Well, I’ve decided to add a new feature to the blog. I’ve already listed my favorite movies of
each year, and I think I’ll do the same for my least favorite movies. I’ve found these are far easier to compile
than the good movies, since I don’t go out of my way to sit through bad films.
12. Planes
D: Klay Hall
**********
The movie’s protagonist, voiced by Dane Cook (a comedian
everyone despises for reasons I’m not quite clear on), is passably likable,
which gives it an edge over both Cars movies. I like the idea of
anthropomorphic planes, but the plot is clichéd. The World War II flashback had some impact,
and I would have liked more focus on military aircraft. Adhering to the Law of 3D Anthropomorphic
Movies, it has its obligatory fart/poop jokes, but it gets them out of the way
quick. More uninspired than truly
terrible, though.
11. A Good Day to Die Hard
D: John Moore
**********
A dull movie without any of the series’ character or
charm. I will concede that it has one of
the best chase scenes I’ve ever seen.
10. Thor: The Dark World
D: Alan Taylor
**********
Some clever
visuals and Frigga’s death is a surprise, but it’s mostly dull. The villain is one of those bland ones with a
half-hearted attempt at an understandable motivation. Christpher Eccleston is a fun actor, but he
either didn’t give a crap or he couldn’t act under heavy makeup. I would have liked to see less of Natalie
Portman and her friends and more of the Warriors Three.
9. G.I. Joe: Retaliation
D: Jon M. Chu
**********
While I thought Rise
of Cobra was cheesy fun, this movie was simply bland. Still, Firefly (Ray Stevenson) was a fun
character, and they fixed Cobra Commander and Snake Eyes’ costumes. The worst part of the movie was how they
established good chemistry between Duke and Roadblock only to kill the former
off in the first ten minutes. I also
would have liked for them to mention that Roadblock is a gourmet chef at least
once.
8. Despicable Me 2
D: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
**********
I didn’t particularly care for the first one, and I
didn’t care for this one.
7. The Lone Ranger
D: Gore Verbinski
**********
A very poorly paced blockbuster with awkward attempts at
humor and inconsistent tone. The framing
device of an old Tonto telling the story to a kid at a fair was awful. The best parts were William Fichtner as Butch
Cavendish and a fun final action scene.
Verbinski already made a fun, quirky Western with Rango, so this film was unnecessary.
6. Elysium
D: Neill Blomkamp
**********
Not enough style or fun to make up for its simplistic
attempt at political commentary. Spider
gets some points for being the closest thing to a complex character in it, and
William Fichtner was enjoyably slimy.
5. Oz the Great and Powerful
D: Sam Raimi
**********
A bland CGI blockbuster that only showed brief glimpses
of Raimi’s style, which would have benefitted more from drawing inspiration
from the books or Return to Oz than the
Judy Garland movie. I can comfortably
count Raimi as a fallen creator now.
4. Riddick
D: David Twohy
**********
A forgettable, shallow and grotesquely orange movie about
a character whose novelty seems to have worn off. The female lead seems to be a stereotypical lesbian...but, uh oh--she has the hots for Riddick! This is the last time I take viewing tips
from Brad Jones.
3. World War Z
D: Marc Forster
**********
A generic zombie blockbuster that completely misses the
point of the book.
2. Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-iday Adventure
D: Richard Rich
**********
While I was one of the few people who liked the original, this mediocre sequel has and off-putting art style and a poop joke bad enough to knock the rating down to one star. The ending, absurdly tacked-on as it may be has enough attempted heart to put the movie over...
1. My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
D: Jayson Thiessen
**********
Misses the point of the franchise and the series. This travesty is one of the reasons why I consider myself
an ex-brony.
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