13. The Wicker Man
D: Neil LaBute
**********
Low on this list because of its unintentional hilarity.
12. Annapolis
D: Justin Lin
**********
Having been commissioned through ROTC, I found that most
of this movie’s flaws are lost on me, but Academy people assure me it’s wildly
inaccurate. I do know that the Academy
refused to endorse the movie, so it was filmed on a completely different campus. For most people, it would just
be a generic coming-of-age movie. I did,
however, like the “You’re my Mississippi” line.
D: Len Wiseman
**********
A slight improvement over the original, but that’s not
saying much.
10. Cars
D: John Lasseter
**********
2006 may have been a strong year for movies in general,
but not for animated ones. After all, this
year gave us Pixar’s most underwhelming movie.
In fact, I’m pretty sure Happy
Feet won Best Animated Picture by default.
9. Rescue Dawn
D: Werner Herzog
**********
This was my first experience with Werner Herzog, and it
wasn’t very good. Herzog is highly
respected, but this movie is just an inaccurate, by-the-numbers war movie
complete with the typical Hollywood historical slander for “dramatic effect.”
8. Nacho Libre
D: Jared Hess
**********
It starred Jack Black. It was from the writer of School of Rock and the director of Napoleon Dynamite. This should have been funny, but it wasn’t. It also has the dubious distinction of having
the worst fart joke I have ever seen.
7. X-Men: The Last Stand
D: Brett Ratner
**********
At least Kelsey Grammer was a great Beast.
6. Miami Vice
D: Michael Mann
**********
Incredibly dull movie in which the two leads have no
chemistry whatsoever. Mostly unwatchable
except for some excellent gunfights (it is a Michael Mann movie) and an awesome
moment from Det. Gina Calabrese.
5. Pokemon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea
D: Kunihiko Yuyama
**********
One of the more boring Pokemon movies I sat through. It does have some nice scenery and a memorably goofy villain. Seriously, this
guy is a freakin’ cereal mascot.
4. Eragon
D: Stefen Fangmeier
**********
A bland Star Wars
rip-off with the most blandly angelic horsemouthed dragon I’ve ever seen. Why can’t Jeremy Irons ever be in a good fantasy movie?
3. Beerfest
D: Jay Chandrasekhar
**********
An extremely bad comedy with very few funny moments (eg: “The
Eye of the Jew”). I was particularly
offended by the tasteless jokes about the dead character’s twin brother being a
perfect replacement for him.
2. 300
D: Zack Snyder
**********
This tasteless movie would have been a great addition to
the 2007 list if not for this film festival. This movie was like watching one of those racist World War II propaganda cartoons, except with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck replaced by male strippers.
Ideologically wrongheaded, tacky and very poorly framed. The protagonists are hardly well-developed,
let alone worth rooting for, and whatever potential it has as a guilty pleasure
is ruined by the sporadic slow-motion, which robs the action scenes of any
energy or consistent tone. At least the score is fun to listen to. As much as I
would have liked to put 300 on the #1
spot, I would much rather sit through this again than…
1. The Da Vinci Code
D: Ron Howard
**********
Offensive, ignorant, insulting and, above all, boring.
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