois
**********
Despite having a bland villain and a plot structure that's not as good as the first movie’s, it was refreshing to see an animated family movie taking itself seriously and daring to be suspenseful.  I expect better from Jónsi than his incredibly tacky contribution to this movie’s soundtrack   



12. Big Hero 6
D: Don Hall, Chris Williams
**********
Another extremely stylish animated movie with a passable story.  I’m not proud to admit I like the Fallout Boy song attached to it.


11. Nightcrawler
D: Dan Gilroy
**********
Jake Gyllenhaal’s performance as a sociopath is excellent, but then again he does have the genetic advantages of reptilian features and greasy black hair.  I agree with Mike Stoklasa’s complaint about James Newton Howard’s soundtrack, which at times sounds like that of a clichéd inspirational football movie.



10. The Boxtrolls
D: Graham Annable, Anthony Stacchi
**********
The excellent stop-motion animation and clever imagery make this the best-looking animated movie of the year.  Characters were memorable enough, and I liked the girl’s characterization.  I liked Ben Kingsley’s voice acting, but I don’t think the morale of his character is well-done.  He’s supposed to be killed by his own ambition, but the condition that leads to his demise is separate from his actions.


9. Song of the Sea
D: Tomm Moore
**********
Beautifully animated fantasy that deserved the Best Animated Oscar more than Big Hero 6.


8. The Guardians of the Galaxy
D: James Gunn
**********
A fun, stylish space opera with good comic relief.  While most of it was passable and typical, the one standout was Rocket Raccoon.  The special effects on him were brilliant, and he was a raccoon with a machine gun.  Oddly enough, some people would not be on board with that, but the movie still succeeded at giving him a wide appeal anyway.  It’s pretty bold to put a character like that in a movie, and very skillful to make the character work.  Now, some people have been asserting that it’s like Star Wars but better, which makes sense if you compare how the two movies utilize furry characters and ignore literally every other aspect of them.  I might write a review in which I elaborate on what I think about that crap.  For now I'll respond with my own iconoclastic assertion: Guardians of the Galaxy is a much funnier spoof of Star Wars than Spaceballs.  My biggest problem is its popularizing Blue Swede's atrocious cover of "Hooked on a Feeling." 


7. Interstellar
D: Christopher Nolan
**********
While Nolan’s writing isn’t as fresh as it used to be, this and Dark Knight Rises demonstrate that he can still direct the hell out of a movie.  The practical effects are fantastic and refreshing, and the parts that are supposed to be thrilling are thrilling.  I also like pipe organs.  The call to action on space exploration is a good message.  The movie at least deserves credit for avoiding the all-too-common sci-fi trope of depicting scientific progress as a boogeyman.  Still, very enjoyable for its tense direction and visual style.


6. The LEGO Movie
D: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller
**********
Probably the biggest surprise of the year.  When I saw the awful trailers for this, I was determined not to sit through it.  But I succumbed to positive buzz and found the movie clever and funny.  The twist with the father and the son was actually pretty emotionally substantial and cleverly connected to the main movie.  This is funny because I usually despise the “all just a dream/story” twist.  It’s pretty special when a story takes a cliché I hate and actually makes it work.   



5. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1
D: Francis Lawrence
**********
A good addition to the series with dark subject matter and a particularly suspenseful bombing scene.  RIP, Philip Seymour Hoffman.


4. Fury
D: David Ayer
**********
A brutal, suspenseful and morally complex depiction of World War II.  I loved Steven Price’s score.
It's flawed, though.  You know there's a problem when you fridge a woman in a war movie.  My video review here.


3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
D: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
**********
Another movie that I planned to miss until I heard positive buzz.  It has the best action I’ve ever seen in a  Marvel movie.  Think Bourne with a better plot.  The characters are good, and I think the women are depicted with more thought than previous Marvel movies.  Black Widow mostly seemed like a generic action girl, but this movie made her more fleshed out and human.  Also, I can’t get past the fact that this movie was directed by the guys who directed the first (and arguably best) episodes of Arrested Development. 


2. Calvary
D: John Michael McDonagh
**********
A tragic movie about a good priest trying to tend his flock in the wake of the sex abuse scandal.  His human flaws, as well as his goodness, make him all the more compelling as a character.  In a surprising twist of fate, 2014 actually gave us one good faith-based film.  A beautiful depiction of faith and bravery under fire.


1. The Grand Budapest Hotel
D: Wes Anderson
**********
Funny, original and visually unique, with some brief poignancy.  One of Anderson’s best.  My only complaint is how sorely wasted Bill Murray is in a generic bit role.






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