10. Æon Flux
D: Karyn Kusama
**********
It completely misses the point of the show, its
characters aren’t that great and it uses the dreadful cloned memories as a
twist. It does have a little style a
little and some great sci-fi gimmicks, but that’s not enough. It would at least be fun if the action scenes
weren’t so horrendously edited. I still loved the excellent score by Graeme Revell.
9. Stealth
D: Rob Cohen
**********
I don’t think I ever cared less about a character dying
than I did with this movie, and then there was that pointless filler scene with
the shore leave. At least the planes
looked cool.
8. Red Eye
D: Wes Craven
**********
A woman falls victim to a ridiculously contrived evil
plan, but is saved by the villain’s third act stupidity. Recommended only for die-hard Cillian Murphy
fans.
7. The Island
D: Michael Bay
**********
How can you waste a cast that includes Steve Buscemi,
Sean Bean, Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johanssen and Djimon Hounsou? Well, you do if you’re Michael Bay. Particularly bad is the movie’s team of
moronic team of mercenaries who all have the collective intelligence of one
domestic turkey. The movie’s premise is
also suspiciously similar to that of an MST3K movie, and the MST3K movie is better. At least the score is very good.
6. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
D: Tetsuya Nomura, Takashi Nozue
**********
Aside from the soundtrack, I’ve never been interested in Final Fantasy. This movie didn’t exactly help.
5. The Forty-Year-Old Virgin
D: Judd Apatow
**********
Although the characterization in this movie was better
than that of most comedies, it had one fatal flaw: it wasn’t funny. I
didn’t like the banally crude humor of this movie. I remember being in
the theater with everyone laughing their butts off and I was thinking,
"Wait, was that supposed to be a joke?" the whole time. Oddly
enough, I did enjoy Knocked Up. I guess I have a fickle sense of
humor.
4. Chicken Little
D: Mark Dindal
**********
I went to this once for the sole reason of avoiding a
college roommate, and I was the only person in the campus theater aside from
one couple. It had some funny moments,
but it was very underwhelming.
3. The Dukes of Hazzard
D: Jay Chandrasekhar
**********
I watched the show as a kid, and I can attest to how
little respect this adaptation seems to have for it. The movie tries to turn the story into a
comedy with forced humor, and the characters are transformed into fools. Billy
Bob Thornton and Willie Nelson are absurdly miscast as Boss Hog and Uncle
Jesse. I only remember one funny moment.
2. Cinderella Man
D: Ron Howard
**********
A competent, if typical, period movie ruined by
slander.
1. Thank You for Smoking
D: Jason Reitman
**********
I know I tend to push this issue a lot, but this movie
would have been fine if not for the gun lobby straw man. Of all the “Merchants of Death,” he’s
depicted as the worst when that group contains a freaking tobacco lobbyist. The movie
also features one of the most egregious examples of this trope I have ever seen
in a movie. The lobbyist provides what
seems to be an argument that, while anecdotal, is a perfectly legitimate
counterpoint an anti-gun equivalent and calls it a “spin.” Also, why is alcohol included as a designated
villain? Is alcohol considered an evil
special interest now? When did this
happen? Did we not learn our lesson in
the 20’s?
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