10. Batman Forever
D: Joel Schumacher
**********
Although I loved this as a kid, I now think it’s pretty
tacky. It has some good story elements,
and Val Kilmer is surprisingly good as this interpretation of Batman. The visuals are gaudy, and there’s a lot of
dated CGI. The villains are annoying. This might have been a great interpretation
of the campy Batman if it was as funny as the 60’s movie. Elliot Goldenthal’s score may not be as
iconic as others, but it has some good tracks in it.
9. Pocahontas
D: Mike Gabriel, Eric Goldberg
**********
A shallow, patronizing and overly simplistic
environmentalist/noble savage movie with one good song.
8. Judge Dredd
D: Danny Cannon
**********
It has some decent scenery and may be amusingly cheesy at
times, but it’s pretty stupid.
7. Bad Boys
D: Michael Bay
**********
I don’t remember anything particularly special about this
movie, but it’s Michael Bay’s debut so that’s reason enough to dislike it.
6. One Tough Bastard
D: Kurt Wimmer
**********
This was the directorial debut of Kurt Wimmer, who
directed one of my favorite movies and one of my favorite bad movies. He was fired halfway through, but you can see
some suggestions of his style. Still, it’s
a bland, formulaic revenge movie with an anticlimactic subplot concerning
experimental assault rifles. The only
memorable part of it is a cheesy but amusing villain played by Bruce Payne.
5. Mallrats
D: Kevin Smith
**********
A disappointing sequel to Clerks with only a few small laughs.
4. Johnny Mnemonic
D: Robert Longo
**********
A classically bad 90’s cyberpunk movie, but the
monomolecular whip is pretty cool.
3. Mortal Kombat
D: Paul W.S. Anderson
**********
Video game movies were always bad, but at least they had
a campy sense of humor until this movie came out. They also had cheap but charming practical
effects which this movie replaced with bad CGI.
Not only did it have pretenses of earnestness, it was the mainstream
debut of Paul W.S. Anderson. At least the theme song is cool.
2. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie
D: Bryan Spicer
**********
An absurd movie based on a mediocre show. Bad villain and really bad CGI. The music is fun, though, and this song is a
guilty pleasure.
1. Clueless
D: Amy Heckerling
**********
An annoying, unwatchable and overpraised hour and a half of annoying
characters constantly spewing irritating Valspeak. I’ve never liked “satires” that simply forcefeed
you the thing they’re supposedly satirizing. On the plus side, Cher's lack of malice makes her status as "popular girl" more believable than in most high school dreck, in which the girls are popular even though they treat everyone like trash.
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