9. Resident Evil
D: Paul W.S. Anderson
**********
A mediocre film with some decent atmosphere and some good music. I may not be all that familiar
with the games, but I know bad movies.
8. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
D: George Lucas
**********
The prequels were problematic, but this is the one that I
actually dislike. I liked Obi-Wan and
some of the action, but the story was a mess and it retconned logical fan
deductions. Anakin was whiny and
half-psychotic. Dialogue was forced. The romance is the worst this side of Twilight. The final act used too much grotesquely
orange CGI. I will, however, defend Hayden
Christensen’s performance. The terrible
writing and direction were not his fault, and I’m not the first to point thatout.
7. Gangs of New York
D: Martin Scorsese
**********
I think Scorsese has a limited range as a director, and
serious period pieces are not his forte.
This is probably because, while his movies are fun, he generally fails
to create an emotional connection between me and the characters. Also, it’s not one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s
better performances. 
6. Die Another Day
D: Lee Tamahori
**********
A Bond movie so bad that it fortunately made the
franchise reboot with Casino Royale. It’s still got some good action, and I’d
honestly rather watch it than the more dull entries in the series (eg: Thunderball]
5. The Sum of All Fears
D: Phil Alden Robinson
**********
As a fan of the Jack Ryan movies, I was looking forward
to this, but it was very disappointing.
Ben Affleck is certainly no worthy successor to Harrison Ford, or even
Alec Baldwin for that matter.
4. Men in Black II
D: Barry Sonnenfeld
**********
Like T3, it
depressingly retcons the previous movie’s happy ending. Unlike T3,
it’s not very fun. The few funny moments
don’t make up for all the awful attempts at humor.
3. Star Trek: Nemesis
D: Stuart Baird
**********
The movie that broke the even/odd rule of Star Trek movies. The CGI would have been considered bad in the
mid-90’s, and it’s made worse by the fact that the space scenes are dominated
by a putrid green hue. The Scimitar is like something a child would
have built out of Legos, both in appearance and concept. The worst part of the movie is the ending, in
which Data is replaced.
2. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder
D: Walt Becker
**********
This pathetic attempt at a spiritual sequel to Animal House has an annoying protagonist
and a climax that is more disgusting than genuinely humorous.
1. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
D: Wych Kaosayananda
**********
An amazingly clichéd action movie which is known for
spawning a surprisingly decent game. Has
a rare 0% Rotten Tomatoes rating. Some
moments of action are good, but the characters are bland. This film also has one of the most
underwhelming attempts at a cool, gimmicky death I’ve ever seen. One thing I particularly dislike is the sheer
number of Caprices (I have a bit of a soft spot for these cars) that seem to
get wrecked in order to make this waste of a movie.
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