I found this to be a relatively bad year for movies. In fact, some of the movies I saw this year gave me newfound respect for directors like Paul W.S. Anderson. If not for this film festival, 300 would have
been a very fitting addition to this list.
I also note that, despite how much I would have liked them to have #1
spots, the first two “Transformers” movies came out the same years as two
movies that somehow managed to be even worse.
15. Pathfinder
D: Marcus Nispel
**********
This movie is a waste of Clancy Brown’s playing a
Viking. I love the movie’s look, but it
couldn’t save the nonexistent character development and poorly-edited
action (though I haven't seen the unrated version). I think Vikings of all people
would know not to walk on thin ice.
14. 28 Weeks Later
D: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
**********
Though it has some good violence and all the style of the
original, it’s an idiot plot with a depressing ending.
13. Shooter
D: Antoine Fuqua
**********
A bland actioner made poor by the incredibly wooden Danny
Glover’s pathetic attempt (or rather, lack of attempt) to play a villain.
12. Nobel Son
D: Randall Miller
**********
While Alan Rickman is fun whenever he’s on screen, I
found this movie to be contrived and dull.
11. Blades of Glory
D: Will Speck, Josh Gordon
**********
Another overrated mainstream comedy.
10. Beowulf
D: Robert Zemeckis
**********
A tacky and gimmicky movie with a misguided attempt to the
make the story more complex by changing Beowulf from being unrelatably heroic to unrelatably corrupt. At least it had some interesting visuals and
music.
9. Spider-Man 3
D: Sam Raimi
**********
The first indication of Sam Raimi’s status as a fallen
creator.
8. Ghost Rider
D: Mark Steven Johnson
**********
While Nicolas Cage has some likable moments, it’s a
pretty bad movie.
7. Enchanted
D: Kevin Lima
**********
Everyone else seems to like this movie for reasons
completely unknown to me. I thought it
was just another one of those stupid cartoon-characters-in-the-real-world
movies, nothing more, nothing less.
6. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
D: Tim Story
**********
Utterly bland and forgettable.
5. Juno
D: Jason Reitman
**********
With lines like “I’m the cautionary whale,” most of the
jokes in this movie seemed so lame they were intentional anti-humor, and not
even good anti-humor. It also seems to
trivialize teen pregnancy and, as
I pointed out before, treats the issue of abortion immaturely. .
4. The Mist
D: Frank Darabont
**********
A by-the-numbers representation of Stephen King’s
weaknesses, particularly the troublemaking religious straw man. Not to mention an ending that wasn’t just
unfaithful to the book’s, but also insanely depressing.
3. Alien vs. Predator: Requiem
D: Greg & Colin Strause
**********
It's not every day you see a movie that make you think of the things that AVP got right. Note to people who like this movie: Saying, “I genuinely
think this is a good horror movie because my taste could be better” is
preferable to, “I’m a disgusting, miserable, sadistic psychopath who giggles like
a perverted madman when I see children and pregnant women die painful, gory
deaths.” The same sentiment applies to Drag Me to Hell. Admittedly, some of the gore effects are well-done.
D: Michael Bay
**********
I didn’t expect much from Michael Bay, but even then I was
let down. As someone who considers these
characters part of my childhood, I was disappointed when, after all that
build-up, they were nothing more than gag “characters.” Aside from not allowing the Transformers to
be protagonists in their own movie, Bay also sullied my childhood memories with
inappropriately crude humor (Bumblebee’s urination, for instance). What pisses me off about this movie is the
lack of earnestness put into it. It was
painfully clear how little Bay cared about the source material, and his
treatment of it bordered on active contempt.
1. Shoot’em Up
D: Mike Davis
**********
I went into this expecting nothing more than a fun action
comedy, not a rabid, sexist anti-gun diatribe.
I will say the movie has some excellent action scenes, which I find more
galling than redeeming.
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